Thirty-Seven
Don’t hate me because I’ll say what I think
Don’t hate me because I’ll write
your name in ink
Hate me because I hurt you
‘Hate Me’ from Roses
I stare at him in shock. I haven’t seen him at my front door in months. Even though I expected him to be here, I can barely believe he is.
‘You’re here,’ I say.
‘Hey, you invited me,’ he says, walking to me, arms outstretched. Then it hits me. The whole purpose of this party was to tell Ollie how I feel. With the work experience, and all the time I’ve been spending with Ty, I had lost track of that.
I hug him close. The shock eases into excitement.
‘You’re here,’ I say, ‘You’re really home!’
‘I guess I am,’ he says, laughing into my hair.
‘Look who’s back from the dead,’ says Kira, appearing at the door, crossing her arms.
‘Ah, my favourite antagonist,’ says Ollie. ‘Hear you got into LSE, congratulations.’
‘How’s Oxford Law going?’
‘Got my interview coming up,’ says Ollie. ‘I’m sure it’ll all be fine.’
‘Okay, no bickering tonight, it’s my birthday,’ I say, holding up my hands before Kira can get annoyed at Ollie’s ease about university.
‘If the birthday girl asks,’ he says, swinging his arm around me and kissing the top of my forehead. ‘I have to comply.’
I feel the kiss burn where his lips touched my forehead, my mouth suddenly dry.
Kira rolls her eyes and goes back into the kitchen.
The party starts to go at full force. Kira takes control of the music, blasting out a mix of pop bangers and dance music I’ve never heard before.
I talk to all my friends from school, feeling like this is about me, and everything is going right. Ollie and I take selfies in front of my bedroom door, a tradition we’ve done on every birthday since we’ve got mobile phones.
Around ten p.m., Tori shows up with her boyfriend, Michael, and three of his friends. I breathe out a sigh of relief when I see them. All in button up check shirts, awkwardly looking around. They looked like the type of guys to take DnD to a party rather than MD.
Tori hugs me as she comes in, dressed in an oversized fur coat. ‘I’ve come Gatsby themed,’ she says, taking off her coat and showing me her fringe dress. ‘You know, since we’re studying Gatsby.’
‘That’s fun,’ I say, nodding. It’s completely unnecessary, but Tori obviously wanted to dress up.
‘We don’t get invited to too many parties,’ says Michael, sticking out his hand. I shake it and it feels rather formal.
‘I’m glad you made it.’
‘We’ve been drinking all day,’ says one of the checked shirt boys, swaying slightly.
‘But we’ll be good,’ says another one, looking very anxious.
‘We’ve all been drinking,’ I say smiling, trying to put them at ease. ‘Come on in, there’s some more drinks in the kitchen.’
A few moments later I’m standing around my kitchen island with my new friends, when Ollie pulls me over to the side.
‘You looked like you needed rescuing,’ he says, nodding over to Tori and the boys. They’re passing around a bottle of vodka, taking little sips straight and then wincing.
‘Ah they’re okay,’ I say, laughing. ‘Kira’s going to be mad at the lack of eligible bachelors. I don’t think they’re her type.’
‘What is Kira’s type?’ says Ollie. ‘Anyway, what did you do today, birthday girl?’
‘Oh, today I went out with—’ I look at Ollie and panic. I don’t want him to think I was on a date with Ty. It was friendly. Mostly.
The doorbell rings.
‘I’ll grab that,’ I say, using the excuse to duck away.
This time it has to be Ty. I look at my phone. It’s nearly eleven. Why is he so late? A new thought: Ty and Ollie. In the same place. Why does that make me feel so uncomfortable?
I open the door. It is Ty. He’s changed from what he was wearing before: he’s now in a green shirt and jeans.
‘You look good,’ he says, hands in his pockets. It’s such a casual statement, but it causes my heart to lift.
‘So do you,’ I say, meaning it. He does. The green picks up on his ever-changing eyes.
‘What’s going on?’ says Ollie from behind me.
