Chapter 39 Jimmy
Jimmy
Icouldn’t stay at the reunion.
I one-hundred percent ran away, leaving Autumn, Becca, and her date behind. Seeing Becca with someone else hit me in a way I didn’t expect. And I couldn’t explain it.
She told me she wasn’t going. She said there was no way she would go there when it was all the people who knew how stupid she looked.
I went because my brother was right. I needed to spend time with Autumn to figure out what to do, and in my recent cowardly fashion, I had been avoiding her.
I thought it would be nice to be out with her again.
Not just in her apartment or a hotel room, where inevitably one thing would lead to another.
And since Becca wouldn’t be there, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity.
But then I saw Becca for the first time in months, but what felt like years, in the arms of someone else.
Everything else went out the window. I can’t explain anything, and I know it all sounds insane.
She was with someone else because I was with someone else.
I was there with someone else, but couldn’t stand the sight of her with someone else.
I thought it was Autumn. I really did. I went there to be with her, but then I saw Becca with him, and it was overwhelming. It wasn’t how I expected to figure out what I was going to do, but it was.
Autumn texting me asking where I went was another knife to the gut, this time being twisted around. I couldn’t face her. I didn’t want to tell her why I was upset.
As I drove away from that school, emotions finally punched a hole in my chest for the first time in months. I had to pull over to let them out. I finally knew. I needed to fix things with Becca.
I sat there on the side of the road, exploding emotions that I couldn’t sort out. It had been so long since the last time I cried; I know I let out years of it during that time in my car.
I couldn’t stop replaying the hurt on her face that night in our bedroom. I couldn’t stop replaying the sight of her with someone else and the feeling in my stomach that came with it. I finally knew without a doubt what I was going to do, yet hated myself for it at the same time.
I knew what this was going to do to Autumn. She was right. I should have left her alone. I yelled as loud as I could and hit the steering wheel over and over again.
This was never my intention. I really thought we were meant to be, but now I don’t think we are.
And I have to tell her that. My best friend.
I have to break my best friend, and I know we won’t come back from this.
The stories I heard way back then, about why you shouldn’t date your best friend, the stories that kept me from doing this then; they were all right.
We will be ruined. Friendship gone. My heart screams at me, calling me an asshole.
So then why do it? If I knew what this was going to do to both me and Autumn, why couldn’t I make another decision? The part of me that hurts when she hurts is already shattered.
My brain knows what I am going to do. I am going to scrape what little bit of integrity I have left off the ground and go to my wife. But even though my mind is made, I’m not sure my heart is going to catch up.
When I make it back to my brother’s, I go straight to my room and stay there until I fall asleep.
Before I left for the reunion, I told him what my plan was and who I thought I had chosen, and I didn’t feel like explaining that it had changed or why it did.
I didn’t bring it up at all for a few days.
I’ve been trying to call Becca since the day after the reunion, and she still won’t answer.
But it’s been almost two weeks, so I stoop down to the teenage level of calling her from another number.
My brother’s house phone. Why they still have one, I don’t know, but it works, and I finally hear her voice.
“Becca? It’s me.”
“What do you want?”
I hear the agitation. “I want to come home. I want you.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not going to happen.” She replies sharply.
“Becca, please, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
I was wrong. You were right about everything.
I know this is the worst thing I’ve ever done, but I want to make it right.
Please believe me. Tell me to do anything.
Whatever you want. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.
” She doesn’t respond, so I keep pleading my case.
“Your birthday is this weekend. Let me do something for you.”
“I’m going out with friends.”
“Let me come with you.”
“Definitely not. I am doing this without you.”
“Please,” I beg. “I miss you.”
“I can’t do this, Jimmy. Goodbye.”
She hangs up, and I slam my fist on the counter.
Of all the thoughts I’ve struggled with lately, not once have I considered her not wanting me back.
I’m going to have to do everything in my power to get her to change her mind.
But with Becca, that is not an easy task.
While it may not be easy, I know her and I know what’s most important to her.
If I can put this back together and rebuild the perfect image she wants us to live, I can win her over.
My phone starts ringing in my pocket. I pull it out to see who is calling.
Autumn.