Chapter 10
10
JOSH
S leep has never come easy for me, and deep sleep plays an evasive game with me in which I always lose. It started in my childhood with always being hyper aware of my sisters’ bedroom doors being opened at night. I became attuned to all of our house’s noises and waking up easily if needed, which has stuck with me ever since. Last night, I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for hours. After Kelli was kind enough to make me lunch, I let her run off upset with Brian without even checking on her.
Communication was always what broke down every situationship I had been in. Even the low maintenance women I was with eventually demanded I talk about how I felt and open up with them. It never happened. It was never really a relationship so I didn’t see the point. My sisters swear that I am great at being open and honest with them, and that my problem is simply that I haven’t met the right woman that I am willing to be open for. Not sure that I agree with them on that, but only time will tell.
When Logan came home and found her asleep on his bed, he came back downstairs and laid into us. There was no doubt, we knew we had messed up, but neither Brian nor I were sure how to fix it. Or more so, I didn’t know how to fix it and Brian was too busy stewing in his feelings to make the effort. I’ve never been the best with getting my thoughts and feelings out to others though, so Logan was the best choice for her to talk to about it. He was all too happy to volunteer to spend more time with her, only pissing Brian off further.
Something pulled me out of my fitful sleep, and I laid there once again staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what I had heard when the noise started again. The sounds of muffled voices drifted into my room, making me jump out of bed and rush to the hall. Kelli’s soft cries could be heard out here, and I winced knowing I was not innocent in upsetting her. A better man would knock on her door and check on her, but I wasn’t sure how to be that man. I turned back toward my room when a whimper sounded through the door and a quiet ‘help, please help me’ followed. Instinct took over as I rushed into her room only to see her wrapped up in her blankets with her hands covering her ears. In the moonlight, the glistening of tears on her face was visible as she kept muttering to herself to get help.
Nightmares and night terrors were nothing new to me. They had plagued me for months after our ambush, but I had yet to see someone else suffer from them. Sitting on the edge of her bed I gently pulled her hands down from her ears.
“Kelli, wake up.” My voice was soft trying to slowly wake her from the dream, which only seemed to scare her more as she started to scream. “Kelli,” I shook her hands with a little more force, “wake up, it’s Josh. You’re safe, it’s okay, you’re safe.” Her screams stopped, but her whimpers remained as her lashes fluttered open, taking in her surroundings before landing on me. Wide eyes filled with fear bounced between my face and where my hands were still holding hers. Blinking a few times as the realization of where she is and who I am kicks in. Her body slowly started to relax back into the bed until her eyes trailed down me and her hands clasped in mine. It’s then that I followed her line of sight realizing I’m sitting awfully close to her, dressed only in tight boxers while still holding her hands in my lap.
“Josh? What are you doing in here?” her whisper sounds a little breathless. Quickly letting go of her hands in my lap as my cock twitches at the sound, I curse it immediately, willing it to stay down.
“You were having a nightmare. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Standing from her bed and taking a few steps away, I look back down at her. Despite the tear tracks and wild hair, she looks beautiful. My eyes can’t help but fall from her face and trace down to the silk wrapped tight around her breasts where her nipples are pebbled and hard. I immediately look back up at her face, a little disgusted with myself for even going there. I know what she is feeling right now. The fear that seizes your body and slithers down your spine trying to shake the panic when waking from a nightmare. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Eventually,” she mumbles, wrapping herself back up into the blankets. Nodding, I start back toward her door. Her sweet flowery scent was all over this room, it reminds me of the honeysuckle flowers my sisters used to pick as kids. Her soft voice stops me at the doorway, “Thank you, Josh. For checking on me.”
With nothing to say to that, I slip from the room, closing her door and lean against the wall next to it. Her sleep-soaked voice is causing the blood to rush south again, despite knowing I should not be turned on in this situation. She was having a nightmare for God's sake, probably about the man that was threatening her, and here I am, lusting after her in the hall. But between her sweet smell, and her hard nipples poking through her silk camisole, my cock does not have the same idea.
I make my way back to my room, putting on some shorts and a t-shirt before heading down to the gym. It wasn’t like I would be able to go back to sleep at this point anyway. I did an hour on the treadmill before moving to the weights. Punishing myself in this way is nothing new, and I need to get rid of these feelings sizzling through my veins before Kelli comes down here and I have to roll around on the mats with her. At 6:30 on the dot, the door opens and Kelli pops in, looking a little overwhelmed and embarrassed. I try not to stare at her too long, but damn she looks incredible and my dick still hasn’t forgotten her breathy voice and hard nipples pointed at me two hours ago.
She’s wearing little black shorts that cling to her like a second skin and a pink loose crop top showing off a slice of her tan stomach. Her hair is up in a tight knot on her head, and damn if I’m not getting hard again just thinking about getting on the mat with her. I should have taken care of myself earlier, but I wasn’t convinced that would have made any difference anyway. Putting my weights down, I stride over to her, still just standing in the doorway.
