Thirty-Seven - Asher
Gazing at the grassy fields surrounding the farmhouse, I contemplate my life choices. Korrine hasn’t said a word since the girls excused themselves and went inside to catch up. I had no idea our visit would entail this, or I would have tucked tail and stayed with the guys.
“You know, I’ve always been curious. Which one of you fixed River’s car after you left?”
My eyes whip to her in surprise, widening as she softly smiles. Somehow, I think she knew the answer before she even asked.
“Did she take it?” I ask, hoping River took the much-needed gift without protest. Knowing her, she scowled and cursed at whoever fixed the car but eventually took it because she knew she needed a vehicle to get her around without us there.
The moment we left; the guilt started scorching me from the inside out. The flames of my stomach were impossible to douse. Any remedy to tamp down my heartburn never worked until the antacids. Now, I eat them like candy, popping them six to eight times a day, trying to find some damn relief. Or I did. Since I confessed my wrongdoings, my stomach has been less volatile, ridding me of the constant acid reflux. And to me, that’s a win. It still aches here and there as I swim through unfamiliar waters with River, working to earn her forgiveness. But the pain is worth it in the end.
“All the time,” Korrine chuckles, pouring us a glass of ice-cold sweet tea.
“Good,” I say, lifting the glass to my lips and taking a big swig. The wonderful blend of sweetness fills my taste buds, and I hum in appreciation. If there’s one thing I can say about Korrine, she makes a mean glass of tea.
“Boy, you didn’t answer my question,” she says sharply, again gaining my attention. “Which one of you gentlemen fixed River’s car?”
“I did,” I murmur in confirmation, letting the comfortable silence envelop us.
The warm September breeze blows through the porch, bringing a sweet, familiar laugh on its tails. Hearing a hint of happiness sputtering out of River brings a smile to my face and joy to my galloping heart.
Through the open window, Odette and River softly discuss our entire situation. In explicit detail, too. I side-eye Korrine, who nods with a knowing grin and doesn’t say another word. It’s as if she planned all this.
I sigh, sitting back in the rocking chair and letting its soft sways lull me into a once joyful memory, now tainted by every action I took to get us there.
“And the winner is,” Seger says into the microphone, standing tall on stage with all the hopefuls clumping together behind him. The crowd beyond extends for miles, staying silent in anticipation humming through the entire venue. The spotlights above dance across everyone’s heads in a multitude of colors, counting down until Seger opens his mouth once again. “Whispered Words!” he shouts, turning to look at us as pinks, blues, and reds dance across us.
“Holy Fuck!” Rad shouts, jumping up and down. His fists pump the air before he turns to us and pulls us into a massive group hug.
“We fucking did it!” I shout with a laugh, hugging everyone tight. Pride spears through me at how fucking far we’ve come since Callum’s basement. If it wasn’t for our dedication and… My face falls a mile when a second thought roars in my mind.
We were Whispered Words before we met River. We did fine obtaining gigs and getting there. But we were a different Whispered Words after we met her. She changed our entire life… And she’s nowhere to be found to enjoy this win with us.
“Congrats, guys!” Seger says through the microphone again and slaps each of us on the shoulder in congratulation.
We won. We fucking won the Battle of the Bands! My heart pounds against my chest as the words ring through my mind repeatedly. We’re a signed fucking band! No more scrounging or praying for a better future. We’ve done it.
“Holy fucking shit!” Kieran roars out over the crowd’s rampant cheering. “We fucking did it!”
We fucking did it…
My brothers and I look around, sweaty and smiling, staring at the adoring crowd as they cheer so loud it sounds like the roof is about to collapse. Not only did we receive the gold microphone as a trophy. We also received a one-million-dollar paycheck and a giant ass record deal.
This can’t be fucking real. I pinch myself with a shuddering breath. Nope. I’m not fucking dreaming.
Our dreams are finally coming to life after so fucking long of hoping and praying for a break.
The work will be hard. So fucking hard. This is what we’ve always wanted. Right? This is everything we’ve worked for. Everything we’ve talked about in Callum’s basement with stars in our eyes and determination in our guts. It’s fucking everything…
So why do I feel so goddamn empty?
As we walk off the stage, shaking hands with everybody who came out to see the contest, something breaks inside me. With desperation, I look around with longing deep in my soul, hoping to see the familiar girl with moss-green eyes smiling in our direction. I ache to see her pushing through the crowd with excitement thrumming through her veins, shouting congratulations in our faces. She’d jump in my arms, wrap her gorgeous, long legs around my torso and fervently kiss my lips. Without hesitation, she’d jump to Callum, Rad, and then Kieran, pouncing on them happily.
My heart cracks when we finally walk into the night air, whooping and hollering—all but me. I hang back as they jump up and down around our SUV, cackling and singing our praises. They don’t notice when I shove my hands in my jeans and slowly walk away from the commotion. They don’t see me when I slump against the club, crying out in frustration. Or the tears glistening down my cheeks under the glow of the light post. No. They don’t seem to notice anything but our win.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Little Brat,” I mumble with a quivering voice. Leaning my head against the scratchy brick, I glare at the twinkling stars, not drowned out by the city’s lights. “I’m so fucking sorry I ran away from you.” There’s nothing I can do about it now. I’ll keep pushing forward with her on my mind. I’ll never forget what I did, the sacrifices I made to get us away from Nigel and Gloria.
