Chapter 39
Kasey
The sun was sinking low in the sky, painting it in soft oranges and pinks that made the whole backyard look unreal.
The smell of smoke and burning wood wafted through the air as Evander’s parents began to get the evening started.
Evander hovered near his bedroom, hands on his hips, as he looked at me. I was frozen, unsure of what to do.
“You don’t have to go out there,” he said quietly.
“You don’t have to do anything today. You can stay here, watch TV, read a book, draw, or even just go to bed early.
No one expects you to join. I have to join, at least for a little bit.
Maybe an hour at most. It’s…tradition. One I hope you’ll someday join, but I don’t expect you to. ”
“I….” I swallowed. “Can you choose?” Just tell me what to do.
“Honeybee,” Evander sighed, stepping towards me. Each step was slow enough, so I could either see him coming or have time to put up whatever boundary needed. But I didn’t move. I only looked at him. Begged him.
I couldn’t choose.
“My sweet Honeybee,” he pulled me into his arms, and I all but burrowed into his chest. “What are you scared of?”
Everything. Out loud, my words were muffled as I answered.
“What if they have questions that I don’t want to answer?
What if they take me away from you? What if I panic and can’t handle it?
What if it’s better if I stay here and pretend, I’m not here at all?
What if they don’t want anything to do with me?
What if they are the ones that wanted me to be taken away in the first place? ”
“Whoa, slow down, Kasey. Deep breaths, okay.” Evander’s words brushed the top of my head as he held me a little tighter against his chest.
“First off, remember what I said. No one gets to know who you are until you decide. You get to choose.”
“Your mom figured it out.” I breathed in another deep breath, letting Evander’s scent chase away the panic.
“I’m not surprised.” A deep breath from him before he went on.
“You have a couple of options, since it’s all up to you.
It’s time you start making these choices yourself, to find out what you want.
Option one, you stay here, cuddled on the couch.
Option two, you come with me and we will stay until you want to come back home.
If that’s only five minutes, or hours, that’s totally fine. ”
It would be easier if he just told me what to do. I didn’t want to pick; I didn’t know how.
Spending years being told what to do, what to eat, how to dress, a simple choice wasn’t so simple. It was everything.
When I didn’t answer, Evander pulled back just a bit to look at my face. “If you want, you can wear one of my sweaters,” I’d have done that anyways, “And have the hood up. It’s dark enough that no one will know it’s you. You can sit in my lap and just enjoy being outside and a marshmallow or two.”
“Okay.” Maybe I could do that. No…I could do that. Evy wouldn’t let anything happen to me. He’d keep me safe. And I was pretty sure that he’d keep any nosey questions at bay.
“Okay?”
“I…I want to go. But don’t leave me.”
“Never, Honeybee. Never.”
After making sure he had the pill bottle – just in case, he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world – Evander crossed to his closet and pulled out a dark colored sweater.
He held it without comment.
The moment it touched my hands, the scent hit me. It was warm, clean, and unmistakable for him. As I slipped it on over my head, I’d already stolen it. Claimed it. Decided it was mine now, even if I’d never say that out loud.
Evander didn’t rush me; he never did. He just waited until I’d pulled it on, letting it swallow me hole and settle around me like a shield. Then he nodded towards the back door. “Ready?”
I wasn’t sure if I was. But I nodded, a small unsure type of nod with wide eyes.
He pressed a small kiss on my forehead before stepping away and lightly grabbing my hand.
Evander opened the door, stepping out onto the porch. He let me linger there in the doorway, letting me have time to change my mind.
Finally, I took that step over the threshold, my heart hammering in my chest as I did so.
“Good. You got this, Honeybee.”
And maybe, I did.
The evening air was cooler now, the sun dipping behind the trees. The smell of smoke drifted across the yard.
Evander led me down the steps slowly, matching my pace like he’d practiced it.
“You can stay for a minute, or ten, or none. If you want to go back inside, just tell me. Or don’t. You can just walk away and I’ll follow.”
“Okay.” I had a feeling he’d follow me wherever I went, but I’d do the same to him.
“You’re not trapped here, just as you’re not inside, either. You get to choose.”
The words settled into me like warmth from the fire ahead.
We reached the edge of the yard, the glow of the flames flickering across the grass. Maren spotted us first, her smile gentle. Grant gave me a small nod, like he was acknowledging me without pulling me into anything.
