Chapter 42
Bailey
I’ve been going back and forth about staying through New Years. But after talking to Sutton, who said Sadie and Bruno are having the time of their lives and that she really doesn’t mind, I decide to stay.
I try to tell Wes he can go back early if he doesn’t want to stay, but he insists that he wants to be where I am.
The shift between us is evident and it only seems to solidify each day that we’re here.
I always thought I’d get tired of someone being around me all the time if we were together.
I’ve yet to become sick of Wes, even after spending so much time together and sleeping in the same bed.
Who would’ve thought?
Everything’s been fun and easy going, just spending time with everyone, but I know I need to talk to Brent and Brynn.
I need to apologize for the distance I put between us and work on trying to rebuild our family.
We’re all we have and I don’t want to lose them.
I want to know my future nieces and nephews.
I want to continue to know my siblings. Bryson is another story, but maybe one day he’ll come around too.
We’ve been here for a few days now, and I sneak downstairs for some water after thinking everyone is in bed, but find my brother sitting in a recliner in front of the fire.
For some reason it makes him look more mature.
I’ve always looked at Brent like he was so much older than he is.
Probably because he’s basically had a parental role in my life since I was born.
Even right now, he seems much older than thirty-six.
After I get my glass of water, I sit on the couch next to him. Neither of us say anything, and I’m sure he’s waiting for me to speak first. That’s something about my brother; he’ll sit in silence as long as it takes to get the other person to speak.
Sounds like someone else I know, which is an odd realization to have. I shake away the comparisons of Brent and Wes because that’s just weird.
“I’m really glad you’re doing so well,” I tell him honestly.
“You too.” He turns to look at me. “Though I wish you would’ve visited a little sooner.”
I groan, rolling my head back against the couch. “Look. I’m sorry I had my own shit I needed to work out. I didn’t need you guys being dragged down. I needed to distance myself.”
He nods. “I know, but you didn’t think some of that could’ve been done while still seeing us every once in a while?”
“I get it,” I grit my teeth.
“I’m just saying. We all have shit, Bailey.”
“I told you, I get it. But tell me, what do you think happened when you left, Brent? Did you think everything was fine?”
“No, I thought Bryson would step up and help since we all knew Brandon wouldn’t. I did everything I could. I sent money. I came home to help when I was able. I just wanted the best for you guys. I always have.”
“I know you did, and I don’t blame you for leaving, we all wanted to. But Brynn and I were the youngest and I wanted to protect her. You, Brandon and Bryson eventually left and it was just us. Who do you think took the brunt of everything once you three left?”
“I should’ve done more.” He clenches his jaw.
I shake my head. “You did what you could. You can’t go back. None of us can and we’ve all made our choices.”
“Look where that’s gotten us.”
“Yeah, look, it’s gotten you a family you clearly love more than anything. It’s gotten Brynn the same. You both have what we never did.”
“It also left Brandon dead and Bryson partying his way through the country. And what about you?”
I sigh. What about me?
“It has me owning a business and living my life.”
“Are you happy?”
There was a time I don’t think I was. And some days I’m not. Life will always come with struggles. It can never be perfect, but I think about my life lately. My friends, actually having them. Wes.
“Yes, I’m happy.”
“Then why do you think we wouldn’t want to see you? Why do you think that would make our lives worse?”
I sigh, suddenly unsure how to answer because for the first time, the rationale I’ve told myself for years doesn’t make sense. Having Brent ask for some reason brings it into perspective and I can’t explain it.
“I don’t know.”
He grunts in that way he always does. He doesn’t want to be a know it all, but I know what he’s not saying.
“Talk to Brynn. All she’s wanted is for us to all get along again. She’s just wanted to have you back in our lives.”
I sigh, knowing he’s right. Brynn has made that known, and I’m the asshole who’s ignored her.
“I will,” I finally agree.
“Good.”
The next day, I let Wes know I’m going to have lunch with Brynn, alone. Brent and I cleared some of the air last night, and I want to do the same with my sister so we can start to move forward without the past lingering over all of us like a dark cloud.
Brynn has been the publicist for a famous pop star, Spencer Sparks, for years.
After she started settling down and started her family, she hasn’t been in the public eye as much, so it sounds like Brynn’s job hasn’t been too hard.
Apparently she and Spencer are also really good friends, so that also helps her get extended time off.
