8. Ryan
Ryan
Later that night, I got home from art class to someone waiting for me.
This time, it wasn’t Dominic.
Max scowled from where he waited on the staircase. “What’s going on with you and Dom?”
I sighed as I hung up my bag. “Can’t you wait until I’m through the door before hitting me with the third degree?”
“Nope.” Max folded his arms. “Not when it concerns Dominic.”
Figured. Of course that was all he gave a shit about.
“Nothing is going on,” I grunted, trying to shove past him. Max stood firm. He had more muscle and weight than me, meaning he didn’t move an inch. “Stop being a dick and let me past.”
“Why did you hang out with us today? You never do that.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not like I’m ever invited.”
Max didn’t protest at that. Why would he when it was the truth? “But today you did anyway.”
I dropped back a step, resting my exhausted body against the banister. I really needed a good night’s sleep. “What makes you think I had a choice in the matter? Dominic literally dragged me there. Trust me, I’d much rather have stayed in the library.”
His lip curled in a sneer. “That makes two of us.”
My spine stiffened. I knew better than to rise to Max’s taunts, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Why do you hate me so much?”
I don’t think either of us expected me to say that. I winced internally while Max’s mouth popped open. It was only for a second, then he recovered.
He shot me a withering look before retreating up the stairs. “See if you can work it out yourself, golden boy.”
My brow furrowed. Dominic had said something similar the other night. What the fuck had I done to give them that idea about me? Nothing in my life was golden.
I thought about following him up and demanding more answers, but exhaustion was pressing heavily on my shoulders. Maybe after a decent sleep, everything would make more sense.
Before I could take another step, the sound of the dishwasher being unloaded floated through from the kitchen. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the banister. Just go upstairs. Mum won’t mind you not helping this once.
I knew she wouldn’t. She was grateful for any help she could get, which was ridiculous in this day and age. There were four of us living here—we should all be pulling our weight.
It was that thought that had me twisting and going through to the kitchen.
Sleep would still be there in ten minutes.
It was nearer thirty before I made it to my bedroom.
Once the dishwasher was done, Mum had made us both a cup of tea.
She was in an unusually chatty mood, and with Dad already down in his shed, I didn’t want to leave her alone.
Instead, I’d sat at the table and sipped my tea, trying to think about anything other than the throbbing in my temples.
Or Dominic, but that goes without saying. My new daily mission was to not think about him.
I dropped onto my bed and plugged my phone in to charge.
It had died on the way home from class. To be honest, most days I didn’t even bother taking it out with me.
It was rare that I could put credit on it, all of my money from my paper round going towards my art lessons.
It was even rarer that I had someone to talk to on it.
Not much point keeping it topped up when my contact list was practically empty.
I’d picked up an extra route last week, which had my paycheque a little fuller than usual. I didn’t know why, maybe it was because I’d already been in the newsagents, but I’d decided to top up on a whim.
My phone burst to life with a cheery tone and immediately beeped. I frowned, halfway through pulling off my T-shirt. Who the fuck was texting me? It better not be another one of those shitty chain messages. Send this to seven people or you’ll have bad luck for the rest of your life.
Maybe that was why I had shitty luck, because I deleted them every time.
When I picked my phone up, that wasn’t what was waiting for me.
UNKNOWN
No hiding in the library tomorrow.
That was it. No greeting. No pleasantries. No sign-off. Not that one was needed. It was fucking obvious who it was.
That I didn’t have my brother’s best friend’s number already in my phone spoke volumes about our relationship.
Or lack thereof.
I saved his number under ‘Dickhead’ before tapping repeatedly at the numbers. If someone ever invented a phone with a proper keyboard, I’d kiss them.
RYAN
Who is this?
DICKHEAD
You know who it is, Shadow. Now, be a good boy and meet me at the smoking area tomorrow.
My stomach swooped. There was that phrase again. I gritted my teeth, forcing my brain not to go there. You do not like be called that. It means nothing.
RYAN
I’m not your fucking ‘good boy.’
DICKHEAD
Not with that attitude you’re not.
Is he wrong? Because that was you on your knees the other night.
