Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
JD
I looked down and read the text from Sasha for probably the tenth time since she’d sent it. I’d headed home not long after, but after seeing the little party going on in my house and how happy she looked amongst all of her friends, I’d taken my annoyance to my office to keep up with all the data Tel kept sending over.
However, I’d had all I could take of fruitless meetings about a traitor who still seemed like a ghost. The club meeting had not produced a confession and even though I hadn’t expected it would, I was still pissed over it. To add insult to injury, half the guys had made themselves at home at my place until Patty had hustled them out. All but Bear.
He’d stayed behind and every time I thought of him and Sasha in my fucking living room, I thought I would go out of my mind—or smash something. I’d had enough.
Their play time was over.
I stomped out of my office after locking the door behind me and walked back to the living room where they were curled up on the couch watching another movie.
“If you want to go to your apartment to grab some of your personal belongings, we can. Right now, in fact.” I stood, grabbing the half-eaten bowl of popcorn out of her lap and pulling her gently to her feet. “What do you say?
“Right now? But—” She looked back at Bear.
“Why not? It’s not like we have to go far.”
“Bear and I are in the middle of a movie.”
I eyed first her and then cocked my head in his direction and practically dared him to fight me on this with my own version of a death glare.
“We can finish watching this another time, babe,” he quickly said, accurately reading the room and the vibe I was giving him. He jumped to his feet and started to make his way to the door.
I had to grind my back teeth together to not punch him in the face every time he called her babe, though. She was not his babe.
She wasn’t mine either and yet, that didn’t stop me from calling her that too.
But fuck… I wanted her.
She looked up at me, wide-eyed, still caught off guard from how fast I’d pulled her to her feet. Too close.
My fingers were still wrapped around her soft wrist.
Let go.
I didn’t.
I felt the little hitch in her breath. Saw the way her lips parted, just slightly.
My grip flexed. Not enough to hurt, but just enough to hold.
One pull, and she’d be against me.
One step, and my mouth would be on hers.
I swallowed hard and let go, forcing my fingers to uncurl.
I needed to pull my shit together and remember that I wanted Sasha to be happy. And if that meant Bear, then I had to accept that.
Although watching it play out in my living room had turned into too much. A man like me had few limits but apparently this was one of them.
“Bear, I thought we—” she started to protest, but stopped herself mid-sentence and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear the rest of it or not.
“I’ll come back tomorrow. If that’s okay.” He looked between Sasha and me, clearly looking for permission.
I clenched my jaw to keep myself from telling him to fuck off. It wasn’t fair, and it would give Sasha the wrong idea. If I wasn’t going to claim her then I couldn’t stop Bear from making a play. I had to keep reminding myself of that, although why I couldn’t get it through my thick skull I didn’t understand.
Finally, I nodded. Since I didn’t trust myself with words, I left it at that, knowing Bear would understand.
“See you tomorrow, beautiful,” Bear said as she gave him a small hug. I turned toward the kitchen, forcing myself not to watch their goodbye as I searched for leftover food. Since I’d skipped dinner, maybe I could chalk this surly mood up to being hangry. It was semi logical and good enough.
After Bear left she followed me into the kitchen and stopped next to me as I perused the fridge. “Why do you want to go to my apartment now? Couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow?”
The pithy glare she gave me, followed by the aggressive crossing of her arms over her chest should have been a warning. But I didn’t take well to any kind of warning.
I looked over at the clock on the microwave. “It’s ten-thirty. In what world is that the middle of the night?”
She snorted, and made a funny face that I had to admit was one of the most adorable things I’d seen in a while, even if she hadn’t meant it that way. “I guess I’m used to lights out at the hospital by now. It’s weird though. At ten pm they turn all the big lights off and the night lights come on. And yet, no one can really sleep well there because they come in every hour to check on you, so what’s the point? They should let people do what they want.”
I wasn’t sure if there was a point to this rant, but I gave up on food and led her towards the door as she rambled on. She froze when we got there, pulling her hand free from mine.
“I can’t go out looking like this.” We both glanced down at her attire and it was my turn to snort because at some point she had changed into pajamas that included long pants, a long sleeve shirt and some sort of fuzzy boot slipper things that looked like they were practically ready for snow. “You are literally covered from neck to toes. What’s the problem?”
“Look at me. I have a reputation to uphold around here and this isn’t it.”
“Excuse me? I wasn’t aware of any reputation.” And I wasn’t sure how I felt about her having any kind of reputation that would have to do with the clothes she wore or the lack of at times.
“I just don’t want anyone to see me like this. These pajamas are comfortable, but ridiculous and hideous. They have chickens on them. I wore them on purpose.”
I couldn’t imagine what the hell purpose she might have other than comfort, but I could feel the question I knew I would regret coming before I could retract it.
“What purpose?”
She looked up at me, her gaze darting from left to right to avoid meeting mine. “Isn’t it obvious?”
I blew out a breath and shoved my hand into my hair. Women. “If it was obvious, why would I ask?”
