Chapter 20
NATHAN
I’ve been having a shit week at work. As soon as I returned to the city, my manager called me in. It doesn’t matter that it’s the weekend, since it’s all hands on deck for a big client our company is striking a deal with.
The past few days have been a scramble of meetings filled with negotiations, then long nights of paperwork to ensure that those negotiations don’t fall through.
I haven’t had time to have a proper meal, much less text Eli. And when I get home after a long workday, I pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow.
We finally signed the contract with the client today, so my manager let our team have an early day to rest up. It sucks that I still have to head into work tomorrow despite it being a Friday.
The first thing I did when I got home was text Eli, and much to my delight, he showed up at my door not even two minutes later.
I thought I was hallucinating for a second—my tired brain conjuring up the person I want to see the most—but then he’s jabbing me in the chest and practically growling out, “How dare you?”
I’m confused by the anger he’s showing, which has me retreating from his attack. He follows and continues his hard jabs.
“You ghost me all week, then think it’s okay to text that you miss me?”
“I didn’t ghost—”
I don’t get to finish the sentence, because Eli’s glare promised pain if I did.
“Is this how you keep people wrapped around your little finger? You give them a taste, then pull back so they’re wanting more?”
“That’s not—”
He shoots me another scathing look. I sigh, close and lock my front door, and pull him to my living room. It’s obvious he’s worked up and won’t listen to a thing I say until he lets it all out.
Eli’s burning a hole through my living room carpet with how angrily he’s pacing. I watch him and let him work off the energy.
Even pissed off, he’s a sight for sore eyes, and seeing him wearing my beanie does something to my chest. Or maybe it’s my heart fluttering because of how much I’ve missed him.
Eli seems to have worked something out in his mind and turns to glare at me.
“I used to be just fine before you came along—great even! I was doing just fine, minding my own business and hating you,” he mumbles.
He’s probably talking to himself, so I don’t say anything in reply. But I’m unable to stop myself from grabbing his hand, so that he looks at me. I loathe the idea of things going back to how they were before.
Him hating me and treating me like I didn’t exist makes a huge hole open inside my chest. I grip his hand with a pleading look in my eyes.
He stops his pacing to study my eyes. There’s sadness in his voice as he says, “Instead of getting my head all twisted up over you, I should be on a date right now.”
“A date? With who?” I ask frantically. My hand grips his tighter, and it’s only when he grimaces that I release him and mutter a sheepish “Sorry.”
He rubs his hand and spits out, “What does it have to do with you who I go out with? It’s not like we’re dating or anything.”
He says the last part with the same bitterness that I feel.
I step closer to him and take both his hands again. “Then let’s date. I don’t want you seeing anyone other than me,” I tell him. I’m trying to tamp down my possessiveness, so it doesn’t scare him off.
He watches me skeptically. “Are you always like this in your relationships? You’re allowed to do whatever the fuck you want, but I can’t?”
“What? No! I’m not saying you can’t do what you want, I just don’t want you going around dating other people.”
“But you’re allowed to? Do you hate the idea of sharing?”
I want to shake him, but I know it’s his anger talking. I grab both his arms, and he thankfully doesn’t try to shake me off. I’m fumbling my words due to my exhaustion, and it’s only making things worse.
“I don’t want to share you,” I say firmly.
He narrows his eyes. “Why? Because you think—”
“Because it’s you, Eli. It pisses me off to think that people before me have seen how fucking sexy you are when you’re kissed, or how adorable you look when you snuggle up with my pillow.
I don’t want you being nice to anyone else or accepting their help, because I should be taking care of you.
I want you to be mine, and only mine. I love you. ”
I’m out of breath by the time I finish my speech. Eli is giving me the deer in the headlights look, and it takes a second for my sleep-deprived brain to process what I just said.
“Um, I mean. I like you,” I try to backtrack, because even if what I feel for Eli is stronger than what I’ve felt for anyone else before and seems a lot like love, the word is too potent. It’s too much to use on someone you’re not even dating. Not yet, at least.
“You love me?”
“What I mean to say is I really, really like you,” I say. I’m too tired to know or figure out how to talk my way out of this, so that’s the best thing that comes out.
It doesn’t look like Eli buys my flimsy fix-up. “You love me,” he repeats, but this time it isn’t a question.
