Chapter 5 #2
I couldn’t remember the last time I had gone to church, but I knew it had to have been at least three years, maybe five. We sipped our tea and watched the world move at a snail’s pace. I was grateful for every moment of peace.
“Sometimes I’m so mad at myself for not figuring out a way out a long time ago.
For too long, I’ve swallowed my pride and common sense and took bullshit.
I’m mad with myself for believing the men in expensive suits, who used big words to explain how my life would be nothing without the circus they created.
I should have wanted better for myself.”
I didn’t expect him to reach across the table. When his thumb brushed over my knuckles, I felt it in my chest.
“You only did what you thought was necessary to survive. Surviving doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s a trophy, like a receipt for the shit you had to endure to get to the next step.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat that should have been the prelude to tears. Now it didn’t feel like they would come. Yet again, Kannon’s words had comforted me more than his size or his strength.
We took a different way back to his house.
It felt more scenic than ducking behind buildings and walking down alleys.
I walked a few feet ahead when I spotted a gorgeous mural of a young girl with huge afro puffs soaring above the city, with yellow headphones on and her eyes closed tight as she listened to the music.
Music notes floated above her head, and sparkly gold peeked from the clouds. It was beautiful.
“She looks so free.” I admired.
“She looks like you looked the morning after I brought you to my house,” Kannon replied.
Heat crawled up my neck, but I couldn’t deny his words. I felt freer than I had in a long time.
When we made it back to his place, I stripped out of his hoodie and the pair of jeans I was wearing as I made a beeline to his guest room.
There had been some lyrics in my head since we made it to the coffee shop that I wanted to get out.
I grabbed the notebook and pen Kannon gave me from the dresser and returned to the living room.
He was sitting at the kitchen table, reading over some paperwork.
His brows narrowed as he read, so I decided not to disturb him.
On the couch, I folded my legs under myself and got to work extracting my thoughts.
I scribbled fast because the lyrics were coming fast. I hated when I couldn’t remember something exactly the way that I had the first time.
This time, they stuck. I crossed a line out and rewrote it to flow better, then sang it to myself to make sure it sounded right.
Once I had the first verse and chorus down, I sang it to see how it flowed. It had good bones already. It didn’t take long for me to get down the second verse. I sang the chorus a few times as I thought about a hook or bridge to give it some weight.
“Sing it again.”
His voice was soft but commanding. I looked up to find Kannon’s eyes on me, waiting for me to oblige his request. Taking a small breath, I sang the song again.
Kannon closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair while I sang.
He put his hands behind his head. His biceps flexed doing that thing I kept trying not to notice.
Kannon was too sexy for words. When the song ended, he opened his eyes with a slow smile.
“That sounds raw, not like a product to be sold but something real and natural. It’s like it came from somewhere deep inside the real Carteay.”
“It came so easy.”
I wanted to tell him that he inspired me to write it but decided against it. There were enough uncertainties between us for now.
“I like it.”
Once he was done going over his paperwork, Kannon made turkey BLTs and curly fries for us.
I teased him when he put hot sauce on his sandwich.
Now I could see why he had four bottles of the stuff.
Kannon put hot sauce on everything. He made me try it, and I didn’t hate it. I didn’t tell him that though.
When he was done eating, Kannon kissed my cheek and got up from the counter. I picked up my tablet and tried to finish the song I’d been working on. The first half came easy, but I was struggling to finish it. My mind was too occupied to think straight.
Instead of writing more lyrics, I found myself writing Kannon’s name over and over the way girls did in high school when they had a crush.
I wrote his name in different fonts and sizes, turned the K into a treble clef, drew hearts in the holes.
I did all kind of ridiculous things that someone did when they were absolutely enamored with someone’s existence.
I laughed to myself as I pushed off the stool and padded to the living room.
I found Kannon on the floor, doing a stretch.
The chords and muscles of his back looked like they were strained to the limit.
He didn’t look back or say anything to acknowledge my presence, so I walked over to stand in front of him.
The look in his eye when he looked up at me made my knees bend. I moved forward, straddling his thighs before I lost the nerve. The notebook I’d forgotten I was holding dropped beside us with a gentle thud.
