Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Paisley
“J essa, do you have the contract for the Hoovers?” I asked, not noticing that my voice had become so brittle, so encased with ice, I had become the one thing that I had been afraid of for so long.
The ice queen personified. She was back.
But I was tired. Oh so tired.
“Right on it, Paisley. Is there anything else?”
I let out a breath, telling myself to calm down, and answered. “No, that’s it. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
Was that pity in her voice? Or just worry?
I wasn’t sure anymore. After all, I was not even sure what everyone knew.
News of Jacob’s engagement had hit the cycles again. So now I was not just the woman left behind, I was now the scorned woman. Because with that engagement, came the lovely stories of why things had come so quickly.
I was the one he cheated on, and of course, it had to be something that I had done. It couldn’t be that Jacob couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. No, he had to be the one that had fallen because I couldn’t be good enough for him. I wasn’t quite sure what PR teams that Jacob’s family were using right then, but it was a little ridiculous how quick they were on top of things. It wasn’t affecting my business as of yet, and I knew that people who would think that I couldn’t handle my business because he’d cheated on me weren’t people I wanted to work with anyway.
Of course it was all easier said than done because people knew.
They knew that once again I wasn’t good enough.
I was so done.
Addison and Paisley were both offsite today, both of them working from home since the girls had the sniffles. I had told them to just take the day off, but they had said they wanted to work on a few projects.
And unlike the rest of the company, they knew that it wasn’t Jacob on my mind.
No, it was the man who had left me again.
Should I have fought for him? For what. He had clearly made up his mind. Me baring my soul and telling him that I loved him wouldn’t save anything. It made me feel like a coward.
I hadn’t fought for Jacob because there was nothing to fight for.
I hadn’t fought for August the first time because I thought I hadn’t been enough. Only I hadn’t fought again . I should have. But I hadn’t. Because it was easier to walk away and pretend. This time I could even tell myself I had done the right thing because he had done it first.
He had done what he had always done. Made me feel left behind, less than. I mean, it wasn’t as if I should be shocked about this new revelation. I had even expected it. I had nearly written it down in stone that I was not good enough for him.
“Get it together, Paisley,” I whispered to myself.
Wallowing in the same feelings and repeating the same phrases in my mind repeatedly wasn’t going to help.
So instead, I went to work. It was what I was good at.
I was better off doing things alone. Yes, I had friends, friends that would remind me of the time that I had fallen in love, not once, but twice with the wrong man. But I could still have them in my life. When they reached out to me. I would help when they needed their Auntie Paisley, but I wouldn’t encroach.
Because it was better to do things on my own where people wouldn’t have to disappoint me. I could travel on my own, join a club for singles where they wouldn’t date each other. One where the bylaws meant that it was just so you would have company if you needed it.
I had already researched travel sites on traveling alone, and how to walk through cities and national parks by yourself and be safe. I had already searched different platforms where you wouldn’t have the couples’ tax—where some things were booked as occupancy of two like cruises, and a single person got screwed over.
So no, I would be fine. No one needed to know that I was dying inside and waiting to be left once again.
I had a career that I excelled at. I had a platform I could use for good. And I had work that could fulfill me. I had money that could take me places and let me visit places. And I would have Paisley and Addison and their families when they needed me.
I didn’t need anyone else.
Needing and loving other people just broke your heart in the end when they left you. Relying on others just reminded you that you could only rely on yourself. Because when you failed, you only disappointed yourself and that was something that I was used to.
I let out a breath and went back to work. The sale of the matchmaking company to the original owner’s wishes was now complete. There were a few little snickers from some organizations about the fact that I couldn’t keep a man and would need that matchmaking service, but that didn’t matter in the end.
I would do what I did best, be the ice queen of businesswomen, walk on my stiletto heels, and be alone.
It was safer.
My fingers slid across the keys as I answered another email, my phone ringing once again as my assistant forwarded a call, and I kept going.
I wouldn’t think about the fact that August hadn’t wanted forever. And I had for just one instant, thought I could trust that. But he hadn’t wanted forever before and wouldn’t tell me why. So why would I have to be the one to get on my knees and ask?
I ended the call with a reporter, this time about a charity organization I was running, and went to work on the next gala. Each charity gala I did brought in thousands, sometimes hundreds of thousands for specific charities. I worked my ass off on them, and because I didn’t have a social life now, I could continue to work my ass off.
Maybe I would get back in those jeans and sparkly shoes of mine and go line dancing again, albeit this time sober. And maybe I would just enjoy the town on my own. There were thousands of things I hadn’t done yet, and I was no longer waiting for a man or a family to make that happen.
I went back to work, as lunch passed, and people came in and out of my office. When my phone buzzed, I looked down, and my heart ached. I hated the fact that it did. Because it wasn’t going to be him, of course it wasn’t going to be, but it was someone close.
Devney: Girls’ night this weekend?
Addison: Why are you even asking? The answer is yes.
I pressed my lips together, before letting out a breath.
Me: I have that deadline for the gala coming up, and I’m planning a trip. But maybe next time? Rain check?
