Chapter 14 Colson #2
His question bounces around my head for a few seconds until the answer becomes clear. “No, not of him. Of what his full devotion could do to me. How do you move on from something like that?”
“Why would you have to move on?”
I scoff. “Well, obviously it will end at some point.”
“Why is that obvious?”
“Because he’s a…” I stop myself from continuing. “I don’t think our lifestyles are compatible long term.”
Does it bother me that he murders people for a living? No, not really, if I’m honest, but it’s all I’ve got keeping me on this side of sanity. That knowledge doesn’t stop the truth from tumbling out of my mouth though.
“I’m scared that his love would erase everything else. Everything that makes me who I am. All the things I’ve spent a decade cultivating, he would just eat them up and replace them until there was nothing left but him.”
Rudy’s eyes widen slightly, but then he nods. “That’s not love, Cashmere.”
“I know.”
“What do you want with him?”
“Great question.” I laugh softly as my mind races to find the answer. “I’m attracted to him, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
“Not just his physical appearance. He’s… interesting, I guess. I don’t know that much about him though, outside of how much he wants me.”
“Do you want my perspective?”
“Yes.” And I mean it.
“I’ve never met anyone who wanted to possess me like that.
I don’t think it’s common. I’ve never been afraid to lose myself in another person, but—” He grabs my hand.
“—what an amazing experience to have. I can only dream of meeting someone who would burn down the world for me. He might not be easy, and he might be too much sometimes, but that has to be better than halfhearted love.” He squeezes my hand as his expression turns serious.
“You’re the strongest person I know. You won’t lose who you are.
You’ll bloom without the weight of the world solely on your shoulders.
Worst case, it doesn’t work out and you leave, but at least you had the experience. ”
Is that the worst case? I’m not so sure.
“Thanks, Rudy. It helps to talk a little.”
“You can always talk to me.”
“I know I’m not great at this, um… at friendship. It’s pretty one-sided with me, and that’s shitty, but I think you’re a great person, and I appreciate you.”
Rudy’s eyes glaze over, and I swear if he cries I’ll run screaming from this room. “Friendships aren’t always fifty-fifty. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good.”
“Cashmere, up in five,” Allen calls.
I blow out a breath. “Shit. I have to hustle.”
“You’ve got this.”
Four minutes later, I’m standing behind the curtain, knowing Specter is on the other side. I close my eyes for a moment, channeling the artist I know I am and shaking off the reality that’s been haunting me the last few days. This is my happy place, and I’m gonna soak up every second.
The curtain opens and my music starts: “Get Off,” by Prince.
This routine is one of my favorites. It’s very sensual, with lots of fun raunchy bits, striptease-centric, and the clients always love it.
I avoid Specter’s heavy gaze for as long as I can stand it until I drop into the splits right in front of him, winking and licking my lips as I twirl around.
I’m vaguely aware of the crowd going wild around me, but when I gaze into Specter’s eyes it’s like all the oxygen in the room is sucked out, the sound muted, and it’s just us. Maybe Rudy is right and the experience of being adored by a man like Specter would be worth any residual damage.
My performance becomes all about him, my moves exaggerated to entice him to the edge of sanity since we both know he can’t touch me here. What will he do when we’re alone again? And how would he react if I told him I accept his worship?
The thought leaves me giddy as I rise on my knees and bounce, my hands wandering over all my exposed flesh.
My cock plumps, fortunately hidden behind a padded G-string to keep things on this side of obscene, but I can feel it.
My entire body is a live wire, waiting for the spark that starts the blaze.
As my song closes out, there’s commotion in the audience, and just like that, Specter’s attention shifts behind him. Wraith already has his hand inside his coat, but it was nothing but a spilled drink.
Jesus. I’m safe. Maybe for the first time since my parents died, I am fucking safe.
The realization makes my eyes sting with emotion, but I blink it away, ending the set with my infamous sultry slow back bend.
The curtain falls as the crowd goes wild for me, but for the first time in possibly ever, there’s only one person whose adoration I seek. I’m so fucked.
I hurry backstage to process all of this, and before I’m even in the dressing room, Specter’s hand is on my arm. I twist to face him, and the hungry, desperate look in his eyes unravels any remaining self-preservation I was clinging to.
“You are magnificent,” he whispers.
Swallowing hard, I close the space between us until our chests are pressed together. I’m going to get body glitter on his black sweater, but he can deal with it.
“Show me.”
He searches my eyes, his lips parted. “Can I?”
“You said you would worship me.” I brush my fingers under his stubbly chin. “So do it.”
I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t him dropping to his knees in front of me. He runs his rough hands up my bare legs before bending his head to kiss the top of my foot.
Fuck. Is he for real?
He rises slowly, his arm sliding around my waist to keep me close.
“Not here.” Specter’s large hand cradles my chin delicately, like I’m a fragile piece of china, and as his eyes heat with desire, he leans in and simply brushes his lips against mine.
He moves away, and I chase after him, desperate for another taste.
A slightly smug smile tugs at his lips, but I’ll allow it. I’m so hungry for him that I don’t even care that he knows what he’s doing to me.
I slam my mouth into his, but he quickly takes control, slowing the kiss to something so deep and sensual, I can feel it in my toes. My lips part to allow him access, and when his tongue touches mine, a moan escapes me.
His mouth tastes clean and crisp, like I imagine fall would taste if it were a flavor.
His body heat consumes me as his hand moves up my bare back and rests on the base of my neck.
He’s close enough that I can just feel the outline of his cock through his pants, and the friction of it against my nude skin is delicious.
“Cashmere,” he whispers against my lips. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
My brow creases with confusion. How can he be so sure when I feel like I’ve jumped into the deep end without knowing how to swim?
Specter breaks the kiss and I whimper. I fucking whimper. What is this man doing to me?
“How long do you have to stay?”
“I have a second performance at ten thirty.”
“And then?”
“I can probably leave after that.”
Specter searches my eyes, his lips parted and damp from my kiss. “I don’t have the words for what you do to me, but thank you. You won’t regret saying yes to me.”
“Are you going to fuck me tonight?”
“That’s up to you, gorgeous. You’ll ask me for what you want, and I’ll give it to you.”
“It’s that simple?”
“It’s that simple.”
Specter bends his head and brushes his lips over mine again. The contact is brief but filled with promises of more, and even though a part of me is absolutely terrified to let this man in, I’m pretty sure I don’t even have a choice anymore. I need to know.
Even if it destroys me.