Chapter 6 #2
This shit was harder than I thought it would be.
I never expected to fall in love with her.
Now I wanted to kill everyone affiliated with Big Time Records.
I couldn’t go in all desperado and clean house though.
I needed to know exactly how deep this shit really went.
I needed to know who needed to be touched and who could be left alone.
First, I had to break through her silence.
Carteay
Time didn’t seem to exist as long as I was tucked away inside Kannon’s house. All concepts of reality faded away when I was in his arms. Now as I lay next to him, staring at the ceiling, reality came barreling back in, making my chest hurt like hell as I considered my next moves.
I usually felt naked and restless without my phone.
It had been a constant companion since I was a teenager.
Since my career had taken off, the only time it wasn’t glued to my hand was when I performed.
The constant buzzing, requests, and people telling me what to do and where to be kept me overwhelmed but they grounded me in a way.
I would have thought that I would have gone crazy without my phone for a whole week. With Kannon to occupy my time and space, I had barely thought about it. I didn’t miss any of it. Not the stage, not the constant camera flashes, especially not Cyrus or anyone at the label.
None of it mattered to me as much as the sound of Kannon laughing at one of his crazy shows. None of it was as significant as the scent that lingered on his sheets making me feel like I was surrounded by him even when he wasn’t in bed. Nothing could compare to him. Nothing.
I wanted to freeze the moment we danced to one of my unreleased tracks in his living room. If I could stay there with his huge hands splayed on my back as I incorporated his heartbeat into the music, I would never have to do anything else.
Forever wasn’t our reality. We only had a week.
Reality had crept back in big time. The label and Cy would be relentless about finding me.
I didn’t doubt that Kannon could protect me from Cyrus, but what he couldn’t do was un-sign contracts or rewind time.
He wouldn’t be able to keep my name out of the headlines.
He wouldn’t be able to stop them from ruining me.
Our conversation a couple of days ago echoed in my head, trying to act as a voice of reason.
“What if I can’t go back, Kannon?”
“Back where exactly?”
I raised my head from his chest enough to look up at him. His eyes burned through me as if he dared me to protest.
“I mean back to normal. What if I can’t make myself pretend to be happy anymore?”
I figured he would just repeat what he said or tell me that I was overthinking again. The last thing I needed was another reminder to stay in the moment. Time was ticking. His fingers brushed past my cheek before resting on the back of my head.
“Then don’t.”
“You know it’s not that easy.”
“Yes, it is. They might have your back against the wall, but you’re a fighter. You can fight them.”
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“Start by knowing that you don’t belong to them. If anyone feels any different, they can see me about it.”
“Kannon.” I sighed.
Heat crawled up my neck and my throat because I knew his words were more of a promise than a threat. Somehow, that terrified me even more. I didn’t want him going down behind my shit. Kannon deserved better than to be pulled into my mess.
For the past few days, every moment, every touch, every stroke of Kannon’s dick said the same thing: You’re mine.
I wanted to be his more than anything. Our time together hadn’t just been about resting or building up the nerve to fight the label.
Something more terrifying had been going on all along.
I had been falling and hard. Even as I realized it, I couldn’t stop myself if I tried.
The real danger wasn’t in leaving Kannon.
It was in how much I wanted to stay with him and say fuck everything else.
I had no idea what time it was. Everything was quiet, but my head was loud enough to wake the dead.
Kannon slept like a baby beside me, clueless to the turmoil swirling in my head.
I lay there in the dark, as long as I could, watching him sleep and trying to quiet the voices in my head.
I kissed Kannon’s face, making him stir in his sleep and drape his arm over me as if to say ‘mine.’ He was mine, too, for now anyway.
When the voices refused to hush, I knew I had to move.
I slipped out of bed and eased to the living room.
I found Kannon’s tablet right where he’d left it.
I picked up his hoodie from the arm of the couch and pulled it over my head.
I loved the way it smelled like him. With the tablet in hand, I settled back on the couch.
As I unlocked it, the world and its harsh realities came storming back into my head.
The emails and DMs I’d received from Cyrus, Ceasar, and Tyler were the only signs that the world knew I had been missing in action.
While that was a good thing, I knew they weren’t keeping it a secret for their health.
I shot my mom and sister both messages to let them know that I didn’t have my phone, but I was fine.
I shouldn’t have gone back to Cyrus’s and Ceasar’s messages, but I was a glutton for punishment.
