12. Gord the Garbage Truck Driver
Gord the Garbage Truck Driver
SAM
Friends? Fuck me.
Okay, so Ellie was right—it was weird between us. But it was me who’d made things weird—I’d tried to high five her like she was a fucking bro.
Right after that had happened, Conrad pulled into his driveway.
He’d asked me point blank as I was getting into my truck why I looked like I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there.
When I told him about the high five, he’d tried so hard not to laugh I was pretty sure he was going to slip a disk or something.
But as I drove home that night, I knew it was more than that. I’d shown up to hang out with Henry and somehow managed to bring up his conception. Again.
As I pulled into my parking stall that night, I groaned, sliding down low into the seat. I’d pressed my hands over my forehead. Then I’d called Cora, who’d talked me down off the ledge. “Sam. She’s making it crystal clear what she wants from you. You have to respect her decision.”
“Of course I’ll respect her decision,” I’d said, more than a little incensed she’d think I wouldn’t.
But now, heading to the park we were meeting at, I think I understood what my sister meant. She meant I needed to tuck away all the confusing feelings I had around Ellie. Because if I didn’t, I was going to jeopardize my chance at a relationship with Henry.
I’d never do that. And I could be friends with Ellie. I’d had plenty of women friends over the years. In fact, what the fuck did I know about being anything else besides friends? All my relationships were short-lived, easily ended with a plane ticket to somewhere new.
So yeah, friends. Friends was definitely best.
The place we’d decided to meet at was halfway between Quince Valley and Greenville, right on the river, surrounded by trees. There was a playground and covered picnic area on one end and a slightly tired-looking gazebo on the other.
As I swung into a parking spot, the family in the picnic area swiveled around to see what vehicle was making the godawful noise.
It was my truck of course, which looked and sounded like a piece of shit but actually ran just fine, thanks to all the AutoScore parts Brett had put in it before selling it to me for a dime.
I gave the strangers a wave as I hopped out. “Nice day, huh!” I called.
They nodded politely, then turned back to their food.
Okay then.
It wasn’t actually that nice a day; it was overcast and a little windy, and the clouds on the horizon looked heavy and gray. But it felt apt considering my mood.
I paced the edge of the parking lot, tucking the bag of sandwiches I’d brought under my arm.
I peered into the trees to where the paved path we were going to take a walk on wove through the surrounding forest. It wasn’t supposed to rain, but if it did, hopefully we’d have enough coverage in the trees.
Fuck. Why did it have to look like rain?
When Ellie’s minivan rounded the corner, my stomach did a whole flip. Still, I waved casually.
“Hey!” My stomach continued to do a gymnastics routine as Ellie parked next to me.
Friends. We’re trying to be friends.
It was really fucking hard to remember that as she got out.
The wind tossed her hair against her cheek and wrapped the pretty yellow jumpsuit thing she was wearing against her curves.
I wished it wasn’t spring. Why couldn’t it be the middle of winter, when we’d be in big puffy coats, our faces hidden under scarves?
I wished, when my therapist had suggested I find some good-feeling memories to buoy me through my darkest moments, that I hadn’t gone straight to that weekend with Ellie, thinking it was safe and contained.
I wished the memory of her had burned brighter than she did in real life, instead of the opposite, so I didn’t have to fight not to feel things for her every time I saw her.
I wished she wasn’t so pretty.
I wished she wasn’t so cool and smart and funny.
I wished a lot of things.
When Ellie smiled—even just politely, like she was doing right now—I felt like my insides were coming apart.
“Hi Sam.”
Those dark gray clouds felt like they were pulsing in my periphery. Don’t do anything stupid, bucko.
Ellie brushed her arms with her hands. “I should have brought a sweater.”
Her outfit was long-sleeved but looked kind of thin.
“I can give you mine?” I said it without a second thought.
Ellie’s eyes darted down to my hoodie, then back up again. “I’ll be okay when we get walking. But thanks.”
I felt stupid for offering. Maybe that wasn’t something friends did. She was too fancy for a hoodie anyway.
Ellie opened the sliding side door of the van. Henry appeared, smiling at me.
Okay, that helped. “Hey Henry!” I said, a much safer kind of happiness spreading in me at the sight of my son.
“Gaa ba ba!” he said back.
“Do you mind grabbing the stroller?” Ellie asked, pressing a button on her fob. The van’s rear door began to rise.
“Of course.” I was relieved to have something to do. Especially since it would take me away from the sight of her bending into the van to get Henry, her round backside suddenly directly in my line of sight.
