Chapter 43
VICTOR
I’d lost my shit with her.
I couldn’t help myself—the emotions of the day hung round my neck like a padlocked chain, dragging me to the floor every time I tried to move forward.
Then she was so beautiful—my stunning, incredible wife, carrying our baby.
I watched her sleep today, and fuck me, I wish I hadn’t.
I’d wanted to crawl into bed beside her and spoon her, falling to sleep with my wife.
But what had I done? Made us dinner because I knew she’d be hungry, then I’d gotten hard when she’d started moaning over the food.
Yeah, explain that shit.
I hadn’t thought about sex in weeks. But Lila did something to me—she always had, even when she’d practically found me repulsive.
This was so fucked, the whole situation.
I heard Lila moving around upstairs, and honestly, I wanted to go and ask her if she still loved me—to see if she could look me in the eye and say she didn’t. But I’d already pushed it too far, and after today, we both needed some time to reflect and sleep.
We’d seen our baby today. I dug out the scan image from my wallet and stared at it for a long time, imagining what it would feel like to hold them, to smell their skin and kiss their little face. God, I couldn’t wait, but fuck me, did I want to do it as a family.
I knew I was selfish, that I should let her go, let her move on to someone better than me, but honestly? I loved her too much. No one would ever love her like I did. Even though I was a stupid bastard, I would die for her if she asked me to.
I sighed when my phone alarm buzzed, reminding me it was time to go to work. I stood at the bottom of the stairs, gazing up, contemplating whether to call out and tell her I was leaving.
But something had changed tonight. She’d actually spoken to me about it—our marriage. I saw her anger, her disgust, but mostly?
I saw her love. I saw it in the way she looked at me, how she stared at me a touch too long, how her cheeks flushed when I caught her looking at me. Honestly, it gave me hope, and that was all I wanted. I had time—too much time, and all I could do was try to win her back.
Knowing my luck, the divorce papers would arrive soon, finalising that she no longer wore my surname. That she was a Morrison again, single and without any ties to me.
The thought of her not having my name made me feel physically sick. But I had to remember I’d fucked up, not her. She had issues, but we should have addressed them. I shouldn’t have ran off to another woman, that was for damn sure, especially not a woman I didn’t love.
But I’d beaten myself up enough. Now was time to focus on getting her back, one tiny step at a time. Even if she wasn’t my wife, we could be something. I’d take even being her friend at this point, but even that was a stretch.
Baby steps.
My phone buzzed again.
Enzo: Hey, how are you doing? I wondered if you wanted to catch up this week?
I sighed, tugging on my security jacket and zipping it up while I contemplated my life.
I wanted to see Enzo; I needed a fucking night or two off, and now I was living here, I didn’t exactly need two jobs.
But there was the risk that Lila might need the money, and I had to be able to give her that.
But I could take some time off. God knew I needed it.
Victor: Tomorrow night? Sports bar?
Enzo: Sounds good. Say seven?
Victor: See you then.
If I wasn’t dead on my feet.
The sports bar was dead, being Wednesday night.
It took ages to get there on the bus, but I was getting used to public transport disappointing me.
Enzo waved from the booth across from the bar, lifting a beer in the air.
The sound of soft rock music filled the air, and I trudged over to my oldest friend with what I hoped was a smile.
He pushed a cold beer bottle my way, and I took it, lifting it to my lips with a grateful nod.
“How’re things?
Question of the fucking century. I belched, slumping into the booth before him.
“Shit. Lila still hates me.”
“Dude, you can’t blame her. She watched you fucking Cami on video.” Enzo shook his head but sighed, giving me a semi-sympathetic look.
“I know,” I said, scrubbing my face. I needed to shave; I just couldn’t be bothered. “I don’t know what else I can do.”
Enzo sipped his beer before answering me. “Well, what have you done?”
I stared at him, my brows furrowing. “Done?”
“Yeah, like have you apologised on your knees and shit?”
I rolled my eyes. “If I ever get Lila back, it will probably involve setting myself on fire.”
“Your truck wasn’t enough?” Enzo joked, and we laughed. The sound reminded me of old times, and a pang of nostalgia filled my stomach.
“I guess you just have to focus on the baby.”
My head snapped up. “You know about that? Shit, and I thought I was here delivering good news.”
“Vanessa mentioned it. I also saw Lila the other week…” His words trailed off, and I straightened up, leaning forward.
“You did? What did she say? Did she mention me?” I hated the neediness in my voice, but damn, I had to know.
Enzo studied me. “She was mad, pregnant, and craving cupcakes. She mentioned you, but not in a good way. She did ask how you were, though.”
“She did?”
“She also said she was surprised you weren’t shacked up with Cami.”
I screwed my face up as I sucked on the beer bottle.
That’s what she thought of me, huh? She thought I’d move in with Cami. Did she think I loved her? If she would ever let me explain, I’d tell her I was so fucking wrong. That I should have tried harder.
“I told her all you did was work.”
