21. Sharkie
Date: 5-15-2024
Time: 1821
I roll to my side, taking in Moe’s shocked appearance from the sidelines. He looks like a kid who just got the last damn chocolate bar in a candy shop with a smile beaming ear to ear.
“That wasn’t fair. You cheated.” Jasmine bites out and I roll my eyes. I can’t stand her, or the odd tension between her and Caspian, but I knew Sam wouldn’t help me and she’s the only other person I could think of. I haven't met many people besides them. I tried today but every soldier I came across acted like a stuck-up prick. Go figures, they're Depth members after all.
I guess Jasmine isn’t too bad if you can get past the fact, she’s a bitch. She works hard as far as I can see and oddly enough; she seems more put together today than she has in the past. I let out a huff and stand. It makes me wonder if she's just been a disorganized soldier because no one genuinely worked with her.
“I haven’t learned that move yet. Can I… uh— can I try?” Moe asks, he almost steps on the mat but backs away as if he already expects me to say not yet. It’s one thing showing him things he can learn, but it’s not my place to let him practice them. From what he’s told me, he only trains with Tide and I’d rather not overstep those boundaries. Who have I become? I’ve never cared about boundaries before.
“When you get approval from Tide and we’re not sneaking around.” I level with him. Last night we made progress. I’m not ready to admit what that progress was, but I know it was a turning point for us. If the marks on my body aren’t proof enough, then the mark on my heart is.
Oh God, it’s official. I’ve lost my mind.
“I agree with the shark.” Jasmine nods, straightening her shirt. I have to admit, I like this side of her. She looks like she belongs, plus hearing her agree with me is satisfying despite how tense she seems when I talk to her. She looks like she’s holding back what she wants to say, but I won’t push, especially when I’m so close to liking her.
“Sharkie.” I correct her with a smile on my face.
“No. You're a Shark. Sharkie is too innocent.”
She smiles, but I can’t even focus on the movement when I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand. It’s like my body has always been hard-wired to feel his eyes on me.
“Moe.” I whisper but pause when he seems to get the same feeling. I have to bite my lip to fight back a laugh when he mouths, ‘Shit’.
“For one, watch your mouth. More importantly, run.” I whisper through a stifled laugh. I’m not letting him get in trouble for something I did. It’s beyond time for him to be in his room, and I don’t think he ran the idea past Caspian as he said he would.
I’ll admit, the little dude is fast. One second, he’s standing looking shocked the next I hear him grunting and his body collapsing on the gravel. I work on fixing my hair as I turn to see Caspian standing like the Greek god he is.
“Busted.” Jasmine whispers. Caspian crouches in front of Moe, but his eyes don’t stray from mine.
“You better be up and out here first thing in the morning. I want to see what you learned.” He flicks his eyes back to an eagerly nodding Moe and I can’t help but feel a sense of pride. I understand the want to keep him sheltered—even though most kids his age in our factions have already seen what really lies in our hidden world—but a little change of tactics wouldn’t hurt, with the life we live, I don’t know when this war will be over or solved, but I like the idea of him being able to protect himself. Even if it's against me. Correction: especially against me.
Moe stumbles to stand and straightens his clothes before nodding at Tide whose eyes are narrowed at Jasmine by the time I get a glimpse at him. I shouldn’t care, right? I mean, it was me in his bed last night. It was my name he was moaning. It makes me wonder, was he looking for me or her? Oh my god, stop Cordelia, it doesn’t matter.
“Go check on the recruits in the towers.” Tide tilts his head towards the area at the corner of the area where a large arch opening showing concrete steps that I'm assuming leads to the top, dismissing Jasmine.
“See you tomorrow, shark.” She mutters as she turns on her heel with her shoulders pinned back. It’d be so much easier to be mad if she acted the way she did when I first got here.
He doesn’t even give me a chance to dwell on it as he stalks in my direction. Instinctually I step back, keeping a distance, but he just cocks his head at the motion with a shit-eating grin on his lips. It feels like a predator stalking prey. The only difference is that I'm the one who is on the top of the food chain whether he wants to admit it or not. He unbuttons his shirt with each step and pulls it over his head, the moon casting shadows under each perfectly sculpted muscle, making the tattoos that like his arm shimmer in the moonlight.
“So, you’re training my soldiers behind my back?” He questions with a dangerous undertone in his voice. I shake my head. I’m not going to rat out Moe for the miscommunication, but I’m also not about to argue with the devil in front of me.
“That’s what it looked like, siren. You know how I feel about you lying to me.”
The tips of his boots connect with mine, forcing my head to crane up just to see him properly.
“They need an actual teacher. Your training sucks.” Thank God I found my voice because he lets out one of those laughs that tilts his head back and melts my entire being. I go to smile, but my breath is knocked out of my lungs as I’m flung onto my back. It takes a moment for my vision to clear to notice him standing above me, his cargos hanging low on his waist, giving me a glimpse of his boxers below and the v muscles peeking out.
