23. Hollis #2
“I get it. You’re the Owner, the one at the head of the hierarchy. The one who gets all the control. I know I’ll never be your equal.”
Letting out a bitter laugh, I move to sit in one of the chairs.
“You told me that, too. That you could never raise me to be on the same level as you.” I look at the floor, even when I hear him sit again.
“The thing is, I…I tried once before. I allowed Benjamin freedom over Tennant, and look how great that turned out. I can’t be trusted to make the right choices. ”
“Benjamin is his own person. So is Tennant. Whatever happens between them, that’s not a failing on your part.” His voice is kind, gentle, and I hate how fucking nice he’s being.
“Isn’t it?” I meet his eyes. “You said it yourself, I’m the Owner. I should have known better.”
“You took a calculated risk for someone you love. Same as I did when I was weighing up how much to let you in, for Emilio.”
We stare at each other for a long moment. The weight of who we are, and what we have become, sits heavily on our shoulders.
“At least, you got a warning,” he finally says.
“What?”
“You could have woken up with nothing. No warning, just a headache from being drugged, without the man you’re in love with, but don’t know how to love at your side.”
I see his pain. The vulnerability. The man he was, and the one he’s become. The man he could be. If he simply found his purpose, his balance. If I helped him find that.
Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry, Pup. I will go to my grave on my knees for you, and the pain I’ve caused you.
As it is, all I can do is stand, close the short distance between Sandro and I, and fall to my knees in front of him. His eyes widen as he stares at me.
I have to pause to wipe away my tears, taking the time to clean my glasses and regroup, before looking up at him. Reaching up, I grab his face with both hands, the soft hair of his beard tickling my palms.
“I can’t give you my submission,” I tell him. “But I don’t want yours either. I…you’re right. A Master and Owner can’t work together if one is above the other. But you’re no longer Il Padrone, are you?”
“No,” he answers.
“Who are you? Who’s Allesandro Martelli?”
He lets out a shaky breath. “I’m Lio’s. And…I think I’m Tennant’s.”
I nod. “You are. You captured the hearts, the love, the trust, of two people I would die for. Which makes you mine, Sandro. Mine to protect, to have, to care for.”
I close my eyes as he threads his hand through my messy hair, his fingers catching on the tangles there, because who the fuck knows when the last time I took a comb to it was.
“You once told me you could never submit because of what you’d been through.”
“That’s still true,” I whisper. “I can’t give up control, but…”
“But you know I lost everything because I held on too firmly to the beliefs that I had to be the one on top. I became Il Padrone because I was forced to, it’s how I survived. But I loved my Boys more than life itself.”
“I know that now. I…I do see you, Sandro. Even if I pretend I don’t. I just…fuck. I hate how much I ache when I look at you.”
“I know you can never forgive me for what I did.”
I shake my head. “That’s my problem, not yours. I…I trust you with Lio.” Doubt fills his eyes. “I do. I never would have allowed you to touch Tennant if I didn’t. Nobody touches Ten. Ever.”
“Benjamin did. And now me,” he says softly.
I nod. “You’re scared.” Another nod, because fuck if I can speak right now.
“I can’t make any promises because I already broke trust once before, but what Tennant and I have…
He…he’s giving me something I never thought I could have, something I never thought to want.
I don’t know how I feel, but…he gives me the promise of discovering more, and I want that, Hollis. ”
“I want you to have it. I…want you to have Lio, too. He needs you.”
“That still doesn’t change the fact you’re in charge. You’re his Owner. You made that perfectly clear.”
“The weight of being in charge means knowing when to ask for help,” I say softly. Sliding my hands into his hair, I bring his face closer to mine. “I’ve already asked Connor to help. I…I need to ask Javi and Doc next—if Javi doesn’t kill me first. But before that, I need to ask you.”
“Me?”
“I need you to be mine, Sandro. Not under me, not my Master…but as someone who I can trust to catch me when I fall, and who can take on the fucking madness that comes with my lovers.”
He huffs a laugh. “It almost sounds like you’re asking to date me, Hollis.”
I snort. “I don’t know what I’m asking for, Allesandro. But we both know what it’s like to be at the top, and also how it feels to spiral out of control. Don’t let me continue to hurt the people I love.”
His free hand reaches up to cup my cheek. “Only if you make me the same promise.”
“Partners,” I tell him. “I don’t like the idea of calling us equals.
But Lio…he made some accusations today that showed how far off-balance my relationships have become.
I need to fix that. My relationships will never be ‘equal’, but there’s a balance that I’ve failed to maintain.
Starting with you, Sandro. My Pup’s Master, my Love’s Boy…
My Partner in keeping order, and staying sane. ”
He lets out a shaky breath, hope mixed with distrust swirling in his gaze. My heart aches, but I know only time, and showing him I mean what I say, can fix it.
Leaning forward, I close the distance between us, claiming his mouth with mine. It’s a…soft, sweet kiss. There’s no fight for dominance, no giving in to submission. Just the kiss of two people who so desperately want to find their way.
When the kiss breaks, he wipes a tear from my cheek.
“Will you go with me?” I ask. “To find Doc and Javi?”
“Of course. It’s what partners are for.”
He brushes another soft kiss to my lips, and then we untangle ourselves. When Sandro holds my hand in his, something about it feels right. My heart feels as if it’s bleeding out, and the urge to cut is still there, but as we walk hand in hand to the medical wing, I don’t feel so numb.
Javi and Doc are together, and they take one look at me and jump into action.
Releasing Sandro’s hand is hard, but I know he’ll be there when I need him, like he was once before.
And this? Letting Doc lead me to a medical room while Javi goes to do…
something—probably to alert Connor about my stay—is my promise to him, and everyone I love.
None of us can walk on shattered glass anymore, and it’s time I lead by example. Before it kills us all.