Chapter 26 - Ryan #2
“But he broke your trust along with your heart,” Xander said. “I get it, Ryan. You don’t have to choose right now, but you do need to decide what the next step is.”
“I’m going to break things off with Kate.” As soon as the words left my lips, my mind started to focus. “I can’t marry her. Not that she’ll even want to marry me after what I’ve done, but even if she did…I can’t go through with it.”
I got to my feet and gave Xander a fierce hug. “Thanks, man. I’d be lost without you.”
“Same goes,” he said gruffly, patting my back. “Now go and sort your life out.”
The dizziness was gone when I strode for the door. With a decision made, I felt more clear-headed than I had in days. Xander was right—I didn’t need to figure it all out now, but I did need to end things with Kate.
My gut twisted at the thought. God, this was going to shatter her.
That knowledge wasn’t enough to change my mind. Going through with this would just mean hurting her further down the line. I couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair.
To either of us.
If I hurried, maybe I could catch her before she put her dress on.
My hand touched the door handle, but before I could twist it, there was a sharp knock.
I glanced back at Xander. “Are we expecting anyone?”
“No.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Best open up and see who it is.”
It’s Dom. He’s come here to tell you not to do it. To remind you that you should be with him.
I was trembling from head to toe as I opened the door.
But it wasn’t Dominic on the other side.
It was Max.
“We need to talk,” he said, his gaze going over my shoulder. His eyes, one of them ringed in black, narrowed at Xander. “Call off your guard dog.”
Behind me, Xander gave a soft woof. From the thunderous look on my twin’s face, I knew Xander had to be smirking.
“Give us a minute, Xan,” I said, stepping to the side so Max could enter.
Xander held up his hands innocently. “I can behave.”
I pointed out the door. “No. You can’t. Not with Max. You’ve proven that twice over already.”
“Spoilsport,” Xander muttered as he went to leave. As he drew level with me, he paused. “I’ve got your back, Ryan, whatever happens.”
“Thanks, man,” I said quietly, clasping his shoulder. “I appreciate you.”
Xander glanced at Max, who was glaring at him, now planted in the same spot he’d been. He flicked his middle finger at my twin, cackling as his frown deepened before swanning out the door.
“Sorry about that,” I said, closing it after him. “And I’m sorry he hit you last night. I gave him a bollocking about it.”
Max shrugged jerkily. “Gave as good as I got.”
“I’m sure you did,” I said wryly. “Listen, I want to hear whatever you have to say, but can you make it quick? I’ve got places I need to be.”
Max’s eyes found my suit, still hanging on the door. “So you’re going through with it, then.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him what I’d decided, but I caught myself. I might’ve forgiven Max for what had happened, but that didn’t mean I trusted him. “What’s it to you?”
“A lot, if it means you’re about to shatter Dom’s heart again.”
The old bitterness filled my mouth. “Should’ve known you’re just here for him.”
Max grunted. “Not just for him.”
“What do you mean?”
He tapped his fingers on his biceps. “I’m not good at this.”
“Good at what?”
“Saying how I feel.” He huffed. “It was all right the other week. I’d been practicing what I was going to say for years.
But this conversation? Didn’t think we’d get here, to be honest. Not with how confident Dominic was about winning you back.
Should’ve known you’d give him a run for his money. It’s what he deserves, I guess.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Can you get to the point, please?”
“Right.” He shook his head. “Sorry. Dom’s always giving me shit about my inability to say what I mean. One of the reasons I’m called Lock-up.”
My lips twitched as I recalled the story Dom had told me. “I thought that was because you propositioned someone who turned out to be a sex worker in Morocco and landed in a cell overnight.”
Max gave a small grin. “That too. But you know Dom. Why have a nickname with one meaning when it can have multiple?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah.”
“What I’m trying to say is…” Max started pacing as he trailed off.
