Chapter 81
Dante
I heard Rachel follow me as I left the room, but I didn’t slow down my walk, nor did I turn to face her.
What could I say to her? All I could see were her and Vienna together. All I could imagine was the way she responded to him, the things she would have said to him.
It fucking broke me.
“Dante!” she called after me. I wanted to turn around and see her. I wanted to hear her explain and have her run into my arms, everything forgiven and forgotten. But I couldn’t.
And it was all down to my stupid fucking pride.
As well as the realisation that this was it.
I could lose Rachel. I had never really entertained that as a possibility.
We were good together. Our chemistry was electrifying, and neither of us were able to stay away from the other for long.
But this just proved to me that Rachel had options, and she would consider them.
Which meant there was a very real possibility that after this contract was over and done with, I would have to spend the rest of my life watching her play happy families with another man. And I don’t think I can do it.
I carried on walking, heading up the stairs to our bedroom and straight into the ensuite. I turned the taps on at the sink and ran my knuckles under the warm water, washing away the blood.
I was pissed at Vienna. I never expected to feel that way towards him. He was my brother, and I’d die for him. But I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip his eyes out so he could never look at her again. I wanted to slice his hands off so he could never touch her.
How could I get past this?
“It meant nothing,” Rachel said, panting slightly as she caught up with me.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I snapped at her.
“I’m not saying it to make you feel better. I’m saying it because it’s the truth. You can feel however you want to feel about it.”
I scoffed at her, reaching for the towel to dry off my hands, and then pushed past her into the bedroom.
“We were both drunk. I’m not even sure how it happened. It just did and I—”
“Kept it from me?” I interrupted.
“Yes,” she said simply.
“Why?” I demanded.
“Why what?”
“Why did you keep it from me?”
“Because—”
“Is it because you knew it would negate the contract?”
“What?” she breathed, her head snapping back in shock. “No. We kept it from you because we didn’t want to hurt you. The contract didn’t enter my mind.”
“Right. Because the way it seems to me, Rachel, is that you kept it because you knew it would mean I get full custody of the kids, and you would end up in prison. You had much more to lose by telling me the truth.”
“And if that’s what you want to do—if you want to hand the file over to the police, then do it.
I’m not going to beg and plead you not to.
But what sense would it make? Vienna doesn’t care whether or not I go to prison.
He lives and dies for this club. He didn’t want to hurt you, and neither did I.
It was a drunken mistake, and it was stopped before it went too far. ”
“I—”
“You can think what you want of me, Dante. But if you don’t believe another word I say, then just believe that.
Please. And I get it,” she said with a barking laugh.
“I’m hardly in a position to ask you to listen and believe me when I have done nothing but fight you and refuse to listen for years.
But I’m not having you leave this room thinking I secretly want Vienna and I deliberately deceived you. ”
I sighed heavily. “So what is it you want from me?”
“I’m just asking for you to believe me.”
“I do,” I said, surprising us both.
“What?”
“I don’t think you secretly want Vienna. And I do think whatever happened between the two of you was a mistake, and the result of the complete shit show we’ve made of this relationship.”
“So where do we go from here?” she asked quietly, her head bowed, looking down at the floor.
“I need to ask you something, Rachel. And I want an honest answer. Do you want to be here? No more contract. Just you and the way you truly feel. Do you want to be here with me? Because this six months thing is bullshit. If you don’t know by now, then that’s our answer.
We may as well cut it short and end things early. ”
“End things how?”
“The file has been destroyed. I was never going to hand it over to the police. You never should have fallen for that,” I laughed, shaking my head.
“Since when have I ever aided the police in anything? If you don’t want to be here, then leave.
Take the kids and find a house somewhere on the compound.
We’ll stick with the original agreement. ”
“Is that what you want?”
“Honestly?” She nodded her response. “Yes. It is what I want. I don’t want to keep forcing this. If it's not working, then what’s the point?”
“No, you’re not doing this. You’re not leaving this solely up to me, so I can be the bad guy. Talk to me. Do you think this is working?”
“No,” I said simply.
