Chapter 14
Fourteen
“ U gh!!!” Lily’s frustrated grumble lifted the hair on the back of his neck. It’d been a tough morning for Sprout, and apparently for Lily, too. The first three days home from the hospital had been a steep learning curve, and Gunner was busy running between trying to sort out the details behind moving his new family to Texas and soothing Lily’s heightened emotions.
The move was so much more complicated than he’d been expecting now that Lily and Sage were in the mix, but there was something to be said about his sister staying in their mother’s house. It made things a lot easier to just focus on the move, instead of on having to sell the house and everything in it.
“What do you need right now?”
Lily ran her hand through her already very disheveled hair, bouncing a crying Sage back and forth as she patted her back.
“She needs to have her diaper changed, and then I’ll need to nurse her, and she hasn’t had her tummy time today. Her laundry needs to be sorted through and packed up for the move. It’ll be time to put her down soon and then I’ll need to call and make her a doctor’s appointment just to get checked before our flig?—”
“No, Lil.” He pulled her into his chest. “Not ‘what does she need?’. What do you need?”
Her hand grabbed his shirt, and he felt her body shake as she took a few deep breaths. “I need a shower. And a nap. I have a headache, and I just can’t seem to recover from the lack of sleep.”
“Good girl. I’ll take care of Sage so you can have exactly that. And I’ll get you some medicine for your headache. You can take acetaminophen, right?” He scooped the baby out of her arms, smiling as the little girl snuggled down into his chest, and Lily nodded. “I’ll give her some tummy time while I pack up her things, and I’ll also call the pediatrician and get her an appointment. After your nap, you’re going to sit and eat an entire meal without getting up to fuss over her. Got it?”
Tears filled her eyes, and her chin wobbled. “Why am I like this?”
“Like what?”
“Exhausted. At the end of my rope. Just a mess as a mom. She hasn’t even been here a week and I’m failing. I look at her and I love her so much, but I can’t calm her. I can’t get her to sleep like you can. She already loves you so much and she looks at me like I’m a complete stranger.”
“Lily…”
“I’m not crazy, Gunner. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Sit,” he commanded as he walked over to the bed and did the same. But Lily didn’t move. “Now, Lily Kate.”
She finally gave in, sitting down on the edge as far away from him as she could get. It didn’t matter. His arm reached for her and he pulled her right into his side.
“You’re a new mom. This is totally normal.”
“How do you know? I’m a disaster and it all feels wrong, Gunner. You’re so calm and know exactly what to do to make her feel better all the time.”
She closed her eyes and brought her hand up to her head, rubbing at her temples. Yeah, he definitely needed her to get some rest. She was so focused on taking care of Sage that she wasn’t giving herself the things she needed to recover from the birth.
“I didn’t just have all of my internal resources depleted growing a tiny human for nine months. I didn’t spend hours and hours enduring the most physically painful labor known to mankind to bring her into the world. I’m not expected to recover from that while my body makes her food and never gets proper sleep, or nutrition, because I’m so attuned to what she needs that even a little whimper from her disturbs my sleep or pulls me away from my meals. That’s all you, Lil, and I promise, you are doing an amazing job. You just need to remember to give yourself some grace.”
She leaned her head onto his shoulder and nodded.
“Now, dry those tears. You’re off baby duty the rest of the day. The only thing I want you to worry about is resting and eating. I’m going to order in from the bistro and I expect you to eat everything I get, okay?”
“Gunner, I can’t ask you to do all that.”
“You’re not asking. I’m just doing it. That’s what good husbands and dads do. Now go. A hot shower, no less than thirty minutes, Lil. Then sleep. Hours of it if your body is telling you to.”
“She’ll need to nurse.”
“Okay. So shower. Long and hot. Then nurse Sprout. Then take a nap. I’ve got everything else handled.”
Lily stood on her tiptoes and kissed Gunner’s cheek. It was fast and whisper soft, but it seared into his skin.
“Thank you,” she whispered, smiling for the first time that day.
“Where’s Lily?” Gia asked as he walked into the kitchen with Sage. He didn’t miss the fact that her face was red and puffy from crying.
“She needs a break. I told her to take a shower and then she’s going to take a nap. I think she’s really exhausted. Are you okay?”
Gia waved her hand in front of her body.
“I just got thinking about mom, and how much she would have loved all the commotion now that Sage is here. And of course Lily is exhausted. She just had a baby a few days ago after the world’s most insanely emotional week. I feel like we all could sleep for a month and still not feel rested, and I didn’t just create and birth an entire human.”
He rubbed Sage’s back. “What more can I be doing for her?”
“Nothing.” Gia’s hand rested on his shoulder. “You’re already doing a great job. I’m really proud of you, and thankful that she has someone so completely in her corner.”
“I meant what I said in my vows. She’s family now. There’s nothing more important to me than her and Sage.”
“She is seeing that in your actions, and that’s going to go a long way, Gunner.”
“I hope so.”
“I was just about to get started on lunch. Pasta salad and watermelon. You want some too?”
“I was going to order in from the bistro, but that’d be great.” Gunner rocked Sage lightly, looking over all the features on her face. She had the most perfect little button nose, and chunky cheeks that were filling out more even after just a few days. She had dark, long eyelashes just like her mother, and Gunner couldn’t resist pressing a kiss onto her head. He really would do anything to make this sweet girl happy.
“You can always order in for dinner later,” Gia said as she pulled a pot from the drawer under the stove.
A loud knock at the front door pulled him from his thoughts.
“Take Sage while I answer that.” Gunner walked to the door, anger boiling over when he saw who was there. Yanking the door open, he stood directly in the doorway to fill the space. “What do you want?”
His growled words had their intended effect. James’s mother jumped, literally clutching her pearls as she took a step back.
