24. Emilio
Ishiver as I brush my teeth, trying to rid myself of the taste of vomit. Despite being cold, I’m sweating, making everything worse. Spitting out the toothpaste, I rinse my mouth before spitting that out too.
“Are you questioning me, Cucciolo? Because that’s not your place.”
I quickly grab onto the bathroom counter as another violent shiver rips through me, my body struggling to hold in the emotions that are pouring out of me.
Tears run down my face, and I fight to breathe.
Black spots begin to form in front of me as the anxiety steals my sight, and fuck, my entire being.
The door explodes open, and I whirl around, grabbing the closest thing possible—a fucking toothbrush—to protect me.
When I notice it’s Daddy, I drop it, my knees giving out.
Thankfully, Daddy’s strong arms catch me.
I snuggle in, and my cries turn to sobs.
He’s going to hate me, but I can’t help soaking up the love and comfort I feel from him right now.
He lifts me up and I wrap my legs and arms around him, holding tightly. I feel the movement, but I keep my face turned into his neck, his shirt collar becoming damp, but I can’t help it as the torrent of feelings inside me are unleashed. He rubs my back, despite it all, taking everything I give.
The next thing I know, we’re in yet another bathroom, but when he gently sits me down, I’m completely spent.
Blinking, it takes me a moment to realize we’re in his suite—well, my Sir’s, Daddy’s, Roman’s, and Jude’s suite.
Panic tries to rise again, but there’s nothing left in me, only numbness and a touch of fear that Daddy will walk away.
He kisses my forehead sweetly, but I’m struck mute, unable to say anything.
When he turns on the shower, I realize I’m still shivering.
Soon the room is filled with steam, and for a moment, I balk at the idea of getting in a shower, but the soft, concerned look in Daddy’s eyes is enough to push the fear away.
Maybe I’m selfish, but I want to soak in the last of these moments…
Before he finds out that I hurt the man he loves.
I can’t imagine he’d choose to stay with me after he discovers how selfish I am.
I let him undress me and then guide me into the shower, and slowly the heat of the water relaxes me.
It doesn’t touch the bone-deep cold inside, but it’s enough to stop the uncontrollable trembling.
Daddy slowly washes me, and I close my eyes, letting his love encompass me, filling the gaps in my soul, even if only momentarily.
It may be self-inflicted damage, but fuck if it doesn’t still hurt.
All I wanted was for my Owner to listen…
And he didn’t. Now, I’m adrift in an ocean of misery, caught between what’s right and what’s easy.
Part of me wonders if I should have stayed on my knees, just accepted whatever he gave me.
But…I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want my submission to be expected, instead of the gift I offer.
I’m more than a submissive. More than a Pup or a Baby Boy. I’m also Death. A co-ruler of the Council. My strength and resilience is stamped all over me. And I can’t put myself in a box that doesn’t fit—not even for my Angel. Or for my Daddy…
Fresh tears roll down my face as Daddy turns off the water, gently nudging me out of the shower.
He carefully dries every inch of me, and I almost melt from the sweetness.
I know most see the monster beneath his skin…
But there’s more to him. There’s the man who will do anything for those he loves, including offering a softness that others will never get to experience.
I’d feel sorry for those who miss that side of him, but I’m too happy to bask in it for as long as I can.
“Come here, Baby Boy.”
I startle at his rough voice, but as he takes my hand, I let him tug me out of the bathroom.
He pulls me toward one of the closets, and I’m surprised when he opens it some of my clothes are mixed in with others.
My breath hitches, emotions swarming me again, overloading my senses, and the sniffles turn to sobs once more.
Fuck. At this point, I’m going to be dehydrated, and Doc will yell at me, since Sarah probably doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.
“Shh…It’s okay, Little Monster,” Daddy whispers as he pulls me into a hug. Our bare skin touches, and I shudder for another reason, but I push it aside ruthlessly. It’s not time for sex. “Let’s get you dressed and then we’ll talk—and cuddle.”
I almost melt at the thought of Daddy cuddles.
It’s exactly what I want and need. But fuck, I don’t deserve it at all.
Still, I let him dress me as if I’m nothing but a doll.
I smile briefly at the clothes he chooses.
It’s not a suit. As much as I enjoy wearing suits, I admit I do love the flair of Javi’s outfits.
He puts me in comfortable khakis and a fun polo that has dancing teddy bears on it.
I giggle at it, touching them in wonder as I slide deeper in myself, to a place that’s all my own.
One that’s happier, even amidst the chaos that swirls on the outer edges.
Daddy cups my face and smiles down at me, before picking me up and taking me to the bed.
I erupt in more giggles at the swooping movement and the small bounce I give when I hit the bed.
When Daddy crawls onto the bed, his exaggerated movements remind me of a panther, and I can’t help finding the joy inside me, pushing everything else away.
The world takes on a slightly fuzzy quality, and I sink into safety, where nothing bad can touch me.
When he opens up his arms, I practically jump on him, eliciting a small, “Oomph”.
“Cuddles!” I demand, loving it as he holds me tight.
“That’s right, Baby Boy. Time for cuddles with Daddy. We’ll talk afterward,” he softly says to me. “And maybe you can take a little nap. You’ve had a tough time, haven’t you?”
I want to argue that I’m not tired, but the yawn that escapes me proves I may be a tiny bit sleepy. It’s just…his arms are so comfortable. I’m not looking forward to talking, so I close my eyes and let myself drift. I'm safe for now, until I have to face reality again…