Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
August
“S o when does the drinking start?” Luca asked, and I stared over at the bar, willing it to open.
“Who knows? I thought we were having cocktail hour before the wedding, just so I could get through the ceremony, and yet here we are, dry as a bone.”
“Did I tell you she asked me to provide the alcohol for the event because I own a bar?’ Heath asked, and both Luca and I gave him a look.
“Are you serious?”
“Yep. It doesn’t matter that it’s a small wedding or not. They wanted free booze, and food for that matter. I told them that we didn’t cater that way and didn’t have the ability. And once again I’m the asshole. I’m shocked. Aren’t you? With me, the asshole of the family.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m the asshole. Didn’t we already agree to this?” I asked, feeling as if this had all been another fucking mistake.
“Did you hear those vows?” Luca whispered, as other people milled about.
It surprised me that our folks had even wanted to get married in Colorado, since they didn’t even live here. But their kids did, so we were just going with what they wanted. Nothing my parents did ever made sense and hadn’t since I could remember.
I hated the fact that we were here at all, but we were giving them one last chance, because we were family, and they had been trying. They had been better for the past year.
They had been caring with the kids, and while yes, they had been selfish in some ways, they hadn’t outright hurt us. And what a low fucking bar that was.
“If anyone’s the asshole, we know it’s not one of us,” Luca said softly.
“I hope you’re talking about Mom and Dad, and not our lovely dear sister,” I said as I lifted my chin toward Greer. She was in the middle of an urgent discussion with her husbands, and I had a feeling they would be leaving soon. Our parents still couldn’t quite get over the fact that their baby girl was in a poly relationship. Sometimes they were perfectly okay with it, and at other times they acted as if it was the oddest thing in the world. And somehow my parents had made friends in this state and there were over one hundred people at this wedding. Some of them were great and treated my family with respect. Others? Not so much.
I had already had to stare down a woman with arched eyebrows as she glared at my sister. Nobody was going to hurt my baby sister’s feelings.
Thankfully I knew that she wasn’t going to be staying long. There was no reason for her to.
But I didn’t know why I was still there. I just wanted to go.
I wasn’t sure why I had invited Paisley. A weak moment? Maybe the fact I had just wanted her. We’d stayed at the event hotel the night before because my parents had wanted us to have dinner there and the timing just worked out. It had been nice, waking up again with Paisley in my arms. I had had to deal with a few school board things over email that morning, and Paisley had dealt with a thousand things at once being the multi-business owner that she was, making millions while sometimes never sleeping.
She was brilliant, hardworking, and I knew still getting over her divorce.
But I had wanted her by my side so I wouldn’t have to deal with this alone.
I was so selfish.
“So, you and Paisley seem to be doing well.” I looked over at Heath, and wondered if that twin magic thing had happened again and he could read my mind.
He just gave me a curious look, as Luca stared at me as well, and I shrugged.
“We’re just friends.”
“I don’t think I ever did that with my friend before,” Luca said, and I glared at him.
“Weren’t you fake dating your best friend?” I asked, speaking of Addison.
“Yeah, and I married her. Because I love her. So, want to do that again?”
I rolled my eyes, and nearly let out a cheer when the bar opened. I slid away from my brothers and was first in line to get a glass of whiskey, and because I was gracious, I got two more for my brothers.
I handed the glasses over to them, before lifting mine in salute and taking a sip.
I cringed at the taste, though it wasn’t the worst whiskey I’d ever had, but it was fine. We would leave the next day, and I wouldn’t have to deal with this much longer.
Whatever this was.
“So you’re really not going to talk about Paisley. I like the two of you together.” I glared at Heath, but he continued anyway. “It’s okay if you guys are casual, or just figuring things out, but don’t lie to yourself and say you’re just friends. I see the way that you look at her, the way that you have always looked at her. Be truthful about it. Figure out what you want, and make it happen. Because she looks at you the same way, bro.”
“We’re not like that. We tried that before, and it didn’t work.” I gestured around the mockery of a wedding with my whiskey glass. “Look what happens when you believe it can work repeatedly. It doesn’t.”
“You were nothing like our parents,” Luca whispered, and I was grateful that he whispered, considering that there were so many of their friends around us.
“Even so, history repeats itself.”
