21. Beau
21
BEAU
B eau held Zandy close, scolding himself for not talking with her more about her mom.
He’d thought about it plenty, but Zandy had seemed like she was doing so well, and he hated to bring up what could be a sore subject. But it was pretty obvious now that it had been on her mind, and it clearly would have been much better for him to be talking to her about her feelings and helping her work through them instead of waiting for it to boil over.
“Let’s sit,” he said, leading her over to the bed and sitting on the edge.
Zandy scrambled up after him and snuggled herself into his side.
“You miss your mommy, don’t you?” he asked her.
She didn’t answer, but he could feel her little head nodding up and down.
“I know she misses you too,” he told her. “And she wishes she could call you more often.”
“Mommy’s far away,” Zandy said into his shoulder. “On a boat.”
“That’s right,” Beau said. “But she loves you so much. And she’ll be home one day to do all the things you like to do together.”
Zandy didn’t have anything to say to that.
“How do you feel about that?” Beau asked her.
“Sad,” Zandy said. “I want her now.”
“That makes sense,” Beau said. “Does it make you sad that I’m getting married again?”
“No,” Zandy said right away. “I’m Flower Girl.”
“You sure are,” he said, finally taking in the pretty dress that looked decidedly more like a superhero costume than a flower girl dress and being hit with just how well Quinn knew his daughter.
“But I don’t want her to go far away too,” Zandy whispered.
“Quinn isn’t going anywhere,” he told her, feeling a pang of guilt, but knowing that it was the truth. Quinn might not be a real wife to him, but he was pretty sure she would be right here on the farm for the rest of her life.
“I don’t like it when people go far away,” Zandy said.
“I was far away for most of your life,” Beau said, nodding. “That was the hardest thing in the world for me.”
He was pretty sure Zandy hadn’t really missed him much back then, since he hadn’t been a regular part of her day-to-day life yet. But he knew that she would miss him now.
“You’re not going away again,” Zandy said firmly.
“Nope,” he told her. “No way, no how.”
“ No way, no how, ” she echoed, just a hint of a smile in her little voice.
“No way, no how,” he repeated, sweeping her up in his arms and holding her on his lap for a quick tickle.
The sound of her laughter was like a waterfall of happiness and Beau breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t the most experienced parent, but he figured he was making some progress toward being a good dad.
* * *
When they came back downstairs, Zandy decided to play with her stuffed animals on the sofa. Thankfully, he had somehow managed to get the little one cheered up enough to change out of her Flower Girl outfit and back into her regular clothing.
But Quinn was being uncharacteristically quiet. She had disappeared into the kitchen to clean up their lunch dishes, and she didn’t have much to say when he joined her.
He figured it must have made her really sad to think about the little girl missing her mom, and he didn’t blame her. It was sad that Zandy always seemed to be missing one parent or the other. It was only thanks to his mom that she’d had some sense of stability in her young life.
“Can we talk?” Quinn asked quietly when the last dish was dried and put away.
“Sure,” he told her. “Let me just make sure Zandy is settled.”
But before he had a chance, there was a knock at the front door. Beau headed out to the living room and opened up to find his mom on the doorstep.
“Grandma,” Zandy yelled happily.
“Hope you don’t mind that I stopped by,” Mom said with a smile. “I was wondering if Zandy could come to my house to help me with a little surprise for tomorrow?”
“ Yes, ” Zandy said, pulling on her boots without waiting for Beau to answer.
“Sure,” Beau said. “She just had her lunch, so she’s got lots of energy. Right, guppy?”
“ Right,” Zandy said, laughing.
“Thank you so much,” Mom said to Zandy. “You’ll be a big help.”
They were gone in what felt like a heartbeat, leaving him a great opportunity to have that talk Quinn wanted. When he turned his attention back to her, she was already standing in the room, waiting for him with a miserable expression on her face.
“She can’t handle more change,” Quinn said simply. “I don’t know exactly what happened with her mom, but I know you weren’t around for most of her life.”
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s sit down and talk about it.”
Quinn frowned, but she sat on the sofa and Beau lowered himself into the seat beside her. He had the urge to take her hand, and had to remind himself that she wasn’t really his fiancée. Even so, she deserved an explanation.
“Zandy’s mom always dreamed of being a chef,” he began. “But when we got married so young and then Zandy came along, she couldn’t go for her training. She was working at the Co-op and taking night classes and generally feeling pretty stretched as a single mom. My parents helped out with Zandy, and of course I supported the two of them financially. But none of it was what she had been dreaming of.”
“I’m sorry,” Quinn said. “You guys were really young for so much sudden responsibility.”
“And she shouldered all of it,” Beau said, still feeling that awful weight in his stomach at the thought of it. “I owe her everything for being here for Zandy and taking such good care of her. They took my video call every week and as far as I know, she never had one bad thing to say about me to my daughter.”
“So where is she now?” Quinn asked.
“A chef she really admires is working on a cruise ship for a year,” Beau told her. “Irene applied to be one of his assistants, and against all odds, he chose her.”
“Wow,” Quinn breathed.
“It broke her heart to leave Zandy, but this is a huge opportunity for her,” Beau went on. “She’s learning so much, and hopefully she’ll be able to apply it when she gets back.”
“That’s really great,” Quinn said softly. “I’m so glad that she gets to have this opportunity. That was a big deal for you to take over completely when you’re just getting home yourself.”
“It’s nothing,” Beau said simply. “I only feel bad that she’s not able to call home as often as she wants. And it’s hard for Zandy. She doesn’t always show it, but she does miss her mom.”
Quinn nodded, her beautiful eyes filled with sadness.
“She loves having you around though,” Beau said.
Quinn was looking down at her hands, but he saw the corner of her mouth go up slightly. She loved Zandy too. He could feel it.
It’s time. I have to tell her how I feel.
“Quinn,” he began, having no plan, but sure that if he spoke from his heart she would understand. “I wanted to tell you?—”
“What you’ve offered me here, it’s so generous,” Quinn broke in. “And I can see how it might work for you too, for both of us. But… I can’t do it.”
“Quinn—” he began.
“I know there are a million reasons to go through with it,” she said, cutting him off as she got up and rushed to the door. “But my heart is telling me that I can’t marry you. It just isn’t right. I’m sorry, Beau. It’s over.”
“The wheels are in motion, Quinn,” he heard himself call out in frustration as he leapt up from the sofa to follow her to the door. “If you think you can call this off and no one will get hurt, then you’re wrong.”
“Someone is already getting hurt,” she told him, grabbing his hand and pressing her palm to his as fresh tears glistened in her beautiful eyes. “That’s the problem.”
As the door closed behind her, he looked down at his hand and saw the pretty little ring he’d given her cupped in his palm.
It’s over…