Chapter 17
Ryan
The good thing about nighttime was that it was easier to hide from reality.
You could lie there and pretend everything was fine.
That you weren’t fucking up your entire life and all your future plans by listening to dirty fantasies being whispered by your ex.
Oh, while fucking yourself at the same time.
And pretending it was him.
Problem was, morning always rolled around. There was nowhere to hide from the guilt and shame when the sun was shining brightly.
I stood outside my building, waiting for Frank to arrive. This trip had come at the perfect time for me. I’d never needed a week away more. Away from work. From wedding stress. From Kate.
From Dominic.
Seven days to remind myself of the pain Dom had put me through. Of everything I stood to lose if I continued down this path.
I just hoped it would be long enough.
Things were already going in my favour. I’d got ready in near silence, not wanting to tip Dominic off to my plans. Knowing him, he’d find a way to sabotage the trip. Not that I expected him to tag along. He might’ve made it through an hour or two with his dad, but a week?
That’d be pushing it.
Nothing but silence had greeted me as I tiptoed past Dom’s door. Maybe it was shitty, sneaking off, given what had happened last night, but I didn’t owe Dom anything. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t done the same to me in the past.
In a much more major way.
If my pettiness had been the only driving factor behind this, then maybe I wouldn’t have worried. But it wasn’t.
In truth…I was scared to face him. I was fucking terrified of the burning that had taken up residence in my chest. About how it was thawing the ice around my heart.
He couldn’t be the one to do that. Not when he was the reason it was there in the first place.
Guilt had me trying to call Kate. As it had each time I’d phoned yesterday, it rang out before her chirpy voicemail greeted me.
Guessed she’d really meant it when she said she wouldn’t have signal. At least I could say I’d tried to get hold of her.
Some of the tension I carried eased as Frank’s Kia pulled up at the kerb. I grinned at him as I approached, then made my way to the boot to put my bags in.
“Let me do that,” Frank said gruffly, popping up beside me.
I raised a brow. “I can put my own stuff in.”
Frank just nudged me out of the way with his shoulder. “Can’t have the groom pulling a muscle before his big day. Go and get in.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing better than to argue. Dom hadn’t inherited his stubborn streak from his mum—as I’d experienced on more than one occasion over the past few years.
Frank slid into the driver’s seat a minute later and turned on the engine. “Got everything?”
“Think so,” I said, shooting him a puzzled look. “You okay? You seem a little…stressed.”
“I’m fine.” He flashed me a brief grin as he started driving. “Sorry, got a lot on my mind.”
Sympathy flashed through me. “Is it Dominic?”
Frank stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it must’ve been hard seeing him. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were still thinking about it.”
Frank’s shoulders sagged. “Yeah. That’s what it is.”
“For what it’s worth, I think he’ll come around.” I patted Frank’s shoulder. “Just give him time.”
“Thanks,” he grunted. “And thank you for persuading him to come see me.”
“I didn’t do anything of the sort.”
Frank gave me a look that told me to cut the bullshit. “Please. We both know there’s no way he would’ve given me the time of day if you hadn’t intervened.”
I shifted in my seat. “You’ve only got yourself to blame for his stubbornness. It’s your DNA that caused it.”
“True.” Frank chuckled. “Poor kid’s more like me than he’ll ever admit.”
We fell into easy conversation for the next hour.
It had been a few weeks since we’d last met up, so I filled him in on Xander and how his last deployment had been.
He talked about work and a car he had his eye on.
The last few years had seen him revisiting a hobby from his youth—buying old bangers and fixing them up.
Neither of us spoke about Dominic again, which was a relief.
“Mind if we stop?” Frank said as we passed a sign for the next services. “I skipped breakfast and I’m starving.”
“Sure.” I shrugged. It was a bit early given we had another five hours ahead of us, but Frank was driving, so I didn’t mind.
He pulled into a space and turned the engine off. “You mean a lot to me, you know that?”
I frowned at him. “Frank, are you sure you’re okay? You’re being weird.”
“Sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I just… I want you to know that, okay? I know you’re not my kid, but I think of you like that. I hope you don’t mind.”
My throat thickened. “I know, Frank. I love you too, you big lummox. Now can we leave this mushy stuff behind? It’s fishing time.”
He gave me an intense smile. “I just want you to be happy. Okay?”
“Okaaay…” My frown deepened. “You’re starting to freak me out, Frank. Are you dying?”
“Ignore me,” he sighed. “Just getting sentimental in my old age. Did you want anything from inside?”
