Chapter 17
NATHAN
Eli’s been jumpy all day, but I’m getting used to his unpredictable behavior. I’m happy that he’s not completely avoiding me today, though he is having a hard time meeting my eyes.
He’s a bit muted. I didn’t think a day would come when I’d miss his snarky comments and stubborn attitude, and yet here I am. It’s weird seeing him so quiet and still.
Sure, he’s moving his hands while making tonight’s desserts, but the rest of his body is still. He’s not fidgeting or humming along to the Christmas tunes Annie has playing in the background.
It’s completely unlike him, which is why I can’t stop myself from watching him. Dad, Annie, and Zoe are all focused on their tasks. Even though we just finished breakfast not too long ago, I can hear them chatting excitedly about the big meal.
Ava’s working on her dish too, but I’ve caught her glancing my and Eli’s way every so often.
Maybe Eli had a point about being more careful around his family, but I can’t bring myself to care.
I don’t want to put distance between us when it’s taken us so long to get here in the first place.
So when Ava’s eyes meet mine when she’s glancing our way, I shoot her a guilt-free smile.
A couple of hours later, my stomach is growling at how heavenly the kitchen smells. Most of the side dishes are complete, and we’re just waiting for the turkey and ham. Eli has started baking his desserts too, so there’s a sweetness lingering in the air that reminds me of him.
It’s making me crave his lips, which is a problem in itself, because I’m not the kind of person who gets hung up on someone. Even with my exes, I was never the clingy type. I learned not to be, to protect my heart, because people leave. One way or another, they always do.
So it’s more than terrifying just how quickly I’m getting addicted to Eli.
“Dinner’s ready!” Annie calls and pulls the turkey from the oven. The others all cheer and follow Annie to the dining room.
Eli stays back to grab the last tray of sugar cookies from the oven.
There’s a smile painted on his lips when he breaks a piece of the cookie off and pops it into his mouth.
There’s no masking how much he’s enjoying it.
He makes the cookie look like it’s the most delicious thing in the world, which is what I blame my rash behavior on.
Peeking toward the others to make sure they’re not looking this way, I use my body to block their sight and steal a quick kiss from Eli.
His eyes widen so much they look like they’re about to pop out of his head.
He’s quick to push me away, then looks around me toward the dining room area.
The others are fussing over how to lay the dishes out on the large table.
It’s only when Eli confirms that they’re not paying attention to us that he relaxes.
“What the fuck, man?” he grumbles and glares up at me. There’s a cookie crumb on his cheek, so I use my thumb to wipe it off him and bring it to my lips.
“Just wanted a taste,” I say and make a show of licking my thumb.
The glare instantly turns to shock, which leads to a nice tint of color on his cheeks. He’s looking everywhere but me, but there’s no snarky comment like he’ll usually have for my antics. It’s not hard to see that he likes kissing me, probably as much as I like kissing him.
“Stupid,” is all he mutters and flees the kitchen with his cookies. I’m grinning from ear to ear as I follow after him.
The others have finally finished deciding how to organize everything on the table. That doesn’t mean it’s time to eat. Nope, our phones eat first.
Zoe is taking a billion photos of the food and the dining room. They’d decorated the entire place with dazzling lights and garland, making it feel extra festive. She instructs us on where to sit and stand so that she can take more photos.
They say it’s for the memories, and while I think one picture is more than enough, I still go along with it.
Eli is not as patient and makes his annoyance clear when they’re still taking pictures ten minutes later.
He’s practically drooling every time he glances at all the food that’s right in front of him, but he can’t touch.
I can relate. Eli’s presence is a temptation that I can’t do anything about, because as long as there are other people around, I have to act like I don’t want to get close to him and bathe in his sweetness.
After another five minutes of photos and Eli grumbling that the food is getting cold, we’re finally allowed to sit and eat. There are three seats on each side of the table, and I steal the seat beside him on the edge. He shoots me a weird look, but I merely smile in return.
Ava is on the other side of him with Zoe in front of her, and Annie and my dad sitting across from Eli and me.
Nobody is talking at first, because we’re too busy filling our plates with the food. Eli naturally goes for the pineapple ham. He has a sweet tooth, even when it comes to meat.
Conversation doesn’t start up again until after everyone’s had their first bite. Dad’s loud in his praise of what an amazing job Annie did with the turkey.
“It’s so juicy and flavorful. It’s delicious, honey,” he says and presses a kiss to her cheek. Annie accepts the kiss and giggles like a teenager.