I scowled at my internal voice. I might’ve blown him, but it was to prove a point. Not because I was trying to make him like me. That ship had sailed a long time ago, right around the time he’d given me that infernal nickname.
Another message came through before I could reply.
DICKHEAD
Thought you’d be asleep already.
I flopped backwards on the bed as I typed a response. All the exhaustion I’d felt earlier had gone now, which was weird.
RYAN
It’s not like I have a set bedtime. I’m not twelve.
DICKHEAD
You did have art class tonight though.
RYAN
So?
DICKHEAD
So you’re always tired after that and go to bed early.
He didn’t add ‘duh’ on the end, but he might as well have. What was confusing me was that he knew where I’d been.
And that I generally went to bed as soon as I got home.
Maybe it wasn’t odd that he noticed that. He practically lived here, after all. Speaking of which…
RYAN
I’m surprised you’re not next door with Max. Trouble in paradise?
I smirked at the screen as I waited for his reply. As if. The day he and Max had problems would be the day hell froze over.
DICKHEAD
Picked up an extra shift at the chippy.
That was right. Dominic worked there sometimes. I was kinda surprised Max hadn’t got a job there too, but he insisted he couldn’t stand the smell.
My thumbs hovered over the keys. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what.
Why do I want to keep talking to him?
I threw my phone onto my beside table and rubbed at my eyes. Was I really so fucking lonely that I wanted to continue texting someone who barely tolerated me?
Come on, Ryan. Standards. Get some.
That might’ve worked better if I’d had more backbone. Or if my phone hadn’t chosen that exact moment to vibrate.
I snatched it up, relieved no one was around to see the speed at which I moved.
DICKHEAD
You should get a job here. Pays better than the paper round.
I gave a disbelieving laugh.
RYAN
Why are you actively trying to spend MORE time with me? I thought you couldn’t stand me.
DICKHEAD
What makes you think that?!
RYAN
Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that you’ve spent years avoiding me?
DICKHEAD
Technically Max avoids you. As his ride or die, it kinda goes with the territory.
My stomach curdled. Ride or die. That was a good way to describe the two of them. The bond they shared that I’d never be able to compete with.
RYAN
Yeah, well what about you calling me Shadow? Can’t say you want me around when you call me that.
Why was I even bothering to argue with Dominic? He’d get the last word. He always did.
DICKHEAD
I don’t call you Shadow because I don’t want you around.
RYAN
Oh yeah? Then why DO you call me it, Dominic?
I tapped my fingers on the sides of the phone as I waited for his reply.
It never came.
See? Even without sending anything, he’d got the last word, as per fucking usual.
I threw my phone aside and tugged at my hair with a groan. What the fuck was it about Dominic that made me so… Fuck. I wasn’t even sure what I felt.
I was used to feeling negative emotions towards him.
He’d come between me and Max. He was living the life I wanted for myself.
It made sense to hate him. But I didn’t think it was just hate that I was feeling right now.
I wasn’t going to look at it too closely.
Definitely wasn’t going to fucking label it.
Maybe I just needed to get off. It had been a couple of days. Not since…
Nope. Not thinking about him any more tonight.What had happened had been kicked into a closet in the darkest recesses of my mind. I wasn’t opening it again—not for Dominic, at least.
Two minutes later my lubed hand was stroking my cock. It didn’t take much to get me hard. I was eighteen. Some days, a stiff breeze was enough.
Despite that, I wasn’t getting into it. I closed my eyes and ran through familiar territory.
High, firm arse cheeks, a streak of lace between them.
A hot blonde riding me, her hands cupping her breasts, head thrown back on a moan.
A beautiful brunette between my legs, sucking my cock.
Hungry green eyes locked on mine as a calloused hand grips the base of my cock.
Stubbled cheeks rubbing against the sensitive skin on the inside of my thigh.
A hand larger than my own gripping my hip tightly ? —
What the fuck?
I let go of myself abruptly. Panting, I stared at the ceiling. Was I really just picturing Dominic giving me head?
I think I was.
And from how my cock was throbbing…I think I was enjoying it.
