17. ALLISON
Chapter seventeen
ALLISON
T he doorbell signals someone’s arrival and my money is on it being Jacob’s friends. I am almost done preparing our dinner and all that’s left is the guests to have it with. Our Thanksgiving is set to be wonderful if our preparations are anything to go by.
I had done most of the cooking, with a lot of help from Jacob, who wouldn’t sit still if I was busy. He’s been eager to help in any way he can, so I asked him to set up the table.
“Don’t move.” Jacob stands to get the door, sternly telling Maddie to remain in her seat and not try her luck at wandering like she is sure to do if left unattended.
Immediately he walks out of the door and she makes her first attempt at escape, but she freezes when I poke my head out of the doorway and level a flat stare at her.
Good girl. I think, as she settles back in.
The thought of our guests at the door reminds me of the next guest that will be coming the following week.
Naomi.
I don’t know how likely it is that they will get back together, and I don’t even know how I am supposed to feel about it either. Spending my time hoping that he doesn’t decide to pick her over me is a complete waste of time, and that is something I won’t let myself do.
It is up to him to decide. I won’t force anything, I tell myself.
Then a chorus of voices littered with jokes and slangs I don’t understand comes closer as they approach.
They could be brothers.
My first thought as I see them is that they might as well be siblings. Although none of their features are particularly similar, there’s something about them all that feels the same.
I can’t decide if it's the rhythm of their steps, or their mannerisms, but it is clear that every one of their trio is in sync with each other.
“Allison, here is Micky,” Jacob points at the man with shaggy brown hair and eyes to match, “and this is Pete. Our honored guests for Thanksgiving.”
“Very nice to meet you, Allison, we’ve heard only wonderful things about you.” His voice is as deep as Jacob’s, and after hearing him speak in person, I finally realize what they all have in common. It is that almost unnatural stillness they all possess; they are all halfway between being human or feline.
Pete stretches out a hand for a firm handshake and I oblige. His straight black hair and dark eyes give him a bit of an ethnic look that enhances his smile when it finally comes.
“Very nice to meet you, Pete. And you too, Micky. Although Jacob kept saying the most horrible things about you.”
Micky is very interested in this and cocks his head in my direction. “Pray tell.”
“Oh, they are too horrible to mention. I couldn’t possibly repeat any of them. Imagine if Maddie got to hear any of that again, I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.” I solemnly state in mock regret. I shake my head sideways to complete my performance.
“Let’s move on from the pretty liar, boys. I have another girl I want you to meet.” Jacob ushers them to Maddie and they coo at her.
In typical fashion, Maddie embraces all the adoration directed at her, and she stares back at them measuredly.
Finally, when they are done with the introductions and fawning over our vain princess, we start our meal.
Micky can’t seem to stop complimenting my food and it is heartwarming to say the least.
“It is just turkey, Micky.” Jacob is a little bit sour at the attention being paid to me, and after a shared amused glance, Micky and I make an unspoken agreement to torment him a bit further.
“Like you could cook a turkey this good if you had a month of prep time.” Micky scoffs at Jacob in response.
“Spoiler alert! He can’t.” Pete replies, unprompted. “But really, this is absolutely wonderful. I don’t think I’ve had a Thanksgiving dinner this wonderful since I was a child.”
That must be an exaggeration, I think, but something in his demeanor tells me he is dead serious.
“You must be joking.”
“I’m not. I went through more foster homes than I could count before I turned eighteen and enlisted. So trust me when I say this is the best I’ve had.”
“Thank you, Pete. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome,” he replies. “Now that I’ve eaten the best meal, let me tell you about the worst thing I have ever tasted, and for someone who has tasted expired rations, I know what bad is.”
This is something I want to hear. “Tell me.” I ask eagerly.
“Okay, now you have to be patient with me, because just thinking about it is enough to make me sad.” He pauses and waits until we are all attentive before throwing a wink in Jacob’s direction. “So, I am starving in the middle of nowhere and my rations are finished. Luckily we caught a chicken, and trust me, at that point it might as well have been a gift from God himself.”
“I know this story.” Micky declares.
“Pete, that’s enough, for goodness’ sake.” Jacob protests, and from the clues I’ve already put together, I can tell he has a part to play in this story.
“No, no. Let him finish.” I make a protest of my own.
