16. Sixteen
SIXTEEN
The house transformed with the return of electricity. All of the lights flickered to life, and Amma’s ceiling fan rotated in the corner, moving the stale air.
But Stella had barely moved. She still had that downtrodden expression on her face, one that I needed to know the reason for.
“So what were you saying?” I asked, closing up the stove.
“I ... We should check up on everyone.” She got up without another word and went for the phone.
Shit. She was upset—I could hear it in her voice. What the fuck had I done? The sex had been good and she was fine until we came out here. I looked around the room to see if there was something that could have caused it, but it was the same living room we’d spent the last few days in.
The photo she’d taken of me sat innocently on the couch, but it only showed me smiling. I got up slowly, still lost.
I found her beside the phone, shuffling through Amma’s address book.
“Hank . . . Hank . . . Got it! Found her neighbor’s number.”
She dialed, still not looking at me. I moved close to listen.
“Hello? Stella, is that you?”
My chest loosened when we heard Amma’s voice.
“Yes, Amma,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, honey, we’re fine. Hank has a power generator, so I’ve been living a life of luxury. I barely missed anything.”
“Good,” Stella said. “I hated not being able to see you.”
“How are you, dear? Is anyone dead?”
“No. We had a couple of close calls, but we’re good.”
“And the stove worked for both of you?”
“Yes, it kept us warm. I’m glad you didn’t get rid of it.”
“And I’m glad you had Alden. Is he nearby?”
“I’m here, Amma,” I said.
“Good! I hope Stella wasn’t too hard on you.”
“It was nothing I didn’t deserve.”
Stella’s eyes flickered to me for one second before turning back to the wall.
“Is Hank’s house closer to the road? Can you see if they’re cleared?”
“It’s a little closer. I saw the electric company when they came by. They had those chains on their trucks, and they were still sliding. I think it’s good to stay put.”
Stella was probably disappointed, but I wasn’t. More time where I could be with her before all of this blew up? I’d take it.
I would have more time to figure out what had upset her too.
“Okay,” Stella said. “If you need me?—”
“I’m fine. I’m more worried about you . Do you have enough food still?”
“We have more than enough.”
“And I’ve kept the fire going,” I added. “Having the heat back will help.”
“Good. Stay put and stay safe.”
“I will.”
“I’m so glad to hear from you. And give your brother a call. He wants an update.”
Shit.
Nick.
I hadn’t thought of him since being with Stella again, and the guilt hit me like a pile of bricks. Would she tell him immediately? Would everything fall apart right in front of her?
What was worse, I wasn’t so sure I could break it off, not when I’d found myself so intrinsically bound to her.
“Did the city fare better than we did?” she asked.
“Somewhat. This is still a storm for the storybooks, but they have snowplows that we don’t. Nick didn’t realize how nerve-racking it would be. He’s been calling here every day, making sure we still see the smoke from the chimney.”
“Can you even see your house from there?”
“Not really, but Hank walked outside. It made Nick feel better.”
“I’ll call now. Thanks, Amma.”
“Give me a shout if you need anything. And Merry Christmas!”
Stella’s face fell. “Yeah, you too. It doesn’t feel the same.”
“We’ll have an extra-special party to make up for it. Don’t you worry.”
She nodded and said her goodbyes. Stella didn’t look at me while she called Nick. I was glad she didn’t glance over because then she’d see the panic on my face.
He answered on the first ring. “Stella? Please tell me you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Well, as fine as I can be considering the fact that I just got hot water back. Amma’s stove came in handy, though.”
“How’s Alden? Is he okay?”
“He’s right next to me. Say hi.” She leaned the phone over, and I swallowed.
“H-hey.”
She did a double take, immediately picking up on my discomfort. There would be questions after this call, and I needed to decide how to explain what Nick and I had discussed seven years ago .
But then all thoughts flew out the window when Nick said his next sentence.
“You held up on your deal, right? You took care of her?”
Stella blinked, brows pulling low on her forehead. That ... didn’t sound the best, I’d admit.
“Take care of me?” she repeated.
“Well, yeah.” Nick said it like it was obvious. “I figured it would be easier if I tried to get him to talk to you. From what I’ve heard, Winnie did too.”
Stella slowly looked over at me, eyes narrowed. “So not only do I need to be taken care of, but if it weren’t for you two, I’d have been spending the last few days in silence?”
“Well maybe?—”
“How about we stay glad that everyone is okay?” I asked. “It’s all fine.”
Stella’s glare told me everything was not fine.
“Look at you communicating. I’m glad I called you and that she was receptive to it. I know how stubborn both of you are.”
Stella’s lips pressed together, and now she looked one second away from killing both of us.
“Yeah.”
“And no . . . other issues?”
Issues. I knew what he was referring to, but it was easier to pretend he was talking about us fighting.
“No.”
“Cool, cool. Let me know if anything goes down. And Stella, it’s melting out here, so I’ll get your stuff from Reed’s soon.”
“Thank you,” she said, but her voice was still colder than the ice outside.
“I need to get going. The office made us all work from home, so I’m technically supposed to be in a meeting. But I’m so glad you’re safe.”
He hung up and Stella wasted no time whirling on me.
“What the fuck ?”
“That sounded worse than it is.”
“Yeah, it does. How about we skip the guessing and you explain it to me, then?”