It’s not weird, I reassured myself as my hand returned to grip my shaft. It’s only fair, really, seeing as you gave him head.
I shouldn’t have thought about that. The closet door opened and all the memories came spilling out.
Now I wasn’t thinking about Dominic sucking my cock.
I was remembering being on my knees.
The weight of his cock on my tongue.
The satisfied groans from deep in his chest.
The grip of his hand in my hair.
The filthy words he spoke.
“You were built to choke on my cock, Shadow.”
My hips arched as I came. It was so intense that I had to bite my lip to stop myself shouting. I hadn’t even realised I was close.
But I must’ve been.
I stared at the evidence covering my abdomen. The evidence that maybe I wasn’t as straight as I’d always believed.
My hands shook as I cleaned myself up. It didn’t matter. If I was attracted to men then that was okay.
It was being attracted to Dominic that I had a problem with.
“We talked about this, Shadow.”
I pointedly turned the page in my book, ignoring him completely. Just as I was ignoring the revelation I’d had last night.
Yes, I was in the library again. Like fuck was I going to do what Dominic told me to. I was sick and tired of being the ‘good boy.’ Of always doing the right thing. Of keeping my head down and trying to keep the river running smooth.
Fuck that—at least where Dominic was concerned. I was throwing a motherfucking boulder into his river and letting nature take its course around it, but I should’ve known Dominic would simply haul it out. There was no stopping him once he got an idea in his head.
Still, that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try. Thoughts of another lunch hour spent with Max and his sarcastic quips were enough to have me hooking my feet around the legs of my chair. “Fuck off, Dominic.”
He sighed. “Do we really need to go through this again? I thought you were smarter than this, Ry.”
I twisted in my chair to glare up at him.
He was in a tight white T-shirt today, his leather jacket slung over one shoulder.
My pulse picked up from anger. That was the only reason.
“Spending my lunch in the library rather than filling my lungs with poison definitely seems like the smarter option, Dom. ”
If I’d hoped to piss him off by shortening his name the way he did mine then I’d failed. An amused smile tipped up his lips. “Not when you’re trying not to get the shit kicked out of you.”
I was on my feet and shoving my chest against his in an instant. “Is that a threat?”
Somewhere, in the dark corners of my mind, a small voice pointed out this wasn’t a good idea. Dominic could probably flick me on the forehead and I’d collapse.
I couldn’t help myself. Something about him just…made my control snap.
Dominic’s dark chuckle rumbled over me. “No, it’s a reminder. You’re not in danger from me, Shadow. Everyone else though? They still see you as fair game.”
He lowered his head, his mouth hovering inches from my ear. “Especially when you’re stupid enough to square up to the likes of me. Talk about issuing a fucking challenge.”
Shit. I hadn’t thought of it like that. He was right. If people thought I had the balls to take on Dominic, it’d open the floodgates of others wanting to challenge me .
“Come on.” Dominic nodded at something behind me. “Let’s go before you get us both in trouble.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see the librarian glaring at us from her desk. Judging from the tight purse of her lips, she was ten seconds away from kicking us out.
Again.
“Whatever,” I muttered, grabbing my bag. I didn’t wait for Dominic. Nor did I look at him as I stalked to the smoking area. I had no interest in anything he had to say. Not when it just caused more fucking confusion for me. At this rate, I’d be lucky to get a full night of sleep before July.
At least after the summer, I’d be free of him. Dominic. Max. The bullies. Even the fucking loneliness.
It’d all be gone and I’d finally be happy.
Max gave me a predictable glare as I approached. His gaze immediately went behind me to where I knew Dominic was. “Really? Again?”
The awkward silence from yesterday returned, but it didn’t last. Not with how Dominic levelly met my twin’s stare before hopping up beside him. “Yep. Ryan’s going to join us for every lunch from now on. Isn’t that right, Shadow?”
His words were a clear challenge. From how he smirked, I knew he wanted me to argue. Just as much as he knew I wouldn’t.
I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Not in front of Max.
And that right there was how Dominic always won.
Because, apparently, I was all too willing to let him.
Fuck, how I hated that.