“Thank you, Allison. So, we hand it over to a certain member of our team to prepare for us because we consider him better equipped to save our lives at that moment. Long story short? We ended up having to drink water after our chicken got burnt to charcoal.”
“What did you do when you saw it?” I ask him.
“Nothing. He was my superior officer.”
“No! Jacob?” I hold back my laughter but just barely. I turn to look at him and his straight face is comical because of how good it is.
We have fun riling him up a bit more, but Jake takes it all in good spirit.
“Do you think you can do it better now though, Chief? Micky asks with a smirk. “I mean, you live in the same house as the person who’s made this. I like to think it has rubbed off on you.”
“I doubt it. He’s a stubborn one.” Pete is giving him no quarter either.
“I think he can.” I defend him because no one else will. "But then I’d still have to hold his hand throughout the process, which means, at the end of the day, he can't do it all himself. But best believe he’ll keep trying until he can’t anymore, in true SEAL fashion, of course."
My backhanded compliment is the final nail in the coffin and we all roar with laughter, Maddie included. This time Jake is in on it and he is just as loud as the rest of us.
* * *
It has been days since Thanksgiving, and we have enjoyed the typical weather following it, but things have become tense between Jacob and me. It was not any particular sort of disagreement or fighting that has brought this on. Rather, we are this way because of all the things we have left undefined and unspoken.
We haven’t spoken about Naomi again, but I know they’ve been talking at least a little. She wants to come and meet Maddie.
I still don’t know what Jacob wants from me in particular, or where we are right now. All I know is that there is a tension that is being translated into everything I do. Every time I work up the courage to ask him, Maddie needs something, and just like that, my nerve deflates—popping like a balloon.
“Hey, you!” He calls out as he comes home. I am back from a brief foray to work, but this season and weather doesn’t lend itself to either the growth or demand for flower arrangements. This, in combination with my uncertainty about my status in his life, has soured my mood and I am in the worst temper I have been in for a long time.
I am not in the mood to speak to anyone, even him, and so I don’t respond to his greeting, and he comes closer.
“Are you good, Allie?”
“Good.”
Hopefully my monosyllabic replies will give him a clue as to my state of mind.
“What’s the attitude for?”
“I’m not giving you an attitude, Jake. I’m not the problem, here.”
His caveman actions are annoying and take the very last bit of my patience away. My voice is now raised in a half yell at him, and I am already looking for Maddie with my eyes before I remember that she is having a grand time over at Sherry’s.
“Where’s Maddie?” he asks.
“At Sherry’s. Do you need her to meet your ex right now, because she is sleeping and I won’t let you wake her for that.”
Maddie is not a show pony to be trotted out in front of whoever wants to meet her. It is none of my business, and there is no reason why I should be concerned about whatever he had with Naomi before we got intimate, but I can’t get the thought of her coming back out of my mind, and the fact that he still hasn’t given me any reassurances only makes it worse.
There has been no indication that he wants me in any way than just the physical in all the time since then. He has shown none of the usual signs of interest—flowers or dates—and then there is the fact that he has something planned with Naomi in just a couple days of meeting her again.
“Wait. Is that the reason why you’re acting this way?” he asks in surprise before bursting into chuckles, but none of what has made him amused is funny to me. “She is just going to see Maddie, and that’ll be it. Nothing else.”
“Why do you keep on reminding me that it’s just a visit and nothing more?”
“Because I don’t want your feelings hurt.”
“And why would my feelings be hurt, Jacob? We are just friends raising a child together. Right?”
“Stop that. You know you mean more to me than that. You are my….”
I see him hesitate and then the words die out on his tongue, infuriating me beyond reason. I try to keep a calm and level head but that’s beyond me right now.
“Your what?” When he doesn’t give me a reply it just makes me angrier. “What am I, Jacob?”
“You’re mine. That’s what you are.” His voice has dropped a couple of octaves and is deeper than before.
“And what does that mean?” I don’t even care that I’m basically begging. That I need him to be honest with me right now. I feel like I could burst.
Jacob’s eyes search mine. He seems to realize what I’m asking for.
Tenderly, he holds my hand. I fight the waves of emotion.
“You’re… the person who makes me better,” he says gently. “You’re… the person who demands that I show up, that I do better, that I care more. I wouldn’t… You make me… feel safe. Feel like I can breathe. You’re my… everything.”
The words spill into me, heat blossoming everywhere they touch. He’s my everything, too.
