Chapter 7 – I Don’t Want Your Sloppy Seconds
Monday
I knew that Jacob didn’t think I needed to know my kiss thief’s identity. He wanted me to just let this go. But I didn’t know how. This mystery had been occupying my whole senior year. I had to unmask him once and for all.
Jacob was standing by my locker and I didn’t know what to say. I’d wanted to come clean to him about everything after school. But all I could think about was not missing RJ before practice. I’d have to talk to Jacob tomorrow instead.
I peered around him to see RJ down the hall at his locker.
Jacob sighed. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“I’m sorry, but I really need to know who the kiss thief was.”
“Why?” he asked. “It doesn’t change anything. We’re together now.”
“Of course it doesn’t change anything.” Is that why he didn’t want me to know? He was worried I’d leave him for the kiss thief. “I’m just curious. I don’t like him or anything. I promise. I like being loved out loud, remember?” I smiled up at him.
“And don’t you forget it.” He put his hand on my waist and leaned forward.
“You two need to get a room already,” Sophie said.
Jacob ignored her and kissed the tip of my nose.
I laughed.
“Totally adorable,” she said. “But I gotta steal my girl. We’re both on missions.”
Jacob kept his hand on my waist. “You’ll let me know what RJ says?”
“Mhm,” I said.
Sophie hooked her arm through mine and pulled me away. “I was worried you’d drop the whole unmasking the kiss thief thing because of Jacob.”
I shook my head. “No. I need to know. It’s driving me crazy.”
“Me too. And you’re lucky you’re related to RJ.”
“What?”
“If you owed any other guy this many favors you’d be on your knees all the time.” She mimed giving a blowjob.
“Ew.”
“Remember when you thought RJ was your kiss thief?” She laughed.
“Not funny! And you said you’d never mention it again. We had a deal. So now I’m going to mention you saying all those explicit things about my dad...”
“I didn’t know he was the new teacher! Gah! Fine. I’m sorry I mentioned the RJ thing.” She laughed and stopped by Mr. Halifax’s door. “Wish me luck,” she said. “I’m hoping he takes me against the chalkboard. I’ve been having recurrent dreams about that fantasy.”
“Stop trying to get Mr. Halifax arrested.”
“It’s not my fault that he’s obsessed with me,” she said.
I laughed, but then saw her face and stopped. For all we knew, Mr. Halifax was obsessed with her. And I wanted him to be. Because that meant he wasn’t obsessed with me. “Good luck, Soph.” I wanted her to be happy.
“Thanks.” Her smile was back. “See you in a bit.” She went into Mr. Halifax’s classroom.
Yeah, I really hoped that worked out. Because if he was my kiss thief I’d literally die.
It was tempting to listen to that awkward conversation. But just in case what Sophie was picturing actually happened, I kept walking.
RJ was standing by his locker chatting to Liam.
“Okay, spill it,” I said.
“You haven’t heard what I want from you yet,” he said. “And where’s Soph? You’re both owing me for this.”
“She has her rendezvous with Mr. Halifax,” I said.
RJ slammed his locker closed. “Then it’ll have to wait, baby doll.”
What? No. “I can’t wait any longer, RJ. Just tell me. Soph and I will do whatever it is you want us to do.”
“That’s not how this is working. You have to agree to the thing you’re doing first. And Soph needs to be here.”
Gah! I turned to Liam. “Liam just tell me who RJ said it was.”
“Do you really want to know?” Liam asked.
“Yes! Please!” Put me out of my misery.
Liam shrugged. “He told me it was Mr. Halifax.”
No. My stomach churned. No! Ah! My cheeks puffed up. I was going to be sick. I looked over my shoulder at his opened doorway. I had no idea what was going on in that room. But I did know that Sophie was never going to speak to me again.
Liam laughed. “You should see your face right now.”
“Tell me you’re joking,” I said. I was seconds away from dry heaving.
“I mean...it’s what RJ told me. But yeah, there’s no way it’s him. Right, RJ? You were just kidding?”
Please for the love of God.
RJ just shrugged. “My lips are sealed until Scar and Soph agree to my thing.”
“Whatever it is, I agree to it. Tell me. Please, RJ.”
He glanced at his watch. “We’re going to be late for practice.”