Devney: Oh. We can help you with the gala if you want.
Addison: Of course we’re going to help you with the gala, but what you’re also going to do is freaking go with us to girls’ night. You don’t get to hide.
I loved and hated my friends.
Me: I’m not hiding. I’m working. And I do have a trip coming up. I’m okay, girls. You don’t have to worry about me.
Addison: Maybe we want you to worry about us. Because I’m selfish.
My lips twitched and I shook my head even though my two best friends couldn’t see me.
Me: You couldn’t be selfish.
Addison: I could try.
Devney: We can all try. We can be selfish together. I think that sort of negates the process.
Me: I love you both. Let me get back to work. And I’ll think about it.
But I wouldn’t. I would join them on another day. When the hurt wasn’t too fresh. When I got through the agonizing pain part of grief and hit the anger part. Yes, anger would be good. And as if I had summoned my own anger, my mother and Jacob walked through the door.
I set my palms down on my desk on either side of my keyboard, and stared at two people that I honestly hated. I didn’t like the word hate because it created a sense of ownership in my opinion, but hate felt good.
“You don’t need to bother closing the door, Jacob, because you will be leaving right away.” I stood up, my chin lifted, as I stared at my mother and my ex-husband, wondering why they were even here. And I was sure I wasn’t going to like the answer.
“Paisley, we are here as a show of unity.”
I held up my hand and shook my head. “No. You’re not. You’re here with some form of a scheme that doesn’t make any sense.” I turned to Jacob. “Your engagement was just announced. Why are you in the office of your ex-wife? With my mother? What kind of bullshit did the two of you think you could work together in order to shine your profiles simultaneously? The cheating is already out, but you’re a politician. We’re used to it.”
“Paisley,” my mother snapped. “Look what you’re giving up with your selfishness and coldness. There is so much out there for you and so much you can offer these propositions. You will sit down and listen. I am your mother. I sacrificed everything for you. You will listen to me.”
I wasn’t even sure my mother believed the words coming out of her mouth at this point. “No. I’m done. I don’t know what you two think you’re going to accomplish by being in this room, but it literally makes no sense to me right now. So just leave. I don’t want you here.” I turned to her, my shoulders straight. “And you never sacrificed for me. Not in the end. You said you did, but no, you used me. All of my life I’ve been your ticket. We had money growing up, but it was never enough. We had a family between the two of us, or at least we could have, but it was never enough. I played beauty queen and prodigy for you. I was a poet and an ice princess for you. But when I wanted to find my own way, to be myself, you took that from me. You made me feel like I was nothing. So I’m done, Mother. I’ve been done for a while but you never listened. I moved away from you, and you followed. Leave. Leave and cut the ties. It’s beyond time.”
“How could you say those things to me?” my mother asked, her voice full of shock. I could almost imagine it was real.
“I should have said them a long time ago.” I turned to Jacob. “Go home. To your next wife or whatever decision you decide to make. But I won’t be part of it.”
“Lydia and I will not be getting married.”
I blinked for a moment, trying to come up with words to Jacob’s exclamation, but instead I just threw my head back and laughed. It was a good laugh, one of humor and sarcasm with a little bit of hatred. Oh, there was that anger, it was starting to bubble up. I had missed it.
“Oh, that’s rich. Oh wait, she’s the rich one. Wasn’t she?”
“It’s a setback for the Bartons for sure,” my mother said, trying her best to sound reasonable. “However, there are options.”
“The Bartons are richer than God in their opinion, isn’t that what your mother always said, Jacob?”
Jacob cleared his throat, looking far more awkward than I’d seen him in the past. Interesting and not unpleasant. “We are fine financially, but as news of the broken engagement will hit news waves by tomorrow, your mother and I have come up with a new platform.”
“What? That you and I have decided to get back together? How on earth is that going to help you? You flip-flopping between wives isn’t going to help you stay firm on your political stances. That’s not how things work. And I’m not going along with it.”
“You will. For the good of the family.”
I rounded on my mother, moving along the side of my desk. “Are you serious right now? What family? Dad is gone. You hate me other than what I can do for you. I’m not going to be your prom queen. I’m not going to be Little Miss Oregon. Just leave. I’m not going into whatever schemes you think you need.”
“I made you who you are today,” my mother barked. “Without me, you would have no ambition. I was the one that pushed you for those scholarships, for those connections. If you had done what you had wanted to all those years ago, you wouldn’t have this business. Those business deals would have ended before they’d even begun if you had stayed with that little teacher. If he hadn’t come to the realization that you needed someone stronger like Jacob. Now he needs you, and you need him, and you could be the power couple of the century. Yes, there was that little bump of divorce, but you could use it to talk about family connections and finding love after pain. We have ways.”
My mother and Jacob kept rambling, but things started to click. Things that should have clicked long ago. Yet I hadn’t thought that August would have let them. Or perhaps, I hadn’t given my mother that much credit.
“What did you say to August all those years ago?” I asked, my voice oddly strong even though I was screaming inside.
