Chapter 13
Ryan
Xander came into the kitchen and sniffed the air. “Thai green curry? You spoil me.”
I stirred the pot and flashed him a grin over my shoulder. “Don’t expect this every night. This is your coming home treat. As of tomorrow, you can fend for yourself.”
I could’ve pulled one of the many meals Dom had left me from the fridge, but I’d needed to do something with myself. Anything aside from thinking about him. About how his visit with Frank had gone.
Xander pursed his lips and I could almost see his mind working. Suddenly he sighed. “Damn, I wish I’d known.”
I turned to face him fully. “What do you mean?”
“I have plans. I’m meeting some old friends down the pub in thirty minutes.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t have any friends.”
“Ouch.” Xander clutched his chest dramatically. “Shoot me, why don’t you? It’d be less painful.”
I pointed the wooden spoon in his direction, not buying the bullshit he was trying to sell. “You know what I mean. All your friends live in York or Portsmouth, or they’re scattered around the country. You don’t know anyone here apart from me.”
“Strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet,” Xander said airily, already backing towards the door. “And I can’t have you as my only support network, not when you’re fucking off with Frank for a week.”
I had no idea what Xander was planning, but whatever it was, he wasn’t about to let it go. Blowing out a breath, I turned off the heat and put a lid over the curry. “Fine. Give me ten minutes and I’ll be ready.”
“You’re not invited.”
My nose wrinkled. “Why the fuck not?”
“Handsome guy like you will cramp my style.”
I gave him a flat look. “I thought you were going to make friends, not get laid.”
“Why not do both?” Xander said cheerily. “Anyway, I’m going alone, so you should find someone else to share dinner with you.”
“Like who?”
“I don’t know…” Xander stroked his chin, pretending to be deep in thought. “How about Dominic? You know, the hot, brooding, tattooed ex who just so happens to live next door.”
I sighed, leaning back against the counter. “What game are you playing, Xander?”
“No game,” he said innocently. “It’d be a good way to thank him for nursing you back to health though.”
“A good way to encourage his feelings,” I said darkly.
Xander’s laughter caught me off guard. It was loud and unbridled, blaring through kitchen. I glared at him as he doubled over, clutching at his stomach. “What?”
It took him another minute before he got it under control. His eyes danced with mirth as he straightened. “You’re hilarious.”
“Evidently. Going to share why?”
“Because you think there’s a chance you can encourage his feelings.” Xander chuckled. “Trust me, Ryan. There’s no hope of that.”
My gut twisted. Had I read this whole situation wrong?
It’s a good thing if you have. You’re engaged to someone else. It’s better for everyone if Dom doesn’t want you.
That was all true. So why the fuck was I praying Xander was about to tell me something different?
Xander’s laughter faded away as he scrutinised me. “Why are you upset?”
“I’m not,” I said curtly.
“You are.” Xander thought for a moment before breaking into a smile. “Wait, did you seriously think I meant you can’t encourage Dominic to have feelings for you because that’ll never happen?”
“Doesn’t matter what I think.” I turned back to lift the lid off the pot and busy myself stirring it. Anything to avoid the pity I’d spotted shining in my friend’s eyes. “I’m getting married to Kate. I don’t care what Dom thinks or feels.”
“Ryan,” Xander said softly, “why are you lying?”
I stirred harder. How could I answer him when I didn’t know the reason myself?
“Stop that,” he said, grabbing my wrist loosely. “The heat’s not even on, for fuck’s sake.”
I slammed the spoon onto the side, splattering sauce everywhere. “What did you mean, then?”
Xander tutted, picking up the spoon and wiping up the mess with a cloth.
Dominic wasn’t the only one who’d been changed by the service with regards to cleanliness.
“I meant that it doesn’t matter what you do—it’s not going to influence Dominic’s feelings.
That man is desperately in love with you.
Whether you take him curry or not isn’t going to change that. ”
I sucked in a breath. “You can’t know that. You’ve literally met him once.”
“And that was all I needed to confirm what I already suspected.” Xander rinsed out the cloth and hung it over the tap. “He’s literally inserted himself into your life in every way possible.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s love.”
Dom’s words from my engagement party came back to me. “What I am is in love.”
I didn’t believe it hearing it from him anymore than I did Xander.
“Yes, it does.” Xander leaned against the sink with his back to me.
I frowned at the tight lines of his shoulders.
“Dominic and I are more alike than I realised. If I was in love, I’d behave exactly the same as him.
I’d play as dirty as I could if it gave me a shot at winning the person I loved back. ”
I stepped closer, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “Xan?”
He jerked suddenly, whipping around to give me a rueful smile. “Ignore me. I’m just talking shit as usual.”
“No, I don’t think you are,” I said slowly, my eyes flitting between his. “What is it? What aren’t you telling me?”
He flinched before pasting on a smile. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter now.”
Before I could point out the obvious—that it clearly did matter if it was upsetting him—Xander was disappearing out of the kitchen. When he came back, he was wearing his coat and boots. “Two things before I go.”
I shot him a glare. “Before you abandon me, you mean.”
Xander chuckled. “Whatever. Number one—you don’t need to worry about how Dominic feels. You told me in the car earlier that he said he’s still in love with you. Maybe you should try taking him at his word.”
“Easier said than done,” I muttered before remembering the real reason I should be protesting. “Besides, I have Kate. I don’t care how Dominic’s feeling.”
“Which brings me neatly to point two. You care even if you don’t want to. And, because of that, you need to go and see him before you tear yourself apart with worry.”
I eyed him warily. “What do you mean?”
