29. Sawyer
CHAPTER 29
Sawyer
VIGILANTE SHIT
Ava is late.
She’s never late.
Glancing at my phone, I see that she hasn’t returned any of my texts. Makes me anxious. Everything okay? Something happen with June’s pickup? I know her ex was supposed to grab her earlier. She and I had plans to meet up here at The Rattler after Caroline came over to my house at six to babysit Ella.
“Dude.” Wyatt eyes me as he tips back his longneck. “It’s just half an hour. I’m sure she’s fine. Girls are late all the time.”
Mollie grins, putting a hand on her swollen belly. “I can attest to that.”
“Aw, honey, that’s the good kind of late.” Cash plants a kiss on her lips, smiling like a lovestruck idiot. “You’re so beautiful.”
She gently scratches his beard on the underside of his chin. “You’re so hot. You know how much I love you in that hat.” She reaches up to touch the brim of his Stetson.
“Wanna wear it later?” He smirks.
Mollie’s eyes flash. “Like you even need to ask.”
“Please don’t lock everyone out of the women’s restroom so y’all can bang in there,” Tallulah, the bartender, pleads. “We have a full house tonight.”
“That was only once,” Mollie replies.
Cash nods. “But we made it count, didn’t we?”
Setting my elbows on the bar, I hang my head. I love Cash and Mollie. They’re great together, and I’m genuinely happy for them. But they’re still in that lovey-dovey phase that kinda grosses out everyone around them.
Or maybe that’s just me being jealous, wishing my girl would show up already. ’Cause I miss her, even though I saw her yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.
Really, we haven’t gone a day without crossing paths since our date last weekend. If I wasn’t addicted to Ava before, I definitely am now, looking up every time The Rattler’s door swings open in the hope that it’s her.
Mollie and Cash head to the dance floor. Sally is up onstage with Frisky Whiskey, the band she and her mom are in that performs at The Rattler every Friday night. They’re here again tonight by special request.
By that I mean my request. I may have bribed Patsy and Sally with quarts of my homemade tomato soup to play two nights in a row so Ava could see them. She’s a live-music gal, so I know she’ll get a kick out of Frisky Whiskey’s excellent country covers.
I check my phone. It’s almost quarter till seven.
Duke gently elbows me. “You all right?”
“I can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong.”
He frowns. “You think we should check on her? We can take my truck if you want.”
“Maybe.” My heart lifts when the door opens, then promptly falls when I see its Goody Gershwin, Tallulah’s wife. “This isn’t like Ava.”
“Y’all really know each other well, huh?” Duke eyes me as he sips his beer.
“Look, I get it. Ava and I are new. Really new. But I feel like we’ve covered so much ground in the time we’ve been together. I’ve never?—”
“Connected with someone like that?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You say that like you know what you’re talking about.”
Bringing his beer to his lips, he just grins and shrugs. “Just sayin’, it’s cool to see you finally get what you want. Because you’ve always known what you wanted, Sawyer.”
“What do you think I want?”
Duke gives me a look. “Don’t be a dick.”
“No, I’m genuinely curious. Because that’s where I keep getting stuck with Ava. All my life, I’ve wanted to get married, have a family. Do things the right way, in the right order. Which I clearly haven’t done so far, but you gotta start somewhere. But Ava … she doesn’t want to get married.”
“Who cares what order you do things in, as long as you get to do them?” Duke sets down his longneck. “When you really think about it, Sawyer—when you dig into why you’d want to get married and have a family—I think what you’ve always been looking for is a sense of home. Of safety.”
I blink. “That’s … awfully insightful of you.”
“Dude, shut up.”
“I mean it.”
He turns, leaning his hip against the bar. “You run around always making sure everyone else is safe and taken care of. Ever think you might want that for yourself too?”
I turn my head to wipe my eyes on my sleeve. At the same time, I laugh, because he’s right.
My younger brother is fucking right.
“Hey.” Duke presses his fingers into my chest. “None of us is safe from heartbreak and loss. I think we learned that lesson early.”
“Too early.”
“No shit.” Duke’s eyes are wet now too. “But damn, have you tried to keep us all from hurting that way again. Which we never asked you to do, by the way.”
I sip my beer. “Yeah, well, someone needs to look out for you animals.”
“We’re grown adults, Sawyer. We’re all okay, so you can stop running your rescue mission now.” His fingers dig into my sternum. “Maybe if you stopped hurting yourself by putting everyone else first, you’d see that Ava ain’t gonna hurt you. You don’t need a piece of paper to tell you what you already know.”
“Yeah?” I sniffle. “And what’s that?”
