25. Neve
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Neve
“ Y ou need to go back.” My brother snaps, throwing his hands in the air.
“Go back and tell him you forgive him, Neve. You can’t do this to us.”
He is marching up and down the living room at my father’s house.
“How can you say that?” I say angry and heated. “I told you he messed with my college applications - and he paid my boyfriends to leave—” I stammer in disbelief. Luke doesn’t seem to be in the least bit bothered about what I’m explaining to him.
I haven’t told Luke about what happened with Damion - or my father .
He doesn’t need to know everything.
But I told him enough to make any normal person cringe and tell me to stay far, far away from Celso.
“It doesn’t matter, Neve, you have to go back. He’ll pull the funding. He will stop helping the campaign. Our family will lose everything. All the work and time I’ve put in it will be for nothing.”
“Luke, you want me to go back there even though he has broken my trust in the most terrifying way possible?” Tears sting my eyes and drift down my cheeks. “I’m telling you that my husband, the man I fell in love with, betrayed me and broke my heart - and all you can think about is your campaign?” I whisper, pained that my brother hasn’t once asked me if I’m ok.
He hasn’t put his arm around me to hug me or comfort me.
In fact the moment I arrived at his door with my suitcase he started trying to convince me to go back.
Luke runs his hand through his hair and sighs, agitated. Annoyed by my pain .
“Can’t you stay with him until the campaign is going stronger and I can find another person to fund it?” he asks, raising his brows in a hopeful glance.
I shake my head. I can’t believe he is doing this to me. I don’t know why I thought he would understand and want to be there for me.
“Fuck you, Luke.” I snap, standing up and walking away from him. “Fuck you for being like dad. You don’t care about anyone or anything except for your stupid fucking campaign.”
“Neve, we have to think about the family—” he shouts after me, but I’m done listening.
I storm all the way up the stairs to my bedroom and slam the door behind myself.
I hate it here. Being here brings back all the memories of how I was oppressed and controlled by my family’s expectations of me.
The good girl.
Be perfect.
Smile for the media .
Wear this.
Say this.
Do this.
I flop face first down onto my bed and let the heavy, miserable sobs fall out of me and onto my pillow. Staining salty patches onto the soft fabric.
My brother doesn’t give a shit what I’m going through.
My father wouldn’t have either.
Even Damion wasn’t the man I thought he was. He was his own kind of evil.
All these men who I thought were good men - not a single one of them cared about me.
And the man who cares about me is a complete monster. He might not have directly hurt me, but he’s done things that have changed the course of my life.
I cry until I pass out and when I wake up I have a thunderous headache.
It’s dark outside and I’m cold, lying on the bed without the blankets over me .
Reaching over I pick up my phone to see what the time is.
Three AM.
I slept for seven hours. I didn’t expect that.
Sighing I roll over and sit up, rubbing my eyes with my fingertips. I need a painkiller and some water. I’m also hungry, even though I don’t know if can eat with my stomach knotted this way. I’ll hurl if I try.
My phone chimes and I glance at it. The screen is bright in the darkness of my bedroom.
Celso.
I sigh and pick it up to read the message.
Celso: I know you are angry, and you have every right to be. I’ll be lucky if you even take the time to read this. But please, don’t give up on me, angel. I did everything for you. I did everything because I thought, right or wrong, that we were meant to be together and I had to make it happen. It’s all I have ever wanted, and it’s still all I want. Give me a chance. I will prove to you that nothing else matters. I will prove to you that when I have you I don’t have to be that monster because I don’t have to fight for what I want - if I have you I have everything.
Please. Give me a chance, my angel. I love you. I will never stop loving you until I take my last breath.
I swallow hard, trying to push away the lump in my throat. I can’t cry anymore. My head hurts too much, and crying will make my headache worse.
The worst part is that I love him too.
I hate what he’s done to me and I don’t think I will ever get over it. I can’t trust him. But I love him.
I love him more than anything.
I want to be with him more than anything.
My phone drops from my fingers onto the blankets next to me. I can’t reply. I wouldn’t even know what to say.
It’s dark and quiet while I walk around my father’s house. Thinking, trying to work out what I want, trying to figure out how to heal my heart.
