27. Ryan
Ryan
I didn’t remember leaving the house.
I must’ve though, because the next thing I knew, I was in the street.
And I was running.
My arms were pumping at my sides as I took the now familiar route to the chippy.
To where Dominic would be working. Waiting to tell me that what Max had said was wrong.
That he wasn’t leaving me in two weeks. That he hadn’t made a major life decision and not even mentioned it to me.
That he hadn’t listened to me planning our meet-ups come Autumn, knowing he wouldn’t make a single one of them.
It wasn’t true.
It couldn’t be.
Dom loved me. I was his Shadow. He wasn’t going to leave me behind. He wouldn’t.
“Ryan, wait!”
I ignored Max, putting my head down as I ran faster. Unfortunately, like most things, this was another area where Max excelled over me.
A heavy weight slammed into the middle of my back, sending me flying forwards. Max didn’t loosen his grip as we crashed into the ground, keeping me pinned with his weight.
“Get off,” I said furiously, throwing my elbows back as I tried to dislodge him. “Get the fuck off me, Max.”
“Not until you stop and listen.” Max grunted as my elbow connected with hard flesh. “Fucking quit it, Ry. You’re acting like a child losing his favourite toy.”
I saw red. “I’m not the one who treats Dominic like he’s a possession he doesn’t want to share.”
“Might want to tell your face that,” Max spat. Whatever softness had been in his tone a moment ago was long gone now. “You fucking sulk when he’s not giving you attention.”
“I do not sulk.”
Max sighed. “I’m getting up now, but don’t run off again.”
“Why shouldn’t I? I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say.”
No. I wanted to hear it from Dominic’s lips.
“You should. At least you know you’ll be hearing the truth.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Max laughed hotly. “It means I don’t give a shit about your feelings, so I’m not going to lie to protect them.”
“Dominic doesn’t lie to me.”
“Sure about that?”
I stayed silent. Until five minutes ago, I’d been sure. He’d promised never to lie to me again. Vowed it, even.
But if Max was telling the truth…he’d broken that vow the instant he’d given it. He’d been lying to me for our entire relationship.
Max seemed to sense when I’d come to a decision. He got off me silently. I shoved myself off the ground, completely unsurprised that he didn’t reach down to help me. No, he was stood off to the side, hands shoved in his pockets. “Why do you care about how I’m feeling?”
“I don’t,” Max said baldly. “But Dominic will be pissed off at me if he finds out I told you.”
Of course this wasn’t about me. It was about them.
Like always.
I shifted on my feet. It was pretty pointless denying anything given Max had had to literally sit on me to stop me going to Dominic, but I had to give it a go. We’d promised to keep the truth from Max at all costs. I owed it to Dominic to try. “Dominic won’t care. We’re just friends.”
“Right.” Max rolled his eyes. “Just friends who kiss and fuck.”
My stomach dropped out. “What? No. We don’t do that?—”
“Cut the bullshit. Dominic told me everything.”
No. No. He wouldn’t.
From the smug smile Max was wearing, apparently he would.
My heart ached. Fuck, it hurt .
“You’re lying.” I took a shaky step back, preparing to run to Dominic and make him force Max to admit his lies. “Dominic hasn’t told you anything.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. Me and Dominic?
We tell each other everything.” Max’s lips twisted in a sneer as he took a step closer.
“I know he spends every night in your bed. That you kissed for the first time after Amy’s party.
Hell, I even know he fucked you in that B and B after the festival. ”
Smack. Pain radiated up my arm as my knuckles connected with his cheekbone.
Max raised a hand to his cheek in disbelief.
I stared at him, my chest heaving as I thought about doing it again. “You’re lying.”
But he wasn’t. That was why he’d shared those details. Because there were only two people alive he could have learned them from.
And he hadn’t heard them from me.
I struck him again, ignoring how my fist screamed in protest. Max cursed, shoving me aggressively. “Hit me again and I’ll hit you back, Ryan. I swear to fucking god.”
“Do it,” I snarled, my chest bumping against his. This fury was ugly, but it was better than the pain. I grabbed it with both hands and refused to let it go. “Hurt me, Max. It’s all you’re good at, after all. We both know that’s why you’ve signed up. You’re shit at everything else.”
It was a low blow, I knew, but I took it regardless.
“I may be shit at everything, but at least I have one thing,” Max said softly. That should’ve clued me in, but it didn’t. “I’m the one Dominic truly wants.”
My brow furrowed. “What? No he doesn’t.”
“Sure about that?” Max said again, mockingly this time.
“Dominic spends all his time with me. Up until a few months ago, it was my bed he slept in. Not yours. I’m the one he’s in love with, but I’m straight.