“With them. You got married when you were too young, fine. But you guys aren’t young kids anymore. You guys are adults, with jobs, careers, and futures. You have people that like you separately and together. Figure it out, August. You’re not our parents.”
I shook my head and downed the rest of my glass.
“I’m going to go find Paisley. I left her alone too long even though I’m the one who dragged her here.”
“She’s off with our wives having girl time. You may have dragged her up here, but she’s still with her friends.”
And that was the problem. Because these were her friends. My family. I was such an asshole.
I moved past the partygoers, ignoring my brothers’ shouts for me, and made my way to Paisley. I just needed to figure things out. But as I rounded the corner, everything shifted once again.
“I saw the way that you were looking at him.” My dad.
“So? You had your hands on Nancy’s ass,” my mother spat.
My parents stood in front of each other, her in a lacy ivory dress, my father in a tan suit, and couldn’t help but wonder once again why I was here.
Their faces were pressed toward one another as they yelled, before they would move back and begin to pace. They were still at their goddamn wedding, still wearing their wedding shoes and wedding rings. It had just been forty-five minutes since they had vowed to love each other above all else—including their own kids. But no, they couldn’t even handle forty-five minutes before they realized that they had made a mistake.
You could’ve colored me shocked.
“I wasn’t dancing with Nancy. I was just making sure she found her seat since she was drunk.”
“You had your hands on her last year.”
“Because we were on a break.”
“Don’t bring that TV show logic here. I don’t care if we were on a break, and we were sleeping with other people. We also had Nancy in our bed together if you don’t remember that. And you’re still touching her?”
There were some things a son shouldn’t know. Like the fact that apparently my parents sometimes had an open relationship. Which I wasn’t going to judge, but the fact that they sometimes judged their daughter for having a poly, closed relationship where the three people loved each other with every ounce of their beings?
No, I was done. So done.
“If you guys are going to keep yelling at each other and pushing out wild accusations, I would do it a little quieter before your guests hear. They can still take your wedding gifts back, and I’m pretty sure that’s why you keep getting married. For the free shit.”
“August. We didn’t see you there,” Mom said, as she gripped my father’s hand out of solidarity or perhaps warning. I didn’t know, and I didn’t care.
“I’m headed out. I wish you guys the next few seconds of marital bliss because I’m not quite sure it’s going to last that much longer. But thank you for reminding me what happens when you keep trying again. What’s the old saying that the first mistake is on someone else and the second mistake’s on you? Or maybe it’s the repeated trying that makes you a fucking idiot.”
“August, that’s no way to speak to your parents.”
“You stopped being our parents a long time ago. I don’t know why we keep trying. Good luck in whatever farce of a relationship you guys think you have. But all I can see are two people who keep trying and keep fighting without realizing that you guys weren’t meant to be.”
“That’s not true. I love your father.”
“Even with the fact that he’s fucking Nancy?”
“Watch your mouth, August,” my dad snapped.
“You know what, you’re right. It isn’t any of my business. But if you keep screaming it so that the guests hear, it’s going to be their business. And Nancy’s business. And I’m pretty sure Nancy is married, right? Again, not my fucking business. But maybe you want to quiet down just in case the kids that still somewhat like you don’t overhear. Because I’m done.”
And with that, I moved down the path, my shoulders tense.
I was done. Done with the parents that continued to show me exactly what happened when you tried to cover up your mistakes.
They pretended to love each other, and continued to vow one another, and they couldn’t even last five minutes.
Why the hell was I still trying with someone that I couldn’t stop fighting before? I wasn’t going to become my parents.
I was the rebound in Paisley’s life. Maybe I was even the rebound to myself. So I was going to do the one thing that I could do.
Set her free, before we ended up like my parents.
Hating each other at our own wedding.
I turned round the corner, and my heart stopped as I saw her standing there, phone in hand, her lavender dress glowing under the lights. Her hair had fallen out of the bun and was now flowing over her shoulders and down her back. She was like a fae goddess, gorgeous with high cheekbones and stunning curves. And she wasn’t for me.
If I wanted to keep Paisley happy, I had to do what was best for both of us.
Because this wasn’t going to work. We couldn’t even talk about why it wasn’t going to work.
So I would walk away. And leave her some sense of dignity. Leave her with her friends.
Because I wouldn’t let her become what I had just seen.