I set the bag of sandwiches on the roof and headed around to the back of her minivan, where I was presented with a brick of canvas and metal. I wasn’t too worried. I could assemble a tent in two minutes flat. How hard could unfolding a stroller be?
I hauled the thing out of the trunk, setting it on the grass. Then I pressed a bunch of levers and buttons.
Nothing moved.
I tried again—it didn’t move.
“So we’re gonna play it that way, huh?” I muttered.
I pushed a button I hadn’t seen before, and one I had, but again, the thing didn’t budge.
My worry grew as I jiggled the thing this way and that, and still it wouldn’t open up.
At one point, the handle popped out, but I couldn’t tell how I’d made that happen.
I stood up and growled. I’d gone down several rabbit holes on the internet the past few nights researching more baby stuff. Teeth. Baby food. Milestones. I didn’t consider unfolding a stroller something that would require a deep dive.
Henry made a noise. I looked up to see Ellie watching me, trying not to laugh. Henry did laugh as I narrowed my eyes. He flapped his arms happily.
“You know, I rebuilt a whole motorcycle once,” I said. “With some help, but still. And I’m pretty good at LEGOs.”
Ellie laughed. “Here.” She handed Henry to me. I took him, nuzzling his temple with my nose. I couldn’t help it.
Then I watched, agog, as Ellie did this quick little shake and the thing exploded into its full form.
“Sorcery,” I whispered.
Ellie laughed again, which instantly made my ineptitude worth it. So did getting to hold Henry again, even if it was just for a moment before she took him back and buckled him in.
I helped Ellie get a bunch of stuff into the basket under his seat and I tossed the food on top. Then we headed off on the trail.
“Want me to push?” I asked.
She smirked. “You sure you can handle it?”
“How dare you.”
She laughed again, but angled the stroller my way. When I took it from her, I prayed it would cooperate. Luckily the thing maneuvered a hell of a lot more easily than it unfolded. I could even push it with one hand.
“Easy peasy.” I waggled my eyebrows at her and did a little back and forth swerve.
“Hey! Eyes on the road.”
I grinned. This was going so much better than I’d feared.
Maybe it had been good for us to get things cleared up.
Even if the outcome was something that made me feel like those dark clouds were rolling around in my guts, if this is what I got with Ellie, I think I might survive.
In time, I could get over these misplaced feelings I knew had to be just a holdover from the first time we met. Right?
Either way, I decided right there that no matter what, every time I saw her I’d try to make Ellie laugh.
Seeing her happy was everything. She deserved to be happy.
No matter what, I wanted to make life easier for Ellie.
And I was pretty sure that started with making her happy.
Okay, and figuring out how to be a good dad. Henry laughing was equally amazing.
Ellie and I slipped back into silence, and that awkwardness I thought we were done with started to creep in. Maybe it was the giant pressure of Being a Good Dad. Or maybe it was reminding myself I needed to tread carefully with Ellie. Keep it friendly. Platonic.
“So—” I said, at the same time as she said, “How—”
Damn it.
“You first,” I said.
“I was going to ask how your date was,” Ellie said.
I frowned. “Date?”
Her cheeks flushed, just slightly. “The other night. You said you had plans.”
Surprise flashed through me. “Oh. Right. Well, I went on a ‘date’ with my physiotherapist.”
“Really?” The word sounded a little strained. She must have been surprised I was going to physio. I still hadn’t told her about what had happened to me.
“That’s nice,” she said.
“Not really.” I maneuvered us around a gentle corner. “Debbie was giving me the gears.”
Ellie kept her eyes trained on the path ahead. “About suddenly discovering you’re a dad?”
“What?” I looked down at Ellie. “No, she jammed my knee into my armpit. It hurt like hell.”
Ellie looked up at me, alarmed. Then her expression dropped. “You had an actual physio appointment.”
She thought I’d been on a date-date. “Oh, shit. Yeah. Debbie’s sixty. And the only woman I let beat me up.”
Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “You said you went on a date.”
I did word it weirdly. “Right. Sorry.” I adjusted my grip on the stroller. Quick. Make her laugh.
I cleared my throat. “You could probably kick my ass too, though. You look strong.”
Shit, I hope she didn’t think I was alluding to her weight in a weird way. I fucking loved the way she looked. “You look amazing,” I said. “And strong. That’s what I meant.”
Fuck me.
Ellie was giving me a strange look, but I think I saw the twitch of her smile. “You look like you could handle yourself.”