Chapter 27
Chapter twenty-seven
Vidar
Lucero finds me sitting in the dark, slouched on the sofa in his office. The cushion beside me sinks when he sits.
I don't remember how long I’ve been here. All I know is I’ve stared at the desk long enough that my dry eyes itch, but the effort to blink is like pushing a boulder up a hill.
“My apathy came back, and I drove Kai away.” My voice isn’t my own. It’s something dead.
“Tell me what happened,” Lucero asks gently, as if I’m fragile.
Like I was never a warrior.
I don’t say anything for a long time, too long probably. Then, as if I’m heaving weight after weight off my back, I drag the story out.
“Do you know what a panic attack is, Maker?”
I glance at Lucero. Yellow light shines on him from the ceiling, and I absently register that he must’ve turned the lights on. How did I miss that?
“What are you suggesting?”
“I’m suggesting that only a few weeks ago, you were so deep in your apathy I thought it’d be a mercy to kill you.”
“If only you did,” I chuckle, and it lands like a lead weight.
“Apathy is no small thing, Maker, and neither is an unexpected soulmate.”
I press the heel of my hand to my forehead. “Kai isn’t to blame for any of this. He is a shining light and I…I snuff him out.”
“It sounds like you were feeling so much love for Kai that it triggered a panic attack.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I dismiss, digging the heel of my palm deeper until it hurts.
“Is it?” Lucero asks. “The connection of a soulmate is a powerful thing. For anyone, let alone someone still stepping out of their apathy.”
“I thought I was strong enough to rid myself of it…”
Lucero pulls my palm away from my forehead, and when I meet his gaze, understanding shines through. Slowly, I drop one of my burdens. I love my offspring, I hurt them so badly and yet Lucero is still by my side. If Lucero can forgive me, then…
“If only apathy were like taking off a coat that can be discarded in another room,” he says. “It’s an oil, Vidar, and will take time to clean away. Give yourself that time.”
“I thought I was okay. Or, I thought I’d eventually be okay. But since I’ve been back, all I do is make mistakes.”
“Let me ask you this, Maker, does Kai know how apathy begins? Big highs followed by big lows? Does he know that to protect yourself, you cut yourself off?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t even think to tell him. I’ve been too focused on…” I lay a hand over my chest, and every time my heart beats, it sounds like Kai.
“You’ve been so busy stubbornly forcing yourself into your mate's life, then failing to live up to an expectation you can’t promise, that you forgot to open your heart to him.”
“What do you mean?”
“You want to be Kai’s protector.”
“Of course,” I reply, threading my voice with a thin vein of steel. “There is no greater honour.”
Lucero’s expression softens, and I know he’s thinking of Golden.
“And you are his protector. But if there's something I’ve learned from being with Golden, it's that he can protect you, too. You don’t need to be a stupid, chest-beating warrior to be worthy of Kai. This isn’t your little Viking village a thousand years in the past, where your only worth was how many heads you could cut off. ”
I snort, the corner of my lips tugging up. “Norsemen,” I correct. Lucero chuckles and claps me on the back. “But maybe you’re right…”
There is no dramatic shattering of the soundproof glass keeping my emotions at bay. After speaking with Lucero, it simply lifts. Like eyelids rising after a bad dream.
“I’m always right.” Lucero smirks.
“Now you’re sounding like Ramy.”
“Come, let’s go home,” he says, standing.
“How did you even know I was up here?” I ask, pulling myself up and walking towards the exit. Surprised that each step is easier than the last.
“One of the bouncers saw Kai leave and told me, Golden and Ramy went after him.”
“I’m not looking forward to either of their lectures.”
Lucero grins. “Yes, you are.”
“Maybe a little.” I nudge him. “Just don’t tell them, or I’ll never hear the end of it. What about Summer?”
“She went to a different club with a group of women, and she let Golden know she’ll text him when she gets home.”
I nod, glad to know everyone is accounted for.
My hand hovers over the doorknob.
When I finally rejoined the world after my long isolation, fear had stilled me from twisting the handle and leaving. There was so much unknown, and while apathy was terrible, it was at least a terrible I understood. Again, I have to choose to face the world.
I suck in a deep breath, fingers curling around the cool handle as I push it down and step out of this room that almost became another cage—just like the abandoned mansion had.
Kai is worth it.
I glance over my shoulder to where Lucero follows.
So are my offspring.
“I can’t keep apologising to Kai.” My voice echoes against the stark grey walls, the sound of our shoes against the stairs drowned out by music muffled behind the heavy door. “You should’ve seen his face when he left. He thought I was rejecting him again; he was crushed.”
“So you’re giving up?”
“Fuck no.” I turn towards the exit. “I need to speak with him now, I can’t wait a second longer.”
We leave the club for the mild winter night. Now I’m no longer numb, my legs eat up the distance towards Lucero’s car as if I’ve been shot with adrenaline, determined to make things right.
