Chapter 19
nineteen
WREN
Week four is officially over. Thank God . The rose ceremony was incredibly tense, with Ryan sending a highly dramatic Mei home.
I’m wiped .
The camera pans toward me and my brain short-circuits. Should I smile? Wave? God, why am I like this? I cross my arms and pretend to be fascinated by a potted plant.
What I am not doing is staring at Ryan while he talks quietly to Raven. The way he touched her elbow shouldn’t matter. But it does. God, I hate that it does.
“That’s a wrap for today!” an EP calls. The scene froths with lighting techs and sound guys all suddenly moving heavy equipment.
The next day is scheduled to be a rest day, so I’m out the door before Elena can even say another word to me.
I am completely exhausted. Not just from the show, which, let’s be honest, sleeping in a room with other girls is not conducive to getting eight solid hours of sleep at night.
Divya snores like a madwoman. Raven murmurs in her sleep.
By the time I’m dropped off at Jay’s house in greater Georgia, I’m dragging.
I thank my driver and pull the strap of my overnight bag over my head as I walk up to Jay’s house.
Strangely, it’s dark inside. I see no lights.
When I try the front door, it’s locked. They might be out getting a bite to eat or something.
Shit. I don’t have my keys. I dump my purse out on the ground, searching through pens and crumpled napkins and loose Tums. Yeah, my purse is gross. And it doesn’t have my keys.
I swing around and fumble for my cell phone, ready to call Jay. I wasn’t exactly expecting to have the day off and now I’m locked out of his house. I try Jay’s phone, but it goes straight to voicemail.
I can’t summon the energy to figure this out right now. I look up the street and think about what I should do. I could head for Java Monkey, our local coffee shop, and shovel cake in my face while I plot my next move. I guess that’s what tonight is going to have to be.
As I step off the porch, I see a car coming down the street. It pulls in at Ryan’s house and the lights flash. I don’t know what that’s about exactly. I stare as I cross the sidewalk behind the car.
Ryan gets out and looks at me, his face crinkling. “What’s going on?” he asks.
“Nothing, exactly,” I say, gesturing to Jay’s house. “I’m locked out of the house…” I let my sentence trail off.
“So where are you going?” Ryan asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. Java Monkey, I guess. Then maybe Iris’s place.”
He rolls his eyes like I’m a wayward, difficult child. “No,” he says.
“You won’t allow that? Since when are you the boss of me?”
He starts to make his way over. “Come on.” He waves toward his house. “Come inside. You can stay here until Jay gets back. But he could be gone all night.”
Ryan gives me a side-eye.
“Yeah, that’s fine. You’re not just wandering around in the middle of nowhere.”
It’s the first time we’ve been alone since we hooked up. Honestly, I’m not in the mood for him right now. I just want to sleep. But Ryan’s house is right here. His couch is certainly more comfortable than an air mattress at Iris’s.
I sigh, deflated. “Fine. Lead the way.”
He gives me a questioning look. “That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say? You’re not gonna push back?”
I shake my head. “Nope. I don’t have the fucks to give. I’m extremely tired.”
Rather than say anything else, Ryan just herds me into his house. It strikes me that I’ve actually never been here before, even though he and Jay have been friends for years. We walk up his front steps. He unlocks the door, ushering me into the living room.
It’s nice in here. Not what I expected at all. Decorated with dark, heavy furniture and maps on the wall. I toe off my shoes and pad over to his couch, still wearing my bag. I let it sink to the floor beside me and sit on the couch.
It’s actually pretty comfortable. Nice and bouncy. Cushiony, and deep.
“I don’t mean to intrude on your sanctuary here.” I crack a joke.
Ryan finishes taking off his shoes and putting his keys and wallet in a dish by the front door. He smirks and walks over.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” he says. “I’m just really careful about my privacy. Jay’s been here, if it helps.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m getting serial murdered here. I was just kidding.”
Right. This is awkward. As awkward as awkward can be.
I press my lips together. He pats down his pockets. It’s something I’ve seen him do before when he’s at a loss for what to say or do, so I guess he’s feeling the tension just like I am.
“Should I order some takeout? From anywhere you want,” he asks. “Maybe we can watch a movie, if you’re up for it.”
His tone is sincere. It’s an effort not to make fun of him. I just flush and agree.
“I feel like a weird knockoff Barbie in this outfit,” I mutter. “Like one of the ones they only made a hundred of, with a tragic backstory.”
Ryan’s eyes trail over me, slow and unhurried. “You look hot.”
I snort. “You’d say that if I showed up in a potato sack and heels.”
He shakes his head. “You’ve always been pretty. Now the rest of the world just finally sees it.”
My throat tightens. For once, I don’t fire back. I just let myself feel it.
I sit in the living room while he orders from the Tin Shed. He doesn’t ask me for my order, so I just assume I’m getting a burger or chicken fingers. He briefly goes upstairs to change into gray sweats and a dark T-shirt. He also brings a shirt and a pair of oversized shorts and offers them to me.
“What is this?” I ask.
He holds them out. “Something to change into. Don’t be weird about this. You’re making me jittery.”
“Weird, huh?” I take them and look at my bag. Technically, I have my silk shorts and thin tank top in there, but it’s been a while since I’ve washed them. I kind of want the opportunity to wear Ryan’s clothes. As weird as that sounds.
There’s something vaguely comforting about his jersey that I stole, so I can bet his overnight stuff will be soft and warm as well.
“Okay,” I say.
I head into the bathroom and change into them. When I come back, he looks me up and down, his lips curling upward.
“Wow.”
“Are you serious?” I ask. “You just gave me this to wear. Are you really picking on me already?”
“I’m not, actually. I was just going to say that shirt looks good on you.”
I look at it. The old Atlanta Ice Storms T-shirt.
