18. ALLISON
Chapter eighteen
ALLISON
“ I don’t know what to do about either of them.”
In an amusing twist of Jacob’s experience with my laundry, I am bringing his laundry to him when I hear his voice and I guess correctly that he is on a call. The only question now is who he is talking to. I am just about to turn back around when I hear my name.
“If you ask me, it’s not much of a problem. Naomi and Allison, you’re spoiled for choices, in my opinion.”
Micky’s voice confirms that it's him talking to Jacob.
I know I should go back to my room right now or just walk in with Jacob’s laundry and alert him to my presence, but my curiosity has gotten the best of me. I can’t go back and not know exactly what Jacob thinks about his future with me, and what he thinks about Naomi, too.
Fear shoots through me. As terrible as it is to eavesdrop, I haven’t been able to work up the nerve to talk about where I stand with Jacob again since that day I was in a bad mood and we were intimate. I’ve been too afraid to spoil everything. But now, every day, I worry that Naomi will show up with Jacob on her arm and a ring on her finger.
He wouldn’t do that to you, a voice a hell of a lot like Emily’s says in my head.
Then a real voice speaks, so I lean in and listen to that one, instead. Pete’s voice cuts through the conversation, clear and direct.
“That’s why we don’t listen to your opinion often Micky. You will have to tell her eventually, Chief, and if you ask me, it’s best to get it out of the way at once. I don’t envy you at all.”
I wait to hear Jacob speak so I can get a better idea of what they're discussing.
“Naomi is wonderful. Honestly she was one of the best parts of my life before coming back home, and she keeps saying she wants to fight for me, but…” He tells them, and right when I’m about to hear the conclusion of his statement, there is a crash from Maddie's direction.
What are you doing, Maddie?
I have to beat a hasty retreat before Jacob comes out of his room to investigate the noise, so I amble back awkwardly with my arms full of laundry.
“What did you do?” I ask Maddie when I am with her again, and I see the victim of her ever-improving aim. She has knocked a ballerina figurine paperweight off its perch on a shelf and it is now lying in pieces.
I am finishing cleaning it up when Jacob arrives. “Everything okay, here?”
“Yeah. Sure.” I am nervous—a spillover from my attempt at covert information gathering, making me unsure of how much I should reveal. “Maddie decided that she wants to be a sniper in the future. She threw this clear across the room and managed to hit it on the shelf.” I tell him, hoping that his perceptiveness doesn’t lead to omniscience.
Instead of him giving her a stern talking to, Jacob gives Maddie a high five which she thankfully doesn’t return. “That’s my girl!” he praises.
I tsk. “It’s rotten behavior, Jacob. It could have hurt her if it landed differently, you know? You shouldn’t be encouraging it.”
“Oh, sorry. That’s bad, Maddie. We shouldn’t do that.” His backpedaling is cute because of how comical it is. It almost draws a laugh out of me, but then I remember his conversation from earlier, and the laughter dies in my throat.
“Yes. I’m sure she has learnt her lesson now.” My dry reply is just a little bit weary.
“Sure has. Maddie will be on her best behavior from now on. Won’t you Maddie?”
* * *
Maddie did not remain on her best behavior for long. The moment she saw Naomi step into the house, she refused to stop crying. I know it is wrong of me to feel even the littlest bit happy about that, but I can’t help myself, and when she finally falls into a fitful sleep, I finally breathe a sigh of relief.
Jacob introduces us to each other, but the exchange feels less like a greeting and more like two opponents sizing each other up before battle. Her gray eyes are sending a level stare my way and it is one I return just as easily.
“This is Allison, Maddie’s godmother, and… my… co-parent.”
I glance at him.
His eyes blink rapidly as he thinks. “The woman I’m raising Maddie with,” he corrects, then, glancing at me. “A very dear friend of mine. And this is Naomi, a friend from way back.”
That’s all I am now, isn’t it? Your ‘dear’ friend.
She stretches out a hand, and I meet it with a firm grip. “Pleasure to meet you.”
“Pleasure.” I reply, but my sentiment is false because it is anything but a pleasure to have her here. Jake and I are friends of course, and we have reason to put a name to whatever this relationship between us is, but having him introduce me as just a friend is more than I can bear.
I don’t want to be here watching her flirt with him, but I don’t have much of a choice. Maddie is fast asleep and any attempts to move her will be met with loud protests.
“I have stuff to attend to right now, and I need to check on Maddie as well. I’ll leave you both to catch up.” I tell them, stepping away.
I check on Maddie, and she’s still fast asleep. With nothing more to do for the moment, I pull up my emails. I am scrolling through them when I see one in particular that catches my attention.
The New York University Department of Biology invites you to be a part of the Plant Genomic Research program to join us in…
It is hard not to let out a scream by the time I am halfway done reading through the email, but I manage to restrain myself.
How did this happen? I ask myself, but like most people do with good news, I don’t worry too much about the source of my good luck. I can vaguely remember applying for the job with Emily’s encouragement, but I had not thought it would happen for a single moment.
The absolute joy that fills me suddenly comes crashing down.
From the other room, I hear Jacob laugh. In there, another woman is making him laugh.
I look back at the email, and despair fills me.
If I take this job, it would mean leaving Jacob and Maddie.
I read the email again, the details searing into my brain. I feel like I could cry.
And, in fact, I do.
This job… it’s everything I have ever dreamed of. It’s everything I could have wanted.
Suddenly, I don’t know who I am anymore.
I stand up suddenly, not even bothering closing the laptop. I go straight to Maddie’s room.
She’s still sleeping.
Since the day that I took over Maddie’s care, I threw myself into that little girl. I threw myself into being the person that Maddie and Emily needed me to be. And I haven’t regretted it, not once in these months. Even if it’s hard.
I brush her curling brown hair away from her face. She leans into my touch.
I used to want to get out of here. I used to want a big world in a big city with big dreams.
Can a small life be okay for me?
Do I even have a choice?
In the other room, Jacob’s footsteps echo. I close my eyes, a wave of despair coming over me again.
I think…
I think I could love him.
I think I already might.
He’s kind and funny and brave. He takes charge, takes control of things—he dealt with Jeff in one afternoon, after he had plagued me and Emily for months. He protects us. He cares for us. I know he cares for me, even if it’s not as much as I want. As much as I need. It’s still…
I feel lost.
I tiptoe out of Maddie’s bedroom. In the hallway, I can hear Jacob talking.
“You know that you’ll always be my first love, don’t you?” Jacob says.
I hear Naomi’s sharp inhale.
I flee as fast as I can. By the time I make it to my bedroom, tears are falling.
Jacob’s made his choice.
My eyes turn to the computer, a once-in-a-lifetime dream waiting for me.
It’s time that I make mine.