Gah! “Tell me right now or I will...I will...”
“Are you going to finish your threat, baby doll? Because I have places to be.”
“I’m gonna spank you if you don’t tell me.”
RJ smiled. “Is that a promise?”
Liam laughed. “I really don’t need to see this. I’m gonna go. And hurry up, RJ. Or Uncle Matt will yell at you for being late.” He walked off.
Fortunately RJ didn’t follow.
“Finally,” RJ said. “I thought he’d never leave.”
What? “Did you not want to tell me in front of him or something? Does that mean it’s not Mr. Halifax?”
“Now where is my sister?” RJ asked, ignoring me.
“Just tell me!”
“As soon as Soph gets here. Ah there she is!”
I turned around to see her running over here.
“What did I miss?” Sophie asked. Her face was flushed. And I wasn’t sure if it was because she’d run over here or because she’d done something saucy with Mr. Halifax.
Ew. What if what Liam said was actually true? What if Mr. Halifax had kissed me? And touched me? And then did the same to Soph? I was going to die.
He was such a sleazeball. Trying to seduce both of us. I was glad my dad beat the shit out of him.
“So here’s the deal,” RJ said. “Your kiss thief really likes you.”
I shuddered.
Sophie gave me a weird look.
“Liam said it was Mr. Halifax,” I said.
Sophie shook her head. “It can’t be. It just...can’t be. RJ tell us it’s not Mr. Halifax?”
“As I was saying...” RJ started up again. “Your kiss thief really likes you. And he wants to go on a date with you.”
What the hell was he talking about? “I have a boyfriend.”
“Who’s only recently real,” RJ said. “The kiss thief thinks he still has a chance to win you over. His words.”
What is happening?
“So what I need from you, Scar, is your agreement to go on a date with him. This Friday. I’ll text you the time and place.”
“Absolutely not,” I said. “Like I literally just said...I have a boyfriend!”
RJ lifted his hands. “Sorry, baby doll. It isn’t really up for negotiation.”
“Just tell us who it is,” Sophie said.
“I would, if I thought you’d go through with the date either way. But I think it’s better if I don’t tell you. And you find out on the date.”
“How is that better?” I asked.
“Because I need you to go on that date.”
“Why?”
“Let’s just say I happened to owe your kiss thief a favor. And this favor gets me off the hook.”
“This isn’t you doing a favor,” I said. “It’s me doing a favor!”
“Because I’m making you. Hence my debt will be paid. It’s a win win in my book.”
“But not in mine!”
“RJ,” Sophie said. “Please. Just tell us if it’s Mr. Halifax.”
“I can’t do that,” he said.
“Why can’t you?” she asked. “Because it is?!”
RJ smiled.
“RJ, I swear to God,” I said. “Tell me who it is right now...”
“Or you’ll spank me? Baby doll, please. You’re embarrassing yourself.”
I wanted to scream. “I can’t go on a date with my kiss thief. I’m taken!”
He laughed. “Taken? You’re not engaged. It’s just one date.”
“Jacob is going to lose his mind,” I said.
“Then don’t tell him.”
“Why do you and your sister think hiding information is always the answer?”
Sophie and RJ both shrugged at the same time.
“Wait,” I said. “You said that Sophie and I both had to do something for you. What the heck does Sophie have to do?”
“She has to make sure you actually go on the date.”
“Seriously? That is not equal things to do.”
RJ laughed. “Yeah, but it’s your kiss thief. Not Soph’s.”
I sighed. “You’re seriously not going to tell me who it is?”
“I’m setting up the date for the reveal. That is me telling you. You’re welcome.”
I did not feel very grateful.
“I gotta go. Uncle Matt is going to make me run laps for being late to practice. Wear something low cut on your date, Scar. Your kiss thief is a boob man.” RJ ran off.
I opened my mouth and closed it again.
Sophie cursed under her breath. “Well, he’s a little shit. I’m gonna have to pull a prank on him now. What do you think about vanilla pudding in his shampoo bottle? He can get pudding’d on Friday night while you’re on your date.”
“Sophie, I can’t go on a date with my kiss thief! I’m dating Jacob.”
“But you have to know who he is.”