She looked up at me then, smiling so bright that her eyes shined under the lights. It was like a kick to the gut, but I had to be stronger.
“Hey. Sorry, that was a work call. You know my job. Never really ends.” She winced. “Not the greatest thing to say when I’m trying to find a work/life balance.” She shook her head and put on a bright smile. “Hi, there. It was a beautiful wedding. Albeit odd vows.”
I stared off into the distance, giving her a one-armed shrug. “Well, my parents are already fighting and screaming divorce, so this might be the shortest marriage ever.”
She blinked at me, her mouth dropping. “Are you serious? No. There’s no way.”
“Yes, way. I think they like fighting and drama more than they even like each other. I don’t even care anymore.”
“I’m sorry. About them. I know there’s nothing you can do, but it still sucks.”
I slid my hands in my pockets, afraid I would reach out and touch her. “There’s nothing I can do about my parents. But there’s something I can do now.”
She paused in the action of sliding her phone into her small purse, that frown between her eyes deepening.
“August? What are you talking about?”
“I shouldn’t have brought you here. I did it because I am selfish. Because I didn’t want to be the sole brother alone without a date. But I realized I made a mistake. That I was leading both of us on.”
Her chin lifted slightly in that instant, and I saw the Paisley I had known since I had moved here before everything had shifted. The same Paisley who had told me she was marrying Jacob and was finally with a man who would love her for who she was.
That had turned out to be a lie, but then again, I was just as good at lying to myself, it seemed.
This was for the best. It would keep her safe from my family, and from the blood that ran in my veins. Because there was only so much happiness that could be bled from a stone. My siblings had all found their happy ever afters, but I had thrown mine away once, and I didn’t deserve it again. Paisley would thrive without me, something we both knew had to be true.
I just had to be the smarter person.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you correctly. Are you telling me that you didn’t want me here?”
“It’s not that. It’s nice what we’ve had. It’s good relaxation. I’ve been a nice rebound for you. But before it goes any further, before either one of us hurts another person, I think it’d be good if we just back off. End it. A clean break so that way you can still hang out with Devney, Greer, and Addison, and you don’t feel like you have to lose them too.”
It felt as if there were sawdust in my mouth as I spoke, but this was for the best. Because one day soon Paisley would realize how much better she was than me, and we would end up like my parents, and she’d be alone.
And I’d do anything not to make that happen.
I ignored the voice in my head that said that this was a mistake. That me being with her wouldn’t let her be alone, but what would happen when she saw me for the real person I was.
No, this was for the best.
There were two feet between us, but it might as well have been the Grand Canyon. It was a gulf, broken up into a shattering cavern that made no logical sense.
A single tear slid down her face, reminding me of that tear from before. The one that I knew had been about me.
“Paise.”
“No. No.” She shook her head but didn’t wipe the tear. Instead she let another fall.
She hadn’t cried the first time that I had left. The first time that I had broken both of us.
That was a change.
“You don’t get to call me Paise. And you don’t get to pretend that this is about protecting me. You don’t get to call me a rebound or call yourself one. I’ll take the blame for not asking why you broke everything before, but I don’t want answers right now. Not when I’m wearing another dress, and I can hear laughter behind us. Laughter and happiness for a wedding that probably won’t amount to anything. So fine. Be a coward. Walk away again. Because I knew it.”
I frowned, taking a step forward. But she took one step back, holding her hands out.
“No. No. Do you want me to fight and yell for you? Do you want me to beg you to stay? Because we both know I won’t do that. Not when you have clearly already made up your mind. You are not your parents. Just like I’m not my bitch of a mother. But here I am, acting the shrew for this little tableau. Break it off, or perhaps we don’t have to break it off since there was never a label to this. But I knew it,” she repeated, “I knew I wasn’t enough. I was never going to be the one to show you that you weren’t your parents. Your brothers and sister and their families weren’t enough either. That’s on you. So I’m not going to yell at you. I’m not going to be your mother. I’m not going to fight. I’m not going to be your father. I’m just going to be me. The person you pushed away. Twice. ”
And with that she turned on her heel and walked toward our rooms.
And I let her go.
Again.
This was for the best.
Before she fell in love with me, before I broke her heart, this was for the best.
So why did it feel like I’d once again ruined everything?