Damn my confusing feelings, fuck that I’m straight.
I love Kai. I have loved him since before I ever set eyes on him, and now I just hope I can win my soulmate back.
I pull out my phone as we slide into Lucero’s car, and I call my mate while Lucero drives away from the curb.
“Kai isn’t picking up,” I say as his phone continues to ring, hanging up when it reaches voicemail.
“Are you surprised?”
Lucero drives in the direction of Kai’s flat, and I remain silent as an uncomfortable knot forms in my chest. I hope Kai can forgive me.
“What are you going to say, Maker?”
“I don’t know. The truth.”
“Maybe practice before we get there, words aren’t your forté.”
I flip Lucero off, and his chuckle fills the small space, and when the knot in my chest tightens, I rub at it with my fist.
“Are you okay?” Lucero asks, shooting me a glance.
I shift, wincing. “I’m fine. My chest…” I keep rubbing, the ache turning into pain.
“Maker—”
I double over, a yell bursting out of me as a sharp stab slices through my middle. I rip open my shirt, convinced I’ve somehow been stabbed. But even as it feels like my skin is being flayed open, nothing’s there.
Some sense calls to me, and without fully grasping why, I reach for my connection with Kai and nearly flinch away as if I’ve gripped a razor. Yet I strengthen my hold with all my might; something is hurting my little prince. Like hell I’m letting go. “Hurry, Luc!”
“What’s happening, Vidar?” Lucero demands, starting to pull over.
“No!” I shout. Then shout again when a clawing agony rips through my sternum. “Something's wrong with Kai! Get to him!”
Without a word, Lucero slams his foot down, and we speed through the thankfully empty streets.
A wave of fresh pain crashes over the skin on my chest. I pull my phone back out and, between gritted teeth, call Kai.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring
“Fuck, pick up, Kai. Pick the fuck up!”
Cursing when it goes to voicemail, I slam my fist into the door.
“Hurry, Lucero!”
Lucero zooms around a corner, the car swerving as he aims towards Kai’s towering block of flats, and I’m out of the car before it skids to a stop.
My feet pound against the ground as I run towards the door. I grab hold of the metal handle, the hinges whining when I rip the door free as easily as opening a tin can and discard it with a crash over my head as I charge upstairs. The beat of Lucero’s shoes behind me.
Halfway up, a scent pierces my senses sharper than the pain trying to rip me open—Kai’s blood. A lot of it.
Panic has me sprinting faster, and I barrel into the landing leading to Kai’s flat. Rushing towards a blood-stained number 58, where Golden and Ramy’s frantic voices stream out.
My heart beating to a wild, desperate beat, I rush into Kai’s flat to find my soulmate sprawled on his speckled carpet, wet with his pooling blood—a dark figure kneeling over him.
A roar rips out of me as I charge towards the figure.
“MAKER, STOP!” Ramy cries.
“He’s healing Kai!” Golden screams, tears in his voice.
I seize a pair of strong shoulders, ready to confront whoever dared hurt my mate—only to find myself staring at someone far too familiar.
“Sen?” My offspring I haven’t seen in years.
“Love to chat, Maker, but I’m trying to save a life here,” Sen quips.
But I have no time for him, or why the fuck he’s even here, and I drop to my knees.
“Kai. My little prince.” I lay a hand on his clammy cheek. “What happened to you?”
His eyes don’t open. Not even a finger twitches. His chest is a nightmare of blood and torn flesh, like a knife stabbed into him and wrenched down with the only purpose to do as much damage as possible. Sen’s bleeding wrist presses to his mouth, and Kai unconsciously swallows his blood.
“I got here just as he passed out,” Sen tells me. “A blood mage was attacking him.”
“Out of the way.” I push Sen’s hand away and pull Kai into my lap. My fangs slice open my wrist so I can pour my blood into his mouth. “C’mon, love. Drink my blood. Heal,” I demand, refusing to accept any other outcome. “Heal!”
“Is he healing?” Golden rushes out. “Lucero? Is Kai going to be okay?”
“Vidar’s blood is powerful, beautiful. Kai will be fine. I promise,” Lucero assures his mate.
But I hear how he hesitates. Sen’s blood is also powerful.
“Shit,” I curse when my wrist knits back together. Kai’s wound still hasn't even begun to heal.
Using my fangs, I rip out a chunk of flesh from my wrist, my blood now pouring. I tilt back Kai’s head and place my wrist over his stained lips.
Kai coughs as red floods his mouth and rushes down his throat, but as much as I hate to see his discomfort, I don’t stop until after a painfully long eight seconds—he finally stops bleeding.
The air trapped in my lungs comes out in a whoosh when his skin pulls itself together, leaving behind a thin vertical scar on his bloody chest.
I haul an unconscious Kai into my arms, breathing in his calming lavender scent. “What. Happened?” I say, voice deadly low.