Chapter 25 - Dominic
Dominic
I finally understood what people meant about being caught between heaven and hell.
The past week with Ry had been everything I’d dreamed of. Lazy mornings filled with pleasure. Afternoons of laughter where we morphed into younger versions of ourselves. Where I posed for my Shadow while he memorialised each different position. Late night talks where we bared our souls.
But every touch was tinged with pain. Every smile filled with doubt. Because, try as I might, I couldn’t escape the truth. The reality that, once we stepped outside this cabin today, I didn’t know what was going to happen. Who my Shadow would choose.
I was arrogant enough to hope it would be me, but not completely confident. I’d caught Ry staring off into space more times than I could count, rhythmically stroking the scruff on his jaw. The stubble that had given me lingering burns on my inner thighs.
I knew he was struggling. I’d put him in a situation he’d been desperately trying to avoid. One that had him compromising his ethics and morals. Of course he was brooding on it.
Honestly, he wouldn’t be Ryan if he wasn’t.
My Shadow had always been a better person than me.
It was probably why I’d felt no shame about this whole plan.
I wasn’t a good person. My love for Ry had led me along this path, and there was no amount of guilt that could make me deviate from it now.
The only thing bothering me was that Ryan was upset.
I wanted to fix it. I wanted him always happy.
But I also wanted him with me.
I wished the two would coexist easier.
This will work out in the long run, I told myself firmly as I watched Ryan stare out of the window again. It’ll all be worth it. He won’t be happy if he marries her.
He wouldn’t. This week had cemented that. The way he was with me…that was true happiness.
I just fucking hoped he realised it in time.
Joining him at the window, I slid my arms around his waist from behind. “You okay?”
“Not really.” Ryan sighed, leaning back into me. “I don’t want to leave.”
My throat tightened as I heard his unspoken words. I don’t want to return to reality. I don’t want to face this.
“Nothing has to change,” I said, resting my chin on his shoulder. “We can have this out there too. We can have all of this. All you have to do is choose me.”
Ryan laughed bitterly, pulling out of my hold and turning to face me. “Of course things will change, Dom. I made a promise to someone. I’m in a committed relationship. For fuck’s sake, I’m days away from walking down the aisle.”
I took a step back, his words like a physical blow. “So you’re still going to marry her?”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” he said quickly, stepping forward.
He reached out like he was going to grab me, but at the last moment he dropped his hand to his side.
“But it’s not as simple as you make it out to be.
Whatever I choose, someone is going to get hurt. I’m going to break someone’s heart.”
Fuck. I reached out to grab Ry’s shirt and hauled him into a bear hug. “I’m sorry, Shadow.”
“No you’re not,” he said, his frame stiff.
“I’m sorry that you’re upset. I’m sorry that you’re in this situation.”
“But you’re not sorry that you’re the one who put me here.”
“No.” I gave him a sheepish grin. “I’d do it again if it meant a life with you.”
Ry’s lips twitched. “You’re so fucked up.”
“I know.”
So was he. It was why he liked it so much. Now wasn’t the time to call him out on it though. He was right—what was coming wasn’t going to be easy. A storm was approaching, and I honestly had no idea where it was going to break.
We’d weather it when it did. That much I was certain of.
Ready to move away from heavier topics, I slid my hands down his back to palm his arse. “You know, there’s a couple of my fantasies we didn’t tick off.”
That predatory gleam I’d become so familiar with returned to Ryan’s eyes. “I didn’t realise we were working through a list.”
I spun us and started walking him backwards. “Well, we frotted against a wall. That was on there.”
Ryan’s eyes darkened as he realised what list I was referring to. “So it was.”
“As was blowjobs,” I said, nudging him nearer to our destination. “We did many of those.”
His lips curved in a cocky smirk. “Because someone is insatiable.”
Ry’s back hit the counter as I returned his smirk. “It’s not my fault I find the taste of you addictive.”
He shivered as I kissed down the side of his neck. “So which fantasy are we missing?”
There were two, actually. But the final one… I was saving that. For when I knew our future was certain. That I’d be waking up beside him for the rest of our lives.
But this one…this one was about fun.
“If you’re up for it,” I said, sliding my hands under his joggers and boxers to palm his arse, “I’d like to lift you onto this counter and fuck you until you lose the ability to speak.”
The tips of his ears flushed red. “You say the sweetest things.”
“Always.” I nipped at his jaw, drawing out another shiver. “So, what’s it going to be, Shadow?”
