Chapter Nineteen #3
She considered. “If you don’t mind, I might string our relationship out a little longer, even after you go back to San Diego. You make a very good diversion.”
“Good to know I can be useful for something besides flying rescue missions and landing a Seahawk on an aircraft carrier.”
“I’m just saying,” she said, trying for a light, easy tone, “I could always create another fictional boyfriend so everyone would back off about setting me up with someone else. But why do that when the Moore family has already met you?”
“Good point.”
“Not only have they met you but they adore you. I heard from every one of Troy’s aunts as well as his mother that I needed to hang on to you. I believe their exact words were that I would be a fool to let you slip away.”
She found it adorable that he actually looked embarrassed about that.
“Nice to know I was a hit with the older ladies.”
“With all the ladies,” she corrected. And probably a few of the men, too.
The tips of his ears were definitely pink now.
“So you’re suggesting we string this out as long as possible so people don’t try to set you up with anyone else.”
“Would you mind?”
“What’s in it for me?” he asked in a teasing voice.
She made a face. “The knowledge that you’re providing an important service for a beleaguered single mom in Idaho without having to lift a finger?”
“That sounds fine in theory but what happens when you meet someone you actually want to date? Am I supposed to disappear out of your life without a word?”
“First of all, that’s not going to happen.”
She suddenly knew without a doubt that was true. She didn’t want to date anyone at all, if that man couldn’t be Ryan Caldwell.
“Second, I’ll tell them you and I reached a mutual decision that we’re better off as friends.”
“What if they don’t buy that?”
“Fine. I’ll tell them I broke up with you. I decided we weren’t a good fit. You were, of course, devastated and went back to San Diego with a shattered heart. In a week or two, I will quickly find a new fake boyfriend, even hotter than you are.”
As if that were possible.
He laughed and before she could guess what he intended, he reached for her hand and tugged her toward him. His mouth lowered to hers, tasting of chocolate and mint.
All the hunger that had simmered inside her all afternoon and evening seemed to explode at the touch of his mouth. Unlike their earlier kisses, this one was hot and hungry.
His arms wrapped around her, pulling her flush against him, and she surrendered to the moment, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. The kiss deepened, a storm of emotions swirling between them. Desire, longing and something she didn’t dare name.
Her world narrowed to the feel of him, the strength of his arms, the warmth of his body. His hand slid to her jaw, tilting her face up to his as if he couldn’t bear to stop kissing her.
She felt as if she were standing on the edge of something vast and uncharted, and for once, she didn’t want to step back.
When they finally broke apart, their breathing ragged, his forehead rested against hers.
“You’ve been driving me crazy all day in this dress. All I could think about was ripping it off you.”
She swallowed hard, searching his face, her emotions in turmoil. Her hands still rested against his chest, and she felt the steady beat of his heart beneath her palms. When his lips found hers again in another searing kiss, Holly could only throw herself into the moment.
She was not sure how long they kissed. A few moments? A few hours? She only knew she never wanted it to stop. His kiss and his touch made her feel cherished, wanted, needed.
She might have done exactly what she had thought about earlier, grabbed his tie and tugged him up the stairs, if a soft cry from Lydia’s room hadn’t intruded on the moment like the sharp crack of a branch weighed down by snow.
She froze as reality crashed in, cold and relentless.
He pressed his forehead to hers, his expression resigned. “I guess she wasn’t as exhausted as you thought.”
“I... I have to... We can’t...”
He stood up and spent a few moments rearranging her dress. “I know,” he said, his voice rough. “You have to. And we can’t.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured.
About so many things.
“Don’t be sorry. Lydia is your priority. As she should be.”
“This isn’t only about Lydia. I... I can’t sleep with you, Ryan. As much as I might want to.”
He released another ragged breath and nodded slowly. “I know that, too.”
He pulled her close for one more embrace and kissed her forehead, much as she had kissed her sleeping child earlier.
“Go take care of your daughter. I’m going to walk home. It’s not a cold shower but I guess a snowstorm is the next best thing.”
She felt ridiculously close to tears as she watched him walk out into the snow, then she hurried upstairs.
WHAT A MESS he had made of everything.
Ryan made his way through the few inches of snow, grateful for those residents who had already been out with shovels and snowblowers in front of some houses. His knee ached, but that wasn’t the thing bothering him the most.
How the hell was he going to be able to walk away from Holly and Lydia after Kim returned to pick up the pieces of her life?
He should never have agreed to go to that wedding. The moment he figured out how attracted he was to Holly, he should have done everything possible to keep a safe distance from her.
Women like her weren’t for him. Nothing real and lasting could ever come out of a fling between them.
Holly slotted in perfectly to the cozy world of Shelter Springs. She had a thriving business here. A life. Family and friends who loved and supported her and Lydia. All he could offer her was a transient life, moving from base to base, assignment to assignment.
That would be disastrous for Lydia. He didn’t need to be an expert in raising a child with special needs to know that. She required structure and consistency, not a new school in a new community every few years.
It was going to break his heart to walk away from both of them. He relived dancing with the little girl at the wedding, her features screwed up with concentration as she tried to follow his lead and not stumble.
Which one had stolen his heart first? He wasn’t sure. What did it matter, anyway? He had been a goner that first day he had been in the shop and Lydia had come running in full of news and smiles to tell her mother about her day.
As soon as Kim was home and settled, he needed to pack up his gear and head back to the coast, even if walking away from them would leave him shattered.