Just as I think this, Jacob glides towards me with an effortless level of fluidity, and once he is close enough to do it, he captures my lips in his, drowning out any retorts I might have with just one action.
He can try shutting me up this way if he wants, but he’s going to pay for it. I sink my teeth into his lips and he pulls back.
“You don’t get to shut me up. Not even with a kiss.” I warn him.
“Then how do I get a kiss from you, Allie?”
“You ask for it.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“No. It has to be gentle, and with the realization that just because you want to kiss me doesn’t mean I want to kiss you, too.”
He nods in understanding at my words. “I don’t think I can be gentle, but I’ll try. The real question, Allie, is do you want me to kiss you like I’m dying of thirst and you’re an oasis?”
It isn’t until much later that I realize I had nodded in response to his question.
The first touch of his lips on mine has already robbed me of my concept of thought, and when his lips meet mine for the second time, I surrender them to him, losing myself in the intoxicating feeling of being surrounded by him.
His hand moves to my neck and his fingers splay out to run lightly across the tiny hairs at the nape of my neck. Our lips separate for a short moment before they come together again.
I don’t want to think about anything else, so I grab him, too. I take a firm grip of the back of his shirt and push myself into him.
“Mmmhhh… you taste good,” he pants against my lips, struggling to catch his breath.
Time seems to flow strangely because one moment I’m kissing the stuffing out of him in the living room, and the next we are perched on his bed, exploring every inch of each other. We are both missing our shirts and I run my hands over his broad stretch of muscle.
I am sitting snugly on him while he leans against the headboard with both of his wide hands rested on each side of my hips. Grinding myself against his hardness to get a reaction out of him, he sharply sucks in a breath immediately after I do it. A wicked smile curls on my face.
Jacob doesn’t let me bask in my victory. He plucks at the hard tips of my nipples, driving a current of electricity through my entire body. He follows that with his lips, sucking gently, as if he’s tasting every inch of my skin.
“That feels wonderful. Don’t stop.” I order him and he obliges me, continuing his exact actions until I feel the sensations in the pit of my stomach.
I move my hips in circles, grinding my groin into his as the pulls from his sucking get stronger. As the tension builds and the heat courses through my body, I luxuriate in the wonderful feeling it brings.
When I come down from the high, I am slumped over his chest, and breathing in his musk.
There is nowhere else I would rather be.
I trail my hand down slowly, over his nipples—scratching lightly at them with my fingernails —and down his torso until I rest it at his hips.
“What do you want now, darling?”
“I want you. All of you.” He might not realize it, but I am not asking just for intimacy, but for all of him; the good and the bad, all the parts he still hides.
He might not say anything about it, but I have heard him in the middle of the night, fighting his demons in his sleep and having them spill over into his hours of consciousness. Waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, gripping me tighter than comfortable just to know that I am alive. It hurts my heart, but I love knowing that I am there for him.
Slowly enough to drive him crazy with anticipation, I slowly peel off the rest of my clothes and I watch him do the same, admiring every perfect inch of the well-oiled machine that is his body.
When we are both bare before each other, I capture his lips with mine again, tugging lightly on his hair as I sink myself down on him.
“Careful.” He growls out in warning, and I take heed. He is too much to take all at once so I slow down and let him pull out every so often until every single inch of him is nestled deep inside of me.
Sitting in this position, I can feel him press against me with every subtle motion of his hips.
This time I take my pleasure into my hands and I move my hips in small circles repeatedly.
“That feels so good, Jake. So good.” I moan out.
He is touching parts of me I didn’t even know could feel this good.
“I’m not stopping, baby. You hear me? I’m not stopping until I fill you with everything in me.” He growls against my neck and his hands dig into my hips at the same time.
The combination of all these simulations takes me over the edge, and with a keening cry, I hit my peak, but Jacob doesn’t stop his thrusting.
His motions keep me there for so long that I lose all track of time, lost to the euphoria driving me senseless as I let out never-ending moans announcing my pleasure. When he reaches his peak it pushes me further into another climax, and I tremble with both pleasure and fear, afraid my body won't be able to handle much longer.
My eyes can barely stay open by the time the final trembles stop. I am exhausted and the weariness is bone deep at this point.
He never answered… I realize right before I drift off to sleep. He never told me what position I really fill in his life. What does ‘everything’ really mean?