Chapter Seventeen – Sasha
As soon as I saw him standing over by the bar, I froze. Shit, this was the first time I had seen Avda since that kiss, and I still didn’t know exactly where we stood.
He seemed to have been outright avoiding me these last few days, and I couldn’t blame him. That kiss? That kiss had been electric, but it had opened up doors I knew he wasn’t ready to even think about.
He lifted his chin in greeting, and then jerked his head, indicating that I should come over and join him. Slowly, tentatively, I did as I was told. I didn’t know where this was going. Best case scenario, he told me to forget about the whole thing and pretend it had never happened. And worst case...
It was clear he was carrying a whole lot of hatred, aimed squarely inward at himself, because of his desires. But I knew it was all too easy for that hatred to turn around and shoot outward if the situation arose. If I tried to talk to him about this, straight-up, he might just shut me down, chew me out, even get physical with me.
And not in the way I wanted.
I slid over to join him at the bar, and he reached across to grab me a beer. It was still quiet, a couple of hours before opening, and the place was nearly empty; Jo hadn’t even gotten here to start her shift yet, and not having her as a buffer was going to make things even more complicated.
”What’s up?” I greeted him carefully. His eyes seemed hard, difficult to read, but he handed me the beer. Our fingertips touched for the briefest moment, and I drew my hand back quickly, not wanting him to think I was trying to get into anything here.
”We need to talk,” he told me.
”Yeah, I figured,” I replied. ”About...”
”About what happened the other day,” he replied.
”The kiss?” I asked, and he glanced around, his jaw tensing. But then, he nodded.
”Yeah, that,” he replied.
”What about it?” I pressed. I was going to give him the chance to lead here. Whatever he wanted to say about it, I was ready to hear it. I still didn’t entirely get what had happened there, but damn, if it hadn’t been hot. Feeling his emotion rise up and take control of him for the moment it took to plant my lips on his, it had made so much fall into place – so much about the way we had been with one another made sense. It hadn’t just been irritation, there had been frustration there too, a frustration neither of us had been quite able to put into words until then.
”I’m sorry I sprang it on you like that,” he explained, voice low, eyes pinned to the wood of the bar in front of him, like he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact.
”Yeah, shit, it wasn’t exactly what I expected,” I remarked. ”You’ve been an asshole to me since I started working here.”
He managed to look up at me, grimacing.
”I know,” he admitted. ”But I guess you know why now.”
”Yeah, I don’t like it when people try to cover that up by being a dick,” I replied bluntly. I wasn’t going to let him snake out of responsibility for the way he’d been with me; I wasn’t trying to escape it, either. If we were going to be honest with each other, and that seemed to be what he wanted right now, then we had to start here.
”I’m still trying to figure it all out myself,” he replied, shaking his head and wrapping his hand around his beer.
”Figure out...?”
”Being...into guys,” he replied.
”Fuck, me too,” I agreed. ”I’ve never...I’ve never actually been with a guy before...”
”You haven’t?” he replied, sounding surprised. I chuckled.
”Yeah, believe it or not,” I admitted. ”You were my first kiss with a guy.”
He smiled slightly.
”I think I like that,” he murmured. Some of the tension was unraveling now, and the two of us were finally able to cut to the chase and be honest. It felt like a relief, a weight off my shoulders.
”Me too,” I replied. Was this flirting? It felt like it. I was still trying to work out what it meant to flirt with a guy, but if this was what it looked like, I liked it. A lot.
”So...what happens now?” I asked him. I had no idea where we went from here. No idea where we stood. Did I try for more? Was this his way of telling me it was a mistake and we should drop it before it went any further? I had no idea. But I needed to find out.
”I don’t know,” he admitted, as he looked up at me. ”I’ve been with guys before, but never...never for more than a one-time thing. I never wanted to. I never thought I could. And...”
”And then there’s Jo,” I finished up for him. He nodded, not seeming surprised at all that she was on my mind right now.
”You guys are close, huh?” I asked him, and he nodded.
”I want to be,” he replied. ”With her and our daughter.”
My ears pricked up. Our daughter? Wait, did that mean...?
”You’re Kyra’s Dad?” I asked, dumbfounded. I tried to piece it all together, and I guessed, to some extent, it made sense. It explained why she seemed so determined to make a connection with him, despite how different they seemed.
”Yeah,” he replied, smiling slightly – proudly, actually. ”I am.”
”How the hell did that happen?” I asked. She didn’t strike me as the type who would want to start a family with a Bratva enforcer, but, if there was one thing I had learned this last week or so, there was usually a whole lot more going on with people than they showed you on the surface.
”It was a long time ago,” he explained. ”One-night stand. We didn’t even know each other’s names. I only found out about it when she came to the Flood...”
”Damn, really?” I asked. That must have been one hell of a shock. I couldn’t imagine how it felt to discover you had a kid like that out of nowhere...
”Yeah, I know,” he chuckled. ”It was...a lot to take in, to say the least.”
”And the two of you are... together?” I asked him. He paused for a moment, considering the question.
”You know, I’m not actually sure about that,” he replied. ”But I’d like to be with her. And Kyra, too. She’s the sweetest little girl, honestly.”
”I’d like to meet her one day,” I remarked. I knew it would be a big step, meeting her kid, but there was no way I would have passed up the chance. Jo’s little girl, and now, as I was finding out, Avda’s, too? That had to count for something.
”What about you and Jo?” he asked me. ”You can be honest with me. I know things have been complicated between us. I don’t expect her to deny her needs if she has them...”
”We’ve...hooked up,” I replied. ”And she was the first one I told about...you know. Being into guys.”
”I’m glad you did,” he remarked, a sly grin on his face.
”That doesn’t bother you?” I asked, surprised. He didn’t strike me as the type who would be good at sharing, but maybe I had gotten him all wrong. He shrugged.
”Look, if there’s one thing I’ve learned lately, it’s that not everything goes the way you think it’s going to,” he replied. ”And besides...I want Jo to be happy. That’s all I want. And if that means being with you, too...”
He trailed off. The two of us stared at each other, and the relief of knowing we could finally just be honest was intense. I didn’t have to hide from him, and he didn’t have to hide from me. We had more in common than I could ever have imagined; but most of all, we shared a care for Jo. A woman who accepted us, cared for us, and wanted the best for us.
”Then I’m fine with that,” he finished up. He glanced at his watch, and something seemed to dawn on him.
”Hey, are you free this evening?” he asked. I nodded.
”I’m heading home after this,” I replied with a frown. ”Why?”
”I’ve got an idea,” I told him. ”You up for some fun?”
I grinned.
”Always.”