Chapter 15 – You’re Just Not My Type
Monday
Jacob didn’t respond to any of my calls or texts over the weekend. He didn’t show up to the family football viewing party at my place.
I’d asked Aunt Brooklyn where he was.
She’d barely looked me in the eye as she told me he wasn’t feeling well.
So I sent him soup. He didn’t respond. So I sent him a different flavor. He didn’t respond to that either, so I sent him another.
But the more soup I sent, the more I realized that I didn’t know Jacob as well as I thought I did. Because I didn’t even know his favorite kind of soup.
And for some reason I couldn’t stop shivering.
“Are you okay?” Sophie asked as she grabbed some books from her locker. “You look really pale.”
“I think I caught a cold Friday night.” Not in my chest or head or anything. It was in my bones somehow.
She groaned. “Okay, enough with all the vagueness. I’ve been waiting for you to spill all the deets all weekend. Tell me everything. Was it so romantic?”
Sophie hadn’t come over on Sunday either. She had been scouting out alternate locations for the Sadie Hawkins dance, despite my requests for her to not. So she had no idea that I’d been holed up in my room crying endlessly. “We didn’t do it.”
“Oh.” Her face sunk. “Maybe at the Halloween party then. That would be fun.”
My bottom lip started to tremble.
“Hey, what’s going on?” She didn’t wait for me to respond. She pulled me into the girls’ bathroom to get out of the hallway. “Was your first time terrible? What did he do? Did it hurt?”
“Jacob never came back to pick me up on Friday.”
“What?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what happened. He hasn’t returned any of my calls or texts. And I’ve sent him enough soup to feed an army. What do I do?”
“Is he sick?”
“I don’t know. Aunt Brooklyn said he wasn’t feeling well...”
“Then there you have it. He’s just sick.”
“I think he’s ghosting me,” I said.
Sophie laughed. “He can’t ghost you. The four of us hang out all the time. That is not an appropriate method of breaking up in this scenario.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “Really. But I’m a little worried that he’s super ill if he can’t even text.”
“I know. Should I go see him? Maybe I can bring him some soup in person.” And I’d also get out of Mr. Halifax’s class which was definitely a win in my book.
“I think that’s a good idea. Go get the best girlfriend of the year award. He probably just got a worse version of whatever you caught on Friday.”
I nodded. Although Jacob hadn’t been sitting in the cold for hours Friday night. I had. “Okay, I’m going to ditch.”
“I’ll cover for you in class. Go check on your boy.
” Sophie opened the bathroom door for me and I walked out and practically bumped into Jacob.
I breathed a sigh of relief and threw my arms around him.
“Jacob! There you are. I was so worried!” I pulled back so I could see his face.
He didn’t look unwell. “Did you get my texts? Did you get the soups?”
“Um...yeah.” He lowered his eyebrows as he stared down at me.
Crap, it was too many soups. I knew it.
“I’m sorry about Friday night,” he said. “I got held up talking to Axel.”
“That’s fine, I didn’t wait that long.” But we both knew that wasn’t true. He’d seen my texts. So he’d seen the timestamps.
Jacob cleared his throat. But then he just stared at me. It looked like he had a lot to say, but didn’t want to say it.
And I was almost scared to speak. Because I felt the same way I had on Friday night looking up at the star on the ceiling.
Like Jacob was far away. But he was standing right here.
He wasn’t hugging me though. Or kissing me.
Or acting at all the way he usually did.
But maybe he just didn’t want me to get sick.
“Are you okay? Aunt Brooklyn said you weren’t feeling well. I was really worried.”
“I’m fine. I mean, I will be.”
“Okay.”
He cleared his throat again. “Scarlett, I...” his voice trailed off. “I think it would be better for both of us if we end this right now.”
I swear my heart stopped beating.
“It’s not really going anywhere, you know? It can’t.”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Whhh...why? We talked about forever.” I’d pictured forever with him. I hadn’t just said it to say it. I’d wanted it. He’d painted the picture of our future and I saw myself standing beside him.
He shrugged like forever meant nothing to him.
“Jacob, I love you.”
He shook his head. “I think as a friend though, right? Like I love you. Just as a friend. And I always will.”
