Chapter 18
chapter eighteen
Nate, of course, waits until I’m mid-drink to tell me the worst part of the day.
“So, the only person who could pee on his leg was me.”
I nearly shoot my water through my nose. “I’m sorry, you ?”
“Yes.”
“You peed on Aaron’s leg.”
“Unfortunately.”
“After he got stung by a jellyfish.”
“He begged me to,” Nate defends. “Turns out, peeing on someone isn’t what you’re supposed to do. We got an earful from the nurse on board.” He shakes his head, lips pressing together. I have to cover my mouth. I want to laugh so badly. He knows. “Don’t you dare.”
“It’s kinda funny, though.”
“Pissing on a near-stranger’s leg is not funny.”
“How hard did he beg?” I can’t stop the smile now.
“Maisie,” Nate warns.
“I’ll stop.” I still have a smile on my face. “The last thing I want to do is ... piss you off.” Nate glares. “I hear you already did that to Aaron, though.”
“I hate you,” he says.
My laugh escapes me at the pure misery written across his face. As I let loose, he slowly lowers his head to the table.
“Okay, okay. I’m done. You were very brave.”
“Apparently, jellyfish stings rarely happen. Rarely. Am I cursed?”
“Maybe I’m just your good luck charm. It’s too bad I’m still too new at swimming.”
He sighs. “No more excursions with them. I felt like the third wheel until I had to pee on him.”
“It does sound pretty bad.” I let out a sigh. I do want to make it up to him then. Guilt still follows me around like a shadow. “Would you like it if I watched a Star Wars movie with you?”
He perks up. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I owe you for worrying you earlier. And you had to pee on someone. It’s the least I can do.”
“You better be serious about this, because I’m watching Revenge of the Sith .”
I groan. “But that one’s so sad.”
“You owe me.”
“Fine. But I’m getting ice cream first.”
My eyes go glassy by the time Yoda is on the screen for the first time, but I keep my mouth shut.
“You’re bored,” he says as Padme and Anakin talk on the balcony.
“I’m fine,” I say. A yawn betrays me.
He laughs. “You’ve done enough. We can change it.”
I immediately shake my head. “I still feel bad for earlier, and you’re owed one movie for it. You’ll just have to deal with me being bored. ”
“I’m serious, Maisie.”
“I am too. This isn’t the first time I’ve suffered through Revenge of the Fifth.”
“It’s Sith, and you know it.”
“Do I?” I tap my chin. “I guess I’ve forgotten things. I’ll have to refresh my memory.”
Nate rolls his eyes and goes back to watching the movie.
I have other reasons for not moving. For once, Nate and I are sharing a couch and he doesn’t seem upset about the closeness between us. I’m nowhere near on top of him like I had to be on the plane and the bus, but it’s something.
Even though this is one of Nate’s favorites, the day has taken a toll on him. I can see him shift until he leans on the arm of the couch. He slouches over for just a few minutes before his breathing evens out and he’s fast asleep.
We haven’t even gotten to Order 66 yet.
I should take advantage of this and end the movie early. I couldn’t care less about this part anyway. But I promised him I’d finish it, even if he fell asleep early.
Still, between my attention not being tied up with the movie and the subtle rocking of the ship, I’m gradually lulled to sleep.
I don’t mean to, but my eyes slip closed a few times as the sound of blasters firing fades into the background.
Eventually, I slump over too, finding the warmest pillow I can.
Dimly, my mind tells me there will be repercussions for this.
My heart tells me it doesn’t care.
When I wake up, I’m still on the couch. My head is still on Nate’s chest, and I’m curled into a ball on top of him. He’s asleep too, head tilted back on the couch, arms wrapped around me .
This is very possibly one of the best ways I’ve woken up in a long time.
For all of a second, Nate is relaxed. He doesn’t know I’m here, and when he doesn’t, he keeps me close. It feels right when it’s like this.