I shook my head. “Jacob doesn’t care about my kiss thief’s identity. He won’t understand if I’m so desperate to know that I go on a weird blind date.”
“That’s why you’re not telling him.”
I groaned. “Sophie I can’t just not tell Jacob. And I need to tell him about Axel spending the night too. And the fact that I’ve gone to third base with the kiss thief.”
“Well definitely don’t tell him the third base thing before your date.”
“Soph!”
“Scar!”
“He’ll break up with me,” I said.
She smiled. “Jacob is smitten with you. I don’t think there’s anything you could do or say that would make him break up with you. Especially since you have such a valid reason for doing this.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. “I know he gets easily jealous. He really hated when I danced with all those other guys at homecoming.”
“Which you’ll never have to do again after you reveal your kiss thief’s identity on your date.”
“I can’t go. I’d never be able to explain it to him.”
“Of course you can. Because I’m your valid reason.
He let you dance with Mr. Halifax at homecoming for me.
He’ll be fine about you going on this date since you’re doing it for me too.
There is not a world that exists where I don’t figure out who your kiss thief is.
Especially since it might be my soon to be boyfriend. ”
I shook my head. That explanation wouldn’t work. A dance was one thing. A date was an entirely different thing. Especially because my kiss thief said he thought he still had a chance.
I wasn’t going. I couldn’t. “How did your thing go?”
Sophie sighed. “He wasn’t there. My phone was on his desk with a note.”
“What did the note say?”
She pulled it out of her pocket and showed it to me.
Miss Hunter,
Don’t use your phone in my class again or I’ll have to keep confiscating it.
- Mr. Halifax.
“I love this cat and mouse game we’re playing,” she said. “He’s basically asking me to do it again so he can masturbate to my pictures again.”
“You don’t know if that’s what he did.”
“Gah, I know. But I wrote him a sexy note back.”
“Oh no. What did you do?”
“It was great. I wrote: ‘If that’s what you want, sir. I’m good at doing what I’m told.’ And I signed it with an XOXO.”
“Soph.”
“What?”
“That was so inappropriate. What if someone sees it before he does?”
“Then they’ll think Mr. Halifax is a very naughty teacher.” She smiled.
I shook my head. She really was trying to get him fired.
She pulled out her phone. “I wish there was a way to figure out if Mr. Halifax actually looked at my pictures.”
I’d looked up a lot about phones recently. Ever since Axel made it impossible for me to unlock my phone without my glasses. I hadn’t figured that out. But I knew how to help Soph. “Hand me your phone.”
She gave it to me.
I went to her settings and clicked on the parental controls and digital wellbeing setting. I scrolled down to see her most used apps of the day. Her gallery was #1. I looked up at her. “I think he was looking.”
“Really?!”
I turned the phone to her. “It says you’ve been on your phone for almost two hours today...”
“I was only on it for like half an hour before school. Oh my God. You think he was looking at my pictures for an hour and a half?!” She squealed.
I clicked on the gallery app in the most used apps section. “Your gallery was open for an hour and twelve minutes.”
“That was like five minutes from me, when I was making sure my best pictures were there.”
“So, he spent an hour and seven minutes in your gallery.”
“Ah! And see, you are good at math.”
I ignored her. “And most of it was at lunchtime.” I pointed to the graph where it showed the time breakdown.
“I didn’t have my phone at lunch! I told you he was obsessed with me!”
I couldn’t really doubt it now. And I was already breathing a little easier. “So he can’t be my kiss thief. So I don’t have to go on the date.”
“Not so fast. You’re going on that date. I’m double checking this thing. Because as much as I love you, I don’t want your sloppy seconds.”
“Soph, I can’t go on that date.”
“Of course you can. Come on. Let’s find something sexy for you to wear in Natalivanka’s closet. There were tons of low cut dresses in there.”
“And I’m not stealing more clothes from Liam’s Russian girlfriend!”
“I think it’s technically her mother’s closet. So we’re all good.” She hooked her arm though mine and pulled me toward the front doors of the school.
Seriously, how was I going to get out of this date? I pressed my lips together. Did I even want to get out of it? Because I really wanted to unmask my kiss thief. Crap.
I was definitely going on that date. I just needed to figure out a way to break the news to Jacob. Well, all the news. He was going to be so pissed.