Her face scrunched up as if I was suddenly a puzzle she wanted to figure out. Or an alien she couldn’t identify. Jesus Christ. What the hell was wrong with me? Was there no face she could make that I didn’t find cute and sexy? Even now, when this outfit made her look about sixteen years old instead of twenty-seven.
Twenty-seven. Almost half my age. I would do well to keep remembering that.
But I never fucking did.
Because every time she crossed her arms over her ample chest and pushed her tits in my direction, I sure as fuck wasn’t thinking about her age or why I should keep away from her for that matter.
Numbers and years meant nothing against obsession.
“If you’re that worried about someone seeing you, I can go and get whatever you need. Just make me a list.”
“You would do that?”
“Of course. Why not?”
She shrugged. “I’m sure you have more important things to do than fetch anything for me. Isn’t that what prospects are for? Hell, even Bear would have done it if you’d asked.”
“Christ, Sasha. Just make a goddamned list and I’ll go get it. I’m capable of handling it.” Not to mention there was no way in hell I was sending a prospect, or anyone else for that matter, to paw through her things. Fuck Bear. Now I was looking for something a hell of a lot stronger than food to curb my temper.
Where the hell was my whiskey?
“That’s okay. I’ll take a risk. I don’t think I want anyone but me picking out my unmentionables.”
My brain blanked for a second. Or quit working all together except in one mode. And now I had to see these unmentionables. As she stood there waiting for me to precede her, I tried to re-fire my brain into some kind of normal mode, but it was now stuck well and good in the gutter.
“So these unmentionables… Are we talking thongs or vibrators?” I asked. “Or both?”
She choked, her eyes widening, her mouth opening and closing, with no sound coming out. I’d caught her off guard with my question and she clearly didn’t know what to say. Based on her reaction, this had to be about more than some fucking underwear.
Okay. Vibrators it was. And now the image of her using said vibrator in my guest room was going to be burned into my brain for all eternity. I was going to be up all night straining to hear the tell-tale sounds of her using that damned thing. Who the fuck needed sleep—ever.
“Oh my god,” she blurted. “You are such an asshole.”
I barely budged. “That’s not an answer is it, baby girl?” My voice came out as barely more than a growl.
Her whole body tensed. Like she suddenly realized how close we were or how close I might be to losing my mind.
She swallowed thickly, her gaze flicking toward the door like she was thinking of running.
I wasn’t about to let that happen.
“I asked you a question,” I said, voice still low. “Are you going to answer me?”
Her breath hitched.
And then, so quiet I almost missed it?—
“Okay, Daddy.”
My entire body locked up.
Her eyes went wide, her lips parting slightly. Like she hadn’t meant to say it.
I should’ve let it go and acted like it never happened.
Instead, I took one slow, deliberate step forward.
Her back hit the wall and she had nowhere else to go.
“Say it again,” I murmured, my voice rougher than before.
She swallowed hard again. “JD…”
Not what I wanted to hear.
I leaned in, not touching her, but making damn sure she felt me there.
“Sasha.” I said, my tone pure warning. “That’s not what you called me.”
She bit down on her bottom lip. I saw the debate whether to say it again raging in her eyes.
Instead, she pushed against my chest, and slipped out from where I had her cornered.
“Never mind,” I muttered, jaw tight. I needed to get out here. Now.
Because it was chilly outside, and I wasn’t sure I could trust her safety out in the open, we took my truck to the apartments we’d converted at the far edge of the property. They were outside the main fence line, but within sight of the gate. Like most of the buildings on the compound, this one had been used by the lumber mill back in the day. But this one had been older than the rest and had been vacant for quite some time by the time we acquired the property. It had taken extra effort to turn it into compact units, but the brick building matched the others on our property and it had worked out for what we needed. It had also turned into a nice little money maker.
Although we only rented the apartments to official Wrath employees, so we kept the rent at below market rates. Sasha’s apartment was on the second floor at the back corner. I followed her up the stairs watching her beautiful ass swish in her ridiculous chicken covered pajamas. Had someone bought those as a joke for her? Not that my dick seemed to mind. It had been hard since we’d started talking about vibrators, and I didn’t think I could get any more uncomfortable.
I was wrong.
By the time we got to her door and she entered the code to unlock it, my skin itched and I felt like I was going to burst. The idea of throwing her down on her bed and making her demonstrate how she used her vibrator had me holding onto my control by a thread. It seemed the kisses we’d shared were no longer enough, and suddenly I was feeling less and less obligated to keep my distance.
The minute I crossed the threshold behind her I knew I was going to cross a line more defined than a fucking threshold. I breathed deep and took in the scent of what could only be described as her. The air here carried the distinct scent of her floral perfume that always had that deep underlying musk that I couldn’t get enough of. It gave me visions of lying her down so I could spread her legs and run my nose against her skin until I couldn’t take it anymore. It made me need to know what she tasted like…
I shook my head and forced my brain to focus on her place. I was grasping for a lifeline.
