Thirty-Six - River
Coming home is weird, especially when it’s in the city that made you. It twists my stomach into knots. Everywhere I look, memories sink their claws deep into my psyche. In the front seat of Callum’s modest SUV, I twiddle my thumbs as the world flashes by. Discreetly, I peek at Lyric, sitting the same way in her booster seat, which Jordy procured before he left. Her tiny blue eyes take in the colors flashing by with interest.
“Are you going to be okay?” Asher asks from the driver’s seat, nervously shifting.
“I’ll be fine. Thanks for driving me here.” Not exactly sure why he thought he needed to be my chauffeur, but I’m not complaining. I’m in no mood to drive across town by myself. My head is in the clouds and stuffed full of cotton balls. After everything I’ve endured with the shock of my stalker and my forced visit here—I’m exhausted.
I’m so fucking tired of fighting myself on what is right and what’s wrong. I’m so fucking tired of fighting these feelings festering inside and begging to reemerge. Hopefully, my talk with Ode will wield some insight into what I should do. She was always the one to give me a little nudge here and there.
“No problem,” he says softly. “They were your family, too.” Understanding oozes from his eyes when he sends me a smile, lighting up his face. The bruises continue to disappear, especially since Callum handed him a tiny bottle of cream and instructed him to use it.
I side-eye Ash as we travel through the center of Central City—the heart of my hometown. Down these streets is where I walked daily to and from work, heaving a heavy backpack with determination forcing me forward. This place molded me into the woman I am. Breathing the same air I left is so fucking surreal. I’ve intended to return for years, promising Ode I’d come to visit her and the family but work always held me back.
As we pass the old record store I once worked at, I smile. Every once in a while, Booker texts me updates on his life. After I paid off all his bills, including his loans, he could relax instead of drowning in debt. He was always the father I never had, taking me under his wing and providing me with jobs. I worked my ass off for him to prove to the world I could succeed. And in turn, he always believed in me. No matter what.
Before I know it, I’m pointing Asher in the right direction, down a long, winding path toward the beautiful farmhouse in the middle of three acres of grassland. Corn and bean fields lie around the edges, cutting the property off from the rest of the world. Giving the seclusion, they always dreamed about.
“Where would you live if you could ever get away?” I ask, sipping Korrine’s sweet tea at her dining room table after a long school day.
Korrine smiles, stirring the pot soup she started for dinner. “Long time ago, baby, my mama and papa had a beautiful farmhouse out on Route 36. It was two stories, surrounded by fields. The best sound was the cicadas as the sun set and painted the sky pink.” A nostalgic look overtakes her.
“What happened to it?”
“My brother inherited the property and tore it down. It was unlivable,” she says sadly, looking at the murky soup on the stove. “One day, I’d love to relive that. Sitting on the porch, drinking my sun tea without a care in the world. But that’s just a dream some old woman thought up.”
“This place is huge,” Asher mumbles as he pulls the car to a stop near the side of the house.
I grin, pride puffing my chest. As the house was being built under the constant supervision of a contractor, Ode sent me daily pictures.
“It was her dream house. Thanks for coming with me. This might be?—”
He snorts. “A little awkward? I’m about to face the wrath of your best friend. All deserved, I suppose.” His hazel eyes look upward, cataloging every inch of the house with a grin. “It’s beautiful.”
“You’ll live,” I say, patting his thigh without thinking.
The instant my hand comes into contact with him, a buzz zings through my arm, and heat forms on my cheeks. I clear my throat, turning away from his curious gaze. Oh, and I also removed my hand. As quickly as fucking possible before I do something stupid. Like squeeze it. Or lick it or something. God, I need more sleep.
I clear my throat, refusing to look at the man I know is staring at me in question. Not falling into that trap again. No way in fucking hell.
“Ly, are you ready to see Aunt Ode again?” I ask, turning to my quiet child, who hasn’t spoken since we got into the vehicle. Saying that’s odd is an understatement. Lyric must be feeling the same effects I am.
“Yes,” she says with a grin. “Is Daddy meeting Aunt Ode?”
