12. Samantha
12
SAMANTHA
A few hours later, Sam walked hand in hand with Amelia, while Wolf pushed Ezra in the stroller beside them, past the Private Property sign and into the part of Cassidy Farm where many of the Cassidys lived.
Behind the houses, the setting sun painted the sky in pinks and golds, casting the snowy patches on the hillside in a rosy hue.
The taste of more snow in the air all morning hadn’t ever turned into real snow, so the four of them had enjoyed a wonderful day exploring the playground, visiting the animals in their pens, and even going back to stand in line again so that Amelia could have one more pony ride.
Now, Sam was feeling excited to meet Wolf’s family and hear their ideas for the foundation.
But she was surprised to see that Amelia seemed excited too. Her little sister was normally so shy. It made Sam’s heart sing to have her tugging at her hand to walk faster, instead of holding back.
Before long, a pretty Victorian farmhouse appeared in front of them, the peaks of the roof silhouetted against the blushing sky. An older man stood out front, setting up a painted wooden manger scene.
“Wow,” Amelia said.
“That’s my Uncle Joe,” Wolf told her. “And my Aunt Alice is up on the porch.”
Sam glanced up to see a woman standing by the railing, smiling warmly at them and waving. Her soft figure was wrapped in a blue dress with a red apron tied around her waist. Her hair was pulled back in a chestnut bun with pretty silver streaks
Sam smiled back and Amelia gave a shy wave before darting up to the man, who was in the process of standing up a shepherd.
“Did you make this?” she asked him.
“I did,” Joe replied. “With some help from my kids, of course.”
“Wow,” Amelia said. “You must have paid attention in wood shop.”
“I sure did,” Joe chuckled. “How did you think of that?”
“Al Vargas told her to pay attention in wood shop if she wanted to make cool wooden Christmas decorations,” Wolf called out to his uncle.
“Al gave you some good advice,” Joe replied, giving Amelia a twinkly eyed smile. “Want to help me set these up?”
“Yes,” she said excitedly.
“Come on,” Wolf said, waving Sam to the porch. “Meet my Aunt Alice.”
“You must be Samantha,” his aunt said as Wolf carried the stroller up the stairs.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Mrs. Cassidy,” Sam said.
“It’s just Alice, dear,” she replied with a smile, pulling Sam in for a warm hug. “I’m so glad you and your sister could come. We’ve all heard so much about the two of you.”
“Oh,” Sam said as they pulled apart, wondering why that could be.
“All good things,” Alice confided, taking her by the arm. “It’s a small town, so being the object of a little good-natured gossip isn’t a bad thing.”
Sam found herself smiling back.
Wolf had scooped Ezra out of the stroller, and he held him to his chest and leaned on the railing now with Alice and Sam, watching Amelia and Joe consider the placement of the shepherds and kings in relation to the sweet baby in the manger.
When it all looked good, Joe said something to Amelia and lifted his hand. Amelia beamed and jumped up to give him a high-five before the two of them headed for the porch.
“Great job, young lady,” Joe was telling Amelia. “I put them up a little late this year because I wanted to give them a fresh coat of paint. But my timing was just right, having you here to help.”
“That was fun,” Amelia said.
“In we go then,” Alice said, opening the door and releasing a draft of warm, delicious-smelling air and the low chatter and bright laughter of a big family enjoying each other’s company.
“ Amelia, ” a little blond-haired boy said excitedly. “Amelia, I know you from school. I’m in Miss Sullivan’s class just like you. I’m Nick. Come on.”
Amelia just had time to look up at Sam for her reassurance before the boy grabbed her by the hand and dragged her down the center hall and deeper into the house.
“The kids are playing board games in the family room,” Alice told her, as if sensing that she needed some reassurance of her own.
“That’s really nice,” Sam said. “Amelia loves board games, but there aren’t that many for two players.”
She felt her cheeks heat as she realized it sounded like she was complaining that it was just the two of them.
“Well, we have the opposite problem,” Alice laughed. “It’s no fun playing checkers and chess when only two can play.”
Sam smiled in relief, thinking that Wolf’s aunt must be just about the kindest woman in the world.
“Wolf,” a man in a red flannel and jeans said, grabbing him by the arm. “Come settle an argument for us.”
The next thing Sam knew, she and Alice were the only ones navigating their way back to the kitchen.
“You must be Samantha,” a gentle voice said when they arrived.
She turned to see a woman she could only describe as unusually beautiful. She was sitting at a counter that divided the kitchen from the family room, somehow looking unspeakably elegant though she was wearing a pair of jeans and a simple sweater.
In the family room, kids lay on the floor and were draped over chairs and the sofa, yelling out guesses as the little blond-haired boy acted something out in front of the Christmas tree. An enormous golden dog slept underneath the tree, completely oblivious to all the excitement around him.