This one-bedroom apartment was one of the largest we had to offer, but it still wasn’t that big. Maybe five hundred square feet or so. But she’d turned it into a cute home. Everywhere I looked was something so her, I could see why she wanted to stay here rather than at my place. The couch was a deep green velvet that looked like she would sink into it when she sat. And on the end table at one end sat a water bottle, a book, and a blanket. Probably just as she’d left it the day she’d gone to the poker club.
I pictured her sitting there reading that book, but with me sitting next to her with her feet in my lap and my hands running up and down her long, bare legs. I inwardly groaned. Apparently, I wasn’t going to keep my mind out of the gutter no matter what I did, but for her sake I would continue to try. It was the least that she deserved.
The coffee table held little more than a couple of well used candles, a lighter, and a remote control for her television. I pictured her there much like she’d been sitting in my cabin this evening with that bowl of popcorn but quietly reading her book instead of struggling to find something on the TV to entertain her. I made a mental note to have some of the girls pick out some new books for her on my online account and have them shipped in.
The kitchen was of course spotless. She liked to bake, and used a kitchen well, but she never left a mess behind. Ever. In fact, for an apartment that had been empty for so long, this one looked too clean. As if… “Has someone been using your apartment while you were gone?”
“No.But the girls have taken turns coming over to water my plants and bring in the mail.”
“I guess they’ve been keeping it clean too. This place is pristine.”
She looked over her shoulder at me. “You’re just used to living in a bachelor pad and a male dominated clubhouse. I hear it’s hard as hell to keep those places clean with the way you constantly party and rotate women in and out of your beds. I guess it’s a full-time job.”
“One that we pay well for and expect our employees not to discuss.” I hated to think what other “war stories” the girls shared. Though I couldn't really complain. They understood club matters stayed between them, and several of the brothers could rival any gossip queen out there. Although they might like to kick my ass for thinking so.
She smirked at me and rolled her eyes.
“We’re men,” I responded, leaving it at that because that was as good an explanation as any as far as I was concerned. I paid my people for a job well done, so any of the employees who took care of the shit assigned to them were generously compensated for it.
“I’m just going to be a minute. I’ll grab another bag and be ready as quickly as I can.”
“Take whatever time you need. I’ve got nowhere to be.”
She studied me, and I wasn’t sure what was going on in that brain of hers, but I didn’t hate having her eyes on me for a change. What was probably only about ten seconds later, but felt much longer, she shook her head, turned away and disappeared into the adjoining bedroom.
Too curious to stay still, I followed to the doorway and propped myself against the frame so I could watch. “Do you need some help?”
She popped her head out of the small closet and met my gaze. “No.I’ve got it.”
“Do they still hurt?” I asked, trusting that she knew exactly what I was talking about. I could guess why she’d put on those pajamas and I doubted it had anything to do with comfort so much as it did covering up the scars that crisscrossed her back.
I hated the idea of her being self-conscious around me or her friends, but I couldn’t really blame her either. Her body had been altered in a way that would forever draw attention. And I dared say not all of that attention would be welcome or kind.
My stomach churned at the idea. Here’s hoping no one dared to show their disrespect in front of me. That urge to squeeze the life out of someone roared back with a vengeance and threatened my control. I wasn’t sure I would ever get past the need to make someone pay for what had happened to her until the traitor in my club was identified and punished. At my hand.
I opened and closed my fist repeatedly in an attempt to ease the tension suddenly flooding through me.
“Not too much, really,” she said as she went back to digging in her closet. “When I did the exercises with Jeanne earlier some of the stretches were uncomfortable. But it’s supposed to be good for me, so she made me do it anyway.”
I was happy to hear that her and Jeanne had connected earlier, and that it had been productive. From everything I’d heard and seen thus far, our new medic was making an excellent addition to the team.
“I didn’t mean to yell at you the other day,” I said softly, or as softly as a hard man like me could. “I just didn’t expect to see you on the floor like that and I was worried it might cause a problem. I was under the impression that you needed more rest.”
She popped out, pulling a suitcase on wheels along with her. “You aren’t the first person to be freaked out, and I’m sure you won’t be the last.”
Her words fired through my blood, making me step forward into her room.
“I’m not freaked out. That’s not what I meant at all.”
She stood still, us both staring at the other, an arc of electricity sizzling through the room. Seeing her scars hurt me in a way I could never explain. Not because they repulsed me though. Never that.
“Okay,” she whispered so quietly I barely heard her.
“Show me,” I said, my voice tight with the tension coiled inside me.
“Why? Didn’t you see enough already?” she whispered, her voice suddenly breathy.
“Because I need to see the full extent of what I did to you. I need to understand.”
Her head dropped. “Please don’t. You didn’t do this. It’s not your fault, and I would never blame you.”
“You should.” The pain of telling her to blame me lanced deep. Deep enough to leave a scar on my soul. Though honestly, what difference would another one make among all the others?
“No.” She straightened her shoulders. “I won’t do that. There is only one man to blame.”
That wasn’t exactly true, but I wasn’t quite ready to tell her that someone close to her might have had a hand in her injuries. I wanted to find out who and rip them from her life for good first.
“Then show me.”