22. Quinn
22
QUINN
Q uinn finished pulling her coat on as she ran past the big house, snow falling gently all around her.
Someone called out to her, maybe Anne-Marie looking out her kitchen window. But Quinn ran on, past the barns to the wide path through the woods that led to her cabin, trying desperately to hold back her tears until she was home.
It won’t be my home for long, she reminded herself bitterly.
The beautiful journey through the trees that she loved so much blurred in front of her eyes.
All this time she had been convinced that their harebrained plan would work somehow. And maybe it could have—she would have had the farm, he would have had the shop, and maybe she could have stayed in Zandy’s life in a meaningful way somehow.
But she had fallen so hard for the man that she couldn’t imagine what life would be like when he met someone else.
Irene would be home within a year too. What if the two of them wanted to pick up where they had left off? Quinn couldn’t stand between Zandy’s parents getting together again, even if she had a say in the matter. And she wouldn’t.
If she thought she was attached to Beau and Zandy now, how much harder would it be to leave after they had lived together in the same house for nearly a year? And she could barely keep her real feelings for Beau in check now. How was she supposed to manage when she was living with him?
I was a fool to ever think I could do it.
The snow was falling harder by the time she got back to the cabin, and there was something different in the air—a sharper kind of cold that bit through her coat and sweater, making her shiver.
She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, glad she had plenty of firewood to burn. Peeling off her coat, she grabbed a few small logs and focused on getting the wood stove going.
When that project was done she looked around, wishing there was something else to occupy her mind. The stack of books on the table might help when she had calmed down a little. But right now, her mind was churning and she just wanted…
Before she could overthink it, she grabbed her phone from her coat pocket and walked over to the window by the table, where the cell reception was best.
The screen was already covered in alerts about messages from Beau. Her heart ached for him. It was unfair that she’d let him believe for a short time that he could buy his dream shop in town.
She dismissed his messages without reading them, and tapped the contact of the person who she wanted to talk with the most.
“Quinn?” Dad’s voice said worriedly on the other end.
“Hey, Dad,” she said softly.
“You doing okay?” he asked.
“No,” she admitted after a moment, sinking into one of the chairs.
Outside the window, snow was falling steadily, creating a beautiful picture that was at odds with the way her heart was burning.
“What’s going on, love?” Dad asked.
Something about the kindness in his voice, and the lack of judgement in spite of how disappointed he’d been in her, seemed to release the fist that had slammed closed around her heart the moment Zandy had said that mommies go far away .
“I really messed up, Dad,” she sobbed, feeling like a child again herself.
“That’s okay, Quinn,” he told her firmly. “Messing up means you’re human. Taking responsibility and making things right afterward is the part that matters.”
“I don’t know if I can,” she sighed, wiping tears from her cheeks. “I think I let things get out of control.”
“I’m here if you want to talk it out,” Dad said.
“You were right,” she told him. “Beau and I we’re… we’re not in love. And he doesn’t want the farm. He wants to buy the shop in town.”
“But he doesn’t want to disappoint his mother by selling the farm out of Wilson hands,” Dad guessed. “So, he’ll make you a Wilson, and you can buy the shop for him with your savings?”
“Wow,” Quinn said. “You had it all figured out.”
“Wasn’t hard,” Dad said, shaking his head. “I remember him taking apart my lawnmower one time when he was a teenager. He was walking past our front yard with his friends, saw me struggling to start it, and jogged right up to help. He had this look in his eyes, like your mother with a fresh Sunday crossword. Fixed the thing right up, too. It was right as rain for years.”
“He’s a born mechanic,” Quinn said fondly. “I know it was crazy, but the whole arrangement felt so perfect for both of us.”
“Listen, Quinn. I’m sorry your grandparents’ farm was sold,” Dad said softly. “If I had known what it would mean to you to hold onto it, your mother and I would have found some other way…”
“Maintaining a farm for all those years until I grew up would have made no sense,” she told him firmly. “And you had no idea how serious I was about farming anyway, or if I would still be as an adult.”
“That’s true. Most kids change their minds a lot about what they want to do when they grow up,” Dad said, chuckling. “Not you, though. You’ve always known who you are and what you want, and I’m proud of that.”
Quinn smiled. She’d spent a lot of her life surprising the people who thought that just because she was shy she might also lack a backbone. But of course Dad understood her. They were the same in so many ways.
“Well, the person I want to be would never have gotten into this mess,” she said sighing.
“I’m sure you didn’t think you were hurting anyone,” Dad said lightly.
“That’s exactly what I thought at first,” she agreed. “Neither of us is seeing anyone else, so it seemed like it would be okay. But the longer this goes on, the more I can see how much it’s impacting our families, Zandy especially—no matter what plans we had to protect her.”
“Not to mention your own feelings,” Dad said gruffly.
She wanted to deny it, but what was the point?
“I love him, Dad,” she admitted softly. “I love them both. And I can’t bear the idea of losing them, even now.”
“I knew you weren’t that good of a liar,” Dad chuckled.
“What will I do a year from now when he’s free, and out with someone new?” Quinn wondered out loud.
“You don’t think he feels the same way about you?” Dad asked.
“Don’t worry,” she told him, shaking her head. “I know he’s out of my league.”
“Not even close,” Dad chuckled. “Any man would be lucky to call you his wife. And from what your mother says, it sounds like Beau is no exception. I hear he hangs on your every word.”
“I don’t know about that,” Quinn said. “He’s a good man and a good listener. But that doesn’t mean he loves me.”
“So, what are you going to do about all of this?” Dad asked.
“I’m calling the whole thing off,” Quinn said, resolved.
“Without telling him how you feel?” Dad asked.
I’m already hurting enough. I don’t need his rejection on top of it…
“I think you should talk to him,” Dad said after a moment. “But you’re an adult, and you’ll make your own decisions.”
“Thanks, Dad,” she said.
“It’s really coming down out there,” he said. “You’re not planning on going out anywhere tonight, are you?”
“No,” Quinn said, laughing. “I’ve got a hot date with a book and a cup of tea. Once I’ve figured out how to apologize to Mom and to Anne-Marie, that is.”
“That’s my girl,” Dad said.
“And I’m sorry, Dad,” she said. “I never want to make you ashamed of me.”
“I could never be ashamed of you, Quinn,” he told her.
“You ran out of the house when I came over,” she reminded him. “You couldn’t even look at me.”
“That’s because you’re not the only bad liar in our family,” he told her, chuckling. “I knew if I stayed, I’d give your game away. And I didn’t want that.”
She felt such a sense of relief that it was almost overwhelming.
Her phone buzzed against her cheek.
“Is that your phone or mine?” Dad asked.
“It’s probably Beau calling me again,” she said.
“That boy really wants to reach you,” Dad said quietly. “Talk to him.”
“He’s going to try to change my mind,” Quinn said. “But I know it’s not right. Hopefully, he’ll realize it soon too.”