“They’re having a ball playing charades,” the woman said with a smile. “That’s my son, Nick. And I’m Hope.”
“Hi, Hope,” Sam said. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“That’s your little sister?” Hope asked, her eyes on Amelia, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking up at Nick with a smile.
“Yes,” Sam said fondly. “That’s Amelia.”
“She jumped right in,” Hope said, nodding approvingly. “That takes guts with this boisterous crew.”
“She’s usually pretty shy,” Sam admitted.
“Well, this place is special,” Hope said. “Nick and I moved into the house just over the ridge last year around this time. The Cassidys pulled us right in and made us both feel at home.”
Nick and I , that meant she was a single mom. But she was wearing a wedding ring. Hope’s eyes followed Sam’s to her left hand.
“Well,” she said with a small smile. “One Cassidy more than the others. But you already know how that is.”
Sam blinked at her, not sure what the other woman meant until it clicked into place.
“Oh, um… Wolf and I aren’t seeing each other,” she said, feeling super awkward, especially when her cheeks started burning.
“You don’t like him?” Hope asked, looking amazed.
Sam honestly couldn’t blame her. Wolf was so handsome and so sweet with little Ezra…
“We both have a lot on our plates right now,” she reminded herself out loud, her eyes moving back to Amelia. “And…”
She turned back to Hope, who was listening without judgement, and decided to share the other reason.
“I literally heard him getting dumped on speakerphone just a few days ago,” she confided quietly. “I guess he had been dating her forever.”
“I heard about that too,” Hope said. “But…”
Sam waited, her curiosity piqued.
“Jacob said one time that they all liked to tease Wolf about how he hadn’t proposed to her after all those years,” Hope admitted. “Wolf always said they had plans for their careers before they thought about all that. But… I don’t know. When it’s meant to be, why wait?”
Sam wasn’t sure if that advice was supposed to be for Wolf back then, or her right now.
“ Time for dinner, ” Joe Cassidy called out, before she could get to the bottom of it.
The kids exploded off the sofas and rug to race for the dining room.
“Sorry,” Hope said quickly. “Nick. Let’s wash our hands, buddy. ”
Amelia peeled herself off the floor and headed over to Sam, a happy, relaxed expression on her face.
“That looked like fun,” Sam said, pulling her sister in for a quick hug.
“It was fun,” Amelia said, smiling radiantly. “Nick is in my class.”
Sam felt like her chest was filled with warm sunlight at the knowledge that Amelia had another new friend.
And it’s all thanks to Wolf.
When they had washed up and reported to the dining room, Wolf beckoned to them. He had saved two seats next to his at the massive wooden table.
“Any more family comes to supper, and we’ll have to put the kids in the kitchen,” Joe declared.
The Cassidy grandkids all cheered, and Amelia cheered with them. Sam figured sitting at the kids’ table must be pretty fun with a crew this size.
“Let’s give thanks,” Alice said warmly.
Amelia squeezed Sam’s hand under the table, and they bowed their heads with the others in silent gratitude.
When the moment was finished, the table exploded to life. A great big colorful salad, bowls of steaming vegetables, and a basket of fluffy dinner rolls were passed around, as Joe cut thick slices of ham to place on each plate.
Everyone talked and teased and laughed as they ate. Wolf was holding Ezra to his chest and eating with his other hand as his uncle explained something to him about the farm. When the little one began to fuss, Sam put down her fork and stood. She tapped Wolf’s arm, holding her hands out.
He lifted an eyebrow as if to ask if she was sure. She nodded.
A moment later, she was walking with Ezra cuddled to her own chest. He calmed as soon as he was up and moving, but she checked his diaper anyway. She had seen Alice giving him a bottle while she was chatting with Hope, so she figured he was just overstimulated from the noise of dinner.
“Let’s just pop into the family room and look at the Christmas tree,” she murmured.
He grabbed a hank of her hair in his chubby little fist in reply and snuggled in.
“Yes,” she told him. “We’ll go see the pretty lights and maybe take a little nap.”
By the time they reached the tree a few seconds later, Ezra was already trying to go to sleep. So, Sam admired the beautiful fir herself for a bit, wondering over all the decorations.
Most of them appeared to have been made by little hands. The thought made Sam smile. How wonderful it would be to have such a big family that you could cover the tree without a single store-bought ornament.
She could still hear the conversation in the dining room. The children were piping up now, and she loved that the kids were encouraged to join the adult conversation.
“We did have a good time,” Nick was saying.
“And what about Amelia?” someone else asked.
Sam held her breath, wondering how her sister would feel about having all that attention on her.
“No,” Amelia sang out. “We had a great time!”