“Asshole.” I mumble with a cocky grin. Wrapping my foot around his ankle I draw his attention to the movement. Before he can speak he tumbles to the ground beside me. I use the leverage of my leg wrapped around his to climb on top of his body.
I could get used to this.
I could kill him.
My head throbs. Not from the constant sparring but because each original thought I try to have is knocked out of the way with thoughts that aren’t mine threatening to assert their dominance. Karma has said it before and even Tides made the comment, hell I've joked about the fact—but I never realized how screwy my brain is until now.
I can feel every rigid muscle below me as I straddle his lap, fully expecting him to fight more, to fling me off and give me a fair spar but he just smiles tracing the length of my torso until his hand wraps around my throat, his thumb tracing a lazy line. For a moment all thoughts in my head stop, the small pressure he applies grounds me to the salt scent carrying in the breeze and the calm crash of waves behind the wall.
“Maybe you could start training my team during the day if you’d like.” He whispers the words like he’s almost too scared to say them. I honestly don’t know how to answer. I know how I feel, I think, but am I ready to fight against everything my parents worked for? Would I be willing to do it for him? It just puts me in the position of feeling like I’m being pulled beneath the waves. He seems to feel the tension in my body, causing his hand to squeeze my flesh enough I gasp.
“Just think about it.”
He gives that boyish smile that could have any girl feeling like they were back in high school with their first crush. I slap his chest and climb off of him. I can’t stand him and his stupid mind games.
Using the back of my arm, I wipe the sweat beading on my head. The air feels too humid. Even though I like feeling such a powerful man below me, I’m too hot. Caspian stands too, but doesn’t make a move to pick up his shirt. I wish he would. I’d be able to think a little clearer. Instead, he walks through the opening I ran through the other day.
“Where are you going?”
Keeping his steady steps, he ignores me, so I take off at a fast stride to keep up with him. Slowly, his boots are kicked off. The crash of the waves pulling the sand into the ocean gets louder the further out we tread. I know the turning in my stomach is telling me to turn back and go into the place that feels safe even though it shouldn’t, but he’s so calm, almost looking relaxed as his belt falls into the earth with his pants following the motion.
“What’re you doing?”
I've been so focused on every move he makes that I haven’t even realized how close I had stepped towards the water. Pausing in my tracks, I glance down to the waves, brushing the tips of my boots. The last time I was this close, I lost the person I thought I could see a future with. My heart speeds up with each ebb and flow of the water. How can something so calming create so much panic? I once thought that it couldn’t touch me if I didn’t let it. I was in control.
Daymen made the water bearable. He gave me power only to show I can’t control what life nature decides to take. I swallow hard, the mists from the sea sticks to my legs making my body shudder. For once I had someone try to know me, help me . I couldn’t save him. Each bubble that forms against the sand sends visions of the ones that rose from his mouth the further down he went.
When I glance back up, Tide is so close I can feel the heat of his body and I’m being pulled into his gaze.
“I told you, I’m the only thing you should be afraid of. Didn’t I?” He mumbles, his hands slip under my shirt and despite my inner voice yelling at me to tell him to stop, I allow him to pull it over my head. My vision is blurred, but I can’t even dwell on that fact when I see him drop to his knees at my feet and start undoing my boots. He saved me. I know logically he wouldn’t have been able to grab Daymen as well, but it doesn’t make me want to punch him in the face any less.
He pulls them off one by one, doing the same to my socks, working my shorts down my hips creating a path down my thighs and calves with his fingers that his lips follow. I focus on how each lick of water touches his knees. He should’ve let me drown. I still don’t know whose mouth I should trust, but I do know I don’t deserve the kindness he’s attempted to show me.
Once I’m left in nothing but my undergarments, he kisses his way back up my body until his mouth is hovering over mine. What if I’m wrong? What if I choose the wrong side and take the wrong life? In the end, I will avenge my parents. But who's going to pay? His gaze flicks at my mouth, but I remain motionless. I've believed the same facts for as long as I can remember, but with every second I spend by his side, it’s another month’s worth of training that’s gone to waste.
I need to hate him.
“Make me the monster. Let me be the one to scare you.” He mumbles letting every word fall against my mouth. Gripping my waist, he pulls me against his chest, forcing my feet to follow his. I shiver, feeling the liquid engulf my ankles, slowly rising to my calves, but I can’t look away from him to see how deep we’re going.
“I’m not as good at swimming as I used to be.”
“I am.”
Something flashes over his eyes as he speaks the two simple words, his face looking solemn for a moment before it quickly disappears. The pads of his fingers trail up my body until they guide my arms to wrap around the back of his neck, forcing me to anchor my body to his.
“What if you drown smart ass?”
I tilt my head back and look at the sky. Each star fights to shine through the thin clouds, while he guides my legs to wrap around his waist. I want to choose right. What is right though? His mouth traces down the length of my neck until it’s trailing my collarbone.
“Then I guess you’ll sink with me.”
