Chapter 30
Cody
I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you.
~ A. S. Byatt
I smile all the way home, a deep peace settling inside me like I’ve never known. It’s like something had been rattling around and now it’s a part of my bones, my breath, my being.
When I pull onto the ranch, life is underway. Trucks line the driveway, men are coming in and out of the barn, my brothers are all in the mix.
There will be no quiet entry. I sacrificed my buffer.
I yawn and stretch my arms overhead and then I hop out of my truck. I need to go home and change, but I’ll show up for now. Maybe no one will clock the fact that I’m wearing yesterday’s clothes.
The morning light is sharp and bright, spotlighting my entry.
My stomach growls. I should grab a bite, but everyone’s already getting to work.
I walk over to Luke. “Where am I needed?”
Tonight is my sister’s rehearsal dinner.
The wedding is tomorrow, which means it’s only a matter of weeks until Carli and I can stop sneaking around.
Luke looks me over from head to toe, a half smile on his face. “I stopped by your cabin last night.”
I force myself to hold his gaze.
“I knocked,” he says. “You didn’t answer.”
I answer simply. “I was out.”
“Out, huh?”
“Mm hmm. Out.”
He smiles a crooked smile as if he knows everything. And then he drops the subject.
“Ethan went to get the groom from BNA,” he says. “They should be here any minute.”
“McKenna’s not going to pick him up?” I ask.
“She’s meeting the bridesmaids for tea today—midmorning. And she wanted to sleep in so she didn’t have bags under her eyes tomorrow.”
Carli’s going to be dragging for that. I hope she got some sleep.
I help carry tables and chairs into the barn, setting everything up as it will be for the rehearsal and then tomorrow’s reception. By the time a neighbor shows up with a dance floor to be installed toward the back of the barn, I’m feeling the effects of my long night with Carli.
I’m forcing my eyes to stay open while Luke and I carry the archway we made to the lawn behind the barn.
When the white folding chairs are set in perfect rows facing the arch, I look everything over.
“Our baby sister’s getting married,” I tell Luke, stifling a yawn.
“Yeah. Kinda crazy. I always thought we’d beat her to the altar. Here we are, single, no prospects in sight.”
I smile and nod. I’d tell him if I could. And I will. Denying her feels irreverent—lying to my brother leaves a sour taste behind even a deceptive nod.
Ethan arrives with Westley in tow and McKenna shows up at the main house, running out and leaping into his arms. I know the feeling.
“Hey, city boy,” Garrett says, shaking his hand.
“Hey cowboy,” Westley shoots back.
I like him—I especially like him for McKenna.
We set up the rest of the barn together, Westley doing his best to pitch in.
When everything is set, I hop in my truck and head back to my place to shower, eat and get some sleep.
People start to arrive in the late afternoon—McKenna’s friends, Westley’s few friends who flew in just for the wedding, and my brothers.
Carli’s here, wearing a skirt, boots and a blouse.
I catch her eye and smile. She smiles back.
Every time I think I’m going to make an inroad to connect with her, someone is there, blocking my approach.
Finally, we’re both out near the arch while the coordinator, Blaire, is running through the order of how the rehearsal will run. Carli just happens to be standing next to me. We’re all crowded in a semi-circle, all eyes on Blaire.
I reach over and brush my pinky against Carli’s. Her head whips in my direction, and when she realizes we can’t be caught, a soft smile forms on her lips.
“Miss you,” I mouth silently.
“Miss you too,” she says, still smiling.
Then she turns her head and focuses on Blaire with a determination in her gaze.
Blaire runs us through the ceremony, having all the bridesmaids start from around the corner of the barn and us groomsmen up front by the arch with Westley.
“Okay, first bridesmaid,” Blaire shouts. “Music will be playing. Take your time. That’s right. Okay, next!”
The women emerge from the side of the barn, one after another, and finally Carli, McKenna’s maid of honor. Her eyes lock on mine as she walks up the lawn toward the arch. I force myself to keep a neutral expression even though my skin hums and I’m lightheaded watching her.
She glances away and takes her place next to Daisy.
“Okay, music will change. The guests will stand,” Blaire says. “And McKenna will come out from behind the barn escorted by Mr. Lawson.”
McKenna steps out. She’s wearing a cream dress and cowboy boots and smiling with her arm linked around my dad’s elbow.
“McKenna, take your time going up the aisle, make eye contact with your guests. Good. Good. Then you’ll arrive here.”