“I’ll come with you.” I reached down to unbuckle my seat belt. “Stretch my legs.”
“No,” Frank practically shouted before clearing his throat and smiling weirdly again. “You stay here and choose us something to listen to. I can get you whatever you need.”
Okay, I had zero idea what was going on with Frank, but whatever it was, he obviously wasn’t about to tell me.
After giving him my coffee order, I settled back in the seat and took out my phone. I ignored the temptation to pull up my message thread with Dominic, instead putting together a playlist for us to listen to.
“Took your time,” I said when the car door finally opened, not looking up from my phone. “Was starting to wonder if you were picking the coffee beans to be ground instead of just ordering it.”
Frank didn’t say anything, just started the car. We pulled out of the space so swiftly that I knocked my shoulder against the window. “Frank, what—”
The words died on my lips. Frank wasn’t beside me.
Dominic was.
“Surprise?” he said, having the grace to look sheepish as he joined the motorway.
I gaped at him, my brain not having had sufficient enough caffeine to keep up. “What the fuck?”
“Figured we could use some quality time together,” Dom said breezily, his eyes on the road. “You’re on a deadline, after all.”
I whipped my head around to look at the disappearing services. “Where’s your dad? Did you just abandon him there?”
“Course not,” Dom said. “He’s in Max’s car being taken home.”
The realisation that I’d been had swept over me. I slunk down in my seat. “Oh my fucking god. You two set this up.”
“Like father, like son,” Dom said drily.
I glared at his profile, hating how fast my heart was beating. From anger, that’s all. “Take me home.”
“Why would I do that, Shadow?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m always serious about you.”
I thumped my head gently against the headrest. “Dom, you’re kidnapping me.”
He laughed. “For a week’s holiday in a beautiful location.”
If we hadn’t been driving at seventy on the motorway, I might have punched him. Well, I wouldn’t. Nothing could make me do that.
But I’d have flicked him in the temple. Really hard.
“I’m not going away with you, Dom.”
“Kind of seems like you are.”
I went to snap back, but my phone buzzed and distracted me.
FRANK
Look kid, I know you’re going to be pissed off, and I’m sorry.
I saw red as I typed out my response.
RYAN
Pissed off doesn’t BEGIN to cover it. You set me up!
FRANK
I know, but hear me out.
I’m not the only one who’s missed Dom all these years. Wasn’t the only one crying at that kitchen table that night either.
My chest ached and I fought the urge to look at Dominic. Fought the need to reassure myself that he’d pulled through. That he was really next to me.
FRANK
We wanted to be better for when Dominic returned. It’s what we were both doing.
RYAN
No, Frank. It’s what you were doing. I was just trying to get on with my life.
FRANK
And if I believed you were truly happy, maybe I’d let that go.
RYAN
You and Dom are far too similar. You can’t just assume you know what’s best for me and ignore what I want.
FRANK
Well, what do you want, Ryan? Because I don’t think it’s Kate.
RYAN
You barely know her. How can you say that?
FRANK
From what I gather, you barely know her either.
A small chuckle drew my attention from the screen. “Sorry,” Dom said when he noticed me looking at him. “But it’s nice to have your anger pointed in another direction.”
“Oh, believe me, there’s plenty being aimed your way,” I said darkly. “I’ll get to you in a minute.”
He blew me a kiss and I bit back a groan. “Can’t wait, Shadow.”
Unsure whether I was more annoyed at Dom or my reaction to him, I turned back to my phone.
RYAN
Nothing is going to happen with Dominic, Frank. You shouldn’t have done this.
FRANK
Probably not, but I don’t regret it. If there’s even the slightest chance that the two of you will end up happy together, then I’d do it over and over again.
RYAN
How did he even convince you to do this?
FRANK
He asked.
And I love you like my son, Ryan. I do. But there’s nothing I can deny that boy, especially not a shot at happiness.
RYAN
This won’t end in happiness.
It’ll end with broken hearts.
FRANK
Maybe. But do us both a favour and think about that time. The one we never talk about. Because I wasn’t the only one cut up by Dom leaving. I wasn’t even the one who was hurt the most.
I wasn’t going to dispute that. There was no point when we both knew it was true.
RYAN
What does that have to do with anything?
FRANK
Those kinds of feelings don’t just go away, Ryan. Trust me, I know.
I’d give anything for a second chance with his mum.
You boys have that chance.
Don’t squander it.
I sighed and put my phone down. Dom’s eyes flicked over. “Everything okay?”