He had sent me fifty messages since the night I left with Kannon.
They started out with apologies and promises to take me on a trip so we could forget about the world for a while.
Then they became threatening. His true nature came out by the second day.
Cyrus was bad enough, but Ceasar’s messages were downright horrifying.
His last few messages made bile build up in my throat.
Since you like to do things the hard way, let me remind you of who is in charge here.
I have been made aware of who might be helping you hide.
If you don’t materialize in the next forty-eight hours, your little boyfriend is as good as dead, and I’m not talking about Cyrus’ weak ass.
That security dude can’t hide you forever. He can be touched too.
The second message was a picture of a gym.
The accompanying message said that it was where Kannon worked out.
I wasn’t sure of the validity, but I knew Ceasar didn’t make empty threats.
There was even a picture of me in that fucking coffee shop on my and Kannon’s second visit.
You could only see the back of his head, but it was him.
The other messages included pictures of my mom’s and sister’s social media accounts and a screenshot of my sister at a campus party, living her best life.
I should have expected that he would go to any lengths to get me back in his clutches.
I refused to let them touch Kannon or my family just because my dreams didn’t turn out the way I expected them to.
I had to put on my big girl panties and face reality.
I knew Kannon would try to intervene if I told him about the messages.
Cyrus’s threats were nothing compared to the damage Ceasar could do.
He had reach beyond what any of us could comprehend.
The sound of Kannon’s laughter and him saying my name when we explored each other’s bodies made a beautiful song in my head as I fought back the tears stinging my eyes.
I tried to steady my breathing as I dropped the tablet next to me on the couch.
He had joked the fear and anxiety away until I almost forgot the danger existed. He gave me room to be comfortable. I said I needed to breathe, and he’d let me do just that, with no questions asked. Now I had to do something for him.
I couldn’t tell Kannon about the messages. I knew he would be livid to know that not only was the label threatening me, but they were threatening him too. His first instinct would be to go into fight mode to protect me and not consider the danger he might be in as well.
If I woke him up, he would be suited up and ready to go before I could finish the story. I couldn’t send him into an ambush. I knew that he was probably in even more danger than me, because the label wouldn’t dare interfere with their money.
Kannon was the type that would stand between the world and the people he loved.
That was who he was, and I loved that about him, but I refused to bury him because of it.
Somehow, without hearing the words, I knew I had made my way onto that list. If I told Kannon what was going on, I wouldn’t be able to control the way he reacted.
My only choice was to not give him a choice.
The decision was made without me even having to think about it. My heart tried to protest, but my head wouldn’t hear of it. I picked the tablet back up and sent Ceasar a reply before I could change my mind.
Me: Send a car for me at nine in the morning. I’ll send my location.
I didn’t stop moving until I made it to the guest room.
I knew that if I stopped, I would have enough time to change my mind.
I loved Kannon too much to put him in danger.
I should have never come here in the first place.
I grabbed a pair of leggings from the bed and pulled them on before picking the tablet back up.
After scribbling a note, I went to Kannon’s bedroom and placed it on the pillow where I should have been.
Kannon was a gorgeous giant sprawled out on his stomach with his mouth parted.
He looked so peaceful and unaware of the chaos brewing around him as he slept.
I wanted to kiss him or at least touch him one more time for the road.
There was no telling when I would see him again.
My heart wrenched in my chest as I rushed out of his room. I knew things couldn’t return back to the way they were between us before this week. I could only pray that he would understand why I had to leave.
I picked up his tablet once I was back in the living room and pulled up his rideshare app. There were only a few cars in the area this time of night, but I was able to secure one that was only eight minutes away. It felt like an eternity.
I would go to the nearest cheap motel to be picked up in the morning, because I refused to let anyone know where Kannon lived. I couldn’t do that to him. I knew I had to leave before he woke up.
Grabbing three of the twenties from the bowl next to his front door, I slipped out with nothing but my notebook in hand.
As I stood on the stoop, looking out for my ride, I prayed that one day Kannon could forgive me for leaving.
Then I prayed that one day I had the chance to explain everything to him.
Right now, hope wasn’t on my side. I left to keep him breathing after he’d given me time to.
Now I could only hope that I didn’t break before morning.
When I finally plopped down in the back seat of my ride, I cried into the sleeve of his hoodie covering my hands. “I’ll miss you, my love. But it’s better for you to hate me than for me to bury you.”