Everyone in the dining room laughed, charmed by the little girl’s happy abandon. But Sam stood in the corner by the Christmas tree fighting back tears. Amelia had been through so much, and yet she was so brave and so resilient.
Sam sometimes felt that her sister was strong beyond her years. In moments like this one, when Amelia could simply be a seven-year-old girl, Sam felt so much relief that it hurt her heart.
“You okay?” a deep voice asked softly.
She turned to find that Wolf had joined her by the tree.
“Y-yes,” she said, not meeting his eyes in the hopes that he wouldn’t see that she had been crying. “Sorry, I just thought he’d like the quiet.”
“It definitely looks that way,” Wolf said, a smile in his voice. “But I meant are you okay?”
She was still holding the baby with both arms, so she couldn’t wipe away the tears that were already on her cheeks.
“She just doesn’t get to be a kid like this very often,” she heard herself admit as she gazed down at Ezra. “It makes me so happy.”
She stopped there, swallowing over a lump in her throat.
Before she knew what was happening, he was reaching out to her, cradling her face in one big hand, tilting her chin up gently to look at him.
“Oh, Samantha,” he sighed.
She wanted to tell him that they were happy tears, but he cupped her other cheek too, and slowly scooped up her tears with his thumbs, leaving her breathless.
“Who wants to go for a carriage ride?” Joe yelled out in the other room.
The kids all started yelling in excitement and chairs scraped the wood floor.
Wolf stepped back, and Sam wasn’t sure if she was relieved or sorry.
“Sam, Sam, Sam,” Amelia called to her, panting as she arrived in front of them, her eyes alight with joy. “Can I go on the carriage ride with the kids? Please, please, please ?”
Calm down, try to just relax and focus on your breath, Sam’s mother said in her mind.
“Of course,” Sam told her sister, smiling and holding her worries to herself. Once again, the off chance of a small absence seizure was a small price to pay for the naked joy on her sister’s face.
“ Yes ,” Amelia yelled, dashing off to join the other kids who were pulling on coats, scarves, and mittens.
“You’re worried,” Wolf said.
“Not about the carriage,” she told him. “I know she’ll be perfectly safe. My mom used to freak out when I got excited as a kid. I’m sure she was the same with Amelia too. Once in a while, excitement can trigger a seizure.”
“I had no idea,” Wolf said.
“But she’ll get them anyway,” Sam told him before he had a chance to regret the good time he’d shown Amelia all day. “I don’t want to take away her excitement. I’d rather have her lose a few seconds here or there than lose all the things that make her happy.”
“That makes sense,” Wolf said. “But you still worry.”
“That’s my job,” Sam said, shrugging. “It doesn’t feel great to defy my parents when they aren’t here to explain themselves.”
“But you lived this experience yourself,” Wolf said. “In this case, you know better than they did. I’m sure they would be so proud of you if they could see how well you take care of Amelia and what a good life you’re giving her.”
The kids were piling out the back door now, following Joe Cassidy like he was the Pied Piper.
Alice and two of the adult Cassidy kids carried the coffee pot, a tray of mugs, and a tray of fixings back into the dining room, where the grown-ups were still chatting and chuckling.
It was clear how close they all were and how much they treasured their time together.
But Sam’s eyes kept wandering to the back door.
“Shall we bundle up and watch them out there?” Wolf suggested. “It might be nice to get a breath of fresh air.”
She nodded, grateful that he seemed to understand without her having to ask.
“Wait here,” he told her, heading off to grab their coats.
She watched after the big man, a little shiver of possessiveness going through her before she could shut it down.
When he returned, he was wearing his coat and had a thick shawl in his hand.
“I can take him back, if you want,” he told her. “I know your arms are probably getting tired.”
“No, I’m fine,” she said, fighting the instinct to grab the baby closer. Something about his warm weight felt just right in her arms.
“I thought you might say that,” Wolf said with a slight smile. “So I brought you Alice’s shawl.”
She smiled at his thoughtfulness, and let him wrap it around her shoulders. Instantly she was enveloped in cozy warmth.
They headed to the back door together, and when he opened it, she could see flurries were falling at last, filling the air with a fine mist of snowy magic.
“Oh, wow,” she breathed.
“It really feels like Christmas,” Wolf murmured.
Suddenly she found herself remembering that he had been serving his country for many years. How many Christmases had he spent in faraway lands, looking out over landscapes that were so different from what he thought of as home?
She studied his face as he drank in the view of the farmland and trees, wondering if he wanted to talk about it.
“I always missed it,” he said, as if reading her mind. “I thought seeing the world would change my perspective. And it definitely broadened my horizons. But there was never a moment when I didn’t want to wind up in Trinity Falls again.”
Apparently, he wasn’t sold on taking the job in the city after all. She didn’t blame him. There was something magical about this little town. Her heart ached at the idea that he and Ezra might not be able to stay.
