20. Sean
TWENTY
sean
25 YEARS OLD
BLAIR (24 YEARS OLD)
Her tears pained me and there was nothing I could do.
No one to kill or blame.
Just us, in our feelings about a baby… our baby.
“Amoy…”
She turned away from me and curled deeper into herself. I wanted her to eat, to step outside and get some fresh air, but I knew better than to force it.
Especially while in Philly.
My brothers had no clue about the baby or that Blair was here at all.
I looked down at myself and started to undress.
Fuck it.
Before sliding into bed behind her, I sent a text to Finn.
Cover for me today.
His reply was quick.
I’ll send Cian. Not in the mood for a party. You good?
Taking care of B.
I set my phone to do not disturb and focused all my energy on her. Finn knew what l meant.
When Blair and I were hiding our relationship and sneaking off together, only he knew. If I said I’m taking care of B, it meant I was ducked off with her for a while.
“Don’t keep breaking my heart with your silence,” I murmured, wrapping myself around her. “Talk to me, Amoy.”
I pulled the blanket over our heads and she turned against me, burying her face in my chest.
“I’m sorry,” she said through a sob that really broke my heart more than it already was. “I-I’m sorry I lost our baby. I didn’t know I was pregnant.”
My eyes burned and it took a second to understand I wanted to cry. It’d been so long.
“I don’t blame you,” I whispered, hiking one of her legs over mine. “And I don’t want you blaming yourself. It’s not your fault, Amoy.”
She flipped the cover back and lifted her head, eyes trying to meet mine but I wouldn’t let them. There was no denying the slight shake in my voice or the fucking tears threatening to fall.
“My body and mind are at war,” she said softly. “This is… it’s hard and I feel sick and like I’m broken.”
Fuck. I’m sad .
Was I allowed to feel a little broken, too?
“My mind is telling me be strong for you…” I let our gazes meet now that my eyes were clear. “But my heart hurts, Amoy. I’m not sure if that’s fair to you or if I’m even allowed to feel this way but—”
“You’re allowed,” Blair cut in, tears falling as she climbed atop me and pressed her forehead to mine. “I can’t feel this way alone, Oisin. You’re the only person I trust with my tears. With my… everything. Just don’t… hate… me…”
Somehow in the midst of a full breakdown, our lips met and triggered all I’d been holding in. The anguish felt like hers and mine mixed up inside me.
“There’s nothing that could ever make me hate you,” I whispered against her lips. “No matter what we endure, my heart has always and will only ever belong to you, mo ghrá.”
We stayed like that for a long while—foreheads touching, hearts in sync, and real tears flowing.
“I love you, Amoy. And I only want to do life with you, okay?”
She leaned back and used her thumbs to clear my face, while I did the same for her.
“Okay,” she murmured with a nod before resting her head against my shoulder. “And I love you, too, Oisin. More than anything or anyone.”
I always knew Blair and I were end game, meant to be in every way. She was my soulmate, whether we had kids or not. Whether we lost one or not, it would always be her for me.