“You good?” he asked, tilting his head as his hand moved to my face to make sure he held my eye contact.
“Now I am,” I said, nodding as I kissed him slow and deep.
My fingers burrowed into his hair, pulling him closer to deepen our kiss.
I needed that kiss to tell him everything I was hesitant to say.
Kannon let me set the pace, letting his hands brush gently up my sides and back down to my waist. The sound he made as I grinded my pussy against his ever-ready hard dick went straight to the stem of my brain.
I did it again just to hear that sweet, tortured groan.
“Bed?”
“Here, I want you here.”
Using one of his hands, he palmed my ass, securing my body against him as he brought his mouth to my throat. He took his time flicking his tongue against my warm skin, writing his own song in a language only he and I understood. I whimpered, cursing under my breath when his teeth grazed my neck.
He smiled that wicked smile against my neck before doing it again, biting down harder this time as his fingers found their way into the bottom of my shorts. I loved the way he held me like I was this fragile thing but strong at the same time.
Our lips found each other’s again, settling my frantic nerves. I shuddered and arched my back as his fingers teased my folds, and his eyes flickered up to mine, almost questioning. His hesitation made me hungrier, so I thrust my hips into his hand allowing the heat and moisture to encourage him.
“I’ve never been scared of a damn thing my whole life until I realized I’m going to have to let you go back to your life one day soon. That shit is terrifying.”
He pulled his fingers out of my panties, running them up my stomach as he nipped at my bottom lip, running his damp fingers across my bottom lip then taking it into his mouth.
This time, his hand rushed back to my panties, not stopping until two of his thick fingers breached my walls.
I gasped then cursed into the air, causing him to laugh into my neck.
The slow curl of his fingers made me push my titties into his hard chest, the friction torturing us both.
“Please,” I whined, barely able to recognize my own voice.
I looked up into his heavy-lidded eyes begging for just a little more as I thrust my hips to meet his patient rhythm. Granting my wish, he sped up.
“That’s it, baby. Give it to me,” he urged as his thumb teased the slickness of my swollen nub.
“Carrie, baby, I don’t know how the fuck I resisted your pretty ass all this time.
I must have been walking around with blinders on.
I knew you were sweet and pretty as hell, but I don’t think I ever would have stepped to you if this shit didn’t go down.
Now I don’t know how I’m going to go back to normal after this.
I miss you already, and you haven’t even left yet. ”
“Let’s not think about it, baby.”
“I need you to tell me you’re going to be OK, Carteay. I will kill one of them niggas down there behind you. All you have to do is tell me which way to go.”
“I don’t need that, Kannon. I need you out here with me. I need you to be a reminder of what genuine love feels like.”
“I’ll always be that. I don’t want you to ever hesitate to call me. I don’t give a fuck where you are or what I’m doing. I’m coming.”
“I will. Now I need you to do something for me.”
“Anything,” he vowed.
“I need you to tell me how to live without you when this is all said and done.”
“If it’s up to me, you will never have to.”
Kannon said that, then crashed his lips into mine.
I rocked my hips, riding his fingers and losing every bit of shame I had left as I screamed his praises.
The orgasm that ripped through me almost tore me apart.
I clamped my hands over my mouth, and Kannon used his free hand to slap me hard on my ass before snatching them down.
“Nobody’s here but me, Carteay. Let me hear you, baby. Let it go.”
And I did. I didn’t try to hide the ugly honesty of how he was ripping me apart piece by piece.
His eyes searched mine hungrily like he was collecting his reward.
As I came down, I tugged at the waist of his shorts, eager to repay the favor.
Plus, I had been thinking about the weight of his dick against my tongue and the taste of his cum since after breakfast. I took him in my hand, keeping my eyes on him as I covered him with my hot mouth.
I swirled my tongue eagerly, sweeping away any remnants of the precum seeping from his dick.
He groaned, putting one of his hands on the back of my head.
I expected him to push, but he just fisted my hair and let me do my thing.
I went harder, taking him further into my mouth until I felt the urge to gag.