Asher’s eyes dart to Ly through the rearview mirror, and he grins. “Yes,” he answers, not bothering to explain he met her years before at the bar, knowing exactly who he is facing in about two seconds.
We all pile out, Ly a little more enthusiastically than Asher, who hangs back a step with his hands in his pockets. Now and again, his eyes drift back to the car, probably contemplating driving away and leaving us here, so he doesn’t get his ass handed to him. Once Ode sees Asher, she will lose her damn mind and probably try to beat his ass with a broom. It wouldn’t be the first or last time she’s pulled something like that.
God, I love my best friend.
“My, my… Do my eyes deceive me?” A single rocking chair squeaks against the wooden wrap-around porch, swaying as the owner slowly rocks herself.
Her smile immediately greets me when she comes into view, and I halt as the nostalgia hits me square in the chest. Immediate longing to have her motherly arms wrapped around me has me itching to run up the stairs and bury my face in her neck.
Pure joy soars through me at the sound of her voice. I’ve missed hearing it in person after all these years. It may not be as strong as it was when I was a kid, but she’s still the same Mama Korrine. The woman who helped raise me when my Ma worked overnight. Her home became my home. She was my unofficial second mother, and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.
“Grandma!” Ly squeals, breaking away from us with excitement.
“Ly, careful!” I warn as she charges up the porch stairs and throws herself into Korrine’s awaiting arms.
My breath hitches. Korrine has been through the wringer with her cancer treatments but always seems to come out on top. So far, she’s had several rounds with success. But by the look in her weary eyes and shaking hands, it’s wearing her down to the bone.
“Oh, my baby,” she coos, kissing the top of her hair and squeezing her arms around her. Gingerly, she pulls Ly into her lap. “Now, let me get a good look at you.” A warm smile crosses her face when her dark eyes take Lyric’s features in. “My, how you’ve grown. I think you got more freckles than before.”
“Mommy says it’s angel kisses, and Grammy Stella is sending me loves.” Lyric’s grin expands as she explains, tracing her fingers over the freckles continually popping up over the bridge of her nose and cheeks.
“I think your mama is right. Grammy Stella has lots of love to give you from Heaven,” Korrine says, booping a trembling finger on her nose. “Now, are you gonna stand there all day? Or are you going to come and give me some sugar? I’ve missed you both so much,” Korrine rasps, waving a hand in my direction.
I don’t need any further instructions. I march up the stairs with burning tears and settle my weary bones in her embrace, letting her warmth envelop me and soaking in the motherly hug she always gives me. It’s one of those hugs you don’t realize you’ve missed until your mother is gone. No one prepares you for the mediocre hugs that can’t even compare to the last one you gave to your mother. Ever. But Korrine’s do. And today of all days, after finally becoming free, I needed this.
“We’ve missed you too,” I whisper, kissing her cheek and sniffling.
“No crying now,” she murmurs, brushing my tears away with the pad of her thumb. “Hmmm. And who is this?” She gestures to Asher as he stands at the bottom of the stairs, scratching his neck.
“That’s my daddy, Grandma! Or…one of them. I’ve gots four. And they’re so cool.” Korrine’s brows raise, but she doesn’t utter a word as Lyric recounts her mini vacation trapped in the house with all of them and what we’ve been doing.
“Well, don’t be shy, Boy. Come on up and introduce yourself. I don’t believe we’ve had the privilege of meeting.” Korrine’s tone leaves no room for arguments, coming out stronger than I’ve heard her in months through our many phone calls.
“I’m Asher,” he says softly, extending his hand as he sways in front of us with a look of pure terror.
Huh. Who knew? The way to scare these boys straight was in front of me all along. Now, I need to get the rest of them out here because Asher’s so pale; he looks like he’s about to shit his pants.
“One of them?” she asks, taking his hand in a firm grip.
“Yes?” he questions, gazing at me with wide eyes.
Internally I laugh at his pain, biting the inside of my cheek when his terror turns into slight trembles.
“Yes,” I say, clearing my throat.
Korrine purses her lips. “Nice to finally have you on board.”
“Mama! Who are you talking—” Ode, my best fucking friend, stops at the threshold of the front door, turning pale when she looks me over.