“It’s comfortable,” I admit, shrugging a shoulder.
Ryan has taken up what I assume is his usual spot, spread out on the right side of the couch. So I move to the left side and sit down with my hip completely flush with the sofa’s arm.
Ryan gives me a funny look but doesn’t say anything.
Instead, he says, “So you’re here in my house, sitting on my couch, and yet you’re not going for my throat. Is that being friendly, where you’re concerned?”
His teasing remark pulls a laugh from me.
“I admit, I’m too worn out to have the energy to have enemies right now. Honestly, I was thinking about having a date with a spare bed at Jay’s.”
He smiles, that impish smile that always gets me in trouble. “Well, I hope you don’t mind staying up with me for a while. I need to wind down.”
“As long as tonight is relaxing, I don’t care what we do.”
The moment the words are out of my mouth, I realize that could be misinterpreted.
“It’s cute how you go all quiet around everyone else,” Ryan says, eyes gleaming. “Why am I the only one who gets the smartass version of you?”
“You’re just lucky, I guess,” I sass.
He opens his mouth to reply, but just at that moment, the doorbell rings. The food has arrived.
Ryan goes to the door and brings back two big brown bags.
“Hope you’re hungry,” he says.
He hands me one bag and moves around to sit down, dumping out the other with no regard for the well-being of the expensive-looking coffee table before him.
I open my bag with more care and find french fries.
Extra crispy, the way Brick Store does them.
A burger. I don’t make a face because he got me food, but I don’t really like hamburgers.
Eating cows just seems wrong after watching so many videos of people playing with cute cows and cows running around with puppies.
So I don’t say anything. But when I unwrap my burger, I find that he placed my order exactly the way I like it: a turkey burger, extra Swiss cheese, barbecue sauce, and brown gravy.
I gape at my food for a moment, surprised he would even know that.
Ryan pauses, about to take a bite of his burger. “Is everything okay?”
I nod. He relaxes. He takes a bite. It’s literally a third of the whole burger. He chews, a little messy. I can’t help but smile.
“I can’t believe you knew what I liked.”
He frowns and chews a little more. “Are you kidding? You’ve only ordered that exact thing in front of me, like, a hundred times.”
“Well, yeah, but I didn’t think you noticed,” I say.
He tilts his head to the side and swallows. “I notice everything you do, Chirp.”
My ears start to burn. I turn to eat my weird burger. I’m a little freaked out by the fact that Ryan has seen me. Like, actually seen me. Not just the odd little sister that I’ve been for so long.
This big, hunky guy thought I was interesting enough to keep tabs on. Huh. Well, that doesn’t bode well for my crush on him. I’m actually starting to really like him as a person. RIP me.
We eat in silence for a moment before I attempt conversation again.
“Good sandwich.”
He has now finished his. Even though he’s had it for less than four minutes. He’s currently stuffing french fries in his mouth. He just nods.
I feel like right now I am just tired enough and just catty enough to ask about my brother’s visit to The Last Kiss set.
“So… I didn’t realize I was your type.”
Ryan coughs on a french fry and then chews and swallows, scrunching his face up. “What are you talking about?”
I take a bite of my turkey burger and chew, giving him a few moments to think. Then I say, “Well, you know. Hot messes. Bad boundaries. Fun for a week.”
Basically… everything I’m not. Or maybe I secretly am, but just quieter about it.
His shoulders deflate. “Yeah, fucking Jay. I know he’s your brother, but I could’ve killed him for that.”
“It was interesting, that’s for sure. Especially the part about ghosting.”
He sighs and pulls the last few french fries from the container, then points them at me. “Don’t be dramatic.”
“He exaggerated, did he?” I finally look at him because it sounded pretty rehearsed.
He shakes his head. “I haven’t ghosted anyone in a while. Like, probably a couple years at least.”
“Wow. What a glowing record,” I say.
He finishes the fries and sits back, eyeing my untouched container of them. I push them toward him and he takes a couple out but then pushes the rest back.
“So, what? You think I’m proud of that?”
I thumb a little barbecue sauce from my lower lip and watch him noticing. It’s funny how once a guy notices you, he keeps doing it.
“I think you’re fine with it,” I say.
“Wren, I know you’re not like those girls.”
“Who says I’m not? Are they aliens or astronauts or something else unreasonable? Because if not, you don’t know what I am or what they are not.”
He shakes his head. “No, I’m pretty sure I’ve got you pegged.”
“Oh yeah? I’m not looking to be a fling or a plot twist or a deleted scene.”
That gives him pause. He frowns and hesitates for a second. “You’re not.”
“No.”
I inhale, my breath shakier than I want it to be. “If this is just a bit for the show, it ends the same way all your stories seem to end.”
“It won’t,” he says. “It can’t.”
I arch a brow. “Do you tell all your one-night stands that, too?”
He just shakes his head. “Nope. Only you.”
That makes something in my chest lurch. I hate it.
“So what happens when the cameras stop filming? Does that mean this, whatever this is that’s going on between us, is done?”
He doesn’t answer.
I sigh and take another bite of my burger. After a minute, he slides along the couch until he’s close to me. He catches my wrist gently, not enough to stop me but enough to make me pause.
“I don’t know how to do this, okay? I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it.”
My lip catches between my teeth. I look up. His eyes spear right through me. God help me. I have feelings for this guy, don’t I?
“Just don’t lie to me,” I whisper. “I couldn’t handle that.”
He moves to touch my hair, tucking a strand back behind my ear. I almost believe him.
I don’t know if he knows what he’s saying, but it’s clear that my brother was playing up Ryan’s past.
Ryan says, “I know we’re caught in a world of rights and wrongs, but I would like just one night where I don’t have to play by the rules. Anybody’s rules.”
I look up at him, breathless. “Then take me.”