Ty’s face changes as soon as he sees Ollie. It becomes cooler.
‘I’m Ty,’ he says, waving.
‘The new neighbour,’ says Ollie, smiling back. ‘Well, I’m the original boy-next-door. And the best.’ I wince, why does Ollie always have to big himself up like this?
‘So this is the famous Ollie Pointer, in the flesh,’ says Ty, stepping forwards, holding out his hand. Ollie grabs it and they do a handshake so tense I am surprised someone’s arm doesn’t snap off.
‘And it’s nice to see you in person too,’ says Ollie. ‘Surprised you’ve made a show. I hear you’re a bit of an arse sometimes.’
‘And I hear you’re a bit flaky,’ says Ty.
‘How can I be flaky, I’m right here?’ says Ollie, with a tight smile.
‘Why don’t you come inside, Ty?’ I say, nodding towards the party. Ty’s still stood on the doorstep, Ollie almost blocking the entrance.
I see Ty hesitate, and I feel bad. Why is Ollie being so antagonistic? Is he . . . jealous?
In an alternate universe, maybe I would feel elated by Ollie’s jealousy. But right now I feel stressed. I don’t have time for male macho-ness – it’s my birthday!
I turn around. ‘Are you coming?’ I say, over my shoulder. Ty shrugs, pushes past Ollie and follows me in.
Before we can reach the kitchen, Ollie grabs me and pulls me into the living room, instantly closing the door behind us. Tori’s posse are the only people in here, playing a card drinking game that looks really complicated. They’re so caught up in it, they barely look at us.
‘What’s he doing here?’ he says.
‘What does it matter?’ I say, rolling my eyes. I have no time for this. I want to get back to my party.
‘Because you guys seemed to be always fighting,’ says Ollie. He’s leaning against the door, his arms crossed, head tilted down towards me. I feel myself caught in his familiar gaze, I can smell his aftershave waft off him. It’s distracting.
‘He’s fine now,’ I mumble.
‘How can he be fine now?’ says Ollie, taking a step back and waving his arms around, clearly oblivious to what I’m feeling. ‘I’m concerned about you.’
Of course it’s concern, not anything more.
I feel the sudden sharp sting of rejection all over again.
Why do I keep getting my hopes up he might be feeling something more?
Even though it’s been over a month since we last saw each other, I still feel that pull towards him.
But it’s confusing, after the kiss with Ty.
‘Look, it’s fine,’ I say. ‘Let’s go back to the party.’
I yank the door open, and Ollie grabs my shoulder. I turn to face him.
‘What?’ I say.
‘I don’t want this guy to replace me,’ says Ollie, looking the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen him.
I soften. ‘Ollie, how can anyone replace you? We’ve been friends since birth.’
‘Okay,’ says Ollie, nodding. ‘I have a bad vibe from him, that’s all.’
‘Honestly, he’s not as bad as you think.’ And with that, I head back to the party.
In the kitchen, I see Ty standing outside the glass doors, a beer in hand, phone in the other.
‘Looks like you’re being sociable,’ I say, grabbing a jumper I had left lying around and walking outside.
‘You disappeared as soon as I came in,’ he says. ‘And I don’t really know anyone else here.’
His straightforwardness sets me on edge.
‘I’m sorry about that,’ I say plainly.
‘Where’s Ollie?’ he says, looking over my shoulder.
‘We’re not attached at the hip.’ I’m feeling defensive.
‘But wouldn’t you like to be?’
‘Does it really matter?’ I say, getting fed up now.
He catches my eye. ‘You’re right. It’s your birthday after all.’ He taps his can against my plastic cup. ‘Happy birthday.’
‘This toast feels less fancy than earlier.’
‘But more real,’ he says, taking a sip of his beer.
I laugh, but the moment is short-lived as the loud yells of ‘chug, chug, chug,’ start from the garden. Ty and I look at each other, and head for the garden door. I battle my way through the small crowd to see Ollie and Tori’s boyfriend necking bottles of wine.