“I would have taken care of you either way.”
“Are you sure? Because you certainly had no problem staying away before both he and Winnie called you. The timing is suspicious.”
“The timing means nothing.”
“Then explain yourself. You can’t just ignore me for seven years and then expect me to accept this new side of you out of nowhere.”
“I can’t . . . Let’s not?—”
“No, we need to talk about this, especially if we’re in a relationship.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t ...” I paused. The words couldn’t come out. Not even thinking of the words Nick said to me could make me say that we shouldn’t be together.
“Are you about to tell me we can’t be together?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Because this time, I’ll need a good fucking reason for that.”
The right answer was to say yes. I could make up some stupid excuse and walk away. We could never mention this again, and Nick would remain my friend.
But I fucking couldn’t.
I should have never been with her again because the idea of leaving hurt more now than it ever did all that time ago.
I slumped forward, my hand meeting my forehead. I didn’t know what to say or what was right. For years, I got by with thinking I was keeping my friendship.
But now I didn’t know if it was worth it.
“I can’t say it, Stella. I can’t let you down. Not again. Just like I couldn’t leave you here. I will always take care of you.”
“Then why did you break my heart the first time? In a text of all things?”
“I couldn’t be with you.”
Her jaw dropped for all of one second, but then she exploded. “Why, Alden? Why do this? Is there some cosmic force telling you not to be around me or something?”
And there it was. The question I didn’t know how to answer.
“It’s complicated.”
“Why is it complicated?”
I opened my mouth to give her another diversion, but there weren’t any I could give. I couldn’t lie to her, and I couldn’t hide to make this go away.
I should choose Nick. He was my best friend and he asked me not to do this with his sister. But I couldn’t continue being a coward. I couldn’t continue justifying breaking her heart to keep him comfortable.
“Because Nick told me not to date you seven years ago.”
Silence stretched out like a highway between us.
Finally, she spoke. “He what ?”
“He’s trying to protect you.”
She shook her head, jaw still hanging open. “From who? You? You’re not a threat.”
“Am I not? I’m a guy going after his sister. He’s bound to feel weird about it.”
“If we live in the eighteen hundreds, maybe. Last I checked it’s the twenty-first century.”
“I slept with you when you were eighteen.”
“And?”
“That’s predatory.”
“Pred— what ? I came onto you . I was an adult!”
“And I was more of an adult. Four years older than you.”
“You’re not making any sense. Even if you’re right, the only person who gets to have a say in who I date is me and the person I choose to be with . No one else.”
“He cares about you.”
“Then he should trust me, and you for that matter. You’re his best friend, and last I checked, it comes with some amount of trust.”
“Trust that I broke.”
“Tell me how, Alden. Just by sleeping with me?”
“Yes.”
She scoffed. “Did you force me into it?”
“No.”
“Were you in a position of power over me?”
“No.”
“Then explain it to me like I’m five. Because I don’t get it. And leave out any misguided notions that my brother needs to protect me. I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”
I didn’t have an answer for it. Over the years, I never questioned Nick’s reasoning for wanting me away from his sister.
But in the face of Stella, I was starting to.
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “God, I can’t believe him. I can’t believe you let him talk to you like that.”
“He had good points.”
“Oh, what were they? That I’m too fragile or delicate?”
“That the justifications I used to sleep with you were the same ones my dad used when talking about his new wife.”
She blinked, obviously not expecting that answer. “Wh-what?”
“You’re the same age as her, you know. And I knew it was different. I’m his son, and I’m nowhere near his age. But I told Nick you were an adult. That you consented, and you were fine with it. Then he said I sounded a lot like my dad. And he was right. I did.”
“You don’t honestly believe that, do you?”
“It’s not exactly the same, but you were off-limits, and I broke his trust. Nick made it clear. If I went after you, he and I wouldn’t be friends.”
“He threatened to drop you?”
“Yes.”
“No fucking way. Why would he—you’re his best friend .”
“Which makes it worse that I went after you.”
“We were friends too!” she said. “I don’t ... Why would he get in the middle of something like that? Why would he threaten you? This isn’t okay.”
“It’s not . . . He wasn’t?—”
“And you ! You didn’t call him out or find anything wrong with that? You just did what he said, no questions asked?”
“I thought it was the right thing. He told me to choose between you or him and?—”
Stella huffed out a humorless laugh. “You chose him.”
“I—” I couldn’t say anything else. The words killed me. She was right. In the end, I chose my friend over her.
I knew what it was like not to be chosen. It had happened too many times in my life, and as I saw my own pain echoing in her, I regretted my choice more than I thought possible.
I deserved for her to hate me. It would kill me to see it, especially after we’d gotten along over the last few days, but it was what I deserved.
“I’m sorry, Stella.”
She shook her head, her anger dissipating. “I don’t want to hear sorry right now. I’m gonna go back in the bedroom.”
“It’s freezing in there.”
“The heat is on. I need a minute to think.”
“I’ll go outside.”
“Stop it. I don’t want you going out there to suffer because you think you have to. Just give me a minute.” She gathered a blanket and went to the back room, slamming the door behind her.
I had to fight every muscle in my body not to chase her down.
But she was right. I didn’t choose her. I chose a friendship I cherished.
And hurt her in the process.