My mother stiffened, as if she hadn’t realized she had let those words slip. “Nothing. He left you, and that was great. It was good for us.”
She was lying and I needed to know why. “What did you say to him to make him leave me?” I was guessing at this, but I had a horrible sinking feeling.
“If I could have said anything to him to make him leave, he would’ve been a little weakling.”
I shook my head. “No. Because he loved me. What did you say to him that he had to protect me?” I asked, guessing, and yet fearing.
“Oh, stop being such a drama queen,” Jacob snarled, and I whirled on him.
“Excuse me? You don’t get to say anything. You get to leave here and go grovel back to your other fiancée, or just leave in general. I don’t want to see you again. In fact if you set foot on these premises again, I’m filing for a restraining order. How will that do for your publicity and your pretty little family?.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Watch me,” I said so swiftly that he took a step back. And then I whirled once again on my mother. “What did you do?”
She lifted her chin in a gesture that reminded me so much of myself that bile rose in my throat. “What had to be done. If you would like the details, you can talk to him. But just know he was the one who left. And from what I hear, he left again. You don’t need a weak man.”
“I don’t want to see you again. You know nothing about August. Nothing about me. I’m done being your puppet. If you want Jacob and his money so much, you marry him.” I laughed then, pure joy writhing through me. “Oh yes. Be the cougar that you’ve always wanted to be and fuck my ex-husband. I don’t care what you do. Maybe it’ll be good for you, Jacob. Someone to mother you when I was never going to be that person. And my mom can have the connections she wants. I don’t care. Just get out of my office, get out of my life, and never speak with me again. I’m done.” I went to the door and opened it, gesturing for them both to leave. “I’ll call security right now. To get you both. Neither one of you is welcome in my office, my life, or in my general vicinity. And, Mother? I will find out what you said to August. And I will deal with him later. But you do not get to dictate my life ever again. I should have stood up for myself long before this. And that’s shame on me. But shame on you for thinking you could ever try it again. Get the fuck out.”
I hadn’t realized that people were staring, until a couple of people let out claps and a holler, and I nodded at them, before glaring back at Jacob and my mother. “Well?” I asked, gesturing once again.
Heads high, both walked out the door, and I knew that I would probably see them again, but I would deal with it legally.
I was done. Oh so done.
“Jessa, can you hold my calls for the day and change my meetings? I have to go fix something.”
“Go get him,” she said, and I snorted.
“No, I’m not quite sure that’s going to happen, but I need answers. And I’m done being the sideshow for the day.”
“It has been getting quite boring here,” Arnold, one of the partners said as he walked by.
I sighed and grabbed my purse. “I’ll call everyone soon about the gala, but I need to go yell at someone else.”
“We won’t warn Addison and Devney though,” Jessa said. “Just so they don’t warn him.”
I held back a snort. It seemed that I wasn’t being as discreet as I’d thought. Everyone knew my business, but maybe I’d use that for good. Because I was going to get the truth out of August even if I had to growl it out of him. “That sounds like a plan.”
It was a non-school day. I knew that it was a teacher holiday, so I didn’t know where he was. I also didn’t want to warn him with a phone call. Since he wasn’t at the house, I drove to Heath’s bar. All of the extra driving time gave me time to figure out what to say. Only I had no idea how to begin. I’d have to think of something soon. When I stomped through the front door, both Heath and Luca were there, and they stared at me, wide-eyed.
“Where is he?” I snapped, as all of Heath’s customers looked at me. I should be embarrassed, but right then I was tired. Oh so tired.
Without a second beat, Luca answered, “He’s in the family cabin.” He frowned. “What’s wrong, Paisley?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just finally standing up for myself and I’m done being set aside. I’m going to get him to tell me a few things before I yell at him and maybe push him off a mountain.” I paused. “Scratch that, because I’m not going to get in trouble for premeditated anything.”
Heath and Luca gave each other a look, before giving me broad smiles. “I’ll text you the address, you should be able to get there in about an hour. We won’t warn him.”
I nodded tightly, eager and anxious to get started. “Good. Because I’m done waiting for when August thinks is a good time.”
“Good for you. Go kick his ass,” Luca said with a grin.
“I should have kicked his ass a long time ago.”
“August is good about pretending that he has to be the sacrifice in our family. It never made any sense to me.” Heath shook his head. “So you kick his ass, and then we’ll all kick his ass as a family. What do you say?”
I smiled, feeling as if I wasn’t alone. Something I should have realized all along. I had my friends—including the men in front of me—and I shouldn’t have pushed them away all this time. “All I can say is that I’m going to fix this. Because it’s what I do. And I should have remembered that long ago.”
“Damn straight. I’ll text the girls in the group chat,” Luca said, pulling out his phone.
I rolled my eyes, and made my way back to the car, ignoring the cheers and claps from strangers I had a feeling I would never see again. Apparently, I was good at being the sideshow. But that was fine with me.
Because I was going to get the truth out of August. And then I would kick his ass.
And then I would tell him I loved him.
We would have to see what happened after that, but I hadn’t gotten my second chance yet.
And it was about time I tried.