And maybe it really is the lack of sleep that’s getting to me, but I can’t muster up reasons to keep my feelings from him. What’s the worst that can happen? He goes back to pretending like I don’t exist? It sounds like he’s already threatening to do that, so I might as well lay it all out there.
“Fine, yes. I love you. I fucking love you, Eli. You’ve been on my mind since the day we met.
You already had me caught in your net when you invited me on those outings.
You had me so confused that I was questioning my sexuality, and if I’m being honest, that’s the reason I laughed at the stupid jokes my old teammates made.
I thought what I was feeling was wrong, but fuck, Eli.
Loving you? It can’t be wrong when it’s the only thing that feels real in my life. ”
He’s stunned by my confession, naturally. Hell, I’m a little stumped too. I hadn’t planned on saying all of that. Though none of it is a lie.
My heart is racing with each passing second that he doesn’t reply. I tell myself I can’t blame him for rejecting my feelings. Just because I feel this connection between us doesn’t mean he has to feel it too.
I’m not ready for the hollow feeling that’s attempting to consume me or the feeling like the rug is being pulled from under me.
Eli is quick to catch me from my metaphorical fall. He does more than that, in fact. He breathes life back into me with his next words.
“I love you too.”
“You…what?” I ask because I’m wondering if my heart beating loudly in my ears is affecting my hearing.
Eli laughs and pulls me down to kiss him. My mind goes blank at his sweet taste. I try to lean in for more, but he pulls back, eyes shimmering as he looks up at me.
“I think I liked you too—back then, I mean. I kept inviting you to hang out because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t understand it before, and I was too proud to acknowledge my feelings after the incident with your friends—”
An angry growl settles in my throat because I don’t want to be associated with people who’ve hurt Eli.
“—your ex-friends,” Eli corrects himself and smiles. “You, Nathan, are like a cold I can’t shake off. No matter how hard I try to get rid of you, you stay tucked deep inside.” He gestures to where his heart is located.
“I want to say I’m touched, but do you really have to compare me with germs?” I say weakly. I tug him against me and marvel at the way he fits so perfectly in my arms.
He smiles and wraps his arms around my neck. “How about honey? You stuck to me like honey.”
“I love the sound of that.” I kiss my reply to his lips and taste the sweetness of him. It’s been almost a week since the last time I kissed him like this, and I’m having Eli withdrawals.
I can’t get his coat off fast enough. Next is his sweater, which pushes my beanie off his curls, too. When I get the rest of his clothes off, I can’t stop staring at his beautiful naked form.
“I want you,” I say and slide my hands down his back to land on his asscheeks. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of touching him.
Eli’s entire body flushes at my words. He tugs on my shirt and shyly says, “Take me to your room.”
He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I sweep him off his feet, loving the way Eli holds on to me tightly. I wouldn’t object to holding him like this for longer, but I’m too eager to get him to bed.
He’s clawing at my clothes and running his hands over my body, too. He pauses at my pubes and stares at my cock that’s so fucking hard for him.
It’s not his first time seeing it, or hell, even touching me, but it’s cute how he’s still shy. At least that’s what I thought, then he looks up at me. Eyes determined, he says, “Fuck me.”
I almost choke on my spit at his bold request. It’s just like him to demand what he wants, and I want to give it to him, but this is something we’ve never done before.
“Are you sure?” I ask hoarsely.
“Yes, fuck, yes,” he answers without any hesitation. He pulls me down over him for another deep kiss. I’ve never done anal before, but the thought of being connected with Eli has me leaking precum all over his stomach.
Eli’s eyes are shiny, and he’s blushing when the kiss ends. “There’s just one thing you should probably know first.”
“You can tell me anything.”
“It’s, um, it’s-my-first-time,” he mumbles the words together so quickly that I’m not sure I heard him correctly.
“What?” I blink and try to process the words I heard. “Sorry?”
He glares up at me, eyes still shining, but this time with a familiar stubbornness that I’m growing fond of.
“I’m a virgin. Is that a problem?” he says with a challenge.
“You’ve never…?”
“No,” he says with a tilt of his chin. He’s trying to act tough, but it’s impossible to hide the red that’s painted on the tips of his ears.
All moisture leaves my mouth, and I’m practically rasping when I ask, “You really want me to be your first?”