“I’ll find a way,” she told him. “Whatever it takes.”
“Because it’s what I want?” he asked, turning to her with a strange look in his eyes.
She nodded slowly, feeling as if he were trying to look inside her heart.
“And what do you want?” he asked, his voice dark and dangerous.
“M-me?” she asked.
“Yes. What do you want, Samantha Green?” he asked her, taking a step closer.
Sam had a list of about a million things she was sure she wanted. They usually swam through her thoughts night and day.
But somehow, the only thing in her mind right now was the flash of Wolf Cassidy’s blue eyes and the tightness in his jaw as he gazed down at her hungrily.
The big man was normally so disciplined. She had never fully understood his self-control until this moment, when he was letting the mask fall and she could see loneliness and desire swirling in his eyes, along with a question, or maybe a plea…
And she already knew the answer.
Yes.
Before she could speak the word, he was moving close to her, his hand cupping her cheek, his big body bending over hers, slowly, as if he was daring her to stop him.
But Sam wasn’t going to stop him. She knew that she should, but she didn’t want to. For the moment, she was perfectly content just floating in this dreamy haze, her pounding heart quickening impossibly as his crystal-blue eyes moved to her lips and back to her eyes again.
Happiness lit her up from inside, and suddenly she knew to her bones that this was right.
We’re meant for each other, and everything else is going to fall into place.
The sound of sleigh bells and pounding hoofbeats ripped her from her trance and she stepped back instinctively, her back bumping against the porch wall.
Ezra whimpered in her arms, and she jogged him lightly to calm him.
“ You’re okay ,” she told him, kissing the top of his fuzzy head.
As she lulled him back to sleep, the carriage pulled out of the barn and up to the back porch, the kids all smiling up at them with shining eyes, ready for their adventure. If Amelia was worried at all, she surely wasn’t showing it. As a matter of fact, she was probably wearing the biggest smile of all.
Sam glanced back up at Wolf, but his mask was back in place. Once again he looked like the handsome veteran he was—calm, pleasant, and in complete control of his emotions.
“Oh, they’re going to have a wonderful ride, aren’t they?” Alice asked, stepping out onto the porch to join them.
Chris and his dog, Molly, stepped outside, with little Izzy on his hip. He headed down the steps and handed off the little girl to sit between her cousins.
Molly barked and whined, her big body shivering with excitement.
“You don’t want your girl going without you, eh, Molly?” Joe asked.
“Fine,” Chris told the dog, shaking his head.
Molly instantly leapt, her inky body moving in a perfect arc, as if Chris had let down a levee and she was a furry waterfall pouring into the carriage.
Amelia laughed in delight with the other children. Joe clucked to the horses, and they rode off toward the hill of pine trees shimmering in the snow.
By the time the kids had returned from their ride, Sam was helping Alice with the dishes, and Wolf, with Ezra asleep on his shoulder, was deep in conversation with Chris.
Panic crawled up Sam’s spine at the memory of how she had reacted when she thought he was going to kiss her.
He probably wasn’t going to kiss me anyway, she tried to tell herself. But she knew that wasn’t true.
And she had wanted him to kiss her. She really had.
But maybe it was better this way. He might be offended for a little while, but no words had been exchanged. They could both pretend it had never happened and maybe they could just continue the friendship.
Her mother was fond of saying that sometimes obstacles are put in our way for a reason . And maybe that was the case here.
Too soon, Alice was pulling Sam in for a hug, and she and Amelia were heading out to the car, trailing behind Wolf.
Amelia talked nonstop all the way home about the carriage ride and all of Nick’s cousins. By the time Wolf pulled up in front of their apartment, there was nothing to do but say thank you and corral Amelia up to get ready for bed.
And once she was alone again, sitting at the kitchen table and staring down at her peppermint tea, there was nothing left to do but think about Wolf.
I shouldn’t have pulled back like that, she thought to herself.
The idea drew her up short, and she explored it in her mind. Did she really feel that way? She was supposed to be focused on Amelia and on her work.
But Wolf and Ezra were good for Amelia.
He’ll probably never try to kiss me again , she told herself. I won’t let myself think about it.
But the idea still hurt.
She took a sip of her tea, reminding herself of what a wonderful time she and Amelia had today, and all the nice people they met. Friends and connections like that were more important than some silly daydream about romance. It wasn’t like Wolf was somewhere thinking about her right now.
Her phone buzzed on the table, and she picked it up.
Wolf Cassidy:
There’s a Christmas thing in town next Saturday - the Hometown Holiday celebration. Want to go together?
Sam hugged the phone to her chest, closing her eyes and indulging herself for just a moment in the fantasy that she had a boyfriend, and that the boyfriend was Wolf Cassidy.
And in that brief moment, everything was just fine.