“You’re not wrong.”
“I’m worried about you, though. You look thin and haggard. Like you’ve aged a hundred years.”
I placed my bottle on the table with a thud and glared at him. “Gee, thanks.”
Enzo held his hands up and shook his head. “I’m telling you, you need to get yourself together. You’re gonna be a fucking dad, man. You need to be better than this. Like—”
“Alright, I get it.”
“—you used to be. Victor, the man she fell in love with. Not this…” Enzo waved a hand in my direction, and I tried not to take offence, but he was right. I was in such a fucking mess I couldn’t see the woods for the trees.
“I’m so tired.” I dropped my head, my defensiveness leaving me. “I work all day and all night…”
“I know. I get why, but you’re losing yourself. If Lila never takes you back, man, you still need to live.”
His words made sense, but a life without Lila wasn’t a life I wanted. He knew it too, because he sighed heavily as he glanced around the bar.
“It’s still raw. Give it time, focus on the baby, and yourself.”
“I’m not giving up on her,” I said this simply because it was the truth. I’d rather never be with anyone else in my life if it meant not having her.
“I hear you, but shit has consequences.”
“I know.” My shoulders dropped, and I groaned. “I fucking know.”
“I know you love her. But this? Working yourself into the ground? You’ve lost so much weight…” Enzo frowned and shook his head, looking away.
I could see myself through his eyes, the clothes hanging from my frame that used to hug me, the dark circles under my eyes and my pale skin. I coughed, and he stared at me.
“Are you fucking sick too? Jesus, do you need me to spell it out?” Enzo rose to his feet and strode to the bar without asking if I wanted another. He knew I did. My eyelids felt so heavy after one beer, I didn’t know if I could handle another.
What a lightweight.
I watched Enzo at the bar, his broad shoulders that used to rival mine, his foot tapping to the music as he ordered the beers. A slim blonde sidled up to him, and he was polite but disinterested. Then he headed back to me.
“What was wrong with her?” I asked, suppressing a yawn as he placed my second beer in front of me.
“Wrong?” Enzo shrugged. “I’m just not interested.”
“You never are.”
“Well, maybe you should’ve taken a leaf out of my book.”
Ouch.
“You’re in a good mood,” I muttered. “Remind me to see you more often.”
“I’m telling you to look after yourself. You’re too focused on getting Lila back—she’s filed for divorce and put the house on the market. I’m surprised your mom or Vanessa haven’t mentioned this to you,” Enzo grumbled, pursing his lips. “It’s not like your sister to not say it like it is.”
“She’s not exactly my biggest fan right now.”
“And your mom?”
I softened. “She sent food home for me the other night…”
“Have you seen her?”
“Not really, like I said, it’s hard to be social when you’re working every hour god sends.” My voice had flattened. “Lila dropped my surname.”
“Vic, man, you’ve got to snap out of this.”
Was he being serious?
“Out of what? Losing my wife? My home and my marriage? Sorry, I’m struggling a little with it.”
“Drop the defensive act. Have you even looked at yourself in a mirror lately?”
I stared at him, inhaling air into my cheeks until they puffed out, counting to ten slowly before I responded.
“You’re a motherfucker, you know that? Kicking a man when he’s down?” I smiled though, because he was right.
I hadn’t taken care of myself at all. I didn’t give a fuck about myself. I’d done this to us; I didn’t deserve to sleep.
“It's not attractive.” Enzo leaned back and sipped his beer, watching me intently. “This ‘woe is me’ shit.”
I choked on my laughter. He really wasn’t holding back, was he?
“I’ve lost weight because I’m walking everywhere. I’ve started getting the bus, but it’s such a fucking shit show, Enzo.”
“You need to sleep. You look like you’ve been dug up. I wouldn’t look twice at you.” His lips twitched, and I shook my head, finally relaxing in his company.
He meant well. I knew he did.
“You’re a prick.”
Enzo beamed at me. “You’re gonna be a fucking dad.”
I grinned back. “Yeah, I am. I can’t believe it. If only I hadn’t fucked it all up.”
Enzo leaned over and punched my arm. “But you did.”
“I did.” I sighed.
“Go home and get some sleep. Fuck that night job; you work all day, it’s more than enough.”
Enzo was right. Now I was living back in the house, I could drop it, get some sleep. Make dinners for Lila, help around the house. Function like a human for once.
“Maybe.” I rose to my feet. “How much for the beers?”
“A hand job.”
I smirked and tossed some bills his way. “Fucking hell, you need to get laid.”
Enzo hollered, “I get laid, you just don’t hear about it.”
“I call bullshit.” I felt different after seeing him, more hopeful, a little more focused. He was right; maybe I needed to sort myself out before I tried to fix things with Lila.
“I’ll drive you home, sweetheart,” Enzo purred, slinging his arm around my shoulders. “Can’t have you on a bus this late at night.”
“You’re such a loser.”
“Says the man getting divorced and catching buses.”
“Prick.”