McKenna stops at the front row of chairs.
“And the pastor will say something like, ‘Who gives this woman in marriage?’”
Dad says, “Her mother and I do.”
Mom’s in the front row right where she’ll be tomorrow for the ceremony. Tears spring to her eyes.
“I should have had a handkerchief,” she says, sniffling.
Blaire whips one out of her skirt pocket like she’s Mary Poppins and anything you need is only a tug or wish away.
Dad walks McKenna up to Westley. He takes her hand.
McKenna and Westley stare into one another’s eyes.
Blaire says, “And then the pastor will say some things. He’ll have you say your vows.” She looks between Westley and McKenna. “You wrote your own, am I right?”
“We did,” McKenna says.
“Good. Well, you’ll say those, and then he’s going to say, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife, yada yada.’ And then he’ll introduce you to your guests and he’ll say, ‘You may now kiss the bride.’”
Westley steps toward my sister and dips her, kissing her like a man who’s been away from the woman he loves for far too long.
When they’re standing again, he looks at Blaire. “Just rehearsing.”
We all laugh.
“Okay, let’s run through the recessional.”
We file out in pairs. I’m not matched with Carli. She and Westley’s best friend, Benji, walk down the aisle together. I walk out with Winona.
After the rehearsal, dinner’s served in the barn.
Westley stands at their table and clinks his glass.
“If I can interrupt everyone for just a moment, I’d like to say something.
” The chatter dies down. “I’m usually the one behind the camera while McKenna thrives in the spotlight.
But, tonight, I want to step out of my comfort zone to thank you, her family and friends, for being here for us.
And to the guys on my crew who flew to Tennessee from Iceland just to see me marry the love of my life, thank you.
And to my friends from Hollywood, I promise to make the trek when it’s your turn.
I won’t give this speech tomorrow, so I want all of you, our closest people, to hear from me how incredibly blessed I feel to have met the love of my life. ”
My eyes instinctively search for Carli, and when our gazes connect, she smiles a private smile at me before turning away to fix her attention on Westley.
“McKenna and I might have missed one another if I didn’t take a risk reaching out to her on social media. I had no idea what I was in for.”
He looks down at her with such obvious affection.
Luke shouts, “You might still not know what you’re in for!” and my brothers and I crack up.
Westley looks at Luke, smiling. “Whatever it is, I’m here for it.”
“McKenna, you make my life so full. You support my dreams. You bring fun and adventure I never knew I was lacking. I love you. And I can’t wait to call you my wife tomorrow.”
My sister, who is never at a lack for words, stands and wraps her arm around Westley and simply says, “I love you.”
After that, we all resume eating.
My eyes keep drifting to Carli. She should be sitting next to me. Instead, she’s at another table, engaged in other conversations.
“I’m going to check the serving dishes,” I say to Ethan.
I stand and walk down the line of platters and trays, checking for anything that’s running low.
The pan of rolls is full enough, but I could get more.
I stop a short distance from Carli’s table, catching her eye and tipping my head toward the main house. She gives me the smallest, almost imperceptible nod.
I take off, hoping she got the hint.
I hear her say something to someone at her table, but I don’t turn back to check.
I think she said she needed to use the bathroom.
We’ve got porta-potties set up for tomorrow, but I know she’s right behind me as I stride into the main house.
She’s a good distance behind me, but I can feel her in my bones.
Inside the house, I pass through the main room and then I duck into a hallway that leads to one of the downstairs bathrooms and my dad’s office.
She’s right behind me. I tug her in toward me, leaning back against the wall and holding her close.
I breathe her in. Tucking her head under my chin.
I don’t know why I’m so desperate for her. Maybe it’s the wedding, or being forced to hide for so long. I just need this—need her.
“I needed to see you,” I whisper. “It’s torture being here, watching you from across the room, not being able to hear your laugh up close. Not being able to put my arm around the back of your chair. Not being able to touch you.”
“I know,” she says, smiling up at me. “I needed this too.”
She leans in. I place a kiss on her forehead. Then her cheeks. Then her lips. She kisses me tenderly, like she’s soothing all the places that ache for her. When I pull away, I glance down the hallway just in time to see Jace round the corner.
The blood drains from my face.
Carli steps back.
Jace roars. It’s a noise I’ve never heard from him before—his face red and his fists balled.
“What do you think you’re doing?!”