” Malice shone in Max’s eyes as he continued.
“Good thing I’ve got an identical twin who’s not so straight.
Makes it easy for him to pretend it’s me who’s under him. Me who’s moaning his name.”
I should have punched him again. I pictured doing it, but couldn’t get my arms to move.
“Doesn’t bother me.” Max shrugged, putting his hands back in his pockets. “It did at first, but then I realised that it’s better he’s fucking you than anyone else. At least I know he won’t ever choose you over me.”
“You’re sick,” I whispered. “Sick and wrong. Dominic loves me. Me. Not you.”
The look he gave me was almost pitying. “Then why is he going away with me and leaving you behind? Face it, Ryan. It’s never been about you and Dominic. It’s always been about us.”
Memories flashed through my mind. Dominic grinning at me in the early morning light. Dropping a blueberry muffin onto my lap. Holding still for hours while I sketched. Encouraging me to chase my dreams rather than settling.
Calling me Shadow. I was his shadow. Me, not Max.
“You’re wrong,” I said steadily, when in truth I felt anything but. “We’re together. Him signing up doesn’t mean the end of us. We love each other.”
“If you say so.”
“I do say so.” I lifted my chin, forcing my lip not to wobble. I wouldn’t show weakness in front of Max. Not ever.
Max just laughed. “You’re so confident, but you know nothing. He’s lied to you the whole time. Stop paying attention to what he’s saying, and listen to his actions instead.”
Fuck Max. He didn’t know shit about us. “I’m going to him now. Don’t follow me.”
He shifted uneasily. “Are you going to tell him I told you?”
“Yes.” I didn’t owe Max anything. This conversation had proved that. I’d told him to hurt me, and he had. Far deeper than he should’ve been able to. “I don’t give a shit if he’s pissed off with you. You should’ve thought about that sooner.”
Dom should’ve thought about it too. If he hadn’t wanted me learning the truth from Max, he should’ve told me himself. God knew he’d had enough chances to.
“It’s fine.” Max shrugged. “He’ll forgive me. He always does.”
A muscle worked in my jaw. I spun to walk away, but paused when Max spoke again. “Oh, and Ryan?”
I tried to shut out his voice. To not let any more of his venom poison me. But I heard him all the same.
“If you’re so sure it’s not me he wants, maybe you should remember what you were wearing to Amy’s party. You know, the night you kissed and decided to make a go of things.”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten, willing myself to hold it together. The memory of Max shoving his clothes into my hands flashed before my eyes.
Max’s clothes.
I’d been dressed like him.
I wasn’t sure what cut deeper—that knowledge and what Max was suggesting, or that he also knew that was the night Dom and I had got together.
Just how much had Dom told him?
Here I was being kept in the dark, while Max knew everything.
Max knows everything.
I swallowed, needing to know how deeply Dominic had betrayed me. “How long?”
I didn’t need to explain my question. Max knew. “Since the party. He told me the next day.”
I was running again, but this time, I wasn’t just scared.
I was furious.
I burst into the chippy a few minutes later. This time, Max hadn’t followed me. There was no point. The damage was already done. Part of me wondered if that was truly why he’d tackled me.
Dominic’s head snapped up, his grin at seeing me fading fast. “What’s wrong?”
“Is it true?” I demanded.
Dom paled, his tongue flicking nervously over his lips. “Is what true?”
“Are you leaving?”
Dominic froze for a second before jerking into action. “Fuck.”
He yanked off his apron and lifted up the partition. Ignoring his boss calling his name, he took me by the elbow and led me out into the street.
I shook off his grip, stalking down the road. My heart was thudding in my ears. Part of me had expected him to deny it immediately.
But he hadn’t.
Now, I didn’t know if I could hear it.
“Shadow, please.” Dom grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. “I can explain.”
Above us, the stormy sky rumbled.
“Okay,” I said woodenly. Numb, that was how I was feeling. That was good. Better than the searing pain I suspected was coming. “Explain.”
Dominic inhaled slowly. “I joined up, but I did it months ago. Long before anything happened with us.”
So it was true. “You’ve signed up with Max.”
“Yes.”
“And you leave in two weeks.”
His throat bobbed. “Yes.”
The numbness didn’t last long, fury returning to wash it away. “When exactly were you going to tell me this?”
“Soon,” Dominic said desperately. “I swear, Shadow, I was. I promise. I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Oh god, this was it, wasn’t it? Weren’t you supposed to see the end coming? There were meant to be signs, weren’t there?
There hadn’t been any for us. Or if there had, I hadn’t seen them.