26. Celso
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Celso
A fter I had a mental break down Mas and Rufino had the doctor dose me up with sedatives and I slept like a rock for twelve hours straight.
When I woke up Rufino was sitting next to my bed.
He told me what he went through, all the fires and all the damage and how he almost killed the woman he loves. He told me not to be stupid and to figure out a different way to fix this.
After that I pulled myself together at least somewhat and I’ve been patiently doing everything I can to communicate with Neve and win her back into my life. Perhaps not as patiently as I would like, but I’m trying.
I haven’t seen her in a week, and I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.
I haven’t been eating well and I have barely been sleeping.
Rufino has been checking in with me daily but I have nothing to tell him. The truth is I’m falling apart.
It’s late afternoon and I’m sitting on my sofa, staring out of the window at nothing at all.
I hear my door unlocking and my entire body goes tense.
It must be Rufino. Fuck. I need to relax. They have the spare key to my penthouse for emergencies.
“Hey man, I’m in here.” I call out when the door opens.
“Celso?” there is a pause. “I let myself in - um - I still have the key.”
Her voice. It rings through the air like the sweetest, most beautiful melody I’ve ever heard .
I leap out of the sofa and run into the foyer.
Not giving it a moment’s thought I grab her in my arms and hold her against me, burying my face in her soft, silky hair.
She is stiff in my embrace. But I can’t find it in myself to let her go.
“Celso.” Her voice is soft, uncertain.
I step back with difficulty. Neve is dressed in white sweatpants, her blue Nike sneakers and a blue crop top. She looks gorgeous, as cute as ever, but her eyes are tired.
There are dark shadows beneath them, and it breaks my heart to see her like this.
I glance down at myself. I haven’t left the house in days. I am a wreck.
Brushing my hands over my clothes I clear my throat self-consciously.
“Neve - you’re here.” Is all I can say, my throat tight and stiff around all the words I want to say to her.
“I came to talk.” She says, taking a little step away and creating space between us .
“Sure, come in, can I get you something to drink? A coffee? A whisky? A glass of fresh orange juice?” I’m rambling. I need to shut up.
“Can we talk?” She asks, biting her lip.
I nod, gesturing for her to go through to the living room. I follow behind her, my eyes taking in every movement, my mind wondering if I am hallucinating.
She sits on the couch, on the edge of the seat, looking uncomfortable and as though she might get up and run out at any second.
I pace up and down near the window.
“Neve, I’m so sorry.” I blurt out. “I never wanted to hurt you. I only wanted - I wanted you and I did crazy, stupid things to get you. I can’t even tell you that if I had to do it all again I wouldn’t be as stupid - I probably would.” I sigh, brushing my hand through my hair.
I’m nervous. My shoulders are tense.
“Can you sit down, you’re giving me anxiety.” She murmurs, taking a deep breath .
“Sorry.” I sigh, sitting in the seat opposite her even though I want to sit next to her and drag her onto my lap. I want to hold her and never let go. I could lock the doors and keep her prisoner -
Fuck.
I want to do that so badly.
But where will it get me?
She wouldn’t be able to still love me.
Maybe she already doesn’t love me anymore.
I stare across the space between us, watching her, waiting, giving her time to say what she came here to say - but she’s quiet.
Neve fidgets, her hands in her lap, her fingers twisting through each other. She scrunches her nose. “I think I will have some tea.” She says, looking for a distraction.
I jump up, eager to give her anything she wants.
She follows me through to the kitchen and leans against the counter while I make the tea.
I can see her struggling to piece her thoughts together, so I do my best to stay quiet .
“Celso, you need to stop sending me those gifts.” She says.
“I can’t. Even if you’re not here, I still want to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.”
“I don’t want gifts I want—” She pauses. “I want someone I can trust. Someone I depend on.”
I clench my jaw, the muscles ripping across my face.
“I will earn your trust back. The truth is you needed to find out those things - I didn’t want to hide any part of myself from you, Neve. I always hoped that you would see me for exactly who I am and love me, anyway.” I turn to face her, and her eyes are wide and gentle.
She’s looking at me as though I’ve said something profound.
“That’s what I always wanted too.” She takes the tea from me. “I wanted someone to love me for who I am and not who they want me to be.”