It’s easy to see how in love they are. I sometimes think that Annie saved Dad. After Mom passed, he was lost. He didn’t know what to do and drowned himself in work instead, then Annie found him and showed him how to enjoy life again.
I love seeing Dad happy again and building a new life, but I can’t stop feeling like I’m an outsider looking in.
I pull my gaze from them when a hand lands on my thigh. I’m confused at first, but then when I see Eli watching me with a worried look in his eyes, I smile.
It reminds me of the first day we met. You’d think someone who’s spoiled by his family would be inconsiderate of other people’s feelings, but he wasn’t.
I try so hard to hide what I’m feeling and put on the perfect son face so my dad doesn’t have to worry about me, but somehow Eli notices the moments when doubt creeps in.
I reach for his hand, thinking he’d pull back since we’re in front of everyone, but he surprises me by letting me twine our fingers together.
He gives me a soft smile, a silent I’m here with you. It’s a small declaration that he’s on my side, and it’s everything to me.
I don’t let go of his hand under the table—even if it means I have to use my non-dominant hand to eat—and it seems like Eli has no intention of pushing me away either.
Conversation restarts with Zoe telling us about her newest art project.
She does mixed media art, with most of her art capturing different human emotions.
I don’t know much about art, but even I think her stuff is pretty cool.
I know that her art is well-loved enough for her to support herself in a big city like New York.
“You know, now that I’m more established, and I can really do my art anywhere, I’m thinking about moving back,” Zoe says casually.
The news sent a shock wave around the rest of the table, with Eli almost jumping over it and knocking over the food to get to her. He releases my hand in the process. I push down my disappointment.
Annie gives her youngest child a stern look that has him obediently sitting down again. I almost can’t hide the shock on my face when he gives me his hand again.
“Are you really? I hate only seeing you a couple times a year,” Eli tells his sister. He must be super excited, considering how much his fingers are wiggling in my hand.
Zoe nods. “I’ve done the whole leaving the nest and spreading my wings thing, and I think I’m ready to come home. I miss you guys.”
Eli and his entire family squeal and gather into a giant group hug. Ava is calmer about all this, but she looks happy too as she pulls her sister tight against her. Dad and I exchange smiles as we watch them. It’s nice to see how close they are.
“I guess that means I’ll have another spawn stealing my pillows,” Annie says when they return to their seats.
“No clue what you’re talking about, Mom,” Ava says coolly.
Zoe snickers.
“Me neither, Mom, but I promise you we’re taking your mysterious disappearing pillow case very seriously,” Eli adds.
“I’m sure,” Annie deadpans, and as if she’s been waiting for this moment, she pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket. “Well, I listed all the ones that have ‘mysteriously’ disappeared to help with your search for them.”
She hands the note to Eli, who reads it calmly, skimming over it. “The damage isn’t as bad as I thought,” he says casually and hands the note to Ava, who nods. “Though, you might want to add the light blue one to your list too. I have a feeling it’ll be the next one to disappear.”
“Are you talking about the one with kittens on it?” Annie asks, confused.
“Yeah, the one that smells nice,” Eli replies.
I shake my head at Annie to try to signal to her not to say anything about the pillow being mine, but she doesn’t see.
“Oh, that one? That’s Nathan’s, so make sure you return it to him later,” Annie says without much thought, then is distracted by a conversation Zoe is having with Dad about her move back home.
“The pillow is yours?” Eli asks in a soft tone. He phrases it as a question, but I don’t think he’s actually expecting an answer from me. He mutters something under his breath that vaguely sounds like, “No wonder it smells like you.”
He said earlier that he thought the pillow smelled good. If he’s saying now that it smells like me, does that mean he thinks I smell good? I’m not sure why that makes me happy, but it does.
He continues muttering things under his breath that I can’t hear, but I’m beaming. I find his hand under the table again. My touch startles him out of his mutterings and stills him.
“It’s yours now,” I tell him. “Consider it my Christmas gift to you.”
“But I didn’t get you anything,” he replies. That’s a given since the family doesn’t have a habit of exchanging gifts, and even if we did, I doubt Eli would have prepared one for me.
“Sure, you did,” I say.
I play with his fingers. It’s funny that just a week ago, he would be scowling at me just for getting near him, and now he’s giving me free access to touch him. He’s comforting me when he senses my mood is off.
He’s on my side.
And that’s the greatest gift anyone could give me.