As the guys continue their loud celebration across the parking lot, my mind wanders, concocting wild ideas to ease the shame of what I’ve done. As the night goes on and the celebration gets bigger, I realize there is something I can do for River to ease the pain of our departure.
“Yeah, it’s stuck in the parking lot of the Dead End bar in Central City,” I say, silently pacing my room at 8:00 a.m. the following day. The boys are still sound asleep after a wild night out, drinking anything they could get their hands on. So, as soon as they passed out, I researched the best shops in Central Illinois hoping to get River’s car in.
“Yeah, sure, Asher. I can pick that up today. If you want me to take it to the shop?” he questions gruffly through the phone.
“Uh...yeah, Man, just to fix whatever is wrong with it. Just send me the bill or whatever you need me to do.” I rub my temples as a headache forms, pounding against my skull.
Fuck. I didn’t even drink that much last night. Not with the way I felt. I couldn’t touch more than two drinks without wanting to throw up.
“No problem, man. I’ll get it taken care of and send you updates. Anything else?” he asks as I plop into bed and lay back, staring at the dull white ceiling.
“Fix it. Clean it. And then send me everything. But make sure you put it back where you got it from; I’ll be in town in about a week to pay.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you when you get into town.”
“I just wanted her to have a way to get around,” I say softly, chuckling when I remember the note I left on her windshield.
Stop fucking walking.
As I stand in the empty parking lot of Dead End at 3:00 a.m., an emptiness engulfs my entire being. My stomach churns, sending acid up my throat as I set the note beneath the windshield of her car. I don’t have a clue when she’ll come back to it or even see this, but it’ll give me plenty of time to sneak away without being noticed. I swallow hard, staring at the piece of shit she drives around. If I was a better man, I would buy her something new so she’s able to get to work and school without worry.
But I’m not a better man. I’m the piece of shit under her shoe. So, this is the best I can fucking do for now. Maybe in the future, when we’re in a better place as a band, I’ll tell them what happened.
“Mmm. She used it, too. Every day until her brothers came into her life. You fixed it up real good, son.” Reaching over, she lays a weary hand on my arm, gently squeezing. “You did a damn good thing for her.”
I scoff, shaking my head. “I would have been a better man if I could have just let things be and let her come. If I hadn’t meddled in our relationship and?—”
“Now, now,” Korrine chastises, squeezing my arm again before pulling away. “How many years have you put yourself through the wringer?” She raises a brow when I blow out a breath, willing the stupid tears to melt away.
“Since the moment I left,” I mumble.
“And she knows it?” she asks as we both take sips of tea. “You’ve explained and said your sorrys?”
“Of course.” I set my glass back down on the tiny table between us, staring at the miles of nothing again, getting lost in the blissful breeze and the sounds of insects. “I’ll say I’m sorry forever until I’m blue in the damn face and have bruises on my knees. Even if she forgives me, I’ll remember what I did and how it affected everyone. I don’t expect anyone in this situation to forgive me, though. I know I wouldn’t.”
“There’s a blessing with forgiveness. Humans never forget what happened but find it in their hearts to forgive, anyway. Some way, somehow, it happens. Not many people know, not even my own children, but the love of my life left me after one year of marriage. Said he couldn’t do it anymore and disappeared for a week.”
“Why?” I ask, swallowing hard.
“Who knew with that man? We were young and in love, moving through this world at warp speed.” She shakes her head.
“He came back?”
“On his hands and knees, begging me to forgive him for being the biggest dummy in history.” She sniffles a little, folding her hands on her lap. “He just needed to sow his wild oats one last time before settling down. The week he came back, well… Leon came nine months later. It wasn’t as blissful as a marriage like Hallmark would lead you to believe, but we managed. We loved hard. Played hard. Life is full of ups and downs, betrayals, and misfortune. But as long as you keep getting back on your feet and showing that woman how much you care. Then you’re on the right path, Asher Montgomery.”
I swallow my tears. “Thank you,” I murmur as the quiet envelops us again. The only sounds are nature, and the girls getting louder and louder with their conversation through the open window.
My heart beats double time when River’s voice floats through the air again, confiding in Ode about her concerns about the future, but the one line filled with so much despair has my breaths coming in short pants and sweat breaking across my skin.
“They could leave us again. They are in a band. What happens when they go on tours? They’ll leave for months at a time. What about Ly? How the hell is this all going to work out into a happy ending, Ode?”
“So, now you know what you have to do,” Korrine says cryptically, staring at the leaves ruffling in the wind. “Make it happen, or all your pain and suffering will be for nothing. You’ll lose her again, before you have a chance to keep her.” With that, she gets up from her rocking chair on unsteady legs and enters the house, leaving me to stew in my thoughts.
Yeah. I know exactly what I need to do so River never has to worry about if we’re leaving or staying.
I’ll make the ultimate sacrifice for her and Lyric. And hopefully, the others will, too.