It felt like he was stabbing me in the heart. Where was this coming from? “No, not as a friend. We tried just being friends and...”
“And it was better that way.”
I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t better that way. Even you said that fake dating me had never been fake. It was real the whole time.”
“Scarlett, you’re going to be fine. I promise.” For the first time I saw pain in his eyes. Like he was saying I’d be fine, but he wouldn’t be. And if that was the case, why was he breaking up with me?
“No, I won’t be fine. Jacob, please don’t do this.”
“It’s for the best. For everyone.”
“Not for me. Can’t we just talk about this? Is this about what happened on Friday? What Axel said?”
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s mostly about that.” But the way he said it didn’t make it seem like he cared about Friday.
“Axel just slept in my bed. Before you and I got together. That isn’t a good reason to break up.”
“Sure it is. You lied to me.”
I swallowed hard.
“I gave you plenty of opportunities to be honest, and you weren’t.”
Students had started to stop in the hall to eavesdrop.
“Jacob, if you’d just give me a second alone so we can talk about this...”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” His eyes bore into mine. “You’re a liar, Scarlett.”
The words turned around in my head over and over again. I didn’t even know what to say. Because the truth was...he was right. I’d made a mistake. A terrible one. “I’ll never lie again. I swear it. Jacob, please.” My voice cracked. I knew people were staring at us, listening to every word.
“And why should I believe you?” He held up his hand before I could protest. “That wasn’t even the first time you lied to me. Seriously, Scarlett. It’s done. It was never going anywhere anyway.”
Why did he keep saying that? “That’s not true. I don’t understand what happened. Just a couple days ago we were going to get out of town and...” I let my voice trail off. I didn’t need the whole school to hear this. “Jacob, we can work this out. It’s...us.”
He shook his head. “There is no us.”
“Jacob.” I put my hand on his arm. “I love you and only you.” Is that what he needed to hear? I knew he was worried about being second, but he wasn’t. I loved him. So freaking much.
“Please don’t make me say it,” he whispered. His voice sounded pained. Like he hated every second of this as much as I did.
And I didn’t understand. It was like he was under duress. Why was he doing this if he didn’t want to? “Say what? Just talk to me.”
He shook my hand off his arm. “Scarlett, you’re just not my type, okay?”
“What?”
“I told you that I like confident girls. And that’s clearly not you.”
It felt like he’d slapped me. I took a step back from him as tears started to spill down my cheeks. He’d asked me not to make him say the real reason because he was trying not to embarrass me.
And that sad part was that he was right.
A confident girl wouldn’t be begging her boyfriend not to break up with her in a crowded hallway.
A confident girl wouldn’t have let her boyfriend ghost her all weekend either.
And a confident girl wouldn’t be crying just because a guy had told her that she wasn’t his type.
“Please don’t cry,” Jacob whispered, that same pained expression on his face.
Why did he even care? He clearly didn’t give a shit about me. “Fuck you.”
“We’re still friends,” Jacob said.
“No. We’re not.” A sob escaped my throat.
“Scarlett...” Sophie tried to grab my hand.
But I turned and ran down the hall. I could barely even see where I was going as the tears blurred my vision.
But I managed to push open the front doors of Empire High and run out onto the steps.
I leaned over as a sob ripped through me.
It felt like my heart was on fire. Like all the times Axel had hurt me times a thousand.
I loved Jacob. I loved him, and he practically said he never loved me back.
A few students stared at me as they walked into school. I needed to get out of here. I ran down the steps. And I kept running. I didn’t know where I was going, but I wanted to be anywhere but here.
“Scarlett!” my dad’s voice sounded behind me.
I kept running.
“Scarlett, wait up!”
I didn’t know what to say to him. I just wanted to be alone.
But I was never a star athlete.
And my dad quickly caught up to me and pulled me into his arms.
“Pumpkin, what happened?”
I sobbed harder as he wrapped his arms around me.
“Sophie said you needed me, but she didn’t say why. What happened?” My dad lifted my head off his chest and cradled it between his hands. “Talk to me. Please, before I lose my mind.”
“Dad.” My voice cracked.
“Tell me what happened, pumpkin.” He tried his best to wipe my tears away with his thumbs.
My bottom lip kept trembling. “Jacob broke up with me.”
“What? Why?”