Evander stopped just slightly in front of me. “You’re doing great.”
When I stepped close enough, he slid an arm around my waist and guided me gently into his lap, setting me sideways against his chest like it was the most natural thing in the world. The chair dipped under our combined weight, creaking softly, but Evander didn’t seem to care.
The sweater bunched around me, trapping his warmth, his scent, the steady rise and fall of his breathing.
“You good?” He asked quietly, and lips brushed the side of my hair.
I nodded, leaning into him before I second guessed it.
The firelight flickered across the yard, painting everything in a soft glow.
Evander’s thumb brushed slow circles against my hip, grounding me with every pass.
Everyone made small talk, their voices calm and words went over my head. I kept my focus on Evander. Only him. Only his heat warmed me up. His arms held me. His voice vibrated from his chest. His heart with its calm, easy thumps under my ear.
Nothing else mattered.
“So, are you going to introduce you us to your friend?” A man’s voice asked.
Everything in me went still. Not tense; not bracing. Just…frozen.
I knew others would be here. He’s most likely been talking off and on the entire time. But the words were directed at me, at Evander.
Evander’s hand paused where it rested on my leg. I felt the subtle tightening of his fingers, the way his whole body shifted beneath me.
I didn’t look up right away, keeping my face tucked against my Alpha’s neck, breathing in his calming scent.
The voice was familiar in a way I couldn’t explain. Logically, I knew who it was, or at least who it was supposed to be a long time ago.
“My friend. He’s staying with me for…well he’s staying with me now.”
“I see.” The two words were filled with expectations and suspension. I pressed more against Evander, unsure what this man could possibly see of me to come to any type of conclusion, even though I was used to it.
Used to being talked about while someone stood right in front of me, as if I were an object. Used to being torn down, piece by piece.
But…I didn’t have to accept that anymore.
“You finally quit looking for…” The voice trailed off, the tone impossible to pin down. Not relieved, not anything I could name. Just…heavy.
“Maybe now’s not the- “Maren tried, but another voice broke through. Quiet. Cracked. So full of grief, it felt like a hand closing around my heart.
I knew that voice. Not clear, not fully. But my body knew before my mind did.
I turned towards the sound, slow, like moving too fast might break something fragile inside of me.
And when my eyes found her, sitting beside the man that spoke a bit too gruffy, shoulders hunches like she wasn’t sure she wanted to be here, everything went quiet.
It was someone I had held on to for the past ten years, even though she looked older than I remembered, the fire flickering over her tired, worn-down face.
She wasn’t looking at me, her gaze only on the fire as she spoke, the words quiet like she didn’t have the energy to give more than that. “Don’t, Josh. We all searched until there was nothing left of us.”
Evander’s arm tightened around me, reminding me that he was here, and that I wasn’t alone.
I’d never have to be alone again.
“I didn’t stop,” Evander said just loud enough that everyone could hear. “I never stopped.”
Not until he found me.
My heartbeat in my chest as words I wanted to say were right there, so close yet so far away. I wanted to tell them who I was.
“I really don’t know why we keep doing this year after year,” Josh said, slouching in his chair. “No matter how many years go by, Kasey isn’t coming back. We are just torturing ourselves.”
“Maybe he’s closer than you think he is.” Evander spoke, drawing everyone’s attention to him. And in turn, me.
My mother’s eyes lifted to mine, and I was never more grateful for the darkness to hide me.
“You’ve always had that hope.” Mom spoke just as sadly, almost hauntedly. “Yet you still carry on. You’ve…you’ve made something of yourself that he’d be very proud of.”
I was proud of him.
I flickered my gaze towards Evander, and his eyes flashed to me with a soft, loving look that nearly took my breath away.
I was pretty darn sure he knew I was proud of him without having to say the words.
“I’m proud of you for surviving,” he whispered only for me to hear. “So proud. Whatever anyone else thinks doesn’t matter.”
“You matter.” The words felt strong in my chest but stumbled past my lips.
“So do you, Honeybee. Always.”
“I’m so sorry. We are being rude over here,” Mom’s voice was a bit stronger, like she remembered I wasn’t a part of them. “I’m Luara and this is Josh. Sorry we aren’t…. todays a hard day.”