He smiles against my skin and the heat of his breath makes goosebumps erupt along the spot. Sinking with him doesn’t sound so bad. Things would be simpler that way. I wouldn’t have to fight with my fucked up brain and I could just stay close to the one person who should push me away. A light from one tower skims over our bodies back to the sea ahead.
“You’re sick.” I whisper, unable to control how breathless my words are. His grip on my thighs tightens, forcing me to look down at the water lapping around our chest. I shouldn’t let out a breath of relief, but I do.
“Do you trust me?” He asks, making me scoff at the question. I shouldn’t. He could drown me at any moment. He could forget me in the water like everything else that I’ve ever cared for.
“Yes.”
I glance over his shoulder at the pitch-black motion of waves crashing against water in the distance.
“You shouldn’t.”
The words he speaks turn muffled. This is it. Cool water surrounds me from head to toe. This is the moment I die because of my stupidity in trusting the enemy. My body tenses. All my years of training and preparation left me to this moment where I’m being pulled into the dark depths.
Instead of pulling away, my hold tightens around him. He’s sick, but I know I’m twisted. If I’m going to sink, he is going down with me. There’s no use in panicking or fighting. I know my fate will always lie in these waters, but now he can finish what I started. The salty water threatens to break through my lids and my lungs protest at the fact they didn’t suck in enough air before we went under. I wish I could hate him, but the longer I stay under, the more I realize he’s the one who shouldn’t trust me.
Not the other way around.
I flinch against the light breaking through the metal barrier. How many days has it been now? Four? Maybe five? Groaning, I shift, wrapping my arm around my abdomen to cover the welts lining my skin, but it’s no use.
“If it isn’t little Miss.Cordi. I hope you know how much it pains me to see you like this, but you need to train for what could’ve happened.”
I swallow hard against the dryness in my throat, standing as I straighten my shoulders. My muscles protest against holding my body weight up straight. I’ll accept it though. I know I made the right decision, but I'll never tell him what that decision was. I can’t. I'll just push through the training and condition myself.
“I didn’t know there was another body. Karma only informed me of one.”
“You weren’t supposed to take that one!”
A harsh slap causes my head to jerk, following the boom of his voice. He’s right, I should’ve followed orders.
“If you take one life, you take all, no witnesses. Another body exists, which is why our databases are constantly being scanned for your callsign. What would your parents think?”
His hand raises to his jaw making me flinch as he analyzes my torn fatigues and wounds with a solemn expression. I stiffen my stance, my parents fought to keep me hidden so I'd never be put in the middle. It's too late now.
“I wish you wouldn’t make me do this to you.” he pauses, lowering his hand from his face to brush the back of his knuckles against the burn on my cheek. “I just need you to be the perfect soldier. Don't worry, we can fix it.”
I place my hands behind my back and intertwine my fingers together when another soldier steps in, placing the worn whip into Dutton’s hand. I’m lucky he cares enough to take it easy on me. When I arrived, he said that if I was captured, it could’ve been way worse.
Maybe I should’ve taken his life.
“We have to complete our missions, Cordi. No matter what.”
I feel the familiar firm press of a mouth against mine, making my lips part without command. The cool, humid breeze breaks against my skin as I stuck in a sharp breath through my nose. I refuse to pull away. I know I shouldn’t trust him, I never should’ve, but I can’t stop breathing him in like the air I was just deprived of. His hands drop from my thighs, but I only tighten them around him. I don't want to let go.
My hair falls around my shoulders as he pulls the tie and replaces it with his hands tangling in it and pulling. My scalp stings, but I can’t stop myself from diving back into him like it’s the last time I’ll ever be able to. If I’m dead, I don’t want to come back. Can the devil be a savior?
I wish he’d hate me. If he did, then he’d push me away. He’d put me through everything Dutton prepared me for. If he did, then I'd have a reason. I break away for a moment to suck in a harsh breath, only to dive back in. I’m dead to the world. Maybe I can stay that way. Perhaps I can live in this space where I don’t have to fight. Even if I can’t have that dream life at least I can pretend for a little while, right?
“We can’t do this out here.” He says into the kiss. I wish he’d stop talking for once and just let us have our moment that never lasts long enough. He tilts his head as I find a path to my mark on his neck. The steps he takes out of the water still and I can feel his heavy breath wash down my back the moment I run my tongue over the thick scar.
“I swear to God, I’ll kill anyone who sees you like this.”
For some fucked up reason, that only makes me more desperate as my hands glide along his shoulders and back. I want to memorize every inch of his skin, and I fear I don't have enough time to do so. We tumble to the ground, and I know I’ll regret this later when I have to wash each sand off my body. Instead of finding his eyes on mine, I follow them to the lining of the wall, where I know recruits are stationed and watching.
I’m sure it was just my subconscious trying to scare me, reminding me of where I came from, of the people I once loved and called family, but I could’ve sworn even in the dim light I could see a flash of red. Squinting, the odd sight is replaced with a tight bun.
I need to get out of my head. No. I need everyone else out of my head.