35. Tuomo
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Tuomo
S he is late.
I’m waiting in my car outside her apartment, even though I know I could wait inside, I decide to be polite and wait to be invited.
But she’s twenty minutes late. She should have been here already.
Getting more agitated and impatient by the minute I open the tracking app on my phone.
She’s just arriving around the corner. Thank fuck.
I climb out of my car and walk towards the front door of her building. I watch her park, a smile on my face.
When she climbs out of the car I am standing right there, wrapping my arm around her and holding her for a moment. “Hello, little bird.”
She nods, tense against me. “Hello.”
“Are you ok, you’re really pale.”
“I’m having a terrible morning.” She says.
“Let’s get you inside. I read online that the morning sickness can be a lot worse on some mornings than others.”
“Sure.” She mumbles, walking as though she was in a trance.
I follow her upstairs and into her apartment.
She sits on the edge of the bed with a blank expression.
I pull the arm chair up close, pushing her knees apart I pull her into a hug. “It’s going to be ok, little bird. We will get through this together. What can I get for you? Do you want some peppermint tea?”
“Sure.” She responds, cold and distant.
What is going on? This seems too intense to just be morning sickness.
“Where were you now?”
“At the doctor’s office.”
I narrow my eyes towards her. “You should have told me. I would have gone with you. I want to be there for you at every appointment.”
“Sure.” She says again, pushing against my patience.
“Did the doctor say anything about the baby? Is it healthy? Are you healthy?” I ask with concern.
“We are both fine, Tuomo.” Her voice is tight. Void of emotion.
I stand up, walking towards the kitchen to shake off some of the agitation that is building inside me. At the restaurant yesterday she was so eager - she was receptive and affectionate. Nothing like she is being right now. Pregnancy can create mood swings - but what is going on?
I make her a cup of tea and set it down on the bedside table. A powerful scent of peppermint fills the air. I close my eyes and breathe it in. When I open my eyes again, I feel a little more clear-headed. She is going to go through emotional highs and lows. I just have to be there for her. That’s all.
I lean forward and take her hands. She doesn’t look at me.
“Nerissa, we were talking a little yesterday about the future and I promised to take care of you. If you are worried about that - I don’t want, you to be.” I feel around in my pocket and pull out the velvet box.
A warm smile of excitement touches my face.
“I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I want to give you and our baby the entire world. I will spend every day trying to make you smile.” I flip the lid open, revealing the ring I had made for her. The diamond bird. It has never belonged to anyone. It has no sordid history, no ties to my family’s past. It is new and will only ever be hers.
“Will you marry me, little bird?”
Finally, she lifts her eyes towards me, but the anger in them makes me stagger backwards. I lean back in the armchair, my fingers clasping the velvet box. What is going on?
“Nerissa?” I stammer.
“I know what you did, Tuomo.” She says.
“What I did?” I whisper.
She opens her hand and inside her clenched fist are her contraceptive pills. Well - not her pills - rather the ones I switched them with.
I swallow hard.
Fuck.
How did she find out?
I look into her eyes, meeting her gaze and holding steady.
“I know what you did.” She repeats, her voice shaking at the edges. There is hatred in her eyes.
Or is it fear?
I can’t tell.
I have never seen someone so upset. She is so full of rage that she is frighteningly calm. Like the eye of the storm.
“Nerissa.”
“Don’t bother telling me I’m mistaken.”
I shake my head. “I wasn’t going to. I admit what I did.”
She looks shocked.
“Are you serious?” She shouts, suddenly breaking away from the calm and surging forward with fury. “You won’t even try to tell me you didn’t do it? Are you crazy? What you did is insane. It’s such a devastating break of my trust - how could you do this and calmly admit it without even blinking an eye? You ruined my fucking life!”
She is shaking now - the storm is here. It’s flooding from her eyes and her body in wave after wave of emotion.
I lean forward to hold her, but she shoves me away from herself.
“Don’t you dare touch me.” She growls.
“Nerissa, you need to understand why I did it.”
“Oh - I’d love to hear this - go ahead. Tell me why you made this choice for me - go on.”
I hold her gaze, staying steady, keeping my voice calm.
“Because I love you. And someone as incredible as you would never choose to be with someone like me unless you had a reason. I can’t live without you. You are my entire world. Everything good about me - is you . I am not even half the man I want to be without you at my side. I need you, Nerissa. I had to make sure I never lost you.”
Her breathing hitches as she fights tears and her uncontrollable anger.
I reach out to her again, taking her hand. She doesn’t move. I rub my thumb over the back of her hand, feeling the smooth warmth of her skin.
“Nerissa, please. I never wanted to hurt you. I did this so that you would let me love you. What I said before - I meant it. I will give you everything. I will give you the world. Can’t you see I did this out of love?”
She’s deathly silent.
“Please, talk to me.” I beg her.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you will marry me.”
“Your family hates me. You lied to me. Got me pregnant, ruined the plans I had for my life. How can you ask me to marry you now? Have you lost your fucking mind?”
“No, little bird. I spoke to my father. I have his blessing.” She glares at me, “There is nothing stopping us from being together. You will be welcomed into my family and our child will have the best of everything.”
She brushes the back of her hand across her cheek to wipe away a tear.
“Please leave, Tuomo. Please just get the fuck out.”
“No.” I snap. “I won’t let you kick me out of your life when I have fought so hard to be here. I won’t leave until you understand how much I love you.”
“But I need you to go.” She says between tears.
I wrap my hand around her face. “Please, my love. Let me be with you.”
She shakes her head, and my heart sinks to the churning pit of my stomach.
What have I done?
I’ve ruined everything.
I am always the disappointment.
My father was right about me all along.
I never deserved someone like her. I never deserved to be happy.
And she doesn’t deserve to be trapped in a life with a monster like me.
I take the ring I had made especially for her, and I slip it onto her finger.
She stares at it. I wait a long moment, but her silence is breaking me. I can’t take much more of this.
“This is yours regardless of your choice. It was made for you. It belongs to you.”
She looks up at me.
The pain I see in her eyes is like a blade piercing my heart.
What if I have lost her forever?