I wasn’t a fool. With the endless amounts of sex we’d had, I hadn’t failed to notice Ryan’s lack of asking me to top him. There had to be a reason. Maybe it was like my final fantasy. Maybe it was something he was saving for after. For when all obstacles had finally been removed.
To my surprise, Ryan grinned. “I think it’s going to be a much easier drive if I’ve been fucked senseless first.”
I shoved his joggers and boxers down before lifting him onto the counter. “I’m not about to disagree with that logic, but I am going to put a pillow on the front seat, just in case.”
“I can’t decide if that’s sweet or a threat because of what you’re about to do to my arse.”
“It’s definitely both,” I said. A tap on his ankles had him putting his heels on the countertop, spreading him open to me. I almost drooled at the sight of him. “I mean, I can try and be gentle…”
“No,” Ryan said hoarsely. “I don’t want gentle. I can take it.”
A flare of jealousy rose before I remembered the night when he’d clearly been fucking himself with a dildo.
I pulled out the condom and lube I’d stashed in my back pocket earlier. “If you say so.”
“I do say so.” Ryan tipped his chin up arrogantly. Fuck. I bit my knuckles to contain my whimper, making Ryan frown. “What?”
“You’re just so hot,” I said bluntly. “It’s fucking insane, Shadow.”
It wasn’t only his ears that flushed this time; the colour spread along his cheekbones and down his neck. “You’re the hot one. I’m punching.”
“Patently untrue.” I lubed up my fingers. If we had longer, I’d be working him open with my tongue, but that’d have to wait until next time.
There would be a next time.
I wouldn’t accept the alternative.
Ryan’s argument dissolved on his tongue as I started to prep him. My mouth wasn’t idle, kissing every part of skin I could reach. That we were both still mostly dressed was driving me crazy in the best possible way.
“Get inside me,” Ryan panted after a few minutes.
I crooked my fingers against his gland, making him hiss. “I am inside you, Shadow.”
He glared at me from where he was propped up on his elbows. “You know damn well that’s not what I meant.”
“Relax.” I chuckled, quickly donning a condom and lubing up my cock. “I can’t wait any more than you can.”
Ryan exhaled slowly as I pushed inside him. As his warm heat embraced me, I took my time. Not just for him, but for me. This was something I’d dreamed about for so long. If this was going to be the last time…
No. Don’t even think it. This won’t be the last time. It can’t be.
I pushed back the fear, concentrating on steadily sinking into Ryan. He was here. He was with me.
That was all I needed.
As his head fell back on a moan, I marvelled at how different this was from our first time; the only other time I’d been inside him. How different we were. How different everything was.
Well, one thing hadn’t changed. This man owned every inch of me. I existed to love him, and only him.
That was all that mattered.
We both groaned as I bottomed out. I stayed there for a breath, reminding myself of the feel of him. The sense of perfect completeness that I’d failed to find with anyone else. That I didn’t want to find with another. Why would I, when I had Ryan?
“Up,” I said gruffly, reaching for him. “Want you all around me.”
Need flashed over Ry’s face as he did as I asked. His arms went around my neck, legs tightening around my waist.
“Perfection,” I whispered, my eyes drifting shut. “This is perfection.”
“It’ll be perfect when you start moving,” Ryan croaked. “I might spontaneously combust if you don’t.”
I didn’t believe him. He knew how right this was too. But if he wanted to pretend that all we had was heat and desperation, that was what I’d give him.
For now.
Ryan’s weight settled on me as I fucked up into him. The feel of him was overwhelming. Stamina wasn’t something I usually had an issue with, but being with Ryan seemed to reduce me to the teenage boy I’d once been.
I’d never felt so right. My Shadow was in my arms, his breath hot against my neck. He moaned my name into my ear, his heat tight around my cock.
It was everything. He was everything.
I was in heaven.
But, once again, Hell decided to rear its ugly head.
What if he doesn’t pick you?
I couldn’t escape that thought. It caught me off guard. My hips stuttered as I stumbled slightly. The constricting pain in my chest made it difficult to draw breath.
Ry’s head snapped up from my shoulder. “Okay?”
“Yep,” I lied, trying desperately to force the thought away. But it refused to leave. It itched at my skin, drawing blood. Pain. “My arms are aching. Mind if I rest you on the counter again?”
“You need to lift more,” he teased, his expression adorably soft. “But yes, go for it. Anything so long as you keep fucking me like this.”