Chapter 32 Forest
forest
Iwas in such a hurry to leave Sterling Ridge that I hadn’t planned my road trip like I usually did.
The urgency I had to leave hit me full-force when I saw Sam by the barn yesterday afternoon.
He looked so sad and lost, guilt hit me like never before.
I panicked and waited for him to leave before I said my goodbye to Triton—that ended way too quickly and gutted me more than I thought possible.
Now I was stuck in a motel in the panhandle of Texas in a snowstorm that didn’t seem like it was going to let up any time soon. If I had planned like I normally did, I would have gone around the storm making it to my destination without stopping for too long.
The motel was older, the room smelled like stale cigarettes and the TV was going in and out from the storm.
I turned off the TV, giving up on watching a rerun of SVU, in favor of my phone.
Once I opened it, I threw it on the bed because all I wanted to do was call them, even if it was just to hear them say hello or to listen to the voicemail Sam had left me.
I should have deleted it as soon as I saw it, but I didn’t have the guts to do it.
I went to my bag to grab a book and one of the crossword puzzle books I liked to do.
It was late afternoon, and I was stuck here till at least early morning.
Reports said the storm wasn’t letting up tonight and since I was in the middle of nowhere, the roads would be awful for a little going south since that's where the storm was heading.
The crossword puzzles kept me occupied for a while as I snacked on sunflower seeds, but my gaze kept going towards my phone, willing it to ring.
The silence was getting to me and at this point, I would even have talked to my mother to have something to do.
My phone lit up and for a split second I thought I had summoned my mother.
My body went into fight or flight mode until I saw my sister's phone number.
I relaxed immediately, but dreaded answering her since I had been dodging her calls for a while. I guess now was the best time to do it.
“Hey,” I said, answering while laying on my back.
“Forest Antonio Porter Campo, why the hell have you been dodging my calls?” my sister snapped.
I flinched when she used my full name, even adding our mother’s maiden name, which was customary in Mexico.
“I’ve been busy, Melanie,” I said, knowing it was a lousy excuse.
“Even heifers need to sleep so I know that's a bullshit excuse,” she huffed. “You work at a ranch; your coworkers aren’t going to tell your boss that you're on the phone.”
I chuckled. “I know, things have just been…”
“What’s going on, Tony?” she sighed.
“I’m on my way back to Texas,” I said, hoping to distract her.
“Tony,” she chided. “What happened? You have dodged my calls before, but not for this long. What happened?”
Melanie always knew. I don’t know how she knew, but even eight hundred miles away, she knew and that's why I didn’t answer her phone calls. She knew something was up from just my voice.
“I met someones,” I said softly.
“Someones?” she asked, not really surprised. “Let me guess, you’re running away.”
I scowled, knowing another verbal lashing was coming my way. The women in my life were not holding back.
“Tony, you're almost forty, don’t you think you're a little too old to be running away?” She didn’t care about my feelings. Don't you love your family? “You can't run away from Jorge’s memory no matter how hard you try. Haven’t you been running long enough?”
The mention of my ex made my stomach sour.
“He doesn’t deserve any moment of your time thinking of him, and you're still letting him ruin your life,” she said, even though I huffed. “Hasn’t he taken enough from you? Porque este pinche pedaso de mierda—”
“Melanie,” I interrupted her before she went on an even longer rant cussing him out in Spanish.
“Sorry, you know how I feel about him, but seriously, Tony, how long are you going to run for?”
“I don’t know, but I’m terrified.” I exhaled, running my hands over my face. “My life imploded after Jorge. It wasn’t just my heart, every part of my life went to shit and I… fuck, I can’t do that again.”
“Well, at least you don’t have the future of our dairy farm on the line and an arranged marriage that will bring two families together to unite the largest producers of asadero cheese,” Melanie chuckled.
I did not chuckle because she didn’t have to remind me.
I never forgot that at twenty-seven, my family told me I had to marry the other dairy farmer's daughter because they wanted to combine the farms. She was five years younger than me, I had never met her before and because I wasn’t married, it was my duty to the family to do this.
What my family didn’t know was that I was in love with a man named Jorge, who worked with us.
I grew up in a conservative family. I kept my sexuality to myself because I was terrified of what they would say or do.
What started as something to pass time and have fun, turned into love.
Jorge and I talked about telling our families and possibly starting a family of our own.
He talked about moving in with me when the house I was building was finished.
We talked about him going back to school to get his degree in business to help the farm, that way he could help me run it when my parents retired.
We had our whole life planned out when they dropped the bomb and I refused to marry her.
My father and I argued for weeks until he told me I would have to marry her or lose my place at the farm.
It was a bluff he didn’t expect me to call, but when I called it, I didn't expect to be on the losing end too. Jorge didn’t leave with me like I thought he would.
He left the farm without a goodbye, and I never heard from him again.
“Too soon?” Melanie said, pulling me back from memory lane.
“Their names are Jude and Sam,” I said, moving the conversation from the past. “Jude’s a firefighter, and Sam is a professional hockey player.”