More tears burn the back of my eyes at the sight of her with her mouth agape and her body frozen in the doorway. My heart pounds wildly in my chest. A sense of home settles deep in my soul, unlocking all the turmoil I’ve faced in the years, months, and weeks leading up to this.
I’m finally where I need to be. If only for a little while.
Her dark eyes widen, and she drops the glass in her hand. It shatters against the wood, hurling glass everywhere. “Either I’m too sleep-deprived from that baby trying to eat every piece of lint off the floor or?—”
I wrinkle my nose. “I’m really here.”
“You dirty bitch!” she squeals, running toward me. Her arms fly around me as we laugh, hugging each other. “God damnit, River West. You bitch,” she cries into my shoulder, snotting everywhere. But I don’t give a shit. “If I had known you were coming, I would have laid out the red carpet.”
“No, you wouldn’t have,” I choke, clutching her tight.
“You’re right!” she cries, sniffling on my shoulder. “But I would have at least cleaned my house. Alma and Anni have flipped my damn house upside down.” Sniffling, she pulls away, clapping a hand on my cheek. “But I’ve missed you and—” Her brows furrow. “What are you doing here? Last time we talked to you—” Her eyes widen on Asher, who awkwardly stands beside Korrine, softly talking to her and Lyric.
“Um, yeah,” I say, clearing my throat.
“Yo, Ricky!” she shouts her husband’s name. “Grab the gun. We’ve got a snake to fill with pellets!”
“Um, maybe I should just wait in the car,” Asher says, gesturing toward the SUV with horror lining his face. If he thought meeting Korrine was terrible, he’s now facing the wrath of my best friend, who openly glares at him with hostility.
“Oh, no, you won’t. You and I are going to enjoy some sweet tea on the porch.” I suppress my snort when Korrine gives him a I’m not taking no for an answer look.
“Oh, shit. She’s breaking out the sweet tea,” Ode hisses, pulling on my arm. “We better get before she breaks out the vanilla wafers and wants to have the sex talk again.” Ode snickers under her breath when Korrine side-eyes us with a knowing smirk.
Yeah. I don’t want to have that talk again.
“Y’all go inside. Asher and I will sit out here and enjoy the sun and conversation.” Asher’s eyes scream for help, silently begging me not to leave him in the clutches of Korrine.
“Okay. Have fun,” I snort when Asher swallows hard, sitting beside Korrine in a second rocking chair.
“All right, you’re coming with me. We’ve got lots of tea to devour ourselves.” Ode grins at me, pulling me along. “Come inside, Lyric, my love! Alma would love to play!”
“Okay, Auntie Ode,” she says, hopping off Korrine’s lap and running inside without looking back.
“Is he going to be okay?” I murmur as she pulls me through the large living room littered with toys. The TV screams, but not over the squeals of Lyric and Alma, Ode’s three-year-old daughter and Ly’s long-distance best friend, hugging amid chaos.
“Bitch, please. Mama is going to eat him alive. Maybe he’ll be a changed man by the time she’s done with him. Converted and everything,” she snorts, plopping my ass in front of the dining room table. “Now, how about some drinks?” she asks, setting down a large bottle of tequila in front of me.
“Ew. Why tequila? And it’s only like eleven.”
“Pfft. Bitch, this is the only alcohol that makes you talk. And it’s five o’clock somewhere. Now, explain why douchebag number one is sitting on my porch like a domesticated dog,” she says, pouring a tall shot of tequila.
“No lime? Salt?”
“No fucking lime for you, Missy. Take your shot and tell your bestie everything,” she demands, pointing to the shot with her brow raised.
“Fine,” I grimace, tossing back the shot. “Jesus,” I croak through the burning sensation tingling down my throat.
“Out with it!” Ode says, pouring another shot. “I need all the dirty deets.”
So, I tell her everything that’s happened since we last spoke on the phone, starting with the fights, the revelations, and everything in between. I’ve texted her updates here and there in our daily messages but being in her presence hits differently.
“I just…don’t know how I feel about it, Ode. I’m so fucking conflicted about everything,” I murmur at the last of it, drowning myself in another shot of tequila.