He grins, his expression softening. “You already got your happy ending. The safety, the respect, the commitment—it’s happening right fucking now, Sawyer. Open your goddamn eyes.”
I shit you not, the door opens right then and a tall blonde in blue jeans and a cowboy hat strides into the bar.
“See?” he murmurs. “She showed. Y’all are gonna be just fine, I promise.”
I see Ava and my heart, my stomach—everything swoops, my eyes burning and laughter bubbling up inside me.
Relief .
That’s what this feeling is. Relief that I get to re-prioritize shit so I can make sure I’m taken care of too.
I get to go live my fucking life with Ava. Whatever that looks like. Wedding, no wedding. We’ve got two babies between us, so Ella’s gonna get that sibling I’ve always wanted for her. A built-in best friend.
Am I jumping twenty steps ahead? Hell yeah I am. But this really is what I want. Not a ring or a rented tux.
I wanna drink and dance with this woman, and only this woman, for the rest of my life. I wanna take her home—take her to our home—and show her what our happy ending looks like, pun intended.
The certainty of that conviction grips me and doesn’t let go.
I can live without Ava becoming Mrs. Rivers.
I can’t, however, live without Ava.
So I grab the beer I’ve had waiting for her and turn to greet her.
Seeing her face, I immediately draw up short. An ugly feeling cuts through my center as I take in her swollen, bloodshot eyes.
Hell, her whole face is swollen, like she’s been crying for hours.
I hold my beer in a death grip. Jesus fucking Christ.
Jesus fucking Christ , what did that asshole do?
“I’m—” She clears her throat. “Sorry I’m so late. It was—I’ve had a day?—”
“Who?” I bite out the word. My pulse jumps, palms tingling. I feel my brothers watching us.
Ava blinks, her throat working as she swallows. “What do?—”
“Who did this to you?” I gesture to her face.
She looks up at me. “What do you mean?”
Despite the way my heart is going apeshit, I keep my voice calm. “Who made you cry? Who hurt you? Please tell me, Ava.”
Her chin trembles, and next thing I know Duke’s taking the beers out of my hands and I’m gently pulling Ava in for a hug.
“Are you okay?” I whisper, kissing the top of her head.
She nods. “I’m okay.”
“You don’t look okay.”
“Fine, I’m not okay.” Ava pulls back a little to look up at me. “Can we talk? I don’t mean to ruin our date?—”
“You’re not ruining anything.”
“Thank you, Sawyer.” She looks like she’s going to cry all over again. “I’m so sorry. Honestly, I’ve been looking forward to this all week, and I really want us to have a good time, but I needed—I had to—I debated whether or not I should come, or if I should cancel …”
“Is June safe?”
“June is safe. Dan took her. He and I just got into it before she left.”
I let out a breath of relief. At the same time, my chest tightens with growing anger. Dan took June, but he still obviously fucked up big time.
“You should’ve called me, Ava. You know you can call me, right? Anytime, day or night.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I needed to gather my thoughts and get myself together. Can we go outside? Talk there?”
“Of course.” Glancing over my shoulder, I see that all my brothers have gathered at the bar behind us. I can tell by the way they set down their drinks that they’re ready to leave if I need their help.
My chest swells. My family has always been there for me. But it’s only now that I’m willing to accept that I actually need them.
It’s only now that I’m willing to accept their help.
“Y’all okay?” Cash asks. Luckily the band hasn’t started yet so he doesn’t need to shout, which might draw attention to us.
I nod. “We’re just gonna go talk in my truck. Give us a few.”
“We’ll be here,” Wyatt says, cracking his knuckles. “Been a minute since we’ve had a fight in these parts.”
“That was once,” Cash replies, parroting his wife’s line. “And the other guy started it.”
I don’t love fighting. But if someone hurt my girl?—
Yeah, he’s gonna have a date with my right fist.
Putting a hand on the small of Ava’s back, I guide her to the door and open it for her. The air outside is bracing, the darkness not quite complete now that we’re heading into spring.
She’s trembling. I curse, pulling her closer. Something bad definitely happened, and I’m definitely going to crack some skulls if that something was her asshole ex putting his hands on her or being abusive in any other way.
What kind of man makes somebody cry hard enough that her eyes swell up like this?
Makes me feel helpless. And angry. And now I wanna fix this, whatever the problem is, even though I just had a whole conversation with my brother about how harmful my pathological need to fix everything and save everyone has become.
What if—for now—I just make a promise to listen? Because I know Ava, and she doesn’t need me to punch anyone for her. She can hold her own. But she does need a friend. A shoulder to cry on.
I’m your man, Ava.
