Chapter 16
ELI
Loud clatter wakes me. I’m groggy and confused. I don’t even know when I fell asleep last night.
Nathan and I continued chatting after our heart-to-heart. We didn’t do anything sexual, and I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but hearing about Nathan’s life is nice too.
He told me more about his mom and the brilliance the world lost when she passed.
I don’t have any memory of my dad, so I mostly told him stories about my sisters.
Ava was the strict one, always nagging at me to eat my vegetables and mothering me more than my actual mom ever did.
Zoe was the free spirit and believed I should be able to do whatever I wanted, so the total opposite of Ava.
Nathan and I had eventually ended up on my bed, lying on our sides while chatting late into the night. It was the longest conversation we’d ever had in one sitting, and I’m surprised to realize how much I’d enjoyed it. So much so that the conversation followed me into my dreams.
That’s why I’m so groggy now. I don’t know how I’d slept so deeply. Nathan has his arm wrapped around my waist. My face is pressed into his chest, and the scent of spice helps clear my mind.
It’s the second time I’ve slept so well while not being in the comfort of my own bed. The first time was when I was snowed in with Nathan at his uncle’s cabin, and I’m starting to think it’s the scent of spice that calms my mind enough to relax.
I close my eyes again, wanting to sleep more, but more loud, clattering sounds have me popping my eyes open. I’m finally awake enough to realize it’s coming from the kitchen, meaning the rest of the family is up.
I immediately sit up and try to detangle myself from Nathan. He goes from holding my waist to sprawling over my knees. I remember locking my door last night, but there’ll be questions if they realize Nathan spent the night in my room.
“Nathan, wake up,” I say, shaking him. He moans and tries to press his nose into my ass. I shake him again, and this time, he opens his eyes.
When he sees me, he gives me the sweetest smile that makes me want to snuggle back into bed with him. I want to kiss him and feel his smile on my lips. But there’s no time for that right now.
“Our family’s awake,” I hiss. Nathan looks confused. More banging is heard, and that’s when he must realize he’s lying in my bed while our entire family is awake.
“It’s fine,” he says casually. “I closed my door, and nobody ever looks for me in my room.”
I’m not listening and am already tugging my hoodie on. Then, I pull him to his feet and drag him to the door. Opening my door just a crack, I stick my head out just enough, peeking to make sure nobody is in the hallway.
“Coast is clear,” I whisper to Nathan and push him out the door. “Go brush your teeth first, and I’ll see what they’re up to downstairs.”
“What? Are you saying my breath smells?” he teases with a smirk.
I roll my eyes and push him into the bathroom before continuing down the hallway toward the stairs. My sister’s room opens at that moment, and Ava appears wearing a new PJ set—this time white with little green and red Christmas trees on them.
“Did you just wake up?” she asks and glances me up and down.
Why do I feel like she can tell I spent the night sleeping in Nathan’s arms just by looking at me?
I mutter an affirmative reply, which has Ava narrowing her eyes at me. She doesn’t probe more, just tells me to head downstairs quickly to help cook, then walks around me.
“Nathan’s in there right now,” I tell her when she reaches for the bathroom door handle. I regret the words the second they come out, because how would I know who’s inside a closed room?
“I bumped into him on my way downstairs and saw him heading in,” I stammer before firmly shutting my mouth because who knows what else I’ll say. I know that continuing to explain will only make Ava even more suspicious than she already is.
She watches me with those hawk eyes of hers, but her only reply is, “I see. I’ll use the downstairs one then.”
“Good idea,” I squeak before I can think about it. I really need to learn how to zip my mouth, because what do I mean that using the only other bathroom available in the cabin is a good idea? What? Did I expect her to suggest doing her business outside so she can freeze her ass off?
I’m so caught up at mentally scolding myself that I didn’t catch her question. I’m following behind her on the stairs, when she stops and turns around to look at me.
“Sorry, what?”
“I asked if you’re sleeping okay,” she repeats. Her nose wrinkles in the way it does when she’s dissatisfied with something.
“Yeah, I’m sleeping great!” I say, maybe a little too eagerly.
“Is everything alright?” she asks with narrowed eyes. “You’re awfully twitchy today, more so than usual. You know you can talk to me if something’s on your mind?”
I’m absolutely certain I can’t tell Ava I’ve been sleeping with Nathan, and not just in the platonic sense either. She’ll lose her mind if she knew our stepbrother had my dick down his throat just a few days ago.