“Neve - I love you. I love you as you are. And if you want to change and dye your hair purple and get tattoos everywhere - I will still love you for who you are. You have the most beautiful soul, the most beautiful heart - I want you . I need you.”
She smiles as she raises her eyes up towards me. “You kind of look like shit.” She chuckles.
“Ouch.” I smirk. “But you look like you are getting around about the same amount of sleep I’m getting?”
She pulls her mouth and scrunches her nose again. “Zero?”
“Yeah, about zero. It’s starting to affect me. In fact I’m a little worried I’m hallucinating you. Are you really here?” I grin as though I’m joking but I step forward to touch her face. To see if she’s real.
She reaches up and brushes her fingers over my hand and sparks fly between us like static electricity.
“Please let me love you, my angel.” I ask.
“I - I want to - I’m scared.”
“Of what?” I ask.
She swallows and looks into my eyes. “Of you, Celso.” She whispers .
Her words make my legs weak because of all the things in all the world I know I would never harm her. But I did. I hurt her. I broke her heart.
Shit. I screwed things up by keeping it from her. I should have told her myself. Instead of letting her find it on her own.
“Neve, those things that I did - I would never do that if you belonged to me. But I will also never stop fighting for you. So as long as you are out there - and not by my side - I will do whatever it takes to get you back.”
“Celso.” She says frustrated. “You can’t go around controlling my life.”
“I won’t have to if you tell me you love me and you will come back to me.” I huff.
“You say you will never hurt me, but you went through so much to get me - and we got married - and what if all of that crazy passion burns out - you are capable of some stuff I don’t understand - and there is no saying what you might do to me when you get bored with me.” She finally lets me know what she is terrified of .
I close the space between us, leaning against her and pressing her into the kitchen counter. I grab her jaw in my hand and lift her head towards me.
“You are my everything. For eternity. I want you forever and no one - ever - will replace you or steal my attention. I might be a little crazy. But that I know for sure.”
Her breathing has become heavier, faster. Her pupils are dilated.
I can sense it. The desire. The heat building between us.
Leaning down I press my lips over her mouth and kiss her.
She doesn’t resist. My body sparks to life. Life I have not felt since the day she left me.
Neve lets out a quiet whimper and pushes her hand against my chest. Gentle, almost reluctant.
I release her and step away, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach.
“I should go.” She whispers, brushing her fingers across her lips as though she wants to hold on to our kiss .
“Will you reply to my messages when I message you? I can’t handle the silence anymore.” I ask.
She nods. “Sure. If I’m near my phone, we can chat. Sometimes.”
The knot in my stomach tightens.
“Neve please give me a chance. One more chance.”
“I’ll see you soon, maybe.” She says politely, turning to leave.
“Oh, here.” She says, holding out her hand to give the house keys back to me.
“Keep them. Just in case.”
She bites her lip and nods, and drops the keys into her purse.
“Bye Celso.”
“Good bye, my angel.”
This time I watch her walking away, and it shatters me, but it also makes me more determined. My mind is made up. I will have her.
I’ll give her some time, but if she doesn’t choose me on her own, I will kidnap her. She needs some time with me to remind her of how good we are together.
We are perfect for each other.
When Neve is gone, I sit on the sofa again, staring, thinking, trying to understand.
Perhaps I am playing this the wrong way.
Perhaps what she needs is space from me. No messages, no gifts, no reminders of who I am to her - and what she is to me.
Just silence.
I can watch her from a distance.
What I saw tonight, and even her coming here - it tells me she still wants this. She could have dropped the keys on the kitchen counter - but she kept them. She could have messaged me to leave her alone - but she hasn’t.
Neve is still in love with me she is struggling with the moral dilemma of what I did to win that love from her.
But that isn’t her karma to bare. That is mine.
So I stalk her again. Like I used to in the past, right in the beginning when she hardly knew my name. I follow her when she goes to the shops. I follow her when she walks at the park.
When she gets coffee in town I am sitting close, always watching.
I park outside her father’s house - Luke’s house - and I watch her moving around inside.
It’s thrilling, sparking my desire for her to an entirely new level. It becomes darker, more determined.
I will have her.
One way or another.
No one else will ever touch her - she is mine. She will always be mine.