The guys had to leave for an away game yesterday, but apparently come back tomorrow. I remember Brent’s hockey schedule was always crazy when we were younger, but the professional level is insanity.
Brynn was more than happy to meet with me, especially since Colton’s gone. She said normally she would spend the day with Chandler helping with Evie, but now that Brent is home after his retirement, she said it’s “lame to not have her girl time.”
We meet at a small brunch place she recommended and I get us a table while I wait. She walks in, noticing me almost immediately. Her face breaks into a huge smile as she walks over, and I stand so we can wrap each other in a hug because I know she wants that. Honestly, so do I.
After we sit down, the waitress comes over and I just order a water, but when Brynn orders a “virgin mimosa” I give her a questioning look.
“You could just say orange juice, you know?”
“Bailey,” she shakes her head, “Just let me have this.”
I chuckle, agreeing with her antics.
Our cold drinks are delivered and as she takes a sip of the orange juice I ask, “How’s the virgin mimosa?”
“Perfectly mixed.” She sets it down as a serious look settles on her face. “I’m really glad you came to see us, and I hope you’ll be around more. I would really like for you to be in these two’s lives.” She rubs her stomach and I smile softly thinking about my future nieces or nephews.
“Do you have any guess on what they’re going to be?”
“I think one boy, one girl. Colton thinks two boys.”
“When do you find out?”
“In a couple of weeks we can get a blood test to find out, but we may wait until a little later. Mostly because I know the waiting is killing Colton.”
I chuckle, thinking about how I would be the same way if I was in her position, but also have the sobering realization that I won’t be.
And it’s for the best. While I may be able to get past my fears when it comes to being back in their lives, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I wouldn’t want to subject a child in the mess that is mine.
The closest I’ll have to a child is Sadie, and that’s more than okay with me.
“I can’t wait to meet them. I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I realize now it may have been for a stupid reason.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not stupid,” she insists. “I know you all tried to protect me because I’m the youngest. I’m grateful for it, but I still saw everything. It messed all of us up in our own ways, but none of us resent each other because of it. At least, I don’t resent any of you.”
I swallow roughly. “What about Brandon?”
She sighs. “I don’t resent him. I had a lot of guilt about his death, but I’ve had to realize that he made his own decisions. He chose to turn to drugs. Even when Brent offered to help him get sober, time and again, he decided not to accept it. There’s only so much we can do, Bailey.”
I nod, agreeing. “I know, I had guilt about it too. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to any of you. I didn’t want to be the reason anything changed in the lives you’ve built.”
Brynn shakes her head, adamantly. “That would’ve never happened. The only way you could change it is for the good, I hope you know that.”
I give her a close lipped smile. “I do now.”
“Good, because I may technically be a Wheeler now, but I’ll always be a Collee at heart.”
I smile at that. “And I’ll just always be a Collee.”
“Really? You don’t think you’ll ever be Mrs. Wes…what’s his last name?”
“Anderson.” I chuckle. “But no, I don’t know.” Instinctively I reach up to touch the necklace he gave me, remembering what it stands for. What he claimed. What we said without fully saying it.
Mine.
I’m yours.
“Sure ya won’t. Trust me, sis, it’s a lot easier when you just give into your feelings.”
I don’t tell her that she’s probably right. Instead, I divert with something she mentioned previously. “Speaking of, are you going to tell me about the fight Brent and Colton got into?”
She gets excited at the thought. “Oh, yeah it was a good one. I wasn’t there as Colton and I were going through a bit of a separation. One day at practice he told Brent something about wanting to be in bed with me and he lost it.”
I sputter out a laugh, imagining the scene. The thought of Brent fighting like that is surprising, but knowing what was said to cause it makes a lot more sense.
“They’ve mostly gotten along since then,” she explains. “Now that Brent is retired and not his captain anymore, I think they’ll become besties.”
“Really?” I don’t hide my surprise.
“No. Definitely not, but it would be funny.”
I agree with her because the visual I have of Brent being “besties” with anyone is pretty funny.
He may be cool with his teammates and even in a different type of relationship, but I know that’s purely because of how he feels about Chandler, not Matt and Vince.
He’s head over heels for that woman, and it’s clear as day.
It’s the same with how Colton is with Brynn. Again, I think of the necklace around my neck, and maybe it’s even how Wes is with me.