“Everything’s great, Ava. Peachy, in fact! And you know, I really should go down and start on the sweet potato casserole. I got a lot of sweet potatoes to peel, you know?” I say with a nervous chuckle, sidestepping around her to get down the stairs.
My first instinct is to run, especially when I can feel Ava’s eyes boring into my back. I try to keep my pace steady as I make my way into the kitchen.
Mom’s smiling and ordering Gerald and Zoe around in the kitchen.
She’s wearing a red apron with black buttons and a belt on it made to look like Mrs. Claus’ dress.
It’s already a mess with scraps of food and grease marks on it, like she’s been cooking up a storm since the wee hours of the morning.
Some kind of sauce has stained her cheek, and there’s a mysterious white powder in her hair, but she looks completely in her element.
“Merry Christmas, my baby boy!” Mom squeals when she sees me. She tries to give me a hug, but I stop her before she can rub the mess all over the only hoodie I brought with me.
Mom giggles when she notices how dirty her apron is and offers me a side hug instead.
“Merry Christmas,” I tell her, accepting the hug.
“All right, now grab an apron and get to work,” she says, and Zoe appears beside us with said apron in hand.
“Merry Christmas, baby boy,” Zoe repeats. I know she’s teasing, but her tone is always so sweet that it’s hard to get mad at her.
I’m grumbling, but I’m smiling as I slip on the apron. It’s a replica of Zoe and Gerald’s red aprons that say ‘Mrs. Claus’ Little Helper.’
“Why aren’t you just a cute little helper?” Mom says and tries to pinch my cheeks. I call out the obligatory annoyed “Mooom” and dodge out of her reach. Zoe’s snickering as she watches, so, naturally, I stick my tongue out at her.
“All right, let’s get back to work,” Mom says with a clap of her hands. “My little helpers will start the dinner prep, and Ava and I will make breakfast. Oh, there you are, dear.”
Ava joins us in the kitchen. She’s already wearing her apron. She’s wearing the same one we are, but it somehow looks more elegant on her.
“Where’s Nathan?” Mom asks, looking around, not seeing the man in question.
Ava peers at me, but I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut. She keeps her eyes on me as she replies that he’s in the bathroom. Nobody else finds the answer suspicious, so they all return to their stations.
One of the reasons we rent this cabin every year is that it has a kitchen large enough to allow us all to work together comfortably. Zoe and Gerald are at one counter checking out the turkey Mom prepared before it goes into one of the ovens, where it’ll stay for the next many hours.
I’m at another counter—far away from the meat, because they know I can’t be trusted to not make the meat super sweet. It’s why I’m in charge of things like the sweet bean casserole and dessert. This year, I’m making cranberry Christmas cake and sugar cookies.
Nathan strolls down the stairs a couple of minutes later, looking completely refreshed. He’s changed into a different set of PJs from last night, though his pajamas are just a T-shirt and joggers.
There’s another round of wishing each other Merry Christmas before Mom hands him a matching red apron and puts him to work.
“Hey,” he says, coming up to me and bumping my hips with his. He’s brought a bag of fresh string beans with him and settles beside my sweet potato peeling station.
He leans into my ear and whispers, “I didn’t get a chance to wish you a Merry Christmas before I was kicked out of your room.”
I push him away like his hot breath burned my skin. “Stop acting all buddy-buddy in front of everyone,” I grit out, keeping my voice low so nobody else can hear.
He smiles, looking all innocent. I let my guard down and focus back on peeling my sweet potatoes, only for him to lean in again and whisper, “I wish I was alone with you right now.”
My face is burning, but I can’t say anything in rebuttal. Because truthfully, I also wish we could go back to last night, when it was just me and him in my room. I want to chat with him again without raising suspicion. I want to be able to touch him without it being weird.
Even though he’s standing only inches away from me now, it feels like an entire ocean separates us. It’s not the distance that vexes me the most, though. It’s the fact that I’m bothered by it at all.
We’re just going back to the way things were before this week happened…and I’m disturbed by how much I hate it.
I hate the man…okay, maybe I hate him a little less than before. I’m learning that he’s not as bad as I originally thought, and I actually like spending time with him. But that’s all there is to it. It’s not like I have a crush on him…
“Ouch!” I hiss when I accidentally slice myself with the peeler.
“Are you okay?” Nathan asks. He’s quick to pull me to the sink to run my finger under the water.
His concern for me is doing something to my already jumbled mind. I’m watching him fuss over the small cut. He dries my finger and blows on it.
“You have to take better care of yourself,” he says with a wink, and I realize I’m in so much fucking trouble.
I’m totally crushing on my stepbrother.