Chapter 7 - Ryan #2
I took three deep breaths before responding. It did fuck all to calm me.
RYAN
We’re waiting because it’s romantic. We did something similar once, remember?
I hit send and then froze in horror. What the fuck was I doing bringing that up?
Dom’s response came almost instantly.
DOM
Liar.
I seem to remember the main reason we waited was because we had a similar issue regarding walls.
If it’d been down to me, I would’ve fucked you every chance we had. That I only had you once in that way is one of my biggest regrets.
My mouth dried out. I shouldn’t ask. I knew I shouldn’t.
RYAN
One of? What was the biggest?
DOM
I’m not sure yet.
RYAN
What’s that supposed to mean? That you’re already planning on fucking up again?
DOM
No.
Not at all.
Before coming back to England, I would’ve said it was telling Max about us and lying about my plans.
But now I’m not so sure.
My teeth sank back into my lip.
RYAN
I don’t understand.
DOM
Well, you told me that wasn’t what hurt you the most. So, whatever that is, that’s my biggest regret.
RYAN
How can you regret it when you don’t even know what it was?
DOM
Because I regret doing anything that ever hurt you, Shadow.
RYAN
You’re hurting me by coming back into my life.
DOM
I know, and I’m sorry.
RYAN
If you were sorry, you’d back off.
DOM
If I believed you were truly happy then I would.
But you’re not, Ry.
When you’re ready to stop lying to yourself, I’ll be right here, waiting.
I struggled to see the screen through the red clouding my vision. Just who the fuck did Dominic Walker think he was? He couldn’t just show up after all this time and assume he knew everything.
I only managed to tap out two words in response.
RYAN
Fuck you.
DOM
You can if you want.
I blinked in confusion as the haze cleared.
RYAN
What?
DOM
Fuck me.
My jaw dropped, something throbbing deep in my gut. Was he suggesting what I thought he was? No. I had to be mistaken. It wasn’t like we’d ever talked about…that. Not with me topping. It hadn’t occurred to us.
But then my phone buzzed again and all doubt was erased.
DOM
You can fuck me. Anytime you like.
Hell, give me five minutes in the shower and you can fuck me now.
RYAN
You can’t be serious.
DOM
I am.
Haven’t let anyone else inside me.
Wanted you to be the first.
And last.
I groaned as I stared up at the ceiling. I couldn’t be having this conversation with Dominic. It wasn’t appropriate.
RYAN
You can’t say shit like that to me.
I’m engaged.
And I’d never cheat on Kate.
DOM
But you’re okay cheating on me?
My nose wrinkled.
RYAN
How in the fuck did your brain reach that conclusion?
DOM
You were mine first. You promised to always be mine. That hasn’t changed just because you’ve decided to offer yourself to someone else.
RYAN
No, it changed when you left me behind.
When you chose Max over me.
DOM
I didn’t choose Max over you. I chose to live.
And you were the one who didn’t want to try long-distance. Not me.
I would’ve done anything to make things work.
Tears burned at the backs of my eyes as he offered me another lie. If that had been true, he wouldn’t have left that night.
He would’ve been there in the morning, ready to work through it alongside me.
Anger pulsed through me as I threw my phone against the wall. I flopped back on the bed, determined to put him at the back of my mind.
But, like always, Dominic wasn’t content to stay there.
“You can fuck me,” his voice whispered hoarsely in my imagination. “Anytime you like.”
Later, I’d blame the fatigue for what happened next. How I reached down between my legs and freed my aching cock. I’d blame the stress of the evening for how I spat in my palm. Or maybe the late hour for how I stroked myself.
As for what I pictured? There was no good excuse for that.
No way to explain why I imagined pushing my face between Dom’s muscled cheeks. Seeking out that tightly furled skin. Working him open with my tongue and fingers until he was ready for me.
My hips were moving too now, my cock shuttling through my fist as I pictured sliding into his tight heat.
God, he’d feel so good. I could almost see his head thrown back on the pillow, the veins on his neck standing out as he gritted his teeth.
He’d hold his legs open for me, talking me through it despite being on the bottom.
“That’s it, Shadow. Take me just like that.”
I wouldn’t need to hold back with Dom. Fuck, it’d feel so good to unleash all of that tension on him. To take out the frustration and anger he made me feel on his hole. I’d fuck him brutally, until he was moaning and writhing under me.
My orgasm hit without warning. I came with an inarticulate shout, my panting breaths loud in the quiet room.
It only took a few seconds for the guilt to surface.
What have I done?
Leaping off my bed, I raced to the bathroom. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Couldn’t face the judgement and self-loathing I knew I’d find there.
Why did you do that?
I rinsed my hands and splashed water over my face. Once. Then twice.
Finally, I forced myself to look at my reflection. The person who’d just betrayed his fiancée. Not physically, but mentally, at least.
But I just saw myself staring back.
Unsure what to think, I went back into my room and attempted to console myself. It was just a one-time thing. People fantasise all the time, even in long-term relationships. No one knows. No one ever will know.
But when I picked up my phone from the floor, I realised that wasn’t strictly true.
DOM
I’m sorry. I know this is hurting you, and I’m fucking sorry Shadow.
Not sorry enough to stop.
I wish I could.
But I can’t.
I can’t give you up.
Wait, are you getting off right now?
Holy fuck.
You are.
I’d know those breathy pants anywhere.
Oh my god, Shadow.
You have no idea how hot this is.
Are you thinking about me?
I bet you are.
You’re thinking about fucking me.
I don’t blame you.
I think about you fucking me a lot too.
Pretty much every night.
How would you take me?
On my back? Me riding you? From behind?
I’m down for anything.
I think I’d like to be on my back the first time, at least.
I want to see your face as you push inside me.
It’ll be so beautiful.
That was the last message that had come through. Fuck. How could I have forgotten that Dom could probably hear me? Face flaming, I typed out a response.
RYAN
That’s never going to happen.
DOM
Keep telling yourself that, Shadow.
I can wait.
Until then, I’ll just get off to how you sounded when you came just now.
Hang around, and you’ll hear me too.
It hasn’t changed, but maybe you’d like a refresher.
Need coursed through me with such strength it was frightening. No. I couldn’t do that.
I wouldn’t.
You could…
I was off the bed in a flash, dragging my bedding with me. There was no way I was sleeping in here tonight. Not knowing Dom was less than a foot away and doing…that.
The sofa it was.