Her face paled, but she simply swallowed heavily and nodded. “That’s that then.”
“I don’t think it’s working, because I think we’ve trapped ourselves. I think we work, though.”
“Dante,” she sighed, moving forward to sit on the edge of the bed. “You’re confusing me. For once in your life, can you just give me a straight answer? How do you fucking feel?”
“I love you,” I said simply. “I’ve always loved you.”
I watched her, her head still bowed low. And then I heard the sniff as she held back her tears.
“Hey,” I murmured, crouching down on the floor and placing my fingers on her chin, gently tilting her head up.
I saw a tear cascade down her cheek, and I used my thumb to wipe it away.
“What’s going on in your head? Talk to me.
For once, stop hiding and pretending you’re okay and actually let me in. ”
“I’ve ruined everything,” she said, choking slightly on a sob.
“With you, I can be myself. I always pretended with everyone else, because I knew they wouldn’t accept me.
Not the real me. There was too much judgement.
Too much history. Too much… everything for them to ever be happy with the person I really was.
It was easier to comply and sit in silence than live in condemnation.
And yet I received their contempt, regardless.
But not with you. Never with you. I showed you the worst of myself, and you accepted me.
You cleaned up my messes, you cared for me—hell, you even washed my hair and comforted me after I killed a man.
With everyone else, it was always ‘how do we clean up this without ruining our own reputation?’ Whereas with you, there’s never been any of that.
And I know I’ve fucking pushed you. I know at times I’ve given you nothing but the worst of me.
Even when you were trying to give me the best of you…
.” She paused, angrily wiping away the tears on her cheeks.
“And I feel like an absolute cunt crying in front of you. I hate women who use tears as a weapon.”
“Rachel,” I chuckled. “When have you ever used tears as a weapon? You’re a fighter through and through.
You use these as your weapons,” I said, lifting her wrist and gesturing to her fists.
“I don’t think you’re using tears to manipulate me or get your own way.
What I do think, though, is that you’re a crazy, psychotic, fucked up woman who has held back for too long.
You keep a tight leash on any emotion you don’t like, and I think it was inevitable that one day the dam would burst and they would all come flooding out. ”
“How mad are you? Really,” she insisted. “If I’m not allowed to hold back, then neither are you.”
“I’m pretty fucking pissed,” I admitted.
“And I’m hurt,” she flinched at my words and I cupped her face, repositioning myself between her legs so I was no longer crouched but kneeling before her.
“I’m hurt because you did it. But I can get over that.
I’ve hardly been a saint, and you’ve forgiven much worse than a kiss.
I’m more hurt over my own thoughts. I never really entertained the idea that you could be with someone else, and you’ve just proven to me how easily that could happen.
I’m not hurt so much as I’m fucking terrified. ”
“Terrified?”
“It broke me. I didn’t think anything could break me like that, and yet you did it. You constantly push me out of my comfort zones and make me experience and feel things I don’t like. Believe it or not, when Vienna confessed to me, I was angrier at myself than I was at you two.”
She frowned at me, not understanding. I could hardly blame her. I barely understood what I was saying. But I was trying. I just wasn’t used to this heart to heart shit. Yet I knew that if there was even the slightest chance for us to get through this, then I had to do it.
“I was angry, because I realised what a shit I was. I always knew on some level that I didn’t treat you the best. I knew that I had manipulated you, abused you, and even sometimes, outright tortured you.
Vienna’s confession was like someone was holding a mirror up to me, and I was forced to see myself through someone else’s eyes for a change.
I love you, Rachel. And I promise to do better by you going forward. ”
Her eyes snapped to mine, searching them frantically. “You want to go forward?”
“How much of a hypocrite would I be if I called it quits over this?” I asked, smiling gently at her.
I brought my head lower, bringing my lips to hers, and placed a small kiss against her mouth.
She tried to push forward, wanting to deepen the kiss, but I held her back, chuckling at her heavy frown.
“I don’t want to fall into bed with you. Not right now. Right now, I want to talk.”
“Talk?” She laughed. “Since when have you wanted to talk?”