I should pull away and give him space. He won’t like this when he wakes up. He’ll run the second he sees me, but I want this. I know it without a shadow of a doubt. It’s not fair that I do, and one day, I’ll put all of it in a box and be the friend he wants me to be.
But I don’t know if I can today.
Nate starts to shift, and his entire body stiffens when he realizes I’m here.
“Sorry,” I say as I sit up. My muscles protest, but I ignore them. “I must’ve dozed off.”
“What the fuck?” he mutters as he rubs his eye. He immediately moves closer to the edge of the couch and away from me.
I knew he would do this. He’s consistent in his desire to be away from me. But seeing it hits me hard .
Nate catches the second it does and he sits up, no doubt to try and make me feel better. But I don’t want him to try. It’s obvious that he’s uncomfortable. That’s not going to change. The only thing that can change is allowing myself these slipups.
“You know what?” I stand and turn away from him, determined to hide the way I feel like my insides are mush. “We should brave the smoothie place. I really need one of those right now.”
“Berry, wait. I?—”
I hold a hand up, which stops him. “It’s okay.” I take a breath. “That was a total accident. I should’ve let you be nice and slept on the bed. It won’t happen again.”
With that, I go to my suitcase to get clothes for the day.
I have to re-wear a pair of my longer shorts.
The ones Nate got me are tempting, but I feel too emotionally raw to even consider it.
Nate goes out onto the balcony while I change, and I think I can almost handle seeing him once my loose shirt and shorts are on.
But when he walks in, he steps in front of me. “I’m sorry if I upset you by moving away.”
“It’s ... fine. You have nothing to apologize for.” And he really doesn’t. He can’t help it if he doesn’t like touching people. He shouldn’t have to push against it just because I’m having different feelings now. “Let’s head out. We’ll both feel better after eating.”
I give him a smile that’s almost real and then turn to the door. As we walk, I focus on keeping our usual distance as we chat about our plans for the day. I want to make more progress on the pool, and Nate seems happy to give me that.
Things almost seem normal when we have our smoothies and sit in the lounge. My heart still feels sore, but maybe I can do this.
That all shatters when we head back to the room and run into Aaron in the hallway. Our friend’s leg is bandaged up, and when he spots us, I wonder if he’ll be embarrassed.
Instead, he runs at Nate.
“There’s my guy!” he says, tightly hugging my best friend. Nate goes stiff, eyes wide.
“Uh, hey.” He awkwardly pats Aaron on the shoulder.
“I so owe you one for yesterday, man. That was so scary and you kept it together.” Aaron’s arms tighten. “You’re a real friend.”
I wait for Nate to get a mirror expression of this morning. Panic should set in at any moment, and I know the way that looks all too well. Nate considers Aaron for a long moment and then ... stays. He doesn’t look thrilled. But he doesn’t look like he does when it’s me touching him.
The door to Aaron’s room opens and Trixie comes out; when she sees the scene, she sighs.
“Oh, Aaron.” She walks to her husband and pries him off of Nate. “Sorry about that. He’s clingy when sick.”
“It’s fine,” Nate replies. “Yesterday was ... something.”
Judging by the sinking feeling in my gut, I think today will be something too. “I heard about what happened,” I say. “I’m so sorry you got stung.”
“It’s so unfair.” Aaron sniffs. “We were all in the water and I’m the one it decided to get freaky with?”
“Come on,” Trixie says as she leads him away. “Let’s not cry on our friends. Remember the buffet? We’re heading there!”
“Yay ...” Aaron mutters as he walks down the hall.
I want to run and hide in the room. I want to forget that Nate seems far more comfortable with Aaron than me.
But I don’t.
“Is that how he acted yesterday?” I ask with a laugh.
“Yeah. He was very needy.”
“Wow. Poor guy.”
Nate shrugs before looking at me. “So, the pool?”
I’d honestly rather jump off a dock again, but just the thought of hurting Nate like I did the day before makes me push aside what I’ve just seen and smile at him.
“Yep. We’re heading to the pool. What could possibly go wrong?”