I walk until around five in the morning and then curl up on the sofa downstairs, falling asleep again.
A loud knock on the door wakes me up with a fright.
I sit up, bolt straight, my heart beating wildly.
The person knocks again, and I rush over to see who it is while I take my fingers through my hair to tame it.
Opening the door I glance up and down, taking in the sight of a delivery man holding a giant bunch of flowers and a big box.
“Are you - uh - Mrs. Vece?” he asks, looking at his phone, trying to balance everything .
Mrs. Vece. I belong to him.
I take a deep breath. “Yes, that’s me.”
“Here you go.” He says, handing me the flowers. “Where can I put this?” he gestures to the box. “It’s heavy.”
I lead him into the foyer, and he sets it down on the entrance table then nods and leaves.
I am not opening that box. It’s from Celso.
I hear Luke coming down the stairs, he’s on the phone having a heated discussion with one of his campaign managers. “If he pulls funding, we’re fucked. Listen - we need to fish around—” I sigh, turning my attention back to the box.
Fine. I’ll open it. But first I’ll put these flowers in a vase. There is no point in their beauty going to waste because I’m angry with the man who sent them.
I brush my fingers over the delicate petals of blue, pink and yellow.
The scent of sweet pollen fills the air.
My heart aches .
I fight tears.
When the flowers are soaking in a vase on the coffee table in the living room, I go back to pick up the box and carry it up to my bedroom. It’s not that heavy.
Luke is on another call. He’s stressing and pacing around the house. I can’t stand it. He didn’t even glance at me or say good morning. His only focus is the campaign, and his only worry is that Celso will pull funding.
In my room my phone light is blinking to tell me I have unread messages.
I set the box on my bed and read through Celso’s messages.
One after another. He tells me I’m beautiful. He tells me I’m perfect. He tells me he wants nothing more than for me to be happy - no matter what that means.
My heart breaks over and over again as I read his words because he is the person who made me happier than I have ever been. He is the person who I want to be with - I don’t know how .
I set my phone aside, not replying.
In the box I find jewelry, chocolates, clothing, shoes.
I sigh, closing the lid again.
I wish I knew what to do.
If it were up to me - I would force my heart to forgive him. I would give him another chance. But what risk would that involve? It seems like the worst choice to make.
But how can I go through my life without at least taking that risk?
Celso was the first person ever who let me be myself.
He is the first person ever who put me first - over everything else. Above his work, above his needs and wants - he put me first.
My heart clenches and I cry again.
I have to find a way through this.
Two days drift by in a fog. I can’t think straight. My heart is getting heavier the longer I try to stay away from Celso. I keep crying and I am completely and utterly lost.
And he has continued to send gifts and messages.
This morning a customized four by four Jeep arrived for me. It has a full body kit, full off-road gear and even one of those roof top tents built into the roof racks.
The note attached to the steering wheel said for the adventures we might have in the future. I want to drive far and get lost with you. I want to sleep under the stars and make wishes when they shoot across the sky. I want to watch the moon and swim in wild rivers. I love you, my angel, and I will never give up.
The letter got to me more than anything else.
Those are the exact things I want to do.
All my life I’ve been trying to escape these walls, these expectations, these rules for my life.
All my life I’ve been looking for someone like Celso to share my hopes and dreams with. Now I found him, through some crazy, awkward, wild coincidence the universe gave me everything I ever wanted - and then took it away .
Except - it didn’t take it away.
Celso is still very much here, very much fighting for me. He hasn’t given up and doesn’t seem like he intends to.
How many kinds of stupid would I be if I gave up on a man who is willing to do so much to win me back?
And everything he did - everything that drove me away from him when I found out - all of those things saved me in a way. Each thing he did to control my life ended up benefiting me. Marrying Damion would have been hell. Going to a college I only want to attend to escape my father - it was a stupid idea.
Each of those idiots I dated were all approved by my father.
My life has not been my own, not until I met Celso.
I should at least talk to him.
I don’t have to make any decisions - I can go see him and see how it makes me feel when I’m there .
My heart constricts in my chest.
I know how it will make me feel.
Because I am still madly in love with him.
I’m terrified of letting myself admit that.