I open the passenger door for her and give her a hand as she climbs inside. I hustle to the driver’s side and start the ignition, cranking the heat. Luckily the engine is still warm—I was only inside for a little less than an hour—so we get comfortable quickly.
“Your seat warmer is right there.” I nod at the button on her door.
Turning on the warmer with her thumb, she manages a tight smile. “You think of everything.”
“I hate seein’ you like this,” I say softly. “What happened?”
I wanna touch her, put my hand on her thigh like I always do when she’s in my truck. Let her know I’m here.
But I also wanna give her space. She wants physical comfort, I’m in. That’s her call to make, though.
“Dan just lost his mind.” Ava takes off her hat and sets it on the console between us, letting her head fall back on the headrest. “I shouldn’t let him upset me because I know that’s what he wants. But he really got to me today.”
I drop my hand to my side so she can’t see me make a fist. “I’m sorry. Co-parenting is not for the faint of heart.”
“No shit,” she says with a scoff. She looks down at her hands, which are clasped on her lap. Then she looks up at me. “We fought about you, actually.”
My stomach heaves. “Did I do something?”
“No! My God, Sawyer. You’ve done nothing except be awesome.” She elbows her hat out of the way and reaches for my hand, tangling our fingers. “Dan is just jealous. You’re the first guy I’ve really dated since we got divorced, and I think it threw him for a loop.”
“Did you tell him about me?”
“Junie did. She brought you up because … how could she not? You’ve been around so much, and you’ve been just so wonderful to both of us.”
My turn to swallow. “I am pretty great.”
“You’re the best. Truly. And that’s where I made my mistake. I should’ve told him about you earlier?—”
“You get to decide these things, Ava,” I reply, my pulse skidding at the idea that she wants to tell her ex about me. That feels like a big step. “This is your life, not his. You tell him when you’re ready.”
Ava’s eyes are glassy when they meet mine. “But it’s all our lives, isn’t it? Because you’re a part of June’s life now, Sawyer.” She squeezes my hand. “I hope a big part. And I should’ve told Dan about us, because he’s going to be seeing a lot of you.”
Holy.
Shit .
For several beats I can’t speak. I just search Ava’s face, blinking a hundred times a minute to keep my own tears from spilling over. I don’t wanna cry, I just?—
Goddamn it, let yourself cry. This is a good moment.
I bring our joined hands to my lips. “He’s got a problem with that, he can come to me.”
“You mean that?”
“Aw, pretty girl, I mean that.” I close my eyes and take a deep, shuddering breath.
“He asked to see my phone.”
“What?” My eyes bulge open.
“I can’t make this shit up. He wanted to see the texts you’d sent me. And then he called me a slut, because that’s his MO—hating on me.”
I am speechless.
Legitimately speechless for several heartbeats while I absorb this news.
“He didn’t actually say the whole word,” Ava continues. “I stopped him before he could. But the implication was there. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel … not great.”
“Never.” The word comes out as a growl.
Ava’s eyebrows pop up. “Never what?”
“He never talks to you like that. Ever. He ever speaks to you that way again, he’ll deal with me. You got it?”
She looks at me for a long beat, her eyelashes fluttering. “Okay. Thank you. That makes me feel better. A lot better.”
“Good. Did you show him the texts?”
“Hell no. He has no right to see them. Again, I think he was just trying to upset me. He’s been holding on to this grudge against me since we split—he thinks I was the one who ended our marriage. To be fair, I did hire a lawyer first. But that was only when I knew our relationship was over. I’d tried for years to make it work, but I realized Dan was never going to let me out of the cage he’d put me in. He didn’t like that I was untamed, and he tried to change me. For a while, I let him. I believed him when he told me I was too emotional, too wild, too … unlovable. But over time, I realized that I wasn’t the problem. He was. He couldn’t figure out a way to love who I truly was.”
I grit my teeth. I see why Ava wouldn’t want to go down that road again. For her, marriage was a prison. Who in their right mind would seek that out?
“You deserve so much more than to be married to a man who calls you awful names and wants to change who you are,” I say.
Ava nods. “I know. Being with you has shown me what’s possible. What’s good .”
“You cryin’ like this ain’t any good, pretty girl.”
“But being with you?” She takes my hand, twining our fingers. “That’s really good. The best I’ve ever had. Best I’ve ever felt. Because you do love me for who I am.”
A bubbly feeling rises through my chest, settling in the back of my throat. “I do. So fuckin’ much, pretty girl. I love you so fucking much. I love that you’re always down for an adventure. You’re spontaneous. Fun as hell. I love that you like to try new things. I love how you love your baby. Didn’t realize how dead I was inside until I met you, and no matter what happens, I’ll always be grateful that you brought me back to life.”