I glanced at the clock, wincing at the minutes ticking by. “I don’t want to rush you, but—”
“I care about you,” Max said, the words coming out in a rush. “I care if you’re happy. Every time I contacted Mum, it was to ask about you. I knew how badly I’d fucked things up before we even made it to basic, but I didn’t know how much I’d miss you.”
I blinked, reeling from the information Max had just revealed. “You missed me?”
He jerked his head in an approximation of a nod. “Every day. I gave you a lot of shit growing up, but suddenly not having you there? Not knowing what was going on in your life? Yeah, I missed it. You. I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” I said, surprising even myself. “I miss what we had before Dom showed up. Don’t get me wrong, I love the man. More than is healthy, truth be told. But I hate that he became between us.”
“Me too. Maybe we could find a way to be friends again?”
My lips curved. “I think I’d like that.”
Our expressions weren’t often identical, but I knew the smile on my face was the mirror of the one Max was giving me.
“I’m sorry, but I really do need to go,” I said. “Can we talk later?”
“Actually, all of that isn’t even why I came here.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pile of envelopes held together with a rubber band. “Before you do anything, I think you should read these.”
My eyes darted to the clock once more. “Max, now really isn’t the time—”
“It’s the perfect time.” Max pushed the pile into my hands. “Listen, I know what you’re thinking where Dom is concerned.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You’re worried about trusting him. That he’s going to leave again and break your heart.”
“How can you possibly know that?”
“You have those fears partially because of me,” Max said bluntly. “I put them in your head, and now it’s on me to remove them. Well, me and Dom, but I’m not speaking for him. Just for me.”
The envelopes in my hand rustled slightly. Great. I was shaking again. “It’s not just that.”
“Then what is it?”
I wavered, but in for a penny, in for a pound. “He never contacted me, Max. Not once. Even you messaged me more than he did.”
“That doesn’t mean he didn’t think about you.”
“I want to believe that. I do.”
“Then read those letters. They’re going to clear up any questions you have about how Dom’s felt about you all these years.”
“These are letters?”
“His last letters. We all wrote them. A letter to be sent to our loved ones back home if the worst happened. I had Dom’s, and he had mine.”
My brow furrowed as I stared down at the pile. “But there’s more than one letter here.”
“Ten, in fact,” Max said. “Dom wrote a new one every year. I don’t know if he meant me to replace them each time, but I kept them all.”
“They’re all for me?”
“Every last one.”
I thought about it before shaking my head and holding them out to Max. “I shouldn’t read these without his permission.”
“I can guarantee he won’t care. That night he was shot, when he was bleeding out, the only thing he was able to communicate about was this.
He was dying, Ryan, and the only thing he gave a shit about was those letters.
That you would know how much he loved you, even if he wasn’t there to tell you in person. ”
“Holy shit,” I whispered. “That fucking man, I swear. Just when I think I’ve got him figured out, he goes and does some shit like this.”
Max laughed. “See, people think Dom’s complicated. Hell, even I thought that once upon a time. But he’s actually a very simple man.”
“How so?”
“All he cares about is you,” Max said bluntly. “And maybe his friends. Some days I make that list, others I don’t. But you, Ryan? You’re his constant. Even if you walk down that aisle today, that won’t change.”
I cleared my throat, feeling the overwhelming urge to be alone. “Thank you, Max. I needed to hear that.”
“You’re welcome,” he said, correctly interpreting my polite ending of the conversation. “If you want to talk, I’m just a phone call away.”
I nodded in thanks, trailing after him to the door. There was no way I was going to Kate just yet. Not with temptation clasped between my fingers.
“Oh, if Dom does sulk about you seeing those letters,” Max said as he was about to leave. “Just ask him for mine. That’ll make it fair.”
“Why would I want to read yours?”
Max rubbed the back of his neck. “Because it’s addressed to you too.”
My jaw dropped as I was rendered completely speechless.
“Dom wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to die without making things right,” Max said quietly. “I’m glad I’ve been able to do it in person.”