Keeping my head on straight around her is going to be necessary, so I will just stick to what I do best: avoid talking about feelings and getting real with her. “Do you want to do a couple minutes on the treadmill to warm up, or do you want to just jump right into it?”
A pink flush spreads down her chest as her ocean blue eyes meet mine. “Thank you for last night. I’m sorry, I’ve never had a nightmare like that.” Is that why she looks embarrassed? If Logan were here, he would tell me to talk to her about my nightmares so she feels more at ease. If this was going to be her home for a while, and she wanted to train with me, her embarrassment around me would not be conducive. I was about to tell her that she was not the only one in this house that suffered from them and she shouldn’t let it bother her, but she kept talking before I could. “I think I would like to get right to it. I have some anxious energy I need to get out and beating your ass sounds like a great way to do it.”
A bark of a laugh breaks out of me. “Alright crazy, I would like to see you try.” Her flush spreads up to her cheeks, a small smile gracing her lips. “Don’t get shy on me now. Let’s get you taped up so I can see what you got.” I appreciate that she uses humor to deflect. Most people may not consider me a funny guy, but I was much more comfortable dealing with humor than pain. The last time I found a woman’s humor truly funny was before my accident. Logan and Brian are constantly ragging on me to lighten up, so maybe being around Kelli would be good for that. Her slender fingers are soft and look fragile as I tape up her hands. Goosebumps travel her arms when I grab her wrists to slip them into the smallest set of gloves that we have, which are still quite a bit too large for her. I make a mental note to order some that will fit her better.
We start off with proper punching technique, which she seems aware of already, so I pick up some mitts and have her do some punching sequences with that. I am pleasantly surprised at the strength she has and the knowledge of how to use her legs to put power in the punches. We move to the heavy bag after a bit, and I hold it in place so she can show me her full strength and form.
With every punch, her shoulders loosen, and her eyes harden, determination and anger leaving her body in waves. I should have her move to the mat again to go over some self-defense and attack techniques before she tires herself out, but I can’t make myself tell her to stop. She is working through some things, and it’s a beautiful thing to watch. Sweat is dripping down her face and neck, and yet she hasn’t let up once. Completely lost to witnessing not only her powerful body at work, but watching as exhaustion hits, yet she pushes through, giving it every last ounce of strength she has. Before she can push herself to the point of passing out, I stop her and help her stretch and cool down.
We are sitting across from each other on the mat while I un-tape her hands and she takes small sips from a water bottle. Trying to focus on her hands and not the way her lips wrap around the rim of the bottle, I clear my throat. She is certainly more than the wholesome girl I met a few weeks ago. There is such a fire in her, and while I still think she is too damn sweet, I see so much more. “You said you’ve done some self-defense classes before, right?” I ask to try and assess where to start training from here.
“Yeah, but the majority were just teaching how to punch correctly, where to put your weight, and where to aim.” She pulls her shirt over her head so now she’s in just a sports bra and little shorts, and looks at me, smiling slowly, all while using that shirt to wipe the sweat from her face and neck. “I want to learn how to take you down.”
Her spark brings a chuckle to my lips. “I can certainly teach you to try, but you aren’t taking me down if I have anything to say about it. Your distractions, while welcome, won’t work on me.” I trail my gaze down her chest as she blushes again, and damn if I don’t like it a whole lot. We spend the next hour going over a few ways to break a hold from the front and behind, as well as how she can get an attacker on the ground.
She has a lot to learn, but there is no denying that below her sweet exterior is a hard and badass center. That thought alone is a total turn on. Her sweaty and lithe body slides against mine as we maneuver take downs and I hold her close as she works to break loose and I know I’m done for. We set up for me to attack her from the front one more time and she dropped her shoulder, tackling me down on the mat. Kelli immediately jumps on me to rain down punches when I grab her wrists and use my hips to flip our positions. Her chest is heaving, wide eyes on mine before they drop to my lips. Fuck . I can’t do this with her. Even if Brian says he can’t be with her, I don’t think he would be fine with me filling that role.
I quickly let go and climbed off her, walking to the mini fridge in the corner to grab us more cold waters. I use this time to my advantage to adjust myself in my shorts while my back is to her. “You did great today, little flame. Want to take some time to stretch out?” I say as I hand her a bottle.
“Little flame?” she asks, staring straight at my dick, which despite my efforts, is still visibly hard.
I sit down so I can hide it a little better even though it is probably pointless now. “Yeah, you’re small and underestimated, but you have the power inside of you to wreak total havoc. I’m guessing on the underestimated, because I sure didn’t think you had that power in you before today.” A slow, sad smile coasts over her face before she looks me in the eyes a beat longer than comfortable, forcing me to look away. I feel bad for underestimating her; I want to make it up to her. Maybe tell her about my nightmares in the past so she feels safe to talk about hers. It’s not fair to put all her emotional traumas on Logan to deal with, especially when I can personally understand this one.