“Excuse me, but I’m here to see my grandchild. I had to hear from a friend of a friend that the baby had been born. Can you even begin to imagine how hurtful that was?”
“I don’t know, lady. Maybe it was as hurtful as you telling my wife that you were going to separate her from our child while she was being hospitalized for complications caused by your son putting his disgusting hands on her.”
“Your what? I never?—”
“No, obviously not. I told you the baby was mine. If you ever fucking show up on my private property again, I’ll have you arrested for trespassing, and I’ll gladly take out a restraining order against you for my wife and my child. Now fuck off.”
Gunner slammed the door in Corrine’s face. Who the fuck did she think she was?
“Gunner?”
Fuck.
Gunner turned to find Lily staring at him, her wide eyes bouncing between him and the door he’d just slammed. Water droplets from her wet hair were dripping down her blue robe. He had to stop himself from following the loose V-shaped opening that showed just the tiniest edge of her cream-colored bra.
Raking his hand over his face, Gunner sighed.
“Don’t worry about her, Lil. I think we’ve come to a mutual understanding.”
Lily woke from her nap feeling worse than when she fell asleep. How was that even possible? She looked at the clock in Gia’s room and groaned when she saw it had been over three hours since she laid down. Her chest ached with the need to nurse Sage, but the pounding in her head was relentless and made her want to just fade back into blissful sleep.
She’d left her baby with Gunner for too long. Before she could allow herself to spiral into thoughts of how she would make it up to him, a knock came at her door. She’d moved her head to call out and let whoever it was in, but the throbbing behind her eyes intensified, effectively shutting down her attempts to move.
“Hey, you’re awake.” Gunner smiled as he carried Sage in one of his arms, and a plate of food in the other.
“I’m sorry I slept so long.”
“It wasn’t long enough from the looks of things.” He set the plate down on the table beside the bed before moving back towards her feet. The mattress dipped and she couldn’t avoid seeing the concerned look in his eyes.
“I’m such a mess.”
“You’re exhausted and recovering from a major medical event. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before now. You don’t need to get out of this bed. Just rest. Sage was getting a little fussy, so I figured she needed to nurse, but as soon as she’s done, I’ll take her back out to the living room and you can have some dinner and then sleep some more. ”
Normally she would have devoured the plate of pasta and garlic bread he’d brought in, but the thought of food made her stomach flip.
“Could you get me a glass of water?”
“Sure. Do you need anything else?”
“Maybe some more medicine for my headache? I don’t think the last dose helped.”
“It hasn’t gone away?” Worry etched its way onto his face and she tried to smile.
“I promise I’m fine. I get this way when I’m overtired. I’ll start nursing her while you’re gone.” Lily reached out as Gunner slid the baby into her arms.
“If you’re sure?” Something about the look he was giving her made Lily think nothing would actually convince him she was fine.
“Yes. Oh, were you able to call the pediatrician?”
“Yeah. She’s all set with an appointment the day after tomorrow. And I’ve figured out everything with our flight to Texas, as long as her doctor gives us the okay to take her.”
“I’m sure he will. We just have to be careful to not let strangers get in her space. A little tough to do on a commercial flight, but I’m sure it will be okay. People have to fly with newborns all the time. I’ve got it all figured out, Lil. Try not to worry about it too much, okay?”
Lily nodded, already bringing Sage to her breast where the baby rooted for a minute before latching.
God, she really felt terrible. Maybe she was coming down with the flu? Or maybe it was mastitis? Her pregnancy book had included an entire chapter on the symptoms for breastfeeding moms, and the details had been pretty graphic and scary. Her vision blurred, and she tried to blink the room back into focus .
Sage.
She was safe in her bassinet, happy as a stuffed little dumpling after her midnight nursing session. Lily had insisted that Gunner leave the baby with her after she tried to eat some of the dinner he’d brought into her room. After all, the poor guy had been stuck on baby duty all day while she slept.
Her headache had been getting worse all day but now the pain in her chest was making it hard to breathe. Should she wake Gunner and ask for help again? If it was mastitis, she could just get an antibiotic in the morning, without having to fuss or wake him up.
Nausea swelled in her belly and she wobbled as fast as she could to the bathroom that connected their bedrooms together. The pain under her ribs was unbearable, and she cried out between each contraction of her stomach that emptied what little dinner she’d had into the toilet.
The door leading to Gunner’s room swung open, and Lily felt his questioning gaze hit her before he was fully in the room.
“Jesus, Lil, are you okay?” He lifted his hand to her forehead.
“I don’t know what’s wrong,” she cried. “My head feels like it’s about to split in two and it hurts to breathe.”
“Fuck.” She felt the breeze around her as he moved from the bathroom. He was back a minute later. “Lil, that paper the doctor had us hang up on the fridge for you after we came home from the hospital?”
All she could muster was a weak nod before another bout of retching took over.
“Shit.” Gunner crouched beside her and ran his hand across her back. “Your face is pretty swollen, baby. Okay. You’re going to be okay, Lil. Listen, I think it could be postpartum preeclampsia. I’m going to call for an ambulance and we’re going to go to the hospital. ”
“No. Sage.” The entire room was blurry, and she tried to blink away the fog, but it wasn’t budging. “Gunner. I c-can’t see right.”
Gunner moved behind her, and before she could protest, he had her in his arms. “Shh. Sage is fine. As soon as the paramedics get here, I’ll get Gia. She’ll watch her until we know what’s going on.”
“Can’t leave her…” the sound of her voice was distant and garbled. All she wanted to do was curl up in the warmth of Gunner’s arms and sleep until she felt better. She was safe now; he’d make sure she was okay. As she heard his voice talking in the background of her mind, she felt herself give over to the darkness, pulling her away.