“Wow,” Ode says, drinking a shot, too.
“Yeah…”
“So, they volunteered to follow you here to protect you and Lyric. They’ve stepped up.”
“Massively. Asher makes her breakfast every morning, even before all this. He wants to be her father. Rad’s teaching her the drums. Callum tries to read to her every night. And Kieran is bonding with her like he never left her side. They’re all trying as dads and—” I look out the window, examining the bright blue, cloudless sky as I gather my thoughts.
“And with you?” she asks, pouring two more shots for each of us.
I lick my lips. “That’s the part that scares me, Ode. What if…”
“What if they break your heart? What if they walk away? What if… What if…” she trails off, shaking her head. “I saw how much it broke your heart when they fucked you over like that. Seeing you so damn sad and mad at the entire world broke my heart, too. You were ready to burn their entire existence down. But hearing that bitch Gloria was the one who did most of it.” She grimaces as she downs another shot, sticking her tongue out and making a face when she sets the glass down.
“But Asher orchestrated it with her help. He made this entire thing happen.”
“Yeah? And what’s he doing now, bitch? He’s sitting on the porch with Mama, probably getting ripped into through polite words. He drove you here?”
“He insisted.”
Ode nods wistfully, taking another shot. “This could be the tequila fogging my thinking skills. When I saw him outside my house, I wanted to slice his balls open and shove them up his ass. The fucker deserved it. But the way I see it and from what you’ve told me, they’re trying. With you. With her. With every fucking thing. Three of them walked away because they thought you broke their heart. One walked away because his fucking dreams depended on it. They were fucking idiots. So fucking stupid. God! Who put these men on this earth?” she slurs, covering her mouth.
“Way beyond idiots,” I snort, taking a deep breath after I force another burning shot down my gullet. “Am I fucking crazy for even contemplating this?”
“Were you contemplating it when Kieran’s fingers were in your–” I grunt, slamming a hand over her mouth.
“You get awfully vulgar when you’ve had tequila.” She grins behind my hand, licking my palm.
“Well, I’m just saying… What’s the worst that could happen?”
I blow out a breath. “They could leave us again. They are in a band. What happens when they go on tours? They’ll leave for months at a time. What about Ly? How the hell is this all going to work out into a happy ending, Ode?”
“No one knows, babe. That’s the beauty of life. You don’t know the ending. Remember before? You thought you were going to travel the world with them. Maybe you were presented with this second chance for a reason.” She shrugs, putting the lid back onto the now half-empty bottle of tequila, and hiccups. “No more day drinking for us, bitch.” She giggles, thrusting a finger into the air as a lightbulb illuminates above her head like it always does before she has a brilliant idea. “Okay, so hear me out. I’ve got two ideas. You have enough money. Why don’t you go on tour with them? Be their HBIC all over the world or some shit?” she asks like it’s that fucking simple to drop my day job and go off with them on tour.
“I may have the money, but I like my job. And Ly loves her school… We could survive tours, right? We could—” Ode gives me an all-knowing smile.
“You have your answer. You didn’t need me and the tequila to decide you wanted them. For some reason, they’re your ones. You’re meant to fucking be. You just had to go through some trials to get here.”
I nibble my bottom lip. “Maybe you’re right… But what is your second idea?” I ask, putting my elbows on the table as Lyric, Alma, and baby Anni toddle through the kitchen, singing at the top of their lungs.
“Okay, so… Here’s my idea…” Ode says, spilling her idea with a grin on her face. Butterflies burst in my gut, and I nod in agreement. “Come to Dead End tonight with the boys and have them put on a show. You know, like old times. God, it would be great!”
“Holy shit. That’s brilliant,” I giggle, taking another sip of my shot, much to Ode’s raised brows. She’d rather I knock it back, but my head is already swimming in an ocean of tequila. “I’ll make a big announcement on their socials later and get the biggest crowd we can. No cover charge or anything. I’ll pay for it all.”
“Well, then there you go.” Ode grins, pouring us one last shot. “To Whispered Words!” she says, slamming her glass into mine before we empty them down our throats.