“It’s…. your son’s birthday.”
“Yes. He’d be nineteen today.”
“You miss him.” It wasn’t hard to see. They all did. They missed the boy I used to be, the boy I might’ve grown into if life hadn’t torn me sideways.
And the thought twisted something deep inside me.
Why had I been taken from people who had clearly broken a little more every day I was gone? Why was I put into a place that felt like hell and left me there to rot?
The questions burned, sharp and senseless, and none of the answers made any kind of sense. The fire popped, sending a spray of sparks into the dark. No one spoke for a moment. Evander kept one arm around me, his thumb brushing slow circles against my hip.
Maren was the first to try again, her voice gentle. “It’s been a long time since we’ve had a night like this.”
The other couple nodded; the woman’s hands clasped tightly in her lap. The man stared into the flames like they held the answers he’d been begging for.
“It’s been ten years,” he said quietly. “Ten years since everything…. stopped.”
“Losing a child cuts any sane person in half.” Her voice trembled, but she didn’t look up.
I shifted slightly in Evander’s lap, the sweater sleeves falling over my hands. “Losing parents does too.” The admission slipped out before I could stop it. Losing everything was more than enough to break me, and I had been broken in ways they couldn’t see. In ways I didn’t know how to explain it.
I didn’t want to hurt them. I wasn’t trying to make them feel what I felt, since they didn’t even know who I was. But the truth was a wound we all cared for, just carved in different places.
They lost a child. I lost the world. And now, we were sitting here, staring at the pieces, trying to figure out if any of them fit.
“What…. what did you say?” She whispered, eyes pinned my way.
Her husband turned too, his expression sharpening through the firelight, searching for things he didn’t want to see.
I looked away, back to the sparkling fire as the flames danced and smoke rose to the sky.
Maren cleared her throat softly, trying to ease the tension. “It’s been a long time since we’ve had company out here. Sorry if we’re all a little…. intense.”
The woman gave a shaky laugh, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “We’re not usually like this. It’s just…” she stopped for a second. “It’s been a long day.”
A long decade, I thought.
The man nodded, rubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know why we keep torturing ourselves on nights like this. It’s not like he’ll appear before us in the dark on smoke and fog.” His voice cracked on the last part.
“But what if he did? What if Kasey did show up?” Evander asked, echoing my thoughts.
The woman’s eyes blinked slowly, staring into the fire instead of at us. “Don’t say things like that. Hope like that….it ruins people.”
Evander didn’t look away from them, simply pulling me closer to his chest. “Sometimes hope is the only thing that keeps people alive.”
“We hoped for so long. Too long.” The woman breathed.
The man nodded. “We searched everywhere. Every lead. Every rumor. Every shadow.” His voice dropped. “And every time it wasn’t him.”
A heavy, suffocating silence settled.
I felt Evander’s hand slide along my side, grounding me, but it didn’t stop the ache building in my chest.
“Evy didn’t. He kept searching for him.”
“What…Evy?” Instantly, all eyes were on me. On us.
“I didn’t give up hope, Laura. I never did. Did you think so lowly of me?”
“Never.” She looked like she was about to get up from her chair and rush at us. “But….”
“Up to you, Honeybee.” The words were whispered at the top of my head, filling me with warmth that I didn’t know I needed.
“Who are you?”
Many things, I thought. Instead, what came out was something else entirely.
“I’m…an Omega. Taught and trained to be the perfect being from Lockswell Boarding School.
I…I’m a lost boy who was found by an Alpha who saw something in me that I thought I’d never find.
I’m a broken, shattered thing that is still somehow living after everything.
But most of all, I’m Kasey. Evy’s Honeybee.
And I’m finally back home where I should have been all along. ”
My voice cracked and tears fell freely, but none of that mattered. Nothing matters anymore. Because I was at home. Evy was my home. These people were my family.
I was once lost but now I have been found. And loved and cherished.
Evander reacted before my brain caught up. One second, I was in his arms. The next he’d shifted us both, guiding me to my feet just as a soft, warm body collided with my front.
Arms wrapped around me, holding me like I was something precious she’d almost dropped.
I froze, breath trapped in my throat, her scent and warmth hitting me all at once. Her hands fisted in the back of my sweater, pulling me in like she couldn’t bear even an inch of space between us.