“Damn. Forest had to go and one up yourself,” she said giddily. “A firefighter and a hockey player!? Of course you’d hit the jackpot. Can I see a picture? I’m sure they are gorgeous. Where did you end up?”
I put her on speaker while I looked through my phone for a picture. “I ended up in Sterling Ridge, Colorado.”
“Colorado? I thought you were heading up to Montana? I guess that doesn’t matter. Come on, cough up that photo,” she said, as I sent the most recent photo I had of us at the Christmas Village.
One particular picture caught my eye. I was looking at the camera, one arm around Sam and Jude as they looked at me. It was slightly out of focus, I could still see their expressions and they were solely focused on me.
“Ay, dios mio, Tony,” Melanie gasped, like the dramatic diva she was. “And you left them?”
“They scared me. I—”
“You what, had two men who loved you?” she huffed.
“What if it's like before, what if they are just like—”
“Jorge? That hockey player makes more money than you and I can imagine having at one time. You barely have two quarters to rub together,” she said.
“Jorge wanted you for the life you could give him. These men have lives they have built already. They don’t need you to provide for them, they want you in their lives because they love you. ”
“Fuck,” I groaned. “I know that; I know they are nothing like Jorge, but…I just…can’t go through that again.”
“You’re already going through that again,” she said. “You don’t think you're hurting now?”
I stayed silent, stunned into submission.
“No one is hurting you, except you,” she said, making me feel even worse. “I love you, Tony, but sometimes I want to smack some sense into you. You've been running away long enough. I think it's time for you to stop and live your life. Enjoy those men, pop out a few babies and come home.”
I laughed.
“I’d like to be an aunt, and while mom and dad haven't said it, I know they miss you too,” she said softly.
“Mom called me on Christmas,” I said, still not believing it.
“I know, I told her she was missing out, that for all we knew you could have babies and a partner and a whole other life, but they had no idea because they couldn’t get past their medieval ways.”
“I mean you still salvaged their archaic ways,” I chuckled. “You did marry Renee.”
"That's why I told mom their anger was getting old. We still completed the merger, but even if we hadn’t, you should have been more important than a stupid dairy farm,” she said.
I clenched my jaw, loving my baby sister even more now.
She was the only one who stuck by me after everything happened.
I knew my parents were going to be pissed, but when a few years had passed and I was still iced out, I knew that it would be a cold day in hell before my parents forgave me.
I always told myself that it didn't bother me, but it did because their business was more important than their son.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive, but I do want to see you. I think it's been long enough," I said.
“It has and I think your niece deserves to know their uncle.”
“What?” I dropped the phone and scrambled to pick it back up. “Shit. Holy crap, Melanie.”
My voice broke.
“I finally knocked her up,” Melanie said, her voice a little wobbly.
I chuckled while sitting up. “I thought you gave up on IVF.”
“We said one more time. Well, she did. I was done, tired of seeing her in pain and disappointed, but she wanted to try one more time, so I was helpless to say no,” she sighed.
“I hear happy wife, happy life is the mantra,” I said, rubbing my chest.
“Yeah, I'd do anything to make sure she’s happy and I’m glad we did this,” she said softly. “She’s due in a few weeks.”
“Congrats, I’m so fucking happy for you,” I said. “I wanna come down and see her, see you guys.”
“Well, go sort your men out. Crawl, beg, say you're an idiota and give them orgasms. They're men so that should be enough,” she said, matter-of-factly.
“I don’t know if I should be offended or not,” I said. “But—”
“No buts, they mean something to you or else we wouldn’t be having this conversation, so get your ass up and drive back to Sterling Ridge,” she said, already perfecting her mom voice. “You can think of an apology on your way back.”
“I’m stuck in a motel outside of Amarillo, there's a snowstorm,” I grumbled.
“Well get your ass to sleep and as soon as that storm breaks, dig your truck out, get yourself some breakfast and move your ass,” she said.
“Yes ma’am,” I said.
“You love them, right?”
“Yeah, Melanie, it was fucking instantaneous and it fucking scared the life out of me,” I whispered.
“Como si se pudiera elegir en el amor, como si no fuera un rayo que te parte los huesos,” she said, with hope in her voice.
As if you could choose love, as if it weren’t like a lightning bolt that breaks your bones.
“At least I think that's how the saying goes,” she chuckled.
“I don’t think any of us are ready for love, but fear is good, Tony.
It keeps you on your toes, makes your heart race and there's nothing like having someone just get you.
Stop running, you're missing out on the best things in life. Stay still and enjoy.”
“Dammit, Melanie,” I said, wiping my eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Cabron,” she said. “Now answer your damn phone when I call next time. Si no, I will go to Colorado and kick your ass. Te quiero!”
“I will,” I chuckled. “Te quiero.”
“Night, Tony. Call me with good news and bring them when you meet your niece, so she knows she has three uncles,” she said with more confidence than I had. “Mwah!”
She hung up and I stared at my phone, wondering if I should call them before I went back. What if it was too late? What if — Nope, I was going to bed and tomorrow I was going back to Sterling Ridge. I was ready to stop running and I was ready to finally live my life.