Because I lied to him. Because I’m not his type. Because he only ever saw me as a friend. I just shook my head and pressed the side of my face against my dad’s chest. I was glad he hadn’t heard anything Jacob had said. I didn’t want my dad to think I was as much of a loser as Jacob did.
My dad held me tight in the middle of the parking lot as I cried. “I’m so sorry, pumpkin. What can I do to make it better? Do you want me to go beat up Matt?”
I laughed against his chest. Which I knew was what he was trying to get me to do. “Can we just stay like this for a while?”
He rested his chin on top of my head. “For as long as you want.”
I’d never been happy that my dad had started teaching here. But I was grateful now. School had definitely started by now. I was going to get in trouble. And so was my dad. But he didn’t say a word as he held me.
“You should get to class,” I said and finally pulled back. “So you don’t have to donate any more money to the school.” I wiped at my cheeks.
My dad shook his head. “Better idea. How about we go home and get some ice cream and watch a movie?”
“Yeah?”
He put his arm around my shoulders. “If I go back in the school right now, I might assault a student. And I don’t think there’s any going back from that.”
He managed to get me to laugh again.
I climbed into the car and he shut the door behind me.
“We could also stop by Hunter Tech and see if Rob is up for an elaborate prank.”
I smiled. “I don’t want to prank Jacob. And I don’t want you to fight with his parents.
I just want to pretend none of this ever happened.
” I wasn’t sure I meant the last part as soon as I said it out loud.
I looked down at Jacob’s varsity jacket around my shoulders.
Jacob was my first boyfriend. And I’d loved every second of it until the very end.
I couldn’t just pretend it hadn’t happened. I was still in love with him. I burst out in tears again.
“Pumpkin.” My dad looked like he was in pain as he watched me cry. It reminded me of how Jacob had looked when he broke up with me. And that just made me more confused.
He pulled into the parking garage beneath our apartment building and quickly climbed out of the car. He opened up the door and pulled me into his arms again. “Come on.” He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked toward the elevators. “What movie do you want to watch? Harry Potter?”
Harry Potter reminded me of my couples costume with Jacob. A couples costume we’d never get to wear now. And I guess I was a sucker for punishment, because I nodded my head.
My dad grabbed us some snacks and sat down next to me on the couch.
But I wasn’t hungry. I curled into his side and he put his arm around me.
I wasn’t sure where my mom was. Or Ellen.
But I was happy that it was just the two of us so I wouldn’t have to explain what had happened to anyone else.
Besides, if my mom was here she’d probably tell me love was supposed to hurt or some other terrible advice.
I never wanted to feel like this ever again.
I was still wearing Jacob’s varsity jacket. It smelled like him. Like grass and sunshine. And I had the eerie feeling that I’d never be able to smile again without smelling this. My tears started falling again.
I knew I’d lied.
I knew I wasn’t the most confident person in the world.
But...Jacob and I fit. Hadn’t we? I felt like he was my person. Why didn’t he feel it back? What was really so wrong with me?
I’d been in love twice. Axel clearly thought we were better as friends. And now Jacob thought the same.
I didn’t want to be in love ever again. It hurt too much.
“It’s going to be okay, pumpkin.” My dad kissed the side of my forehead. “I know it hurts right now, but I promise you’re going to be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”
It didn’t feel like everything was going to be fine. And I wasn’t sure what he meant by that last part. It sounded like a threat. But my heart hurt too much for me to worry about it.
“Dad?”
“Yes, pumpkin?”
“Thank you. For running after me to check on me. And for skipping school.”
“That’s what dads are for.” He squeezed me a little tighter.
My chest ached. And my throat felt dry. And my head hurt from thinking about everything I’d done wrong.
But I forced myself to smile through my tears.
Because at least my dad still loved me. Even if he had heard Jacob break up with me, I didn’t think my dad would really think I was a loser.
And he probably would have stood up for me better than I’d stood up for myself.
I thought Jacob had helped me find my confidence again. I guess I was wrong. And whatever confidence I had gained had just been stomped on in front of the entire school.
“Maybe you can try dating again when you’re 30,” my dad said and patted my arm.
I laughed. I was really glad my dad was a teacher at Empire High. Especially when we were playing hooky together.