Her expression contracts. “Thank you,” she breathes.
“For what? Lovin’ you for who you are? You don’t gotta thank me for that. Easiest, best thing I’ve ever done has been falling hard and fast for you.”
“Oh, Sawyer.” She sniffles. “I’m ready, honey. I want you. But I know how important getting married and having more kids is to you, and I’m not sure I’ll ever want those things. If that’s a deal-breaker, I get it. But I’m all in if you’ll have me as I am.” She rolls her lips between her teeth. “I get that this is all so much messier than either of us hoped?—”
“Really? Because I’m not sure it’s very messy at all.”
Her eyelashes flutter. “But we want?—”
“The same thing, Ava. Each other. And help unloading the dishwasher.”
Her eyes fill. “God.” A pause. “ God you’re fucking good.”
Laughing, I cup her face in my hand and pull her in for a kiss. “I love you, Ava. I wasn’t joking when I said I’ve been in love with you since you bumped into me at that honky-tonk.”
“Cowboy, I’ve been in love with you for what feels like forever.”
She kisses me back, a slow, unhurried caress that tastes like tears and feels like freedom.
There’s still so much we have to figure out. The kids, our exes. Will she consider moving in with me? That would make for a bit of a commute for her, though.
I haven’t met her family yet.
I also wanna keep dating her. It’s too soon for that phase of our story to be over.
Really, I wanna date her forever if she’ll let me.
Pressing one last kiss to her lips, I pull back. “So now that that’s out of the way …”
She laughs. “This happened too fast.”
“Yes.”
“We’re being reckless.”
I grin. “Maybe.”
“But we’re going in anyway.”
“Definitely. Because there’s a good chance this is also the best decision we’re ever going to make.”
She’s smiling, the kind of smile that touches her green eyes. She arcs her thumb over the back of my hand. “I’m in.”
“Me too.”
She looks at me. I look back.
“Thank you. For turning a really bad day into a really good one.”
My turn to squeeze her hand. “That’s kind of my job as your boyfriend.”
“That makes me your girlfriend, huh?”
“I ain’t sharing if that’s what you’re asking.”
Her eyes get this bright, sated look in them. “I don’t wanna share you either, honey.”
“What do you think was the most upsetting part of your conversation with Dan?”
She thinks on this for a minute, her shoulders rising on a deep inhale. “My biggest beef with Dan when we were married was the fact that he didn’t seem to care very much about, well, anything except himself. He didn’t care about who I really was or what I really wanted. He just wanted me to be his perfect little wife who took care of him and made his life easy.”
I drape my free hand over the steering wheel, the deep rumble of the engine filling the quiet between us. “It’s really hard when you feel like you’re the only one who cares. Who tries hard.”
“Hell, who tries at all.”
“I get that too.”
“Dan didn’t care for years. And now all of a sudden, he wants to go through my phone to read the texts you sent me.”
“Bizarre.”
“The guy has balls of steel, I’ll give him that,” she replies with a mirthless laugh. “Anyway, just his insinuation that I’d ever put Junie in danger—that I’d just bring around random guys while she was with me—it was insulting more than anything, and it pissed me off. But when I get really mad, I cry, so …” She motions to her face. “I cried a lot today.”
“How did June react?”
“Luckily she was too preoccupied with her Kindle to really pay any attention.”
I curl my fingers around the wheel. “I don’t want to hate your ex?—”
“I don’t want that either. Dan’s not usually like this, I swear. But … yeah, there’s many reasons we’re not married anymore.”
“He’s coming back to bring Junie home tomorrow, right?”
Ava nods. “You wanna meet him?”
“I do.”
“Leave the gun at home.”
“Ava, I’m not gonna shoot the guy,” I say with a chuckle. “I may give him a black eye?—”
“Don’t.”
“Kidding. I’m not one to start a fight.”
“Nah.” Her eyes flash. “You’re better at starting fires.”
My dick leaps. “You wanna get out of here?”
“I mean, I wanna do that.” She glances down at my lap. “But I don’t know. I decided a long time ago that Dan wasn’t going to ruin anything for me anymore. Why let him ruin tonight? Let’s go dancing.”
We exchange another long look. I don’t ask her if she’s sure.
I don’t ask her if I can go down on her real quick before we head back inside. We start that, we ain’t gonna finish anytime soon.
I just kiss her mouth and kill the ignition.
I jump out of the truck and open her door.
Then I take my girl’s hand and lead her inside the bar, where Frisky Whiskey is playing a Johnny Cash cover.
Burns, burns, burns.