“Please.” Xander rolled his eyes. “You’ve been checking your phone every few minutes since he told you he went to Frank’s.”
“I never told you he did that.”
“Read it over your shoulder.” He smirked in response to the glare I threw at him. “It’s killing you not knowing how it went. Go over and find out. He’s home. I heard him get back an hour ago.”
I’d heard him too. It was partially why I’d started cooking this elaborate meal for Xander, so I’d have an excuse to stay here.
Why I’d cooked enough for three hungry men was better left alone.
“You care about him,” Xander repeated softly. “You might not want to, but you do. So do us all a favour, and go feed him dinner.”
I told myself I wasn’t going to follow Xander’s advice. That I was going to do the smart thing and stay home. That it didn’t matter what had happened between Dominic and Frank.
The problem was…it did. It mattered so fucking much. Not just because I cared about Dominic, but because over the years, I’d grown to care about Frank too. I’d watched him battle with alcoholism, knowing he was doing so with the sole goal of making things right with his son.
If it hadn’t gone well today…
Five minutes after Xander left, I was standing outside Dom’s door. With two pans stacked precariously on top of one another, I realised I didn’t have a hand free to knock. I chewed on my lip uncertainly before lightly kicking the door.
Dom opened it with a frown that cleared as soon as his eyes landed on me. “Shadow.”
“I brought you dinner,” I said lamely, holding the pots a little higher. The tips of my ears burned as Dom gaped at me. “Figured I owed you after your Nurse Ratched act.”
Dom recovered quickly, opening the door wider for me to enter. “I’ll have you know I was extremely caring and nice. Nothing Ratched about me.”
“If you say so.” I carried the pots through into the kitchen and gingerly placed them on the side. My hand froze on the lid of the curry. “Do you like Thai food?”
Dom was leaning against the kitchen doorframe, arms folded over his chest and a soft smile on his face. “Yeah, Shadow, I do.”
“Good,” I said, ignoring the butterflies that seemed to have set up residence in my stomach at the sight of that smile.
I started opening cupboards in search of plates.
Not something I’d do in anyone else’s home, but this was Dominic.
Boundaries had never really been a thing between us.
“I made this for Xander, but he decided to abandon me.”
“On his first night back?”
I located the plates and pulled two out. “Yeah. Apparently he thought me spending time with you was more important.”
I glanced back to see Dom rubbing his jaw like he was trying to conceal a smile. When he caught me looking he lowered his hand with a rueful grin. “Sorry. Was just thinking I need to buy him a beer.”
“Do that and you’ll have a friend for life.”
He continued to watch me. “How was your afternoon?”
My day wasn’t the one I wanted to discuss, but there was one thing I was burning to share with him. “I got a message from Max.”
“Finally,” Dom muttered. “What did he say?”
“He wants me to meet him tomorrow.”
“Are you going to go?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly, picking up the plates. “I haven’t decided.”
Dom accepted his plate. “This looks amazing.”
“Really?” I raised a brow. “I’ve just told you I don’t know if I want to see Max, and you’re talking about the food?”
Dom laughed. “Well, I don’t want to push you into a decision.”
I gaped at him. “Since when? That’s all you’ve been doing since you got back.”
“No it isn’t. I might’ve been…engineering situations to spend time with you, but I haven’t pressured you at all.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but I realised he was right. He hadn’t pushed. In fact, he’d told me he’d wait until I was ready.
“I want to know your thoughts on this.” I sat opposite him at the small wooden table. “Actually, I know them. You think I should go.”
“I do.” Dom nodded. “But not because it’ll make Max feel better.”
“No?”
“Fuck no, he deserves to suffer. And swallowing his pride and grovelling to you? That’ll make him suffer. You’re the one it’ll make feel better, Shadow, and that’s all I really care about.”
“How can you be so confident?”
“Same way you were when you told me to go to Frank’s.”
“Speaking of which… How did it go?”
Dom ate a mouthful of curry thoughtfully before speaking. “Didn’t think your cooking could get much better, but damn.”
Scowling, I tapped my foot against his under the table. “Stop evading the question.”
He tilted his head, his tongue darting out over his lips. “Or what?”
I moved my foot away from his with a huff. Dom didn’t miss a beat, pressing them together again. I glared at him. “Does everything have to be a game with you?”
Dom winked. “You’ve always been my favourite person to play with.”
I should just leave. I knew that. This wasn’t healthy. There was only one problem.
He was my favourite person to play with too.
“Maybe I’ll just call Frank myself.” I pretended to think it over. “Or I can wait until our trip next week. The drive alone takes six hours. That’s plenty of time for me to get the full story out of him.”
Predictably, Dom pouted. I just focused on pushing more food onto my fork before continuing. “Yeah, don’t tell me. It’s better if we sit here in silence, anyway. God forbid we learn anything about each other. That’s not what this is about.”
I met Dom’s gaze and smiled sweetly. His lips twitched several times before he broke into a massive grin.
“You really do play dirty, Shadow.”
“I learned from the best.”
We smiled at one another, and for a second, I had a tantalising glimpse of what our future might’ve held.
A life we could’ve shared if things had taken a different turn.
One where we’d both made different decisions.
Where this would be just one of many meals we shared together.
Where matching gold rings would sit snugly on our ring fingers, a visual reminder of the vows we’d made.
Instead, there were only the vows that had been broken. It was enough of a reminder to have me reeling myself back in.
The truth was, we couldn’t change what had happened in the past. And because of those decisions, our future wouldn’t be spent